Chapter 22

"Are you sure you have time to talk?" Adams word stung as he spoke.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know, you just don't seem to have time for us at the moment. What did you want to talk about?" He sat on the bed and rubbed his temples.

"You know what, no. I'm done having patience and dealing with everyone elses problems. If I'm such a headache to deal with then forget it." I stormed out of the room and out of the house.

"Rae wait." Adam came chasing after me.

"Wait for what? The fact that you think I changed? The fact that nothing is going to be the same? Or the fact that you'd rather not deal with me now. I still have my empathy abilities, I can feel what your feeling right now." He stopped and stared at me. Immediately I felt bad, but it wasn't me who felt bad.

"I don't mean to feel that way."

"Save it Adam. I did absolutely everything I could to get back to you but you gave up on me. You were so fucking broken you could barely even process while I had to save countless lives, human and non-human, I failed most of the time making me realize I'm not good enough to be a fucking goddess, maybe I'm not even good enough to be a mother, or your wife for that matter." I turned and started running until he tackled me to the ground.

"How could you even say that?!" Adam held me down as tears flowed from his eyes. There was more then just sadness, there was anger and even hatred lingering.

"Like it's not true. You've thought it yourself too haven't you?" I yelled back as his grip on my wrists tightened.

"NO! I've never once thought that and I never would! I had no way of getting you back, you were the strongest creature to walk the earth and they took you like it was nothing! What could I have done?! I can't lose you again!" He dropped and embraced me releasing my wrists. He cried into my shoulder and hugged me just like the day I was forced to tell him good-bye.

"I didn't need you to do anything... but I needed you to at least have hope that I'd find my way back to you.. you didn't even trust me to come back.." I laid still with my hands still dug into the dirt. He continued to sob into my shoulder breaking my heart more.

"How could I have hope when I couldn't do anything. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe.. I forgot how to live without you.. I don't depend on you but just losing you like that.. I-I.. I'd rather die then fall so far into that darkness again.."

"I know the feeling.." He jumped and pulled back looking at me shocked.

"W-what do you mean?"

"Remember when Tyler died? You saw how I reacted.. and even before that, I was- am the goddess of empathy, no one knows that darkness better then I do. I used to think of depression as a friend and then an enemy but I've realized, depression isn't something I can name, depression is the darkness, it's us. It's you, it's me, it's anyone who's ever felt broken or sad. While everyone else gets to move on and survive and eventually forget about that darkness, I've lived with this darkness since I was born.. as a goddess, so even longer then you've been alive. I just.. I didn't want to feel what anyone else was feeling so I lashed out on you, I'm sorry." He sat up and helped me sit up.

"Please don't be sorry.. I get it, kinda. If I knew you felt that broken every day.. I wouldn't- I mean.."

"Don't worry about it.. no one could ever understand.. No matter how hard I try to describe it, it's always more painful then words. That's why I hate words. As the goddess of empathy, In have to feel all emotions all the time, I don't get to just feel one thing."

"What I hate about words... is that they're so fucking easy to hear or say but when it comes to action it's a completely different story because it's so much harder. It's so much stronger then words yet people depend on these damn words, no one thinks they have to do these actions, they think they can just say whatever they want and not work for it. But little do they know they will need to follow through with their actions. If you want to win the race you need to put in the effort and fight to win. If you want to eat at the end of the day you need to put in the work to grow it, hunt it, or work for the money to pay for it."

"D-did you read some of the writing on my laptop?"

"How could I not? It was all I had to try and hear what you might say." He grabbed my hand and rubbed the back of my hand with his thumb.

"How'd you like the bit about smiles?" I asked trying to test to see if he really did read the writing on my laptop.

"Never look at someone's smile to see how they are, smiles lie. Always look into their eyes, into their souls to see how and who they are, to see their stories.'

"Heh. I guess you really did read my laptop." I started laughing.

"I meant it when I said it was all I had to hear what you might say. Whenever I was overwhelmed with one or both of the twins, I'd read them and it helped. Sometimes I read them so often that I could almost hear your voice saying it."

"Y-" I started but I felt shattered. Finding the right words seemed harder then I thought it would. "That's how you memorized them?"

"I didn't know what else to do. I blew up on Eros once but I couldn't just keep doing that to him.. I looked for other outlets but reading what you wrote was the only thing that seemed to help." The shattered feeling just seemed to deepen as he spoke.

"Adam.. I'm sorry I took so long. I didn't even think what you must've gone through while I was gone." I couldn't look him in the eye anymore. I felt like I was the entire reason he was broken, I hated myself before but this made me hate myself more then I could explain.

"Hey" He grabbed my chin making me keep eye contact. "I never should've place all of that on you. It's not your responsibility to keep me happy but instead I placed all my happiness in you. I'm sorry for that. It's not your fault I was broken. I depended on you way to much." The moonlight trickled down his face as he slowly moved closer to me.

"Relationships have those issues tho, there's a level of happiness I recieve from you, you also had little to nothing when I met you. You had no one else to bring that happiness back for you." I grabbed his hand from my chin and interlocked our fingers.

"That's no excuse to rely so heavily on you. I love you but I don't want you going through life thinking I can't survive without you. I mean I can't but you can't live like that. Your happiness comes first." His eyes left mine, slowly traveling down my body. From my eyes they traveled to my lips then to my neck. As his eyes wandered my heart sparked. Finally his eyes rested on our hands allowing me to breathe.

"In love.. the others happiness shall always come first.." I started reciting one of the writings I had in my laptop till he started reciting it with me word for word in unison.

"Love is the most powerful emotion anyone or anything can have. They say if you love something set it free, if it comes back to you, it's yours. If it never returns, it wasn't yours to begin with. However I say if you love someone, you'll think about what's best for them. What would make them happy? What would make them smile? When you're in love, truly in love, you'll only think of how to survive without them because you think you might ruin their life. Love is hard to understand since lust and attraction disguise themselves as love but when you are in love, it's something your heart, mind, stomach..your entire body will make sure you just know. I found my love, I'm scared I'll hurt him, but he's happier with me for the time being. If he's ever not, then I shall break my own heart and let him go." Just as we stopped gravity pulled us both in.

His hand left mine and slowly traveled up my arm sending shivers down the entirety of my body. His fingertips barely grazing my skin as they explored from my shoulder to my neck and finally resting on my lips. I couldn't help but breathe heavily as he traced my lips and stared at them thinking, no scared, I would vanish any second. I reached for his hand and pulled it down to my chest as my heart flickered and lowered my eyelids as I moved forward. Each second seemed to last longer as I approached him. My eyes barely open, all I could manage to feel was pure ecstasy the second I felt his lips barely brush against mine. Suddenly I felt a drop on my cheek, I opened my eyes and realized it was his tear.

"Adam, are you okay?" I lifted my hand wiping the tear from his face.

"I'm scared Rae.." He began trembling as the tears continued to flow.

"Why? Talk to me." I cupped his face and felt my own body wanting to shake.

"I'm scared that if I let you back in... If I let myself be happy again.. it'll be gone when I open my eyes.." His shaking was violent. Tears continued to flow as he kept his eyes closed tight.

"Adam.. I promise, with everything that I am and have. I will not let your happiness slip away. Look at me please." He shook his head in disagreement as I held onto his face. "Adam, look at me. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere."

As he lifted his head the moonlight showed all of the tears he was trying to hide. He opened his eyes exposing his beautiful blue bloodshot eyes.

"I don't want to go back to being in the dark." He whispered. I grabbed his head and pulled him to my chest and let him cry. I held onto him as tight as I could, feeling his tears soak my blouse.

"I won't let you go back there." I sighed fighting my own tears. Even though my heart wasn't beating, it was throbbing. It was causing me actual pain and I didn't know if it was my feelings or Adams but I was scared of the answer so I refused to let him go.

--

I woke up to Adam sleeping on my chest and birds chirping. The sun was shining behind us. I was propped against a tree and felt a pain sting in the center of my back.

"Mmm." I moaned in an attempt not to wake Adam.

"Rae?" He said my name but he hadn't moved.

"Are you awake?" I kissed the top of his head.

"Is this real? I don't want to wake up if it's not."

"It is real. I need your help. Something is sticking me in the back." He sat up and looked at me.

"That's the first if this is a dream."

"I already did the whole, this can't be real, situation with my dad. Don't make me do it with you. Please. Can you please see what's poking me in the back?" I sat up and leaned forward.

"Ooh.. That doesn't look good."

"What?!"

"You slept with a splinter in your back. It was bleeding for a while, your shirt is soaked with blood."

"What the..?" I turned my head but couldn't see anything. He grabbed a hold of the splinter and pulled it out giving me instant relief.

"This is soaked in venom.. from a snake?"

"What?!"