Slipping away

I was home safe and dry and that may have been a good thing if not for the thoughts that kept prodding my mind.

I cringed when I remembered the conversation, I had with B.

“you are wet all over” he smiled giving me a suggestive wink.

As soon as I entered the car, B in all his perverse glory started to manifest like he usually does. He threw snide remarks here and there, said an unlimited number of profanities and made comments about my dressing that would make even a nun blush.

I raced inside the house as soon as I got there trying to put as much distance between myself and a person the second time today. He called and hollered like the player he is but I just mumbled a thank you and off I went.

The house key under what was supposed to be a flower pot was my escape route and as soon as I had the key in my hand, I ran inside avoiding the rain and the guy who was desperately trying to open his rusty car door to get to me.

Closing the door behind me, I was left to my thoughts as the silence overwhelmed me.

Everything that happened at Gabe’s house was constantly on my mind. I tried to push it away through listening to music and doing unfinished assignment but like a major chore not done it kept popping up in my head. His words came and ebbed its way through my mind.

“you are not ready”.

Missed calls and texts littered my phone and I had to turn it off so that it would be easier to ignore his name flashing on the screen.

I was never the one for confrontation. I was a socially shy person and the only people who got a glimpse of my talkative self was my close friends, George and Christy. I didn’t like fights or argument because I couldn’t handle them and right now the burning feel of an unsolved argument lurched in me.

The sound of the door opening made me jump back to reality. Christy trotted in with her bag lazily slung over her shoulder and her headphones on bopping her head to unheard music. I was sure it was not yet time for them to be back from school and besides she always came back later due to her work unless…

“Christy you missed school again?” she looked up her eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights.

“I didn’t think anybody was home” she said her voice laced with panic. It dissolved slowly until her face changed from scared to angry.

“you went back to him, didn’t you?”. Now it was my turn to get scared.

Her face quickly morphed from angry to concern

“you are okay, aren’t you?” she asked dropping her bag noisily on the floor and yanking her headphones from her neck. Moving towards me she kept trying to check for invisible injuries.

“I am fine” and with those few words of mine her face turned back to angry.

“I covered for you with mum, telling her that you decided to leave for Georges place before everybody woke up” she said giving me the stink eye.

“I just knew I just knew you had gone back to him when I woke up and you were gone” she said her voice raising a little.

“don’t talk to me that way” I growled at her a little angry at her tone.

Silence followed and she averted her gaze remorse taking over her features.

“I am sorry” she said in a small voice “I just don’t want you to die, you are like my only real family, if you di…” her voice broke. “it will be so bad I don’t think I would be able to live again”.

Pain and sadness washed over me. Like a prickling thorn guilt poked my heart. I felt it course through me making my breath hitch at the sight of my sister.

I suddenly wanted to reassure the girl that came out just five minutes after I did. My twin, my friend and like she said my only real family.

“I won’t die” I said fiercely. “I won’t die Christy; I will live and we will see each other become truly happy”. I gave her a hug transferring all my emotions into that gesture. She hugged me back just as fiercely. She pulled back looking at me with soft eyes.

“promise me you won’t go back”

“I won’t” I said closing my eyes and wincing a little at just how much deceit those words held. Even though I was severely angry with him a part of me knew that if I didn’t find answers it would probably kill me in the long run.

Christy seemed to be okay with my words giving me a small smile and then like a switch was flipped. She started chattering away about what happened in school in the half day she spent there.

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Dinner was filled with mindless chatter and a 50-year-old woman trying to keep her children quiet.

Numbing my tastes bud I shoveled the… *drum roll* wait for it, wait for it.

Rice and vegetables. At least it was in the form of pottage.

Rita kept on drawling on and on about some guy she met while Mira kept giggling and inserting unnecessary awwn’s here and there.

Evan the third child mimicked me except that she had her phone under the table, typing away with no care of what her other 4 sisters were doing.

Mums lifeless eyes found mine and she smiled a smile laced with bitterness that you may not see at first sight but if you looked closely you would see just how broken she was.

“so how is school?” her gaze settling on me and then slowly moving round the table.

As usual Rita started.

“it was very fine” the 22-year-old drawled. Smiling and waving her spoon in the air trying to look posh.

“it was okay” Mira shouted after Rita mimicking her posture.

“cool” Evan mumbled looking really bored.

“nice” Christy said sparing me a glance and my chest tightened.

“it was fine” I smiled.

“okay so, Rita I hope you won’t fail any courses this time” Christy dropped, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

Evan made a sound at the back of her throat. My mum looked horrified while my eyes widened.

“no, I won’t” Rita answered looking appalled at the fact that she brought up her failed college life up.

The community college had given her numerous chances to redeem herself but she always flopped back. Christy was right to give her a reality check on just how hard life is for the Konni’s. She liked to believe that everything was going fine for her while in reality, she had failed her courses causing her not to graduate 2 years ago, she had refused to work and help mum with finances so she could keep up with her “I’m living the life” façade and kept on lying to every poor person that would care to listen that she was a rich and comfortable girl.

“is this boy your next victim?” Christy asked looking smug about what she was doing.

“what the hell do you mean by that?” her face red with anger.

“you know what I mean” Christy shrugged her face impassive.

“you are a brat Christy and I promise I will crush you so hard you would forget your name” Rita shouted her hands shaking and curling into fists.

“enough you guys!” my mum finally butted in sending her stern looks to Christy and Rita.

“Christy, apologize to your sister”

Christy mumbled an apology and Rita looked smug about it.

The tension dissolved in the room and dinner proceeded accordingly. It was going fine until I felt myself slipping away.

It came like a wave of dizziness, distorted vision and minor tremors. I kept slipping in and out of the dining room. I looked around wondering if the others had felt what I was feeling but they were all chattering away.

The second wave was more intense than the previous one. What was just minor tremors turned into full-blown shaking. The ground had suddenly disappeared and it felt like I was floating. My spoon cluttered to the floor and everybody eyes found mine. Like a trigger the shaking stopped and all that was left were 5 pairs of eyes staring at me. I gave them a nervous smile and picked up my spoon from the floor.

The small action caused a pounding headache to envelope my head. I clutched my head groaning loudly and everyone’s eyes were on mine once again.

“are you okay” Christy spoke up.

“why wouldn’t I be?” I answered, Christy gave me a pointed look and I quickly added “I just hit my head on the table while picking up the spoon”.

Everyone seemed satisfied but Christy still looked at me skeptically To clear her doubt, I shoveled some food into my mouth. The contents made me nauseous and I felt like bringing it back up but I pushed it down.

I smiled at Christy and that seemed to do the trick as her eyes slowly left mine and she started talking animatedly with Evan who barely listened to her.

Without much warning, the third wave started. Like a rammer being jammed repeatedly on my head it pounded. I hastily stood up and picked up my plate ignoring the curious stares. Dropping it in the sink I started to walk towards the living room.

“are you okay?” Christy asked again concern evident in her tone.

“yeah I am, I just have assignment to catch up on”.

She looked down at her food that she had been tossing around for a while.

“okay” she said “I will soon be up”. I was glad that she didn’t follow me up. I had to sort out myself before she came to the room.

As soon as I stepped into the living room away from the lingering eyes of my family, it hit me again. Dizziness coupled with severe pain in my head began. I stumbled a little and I was suddenly finding it hard to walk.

Sweat broke out on me like I had ran a million miles. I clutched the railings hard as I stumbled up the stairs and finally, I ended up in front of my room’s door breathing hard.

A wave of nausea settled on me the moment I stepped into the confines of my room. I ran to the bathroom and I let out everything that I had eaten today. I felt hands grip my shoulders as my hair was pulled out of my face. I kept on trembling and puking things out that I was sure I didn’t eat.

Suddenly, a warm feeling enveloped me and I stopped vomiting. I came back to earth slowly and I started to regain the part of my senses that had left me. The calloused fingers still rested on my shoulders.

“calloused?”

I whirled around quickly and right there a black pair of daunting eyes stared back at me. My eyes widened as I stared at the beautiful man in front of me. His 6’8 height, was cut short as he stayed crouched beside me. His warm breath fanned my face and that was when our close proximity registered and I abruptly stood up.

My hands flew to my mouth that had caked vomit surrounding it. Noticing my discomfort, he stepped away and stood at a corner of the small bathroom occupying a large chunk of space as I started to rinse my mouth. His eyes were still on me as I picked up a towel and dried my mouth. I got out of the bathroom and footsteps trailed behind me.

Embarrassment flooded through me and the room was filled with some sort of unexplainable tension.

“how the heck did you get in my room” I finally asked a sane question.

He didn’t answer me as his eyes raked up and down my body. My embarrassment multiplied by 10 as his eyes kept accessing me.

I became aware of just how sweaty I was and I moved away not wanting to assault him with my horrible smell. As if knowing exactly what I was thinking, he moved closer coming to stand right in front of me.

“how did you get into my room” I asked again numbing the part of me that kept screaming.

“he’s close to you he’s close to you”.

“that is not important, are you okay” he asked waving off my question.

‘you showing up at my house by…” I picked up my phone and checked the time.

“at 7:30 in the evening without using the front door is not important?”.

“yes” he said curtly.

“yes?” I asked looking at him exasperatedly.

He sighed “I entered through the front door” he said looking bored.

“and we didn’t see you?”

“you guys did it’s just that you don’t remember”

“so, you are telling me that a 6-foot 8 guy entered into the house and 6 people did not remember?”

“6-foot 9 actually and yes”. I looked at him like he had gone mad. He sighed heavily and began to explain.

“I put a cloud on your minds, you all noticed me but as soon as I left your sight, every trace of me vanished and it’s like I never walked in”.

what” I asked breathless and flustered at the same time.

Like hands curling round my neck squeezing at intervals, I began to feel the discomfort again.

The came in trickles and then suddenly disappeared. Gabe kept accessing me as if waiting for something to happen.

“you should leave” I said my hands massaging my forehead.

“I am not going anywhere” he replied his eyes transfixed on me.

The pounding in my head started to increase in intensity. I turned around and started to pick the clothes that had been discarded at weird places not wanting him to see the sweat that broke out on me.

My hands started to tremble and the clothes started to slip out of my hands. In one swift movement, Gabe tugged me to himself and held both of my hands in his.

“Tamar, Tamar are you okay?”

I did not answer. My head felt like a playing ground for giants and the pain was slowly spreading to every part of my body. With a strength that was not mine, I pried my hands out of Gabe’s own.

They flew to my head and I clutched it letting out a blood curling scream. My limbs failed me and I fell on the ground like a crumpled heap.

“Gabe help me!” I screamed tears falling from my eyes.

The pain was indescribable, unbearable and extremely uncomfortable.

Gabe was at my side desperately trying to calm me down but it was in vain. I screamed and screamed.

“cut it off” I began to shout. “please cut it off!”.

Gabe muttered something but my mind was in another place.

His grip tightened as I kept screaming the words. Suddenly I yanked myself from his vice like grip and started to crawl to the wall desperate to feel some sort of relief.

The concrete wall stared back at me and then I threw my head to the wall. I hit my head repeatedly on the wall anything to make the pain go away. I don’t see anything I don’t feel anything only this unbearable pain that has taken over my being.