Chapter 5

Sebastian

" Go and tell her how you really feel" Me after a few Vodka shots, mind in a frenzy, world spinning faster than normal, legs giving way.

'How could she come back here after so many years and have the nerves to want to see me'

under the influence of alcohol, everything seem fun. Conversations which were under usual circumstances would be dull, became thrilling as a result of muddled words, loss of filter and a burning desire to be brutally honest. There is of course a small voice quietly nagging at the back of my mind, reminding me that that I won't feel this way tomorrow and that my actions are a repercussions, and perhaps ones of greatest severity.

Slightly drunk and running on fumes, I stumbled back home at 12 midnight. The stairs I usually take two at a time are a mountain to be negotiated on all fours. My arms flapped down on the carpet too hard, and with each push my back end sways like a horse under tranquilizer. My stomach begins to heave in a sickly way and my head spinning in a way that makes no sense. It's like the whole house just got put on a carousel, slow at first but gaining momentum.

It was dark , I didn't bother turning the lights on, didn't want to wake Jane or let her see me like this.

Opening the fridge I grabbed a bottle of water and chugged it down. Ready to pass out I quietly headed to my bedroom.

I dropped on the bed, My eyes felt heavy and I immediately close them.

The next thing I knew, I was awaken by the smell of freshly scrambled eggs.

Groggy, I sat up and noticed I had on the same clothes from yesterday and my breath stink of booze. I went into the bathroom and took a shower.

I headed to the kitchen an warmth filled my chest. She was cooking breakfast for me.

I leaned back against the wall, enjoying the view as she stood there humming and swinging her thick hips left to right. There was something sweet and cozy watching a girl cook breakfast for you. The smell, her humming.....the girl.

Her hair was caught in a messy bun and tendrils had escaped, curling on the delicate line of her neck.

"Hey there" I greeted her as she turned around.

She squealed in surprise.

"Are you always this jumpy in the morning?" I asked

She gave me a half smile.

"Why don't you get dress, then you can eat your breakfast " she suggested

'I tucked my tongue in my cheek. You mean eat you for breakfast' I thought to myself.

Something was definitely wrong with me, my mind needed to be soaped for the thoughts I was having. Anthony was right, I really need to get laid.

I strolled back to my bedroom, brush my teeth and got dressed. By the time I headed back to the kitchen, she had two plates placed on the table.

There was something about her smile that triggered a memory, but it was gone before I could catch it.

We sat in amiable silence for awhile. I would sneak glances and every once in a while her eye would catch mine.

"This tastes really good" I broke the silence.

"Aside from enjoying cooking which I clearly observe, what other things do you like to do?"

"Long walks on the beach...Just kidding. To be quite honest, I haven't really had the time to enjoy anything else"

"What do you mean?"

"Just been busy that's all" she responded. I sensed that she didn't want to talk more regarding that.

I continued scooping my eggs and the toast to my plate.

A piece of bread fell out my mouth as I continued to gaped at her. And then she grinned. It fell as if we had all the time in the world.

The moment ended so abruptly when she asked about her car. She had one day left. I couldn't let her leave , I had to make her stay.

It was drizzling a little and the temperature had dropped below twenty Celsius.

She slurped the last of her orange juice and did a free-throw in the garbage can. The cup bounced at the edge of of it and fell to the ground.

"shit" she hissed, biting her lip.

I laughed, shaking my head. I notice she was getting quite comfortable around me and she was not so nervous as before.

Jane

The place was a little chilly, and I wrapped my arms around me to rub off the chill.

"Here jane" he said placing his arms around me. His heat seeped into to my body warming me up inside as his hands reached for mine, pulling me close to him.

"I'm, glad you're here with me, Jane"

I swallowed the lump in my throat. No one had said that to me before. I didn't know what to think of it, or maybe I did but refused to think about it.

All I knew was that he accepted me for who I am , showed me kindness. And just like that I was falling for him, I liked him.

I turned my gaze out the window I didn't want him to know how much his words affected me. I was considering staying. Maybe I could find happiness in this small Town, Maybe I had no need to be paranoid.

I had been starved for love and affection. After Chris I didn't let anyone in, afraid to be hurt again. But this man, Sebastian, holding my hand stripping me of my armor bit by bit.

It terrified me.

"Jane from the day I met you, after saving you from that bus, you've been on my mind. All I can can think about is ways to make you smile, to remove the sadness from your eyes. I want your smile so real that your eyes light up with happiness"

I was speechless, what was he trying to say?

Who was this man? This intense, serious man that looked at me as if he could see my soul.

"I.....I can't"

He nodded, "That's okay. I've been waiting for you to come along in my life for a long time now. I think I can wait some more"

'Don't you think this is too fast?"

"I don't care if I just met you today, I would still want you today, tomorrow and a week from now. his voice faded and I was scared he was going to say forever.

I mean that would be ridiculous.

I mean he is a very handsome man, who could get any girl of his choice, why choose me , I was no model. I was just a simple fat girl.

"You're sacring me"

He let out a quiet laugh. "I know, but...He paused. How could you give up a handsome man like me?"

I felt the heat growing in my cheeks. By now they must be beyond an attractive rosiness. I felt as if all my insecurities were written large across my face and there was nowhere to hide. My anxiety mounted and they became a circle, like a song stuck on repeat.

he lowered his mouth to my ear. I want to promise you something he said. his warm breath bounce on my ear, sending thrills down my spine.

"What is it?" I asked uncomfortably and moving a little in my chair.

please don't kiss me. I thought.

He did that thing again where he angled his face and studied me. I squirmed I felt like he was looking into my soul every time.

He turned his head and looked at me.

I held my breath as my heart beats wildly against my chest.

"Just relax, I won't kiss you. Not today at least" He said pulling me back towards him.

What was wrong with me? when he wanted to I didn't want it but now he refused, I suddenly yearned for it.

I placed my head on chest inhaling him. He stiffened.

I smiled, and just that moment I felt happy. It was like my past had flee from me.

He cupped my face with his hands, what are you afraid of he asked.

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. My eyes showed that I wanted to kiss him, could he not see it on my face.

"What do you want ?" he whispered, his voice slow and steady.

"kiss me"

His mouth claim my lips in abandon , his hands still cupping my face.

In that kiss , I felt at home.