Circus

There was a thin line between circumstance and coincidence but I had to learn that the hard way. I substituted my logical reasoning with hypothetical probability the night Jachin left my home, I couldn't shake the sensation of his lips, I was dripping with remorse and not because we had kissed. Briefly and bravely I had eliminated Rod out of the picture; he wasn't dead, he just wasn't there at all. Chaotically I searched for batteries after denying my husband pleasure before his morning duties, "I'm tired Baby, I had to close tonight, I just need to bathe and rest."

"How long are u going to let that job interfere with our marriage!? I'll satisfy myself, if I was like these other men I wouldn't need u, I'm logging off."

He never logged completely off unless he was mad and that had been happening a lot as of late. Without notice my 2 year old barged in the room while I sat on the side of my bed trying to check every AA battery I had, but was still half asleep and just fell on my naked thighs when he came in.

"Broderick, baby go back to bed."

He threw his sleepy head back and crawled in my bed, he was use to sleeping with me, the baby still slept in his crib.

I put everything back in the box and went to the shower still wondering what life would be like without my husband, and never knowing him. Rod was handsome, and RJ, the baby was his twin, my husband's almond skin was smooth and even when he came home from that desert he would still be handsome. I loved the way he could wrap his arms around me and cover my body even though he was only 5'11 and I remembered the first time I saw him after he had gone to the military, his muscle tone had really impressed me but I couldn't marvel over him for thinking about what his mother had been saying and didn't know what the future held for him, Ava, and I. "U know they want the paternity test Baby, but I know she's mine, have u ever saw my grandmother? We are going to get married in two days, I'm only here for a week. I wanna be with u for the rest of my life."

His daddy was so furious about the baby and marriage he stopped speaking to him for a long time. The remarks that came from his lips were so harsh, "That girl came from the genes of a drug addict! She naturally has an addictive nature son! Don't bring her here because if she steals anything then I will have to lock her up! Out of all the choices u had son, what about Renell's daughter, she's been in the army two years and her parents aren't on dope! Don't u think she is more on your speed and not a poverty stricken girl who can't even afford to graduate! U can't stick your Johnson in just anything!"

He hadn't known I didn't march.

"Son, your father is right, we come from good stock, u haven't learned what that is yet, but u will see; Roger, he will come around."

"I know Devin would have made me proud! U have always disappointed me Rod."

Years had passed and I would still cry over those words.

Instead of walking to the shower I just laid back, and closed my eyes, a few minutes later I felt Broderick's cold foot on the side of my face, I covered him up and just got in bed wondering why I was so aroused, my husband and I had recently had sex! The fantasy I had assisted me with falling asleep and my bed smelled just like Jachin; now so did I.

The next morning right as I wondered how the hell that man knew I was off work the phone rang, it was 9:37.

"Miss Nikki I am so sorry! I overslept! I will be there a right at 10, I'm walking and on my way out the door now! Bye!"

She had hung up, and I knew how Serenity was thrilled about the money she would make, Christmas was coming up. I thought to myself I could make a few runs, buy cleaning supplies, go to the post office etc. so I allowed her to come. When she arrived I told her I didn't have to work but I was going to run some errands and I would be back before 2:00. She was a big help and I knew she also liked being at the house, but was a good girl.

Ava came running out to see her, she had also taught her a lot.

I showered and got dressed at eleven headed to the post office first and then the craft store. As I drove my mind was all over the place, I needed authority, and Rod's strictness because without it my thoughts had even become unrestrained. I refused to let the thought of going to Jachin's home bait me in but it was powerful and demanding as if I was being reeled in from afar. I was experienced and had done it all with Rod except invited a third person into our marriage, so I didn't feel there was anything I was missing out on, besides I had too much to lose. I went to the Post Office and dropped the large yellow envelope my husband left in the box and was close to the job. I would often stop by on my off days but really wasn't feeling it and Zoshia had pissed me off. I blanked out at the red light, I felt Jachin's lips on my neck and closed my eyes, I had my other hand off of the steering wheel, it was wedged between my thighs as close to my crotch as I could get it without touching myself. He was out of bed by now and only for a moment had I imagined going to his house but by now already being there for an hour or two, what would we be doing? The loud horn behind me shook me back, I opened my eyes and the car that was in front of me was long gone through the green light. I couldn't remember his address anyway, only the street. He only lived 6 minutes away from my job. The though occurred to just drive by, he lived on Moss and the street only 8 blocks long, I could just see if his car was there. He was mysterious but he didn't seem like the type to lay in bed after a certain time, I knew he would be gone by now.

I changed my mind, but wasn't really adamant about going no damn way and decided on Hobby Lobby, I prayed for God to forgive me for the thoughts I was having. After shopping I went back home, before 2.

When I arrived I saw the big bag of assorted candy in the middle of the floor and became upset because Serenity was just letting the children have their way with it and I told her they couldn't eat candy, why had she brought it, Rod would kill me! Their candy was made with honey not sugar! My two year old took off so fast like he had a motor in his ass when I opened the door in the opposite direction, I thought he would seriously injure himself especially when he thought he could tight rope walk on the vacuum cord that was stretched to hell and back. Serenity also had a stack of candy wrappers piled on the arm of my couch while she just talked away on the phone, I wanted to tell her I knew Tracy was a damn boy! "OH HEEEY MISS NIKKI! Hold on Tray--CY, TRACY!---Uncle Jay came by, he tried to wait for u so he took us to get candy."

I looked at Ava and she was drunk off of candy! "WHY ARE U EATING THAT AVA U KNOW BETTER!"

"Cousin Trudy let us have it too!"

I snatched the thin sucker from my babies hand before it broke off the wet stick and slid down his throat, he powered up and fell back on the floor, kicking and screaming, and every word my two year old tried to pronounce now started with an F. I had walked into a damn zoo, I started feeling the depression because shit seemed to be out of my hands, I couldn't control them right then! I was frozen looking around at the front room, while listening to Serenity carry on her conversation like everything was copacetic. Right as I thought about Rod coming in seeing the disorder in the home a large tree limb covered in ice hit the roof. I couldn't back out of the driveway and make it to Moss Drive fast enough. I barely even stopped when I pulled in behind Jachin's car. He had left and hadn't checked the mail! I felt this shit was personal and as I reached for the doorbell he opened the door dressed like he hadn't been anywhere.

"U late. What's with the makeup?"

He reached to get the mail, Renell Patterson was the name on the top envelope I wondered if he had the same last name.

"Come in, its cold."

He had on shorts and a muscle shirt, no shoes only long white socks, "I'm cooking, u can go to the den or come in the kitchen, it's up to u."

"SO DID U JUST CLIMB FROM YOUR BED AND DRIVE TO MY HOUSE?"

"Yea."

"WHY! U CAN'T DO THAT!"

"Because u didn't show up Japonica, where is my hug."

"MY CHILDREN DON'T EAT CANDY! NOW ITS A CIRCUS AT MY HOUSE!"

"My sister didn't feed my niece candy either even though she was only a year when she died, I should have known."

"What do u want from me?"

"Are u hungry? I knew u were coming, I cooked enough for u."

"HELL NO!"

"Ok, well me neither. I missed u, I can't get rid of your scent."

"TAKE A SHOWER!"

"NO IT'S NOT THAT EASY. Where did u go this morning?"

"That ain't your business! Please leave me alone! Don't bother my family anymore!"

"Why are u so easy to cry? I haven't cried since a kid."

"U are crazy, I'm leaving! DON'T COME TO MY HOME AGAIN, I WILL SHOOT U! DON'T COME TO MY JOB, I WILL HAVE MY FATHER-N-LAW ARREST U!"

"U know that isn't true, do u get along with your in-laws? Give me a kiss, please I have been waiting all morning, I really like u."

I turned to walk out, he turned off the stove and followed me to the door but made it there first, "I'm sorry, I won't give them the candy Japonica. Talk to me, I wanna talk. I know u wanted to come why didn't u?"

"U KNOW WHY! U ARE FUCKIN CRAZY, DO U KNOW WHAT MY HUSBAND WILL DO TO ME IF HE FIND--"

"Yes. Sit down."

"I have to get back home, my babysitter has to go home!"

"No she doesn't and I paid her for this time, so sit down Japonica! U need to get out more, why are u so secluded, u need to learn things. Never mind, I know why. I can't help but be attracted to u, regardless. It's natural not done by obligation. I promise we don't have to do anything u don't want to, I just enjoy your company, no one comes by so I'm lonely, like u are."

"U SAW MY HUSBAND, I'M NOT LONELY!"

"Ok, u got it. Will u ride somewhere with me next week?"

"NO!"

"Yea, I think u will want to by then. Well, see ya later."

"WHAT!?"

"Aren't u leaving?"

"Jackass!"

He laughed, leaned against the door and extended his arms, "Hug me, I know u came to stay."

After grabbing me he pulled me closer, and there went that sensation again, this time down my spine while his fingers grazed the back of my neck. I couldn't shake the chills and I couldn't remember Rod causing the effect. When he let me go I think I had expected him to do more, he had become excited so much faster than the night before, I felt his dick laying on his stomach between us. He let me go, straightened his shorts and walked to the kitchen, "U want a wine cooler? U know where they are. Wheat bread or white?"

"Wheat."

"I thought so."

"Why do u think u know everything about me?"

"I don't I just know u only buy wheat bread, tell me something about u, something I don't know."

"I didn't come here to tell u anything about me! My marriage means the world to me, did u know that?"

"Why are u here?"

"Be-cause---U KNOW DAMN WELL WHY I'M HERE! AND I'M NOT HUNGRY! U WON'T POISON ME!"

"Or your children. Yea, I know why u are here. I hugged u, u were tense but enjoyed it. The connection was more than physical, I felt it too. Well I guess I'm not hungry either. I would have taken u out to eat instead of cooked but I didn't have time for u to pretend u didn't wanna go. Do u think I want to hurt u? After pursuing u at your job, and following u to the police station? U are afraid of your father n law, I'm not. I'm going to the den, if u come in take off your shoes."

Pursuing?

He turned off the kitchen light and left me standing there, I stood for a moment and hesitated before walking toward the front door, "Lock the door behind u!"

I opened and locked it, made it outside and didn't have my keys, I turned around and went ballistic on the door bell after he refused to answer it. 5 minutes passed by, I went to the profile he had constantly messaged me from all night and sent one telling him to open the door, I was freezing!

"Sit in the car, u have 11 minutes before u will need body heat."

"MOTHERFU---"

When I heard the car start he texted and said, "U can leave now if u want to."

I was so cold and the doors were locked! HE KNEW THAT!

"6 minutes."

I called him every son of a bitch I could remember Roger calling Rod when he married me. I wanted something to destroy and looked at the brand new Infiniti!

"I'M CALLING THE POLICE JACHIN!"

"My father is a Mason."

WHAT DID THAT MEAN! HE COULD GO TO HELL AND TAKE HIS DADDY WITH HIM! I HAD NO SYMPATHY FOR DADDY'S OR THEIR MOB TIES!

My damn knees were knocking, "U are pretty healthy so it may be 15 minutes before u will need the body heat."

WHAT THE FUCK DID THE DEVIL WANT FROM ME!!!!!?

He could see me from the den and was about to see me act a damn fool, I walked to the bricks around the area where the flower garden was and saw movement through the blinds, "8 minutes."

I walked back with the brick and toward his car, he just watched. Without intentions to really throw it I just dropped the brick and headed toward the side walk and kept going. I heard him open the door but didn't stop, he ran out still in shorts with tennis shoes on now and ran down the sidewalk with little effort, I walked as fast as I could before I took off running. He caught up and picked me up like I was one of my babies! "U ARE CRAZY! PUT ME DOWN! U ARE CAUSING A SCENE!"

Dogs were barking, cars were slowing down, people knew me!

"They don't know Rod, and he's only seen me once. Well twice maybe."

He took me back in the house over his shoulder while I beat his back, he walked to a bed in the first room and threw me on it, I kept moving and off the other side before trying to run for the door, Jachin grabbed me by the coat and pulled it off when I snatched away I was freezing now!

"I can't chase u anymore I'm tired, do u want the body heat or not?"

We both were breathing hard and I had to admit the excitement was flattering. He walked toward me breathing hard and I was behind somebody's bed in the corner now and couldn't get out. As he walked around I tried to climb across, he grabbed my ankle and flipped me on my back and laid on top of me. Now we were quiet and the excitement had become something else, he was so hard laying against me with his hand on my outer thigh.

Rod didn't feel like he did and I had never had a comparison.

"Take these off, I just wanna feel your skin, that's all."

I allowed him to unbutton the pants I had on knowing I couldn't change anything that took place that day and didn't want to stop him. I could feel his pulse against my thigh, "It's just body heat, we don't have to do anything else," he said before pulling my pants down to my shoes, and then taking both the shoes and pants off with out getting up. The silence was now so awkward while he stared at me, I knew I was making a mistake just by being there, and the scenario reminded of how playful my husband was when we met, his game was satisfying and to me that's exactly what it was. I was a married woman playing his game.

His hands were under my shirt and I was almost trembling, I needed to get up and leave but didn't want to and he knew that because his hand kept moving all over me while he kissed his way from my ear to my mouth. I felt the inebriation and had to remember I hadn't even drank the wine cooler, I was so high while his tongue played in my mouth. I laid in my panties and he was still dressed, but laid between my legs, I didn't know if the heavy breathing was because of the episode or whether it was passion inflicted but the more he moved against my thighs the harder I breathed also, "Damn u feel that?"

"Hell yea, I feel that."

"Not that." I raised my knee he just started grinding between my legs and he had only pulled down his shorts but had on compression underwear which didn't compress him at all. I kept reaching to rub myself, he pinned my arm down by the wrist and moved faster but wasn't trying to take off his or my underwear. I grabbed the waist of his, he pried my hand loose and now held both my wrists. I raised my other leg and could almost feel him inside of me while he moved. I felt him somewhat penetrating me but we had on underwear, he moved like he was deep inside of me, fucking lunatic!

"Give it to me."

"U married."

"Well leave me alone!"

I was so wet and I know he felt it, the lace on my panties intensified whatever he was doing to me, I felt an orgasm and tightened my thighs now embarrassed. I tried to gain control of my hands, he went faster. I was contracting inside and it seemed like he could feel it. He let my right wrist go and moved my panties to the side but stuck his finger inside of me, he took it out to restrain my hand again, he wouldn't let me pull them down! I was begging for him inside, panting and trying to run from him at the same time. He got up on his knees, lifted my legs and kept grinding me until I felt him cum, in his underwear. I was really embarrassed now, and he wasn't. He laid down on top of me motionless, I fought to get up but he wouldn't allow me to just yet. "I didn't have protection. U are married."

Cum saturated the underwear he wore and was leaking on my thigh where he laid, finally he apologized and stood up unashamed of the mess down the front of his drawers. "I didn't mean for that to happen, u can shower if u want to."

"Give me my keys. I have to go."

"Ok."

He took the keys from his pocket and gave them to me, "Your car is warm," he kissed me on the lips and walked in the adjacent bathroom. I left that day and went home to my children. God was getting tired of me, I just knew he was.

I went to work the next day and Jachin came in the store that night like I felt he would. I had actually watched for him all day. He came to my line after getting condoms from the pharmacy, stood at my register right behind Zoshia and asked when I would visit again, dominantly.

"Not now Jachin."

"I miss u, leave work."

"Your total is $57.48."

I looked at the 50 pack and then at him while all of my coworkers watched, they were already talking, I was on the verge of quitting and throwing up all over the conveyor belt. I had been on the aisle stocking the shelf and had heard the conversation on the next one, "LET ME FIND ME A MILITARY MAN LIKE THE ONE SHE GOT, THAT MAN SHE MESSIN WITH CAN'T STAY OUT THE STORE, HE AIN'T BEEN TODAY BUT HE COMIN, JUST WAIT!"

He inserted his debit card, "The front door will be unlocked."

"U need to leave, please."

"Ok. See ya later--lets get a drink, u will be home in time to see your husband, does he always just pop up at 11?"

"WHAT? GET OUT!"

He laughed, "I know the time they always call home because my sister was deployed also, she would call for my niece to hear her voice at 11 p.m."

"I HAVE A LINE!"

His words lingered after he left, he knew too much.

I went home that night to find Rod on the computer screen, I sat down, "Hey Babe! I MISS U! U look alive, how are my babies?"

"Fine, they're asleep. Can I ask u something, did u know Destiny Patterson?"

"Des--I know a lot of Destinys, name sounds familliar, why Babe?"

"Just asking, heard a weird story at work about her that's all, killed herself while deployed, she was in love with a married man, died on Thanksgiving?"

"Oh, yea, I think I heard that one, what about it. They said she was a crazy chic and wouldn't leave the guy alone--shot herself in front of him, I really don't know. U need to worry about our family, the gossip at work don't concern u, ok? Look, just wanted to say good morning--well goodnight. Talk to u again when I can! I love u and the kids, Bye."

"We love u too."

The next morning when Destiny came, I pretended to go to work but went to Moss Drive instead. The door was unlocked and I needed to know more.