Chapter 4

Jane

Spending the rest of my morning in the motel room, I use my computer to desperately search for an online job.

It had been five hours of scrolling and filling out forms online. I was exhausted and starving. The sandwich Sebastian had brought me for breakfast had long been digested. I should eat something, but I didn't want to waste what little money I had left on food. I could wait till I go by Sebastian's place to eat.

I let out a sigh, Overwhelmed, I stared in space. I felt an intense urge to scream at the joke that was my life. After the accident with Chris, I lost my job and I was in the hospital for several months. The little money I had saved up from working was spent on medical bills , I could barely scraped by. After coming out of the hospital I bought an old Honda and have been living in my car for the past two years, travelling from Town to Town.

When things became too rough to handle I just whisper to myself 'Be strong, Don't give up'

Closing my eyes and taking deep breaths, I gave myself a moment to gather my composure. Life had took so much from me and so often. I have been trying to move on, but cannot. The last two years of my life haunted me, I remember the feel of the metal piercing my side, the doctors, the bondages, the pain and the trauma. I could still still hear Chris' voice, the stupid things he would say, all those catchy phrases and him hurting me on purpose. He had a wool over my eyes for years, allowing me to live through trauma and victimhood. I gave him my heart and he made it worthless. I had to move on, I had to stop running, I wanted to stop.

It was late when I arrived at Sebastian's house. I was nervous but had a small smile on my face. He had been at the Garage all day so he went to take a shower.

For the first time in my life I felt relaxed, and safe like I need not to run, like I could actually stay in this small Town. Since paranoia was my bestfriend I simply shook away the thought.

I stepped into the living room it was furnished with tasteful things. Business must be going good for him. A wide glass window with heavy blue curtains encompassed almost the entire wall. The bricks were laid perfectly. I let my eyes wander the roughness and how each was straight. I quietly moved around, feet sinking into plush carpeting.

I turn my eyes to the kitchen, only to set my eyes on Sebastian. His shirtless back was turned to me, his granite skin looked so soft like a sepia tone in a photograph. His muscles were defined and rippling as he moved his arms. I felt my eyes widen as I took in his appearance. There was a counter behind him so I couldn't see what was underneath.

'Please God I hope he is wearing something down there"

It seems as if he had sensed my presence because he turned around with a grin. His eyes travel from the top of my head to my toes back to my face.

Oh, God.

I felt my toes tingle.

Still staring at me intently, his lips parted a centimeter, making it seductive yet his eyes showed that he was exhausted and his body needed rest.

I bit my lip.

He studied my face for a moment. Little did he know that was the last thing on my mind.

"I can cook" I offered

"I was going to order some food from my favorite Diner" he responded.

"I can cook"

" Can you really?" he said in a joking tone.

" I rolled my eyes"

After dinner we sat in the kitchen and talked for a bit. our conversation was so much more than words. Its the smiles, the gentle shrugs and the light in our eyes.

'Is this real?'

' Is it?'

' Could he actually like me'

I elevated in his presence I'm sure it was quite obvious.

The way he listens as if my words are golden, perhaps some elixir he's been waiting all day to hear. From what he says next I can tell he's thinking so deeply, already with a strategy that's several moves ahead of what I am capable of. And in his words were kindness, a concern that is so quick that, for him, is natural. The attentiveness and if I'm honest I found that most attractive. I wasn't use to this with Chris. It's like I mattered to him. This is what love feels like, to feel protected.

I fell silent, but after a few moments, he opened his mouth again, wiggling his eyebrows.

so much for that moment.

As the hours goes by it becomes the best conversation I've ever had, it flows, with listening and intelligent responses.

" Where are you from?" he asked

" Portland, How do you like the food?" I quickly asked trying to change the subject.

" It's quite nice"

I smiled

" You should stay here until your car is finish" he suggested with a grin on his face.

We both sat looking at each other, unsure and lost in my thoughts. 'Should I stay here, I feel comfortable, would I be doing the right thing'.

'I am low on money, maybe I could stay here, it's just two days'

"so?"

"so, what" I asked

" will you stay?"

"umm, sure , I could do that" I mean I could save back on some funds I thought to myself.

Sebastian

I've never broken the rules for any girl before.

Until last night.

sweat dribbled down my face as I gripped the wrench, my hand slipped.

"Dammit"

what in God's name was I thinking?

I had decided to let her stay at the motel and to just fix her car, but last night to this morning not to mention those big mahogany eyes, but most of all the sadness she tried to hide.

Same time Anthony drove up in the garage and honked.

" Greg my man whats up?"

I slid out from under the car, grab myself a towel and wipe my face with it. I was distracted.

" Everything good ?" he asked.

" yea man, I'm good"

" you don't look like it, you need to get laid man"

I threw the towel at his face.

Opening the fridge I reach for a water and gulped it down.

A text message came in on my phone.

ASHLEY SWABY: Hey Bugs, I am in Town, I've got something planned for later, I think you'll like it ;)

I lour.

" Ashley Swaby"

Anthony sneaked behind me to look at my phone. "Damn you should definitely give her a call"

"No man, I'm good"

"Man that woman still loves you"

I looked at him blankly.

Ashley and I grew up together, I had a crush on her since we were kids. she was my first thought of the day, my everyday dream and every fantasy of future years. She had a kind of creative brain that brings such magic and interest to life, one that enjoys the sparking of ideas. She was my first love and I was hers.

He cupped his chest with his hands. " What happen to you two, you never talk about it"

I shrugged, "forget about Ashley , Let's go for a drink later".