Ready or rain

Streaks of sunlight peered through the open windows of the car. I turn to Gabe worrying that I might get a whiplash.

“it was just night time now 2’oclock to be precise” I said to Gabe exasperatedly.

“how is it that it is already morning when we were just in the car for some few minutes”

“few minutes in a vision is hours in real life” he replied staring straight ahead.

“I will miss school” I said a little bit frantic.

“your problems are so much more than school, sugar” he said giving me a small smile.

I don’t know why but my heart tugged a little at the sight of his smile, maybe signifying happiness but I brushed it off.

We reached Gabe’s house in no time. It was at the other side of town in other words the rich side. I tried not to be intimated by where I was, focusing on what I was here for.

I got down from the car conscious of the fact that I was still in a pajama short. The front door opened automatically and I would have been enthralled if I was in a different situation.

“come in” he said after I stood outside gawking at the exterior. I was led inside appreciating what I couldn’t the last time I was here. The house was a spacious condo with a ground floor and an upper one. The theme was white and a touch of black. Technology was in very much use. The curtains opened with just a button and the light came on as soon as we entered. It would have been the most beautiful home I have ever been to except that it was rid of the homeliness that came with a home. It was cold and abstract.

I was led up the spiraling stairs to what I recognized as the room I stayed in.

“you should freshen up then we can talk” he said grimly.

“I could have done that at home” I said wondering why we had to talk in his house.

“I didn’t want you to enter back home then change your mind” he said tilting his head to the side a little.

I looked at him then nodded, that was a very likely possibility. Christy would have woken up when I returned and I don’t think she will go easy on me if she finds out I had come back to him.

“uhm ok, thank you” I said to him. He walked to the door and off he went.

I entered into the exquisite bathroom turning on the tap which at the first try didn’t budge. I tried again and this time it opened.

Splashing water on my face I looked up and accessed myself in the full body mirror.

I no doubt looked like a mess with eyebags making my eyes seem droopier than the usually are. My coffee brown skin was patchy and dry, things that were associated with the harmattan season.

I stood at a height of 5’8 with a body too curvy for my liking, always dragging unwanted attention. My black frizzy hair stopped at the middle of my back in unwanted curls.

Straightening it has been one of my life long missions but it never seems to be accomplished. My black pupils stared back at me surrounded by splurges of red and white. The white almost non-existent gotten from days and days of troubled sleep.

“everything you need is here” Gabe’s voice called out. I tensed momentarily worried that he would barge in here. I listened till the footsteps had receded and the door shut before I got out of the bathroom picking all the expensive bathroom products and trudging into the bathroom.

I mulled over everything as the water cascaded down my body easing up my tensed muscles and adding a little bit of life to my sore-laden body.

I wondered who Gabe was talking to in that vision. What he was talking about and more importantly what he saw that made his facial expression contort in ways I had never seen before, not on someone of his stance.

Did he see things about me as I saw something about him? Did he know about my messed-up home life? I hope he didn’t. I didn’t want him to pity me like the others did.

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“I am not very good with cooking but I hope the cardboardy taste melts away with the salt” I looked up at Gabe who had a kitchen cloth slung on one shoulder and his other hand on a spatula flipping and mixing eggs.

“you didn’t have to cook” I said already feeling like he was doing too much for me.

“well you will need food in your tummy after you hear what I have to say” he said his back turned to me.

I shuffled uncomfortably on the seat and a smile crept on my lips. I continued to watch him fumble and tumble as he more than once spilled something on his half-tied apron which looked like it will fall down any moment. I had offered to help but he turned me down. Now in an extra-large shirt (which I suspected was his) and a small black legging that not so subtly exaggerated my generous derriere, I was left to just watch him perform his magic or not.

At least the shirt was big enough to conceal one of my biggest insecurity. I just hoped Gabe will not look to much at me when he finally finished breakfast.

Breakfast was set in front of me and it didn’t look to bad compared to the bland rice and half steamed vegetables I had grown accustomed to in the past few years.

“will you eat that or you will keep making out with it” I looked up at Gabe who had long since started to eat his food a small smile breaking out on his lips.

“I will eat it” I said returning the smile. I picked up the fork and started to eat. The bacon, eggs and slices of wheat bread is officially the best thing I had tasted in a long time.

“you don’t look comfortable” he pointed out sipping his freshly squeezed orange juice. Of course, I wasn’t. Here I was sitting down on a well-polished cedar wood dining table, eating breakfast fit for a king, after taking a shower in a bathroom that would shame Larry’s own (a playboy I had worked for in the past who supposedly had more money than the mayor of the town) by a thousand times.

I had cleaned his house multiple times being careful not to spill something or break an expensive vase. Now I was eating and living like I owned the world even though it was for a short period of time. I suddenly felt like an impostor leaving a life that I didn’t deserve and before I knew out my mouth opened.

“I am okay” I blurted out.

He looked up at me confusion settling on his features.

“you haven’t even had anything”. I looked down at my plate that had dwindled by the five spoons I had taken when I allowed myself to live a lie.

“we should get down to business” I said giving him a look that I assumed would be confident. He eyed me suspiciously for some seconds before he finally nodded and quickly stood up his plate in hand. I stood up after him mine in my hand.

“are you doing that weird thing that girls do with their diet” he said over his shoulder.

“no” I replied curtly. He stopped at the sink and took my plate from me. I watched as he threw the remnant of the food into the trash and guilt washed over me.

“you should have kept that” I said cringing visibly as the content of the plate was being emptied. The gnawing feeling at the bottom of my stomach wouldn’t leave me it felt more wrong than eating the food.

He started the tap and began to wash the dishes. He didn’t protest when I collected it from him and started rinsing the soap suds from it.

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We were now in a makeshift library and office with books scattered everywhere. I realized Gabe was a reader when I saw numerous books strewn across the table with highlighted pages and quotes. One stood out to me and it unconsciously settled at the back of my mind.

“and HE called me HIS.”

He was rummaging through some books at a corner of the room looking for God knows what.

“what would you describe as normal?” I looked at Gabe who was still plunging through some books.

“huh?” I asked totally confused about how normalcy related to my dreams or weird supernatural things.

“a normal life what is a normal life to you” he para-phrased. Without thinking too much my mind started to wander going into depths of what I would be happy with.

What will feel normal and before I knew it, I had started talking.

“love from people that you expect it from. An existent father and an observant mother. It would be a life where things like getting the next meal would be at the back of your mind. Where I would be living not surviving” it almost brought tears to my eyes thinking about all the things I could have but couldn’t because of limitations and disappointments.

“is that all” he said finally looking up from his failed conquest. I said the last one, after all I just explained my whole life in a few words. I pursed my lips and the next one came as a whisper.

“a life where my dreams were that of a normal person.” He regarded me for a while deep in concentration. To someone this may not be what they envisaged for their life. Maybe they wanted something bigger or better but for me this was what I would call normal.

His eyes held an unspoken emotion far from what other people would spare my way after learning about me, far from normal life from a gossip machine or two. I averted my gaze not sure what he thought of my answer. The floor suddenly became interesting.

“no one is normal, you know that right” he said coming to seat some few inches away from me on the plush cushion.

I did not know that; a lot of people were normal. Mama P was, the Walters were relatively normal, the coopers were, Mary-Ann and her husband were. They all were at least to some extent.

The body heat expelled from him settled on me with welcoming open arms. I found myself inching closer so that I could get more of that intoxicating scent that filled every one of my senses. It was a mixture of earth and an unknown cologne which was in perfect sync with his manly scent.

He stood up and went in the direction of the scattered books. I mentally chided myself wondering what the hell I was doing. I couldn’t think like that, I shouldn’t think like that and I wouldn’t.

“you should be explaining everything to me” I stated when he still continued to look for a book.

“I should but I can’t” he mentioned not bothering to look up from his book.

“why?” I asked incredulously. I needed answers and he is telling me that he can’t tell me.

“you are not ready” he stated simply.

“I am not ready?” I asked my voice raising an inch.

“what is that supposed to mean”

“it means everything Tamar” he stated absent mindedly still looking for that damned book.

“look” he continued finally looking up from his unfruitful search. “this is another phase of your life. Explaining all these things to you when you still have issues with your life right now won’t be the right thing. It would just be an escape not a transition.”

“you don’t know that” I said getting up from the chair.

“I think I know enough” he said to me. “you are not happy Tamar, for a long time now you have not been truly happy.

“seriously?” I asked. exasperatedly “so because I tell you a little about my home life you have expertly come to the conclusion that I am not happy” I said my voice dripping ice.

“it is not about your home life. It is about being joyous about who you are. You have not accepted yourself. You are angry, sad and heartbroken that you are not someone else” he said in an aggravating calm voice.

“we’ve known each other like what three weeks? on and off and you can already write a book about Tamar Konni” I said fuming at this man who thought he knew me.

“well let me give you a wakeup call you; you don’t know me. Just because you know something I do not, you think you can loud your observations to me. Heck I don’t even know if you are some deluded rich guy who is manipulating me to believe something that is not real”. I continued in a spiel.

I found myself looking around and without much thinking I said the four words I should have said since.

“this was a mistake” and with that I was off and out the door.

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It was as if the heavens were against me because as soon as I stepped foot outside it started to pour. I didn’t mind it though I welcomed the feeling of rain drops slowly sliding down my skin. I know I probably looked like I had gone nuts with my soaked hair and sodden clothes trudging through the rain with no intention of moving away. I didn’t care, at least I was out of that place.

The rich neighborhood was quiet and only expensive cars littered the streets. A car slowly came to a halt by my side and I increased my pace thinking it was Gabe until I heard the sound of the familiar voice.

“Tamar is that you” I halted in my steps and considered just moving forward without bothering to turn but I gave up that idea when the familiar voice spoke again.

“eyy its you” I turned reluctantly mustering up a smile as far as my water-soaked face could give.

“hey B” I muttered. His window wound down a bit more and he peered through them.

“why are you walking in the rain all alone” he said giving me one of those smiles that may look daunting to another female but to me it looked like the smile a lion gives before eating its prey.

“I am not alone I just uhm…” I trailed off.

“I just decided to take a walk” I finally made up a lie.

“in the rain? oh come on, come inside” he said smiling his awful smile.

I deliberated in my mind. Two things, I either ignore him and continue until I find some sort of shade or something, thereby risking the chance of getting a cold or, I enter and hope to God that he would keep his hands to himself.

Like some sort of sign the rain began to pour harder, pounding on roof tops and flashing lightening here and there.

“oh no, not lightning” and with that I made my decision.