ACTIONS AND JUSTIFICATIONS

I take my seat avoiding every pair of eyes that turns to me, hoping for this to end already.

I have postponed the explanation to Lily for later. I’m hoping she’ll forget. The entire room soon falls into dead silence as the professors take their places, with dean Brandon in the middle.

Ms. Xavier had taken the mic and is currently stating the reason for today’s gathering which everyone was all too aware of.

And then one by one she starts calling out names of the candidates for the council and I start fiddling with my fingers.

“…Nathaniel Alderidge,”

That jerk! He couldn’t have told me he was contesting as well? I watch his grey shirt clad back making his way into the front with the others, after his loud and confident positive answer, of course.

Nathaniel slayed in everything there ever was.

Why would he negate? He wants this. He’s good at this. He would be a great leader, surely.

But I don’t think I can. Especially after what happened last year. I don’t want myself to be in that position once again.

“…and Zach Hayden.” I jerk up my head suddenly. Zach too?

He stands up with ease, mutters a loud and confident approval in his thick accent and walks upto stand beside Nathaniel in his black shirt.

Is this the same shirt I had spilt coffee on? I shake my head distractedly. Coffee and shirts are the least of my concerns right now. I’m preparing an answer.

‘Adalanna Callister. Do you consent to this?’

‘No, I don’t.’ That’s too rude nah.

‘I didn’t give up my name so yeah, I don’t.’ Lily would feel worse.

‘I’m sorry, but I don’t.’ Right. Perfect.

I just hope my brain and mouth sync perfectly as well.

“Adalanna Callister?” I look up to my name to find an awaiting Ms. Xavier with a defeated look and Lily sighs quietly beside me. I stand up slowly as all eyes turn to look at me and my mind boggles with pictures of the past.

“I can’t believe you of all people would do this Adalanna.”

“You were supposed to be the representative, you were supposed to do this.”

“Everyone trusted you. I trusted you. I’m ashamed of you.”

“It was the most important event of our school and the representative chooses not to make an appearance? Do you have any idea how humiliating it was?”

“You really skipped this? For a boy? Who even are you, Alanna?”

“You don’t deserve the position, the authority. Because you can’t handle it, Alanna.”

“Adalanna? Do you consent?” I blink rapidly and take a quick glance around the room.

Sofia is smirking at me and Nathaniel has his arms folded across his chest with a steady expression.

Just try to be alright.

I move over to look at Zach who’s already looking at me hard, with his hands in his denim pockets. He blinks, twice and slow. I keep looking at his eyes. They’re unreadable.

You stand up with confidence when they call your name.

You look them in the eye and say that you’re willing.

You manage every mess that you might make, like you always have.

You be the person we both knew.

I cough lightly and avert my gaze to Ms. Xavier and state straight ahead with a head held high.

“I’m willing.” Lily lets out an excited gasp while Ms. Xavier smiles lightly.

Hushed murmurs make their way across the room and I turn to spot a scowling Sofia, a smiling Nathaniel. And Zach. Who still had the same expressionless face as before, though I might have seen a ghost of a smile appearing.

I make my way over to stand between Sofia and Nathaniel, who hits my side with a playful nudge. The announcement goes on swiftly and I take my new seat with the other candidates.

“We shall now welcome our guest for today, our benefactor Mr. Hayden to address the gathering.”

Hayden?

I find a mid-aged man walk forth, dressed too formally with a serious expression on. He has an air of charisma around him and I wonder if he’s related to Zach in any way. I turn to find his seat empty and my suspicions get stronger. Where did he go suddenly?

I move my head all around searching for him but to no luck. Maybe he went to take some air. I don’t think it’s anything serious.

“…So that will be all from my side. I won’t be boring you any longer with long educational speeches. Just that let this be a new beginning and let it be better than your previous ones. Good luck.”

If only new beginnings were easier made than talked about. He spoke well, and why not, he was the Benefactor. But I realise I missed most of his speech, looking for Zach.

Which makes me silently brood my change of answer.I have to do this to validate the beliefs of those who still have it in me.

And I have to find the Adalanna Callister in myself again. I hope I don’t regret this decision. Or let anyone down again.

“Very well, all the candidates have thus been announced and you all may now start with the election procedure. The results and positions will be announced post refreshments.”

Everyone move towards the food area while I still take a minute to register that I really am in a college. Which college ever has food arrangements in the auditorium. Like not sarcastically but really, seriously. This is good.

I move too when I am stopped by a tight hold and a blaring screeching voice.

“Bitch, I’m going to kill you!”

Uh oh. This would go well.

*

“I have to go, I’ll just be back okay.” I try to escape form the wrath that is my best friend, Lily Preston. But she won’t budge that easily I’m aware.

“Don’t you dare. You owe me. Big time okay? Do you how big of a pain you have been in my ass? Food privileges are upon your bill! For the entire year!”

“What? A year, Lily? Do you have any idea how much we eat in a year? Or better yet, how much it costs!”

“11 months. No less.” One month decreased. Great. Remind me to stop her from becoming a negotiator, ever. She’ll be such bad business.

“I’ll just come.”

“From?” Lily is giving me the judgey, speculating look when she knows I’m up to something. And too bad she always had to know.

“The washroom.” I don’t wait for her reply because I know the questions following it. And she’s not an idiot I can easily lie to.

I silently walk out of the auditorium and walk along the hallway, trying to look for him. We might have had differences but it’s true that his words meant a lot to me last night.

And even my locket that he fixed. It was too beautiful a gesture, even for Zach. I hadn’t thanked him for either.

Five minutes pass by, ten minutes then. Where the hell is this boy?

I take a final walk around the basketball court when I hear a loud sound, presumably of the ball dribbling. Of course.

I reach the court and find a sweating Zach venting out unnecessary anger on the poor ball. He has his back to my face and I can tell how long he’s been here considering the sweat on his shirt.

“Here you are. I’ve been looking all over.” I say casually walking into the court.

“Get lost.” He spits out angrily and I stop dead in my tracks. What happened to him, all of a sudden? Did he just switch over moods? He dribbles the ball again and throws it towards the basket which goes right into it.

“It’s me. I just wanted to thank you for all that yo-“

“Just leave me the fuck alone!” He yells too loud this time banging the ball on the basket rim. And this time I get truly concerned. A bit scared too, to be honest. Angry Zach is a red zone.

But something in his voice doesn’t feel right. And it makes me wonder if he is fine.

“Zach, is everything oka-“

“God, what the fuck is your problem Callister? Are you incapable of staying away from me for even a minute? Just because we get civil, you don’t have to assume I’m head over heels for you.” He turns around suddenly throwing the ball at the pillar behind me with so much force that I jump.

His words catch me off guard as I take in his red bloodshot face.

And here I was thinking that we’ll be the same. I should have known better to celebrate so soon. I should have known better that it’ll be just a matter of time.

“Can’t you just snap out of your dream for a second? You are such a parasite.” He shouts yet again, this time with hatred and disgust and it feels like everything is happening all over again.

His words echo inside my head and I find my eyes moistening. And it’s not just because of the hurt. Zach has hurt me before. Multiple times if you will.

But because of the truth behind his rudeness that I had been trying to run away from myself. It indeed is a dream. Or was.

And I maybe really am pathetic enough to still believe in it somewhere. Am I really though? Is it so bad to care for someone, to feel for someone.

A parasite. Is that what he feels I am?

“You don’t have to take that tone with me, Zach. I just wanted to thank you like a normal human being would.” I find my voice back and I bark out at him angrily. I’m not losing again.

And he needs to realise this. He doesn’t have to hurt people just for the sake of it. Just because he’s Zach Hayden.

“For what you did, for just being nice, for once. Being good. Which by the way is not a disease.” I try to drill some sense into him.

To make him see that being good is not that bad. I didn’t understand what his obsession is with hurting around people.

“Shut up. Shut the fuck up. Good? You think I’m good?”

He strides towards me too quick and jerks me up with my shoulders. He holds them too rough and tight and a stinging pain shoots up.

“How does that feel, Adalanna?” I scrunch my eyes in pain as I fight back trying to remove his hold on me.

“Zach, let go of me.” I whisper through gritted teeth as his fingers bore deeper into my flesh and hot tears threaten to leave my eyes. It pains too much.

“Hurts, right? How does it feel?” He says in frustration and his eyes are bloodshot with anger.

“Stop it.” It’s getting too much. The long hold is intensifying the pain every moment.

“Does that feel nice?” Tears roll down my cheeks in pain as I fight back a sob.

“Zach just lea-“

“This is what I do, okay? This is what I am. I don’t fucking do nice, Adalanna. I’m bad. I’m just – bad. I like it this way, I am this. And if you have any goddamn problem with it, you can bloody go fuck yourself.”

He yells at me angrily, his loud voice booming in my ears and then leaves me suddenly with a forceful jerk.

I stumble back and rub my arms that hurt too much, with red marks accompanied. It’s true this is what he does and I will never understand his need to hurt. I will never understand why he keeps doing this to me.

Just this morning we were good, trying to be okay after everything. And then he goes on to do this.

“Why do you have to do this Zach? What did I ever do?” I whisper silently, muttering to my own self in anger, looking down and wiping my tears.

But he turns around the next minute and I know he has heard it. I look up to find his eyes burning with an unnamed emotion and he takes two long steps towards me.

Before I can react, he pulls me by the waist with a sudden jerk and crashes his lips on mine.

Wha-

My breath hitches and my eyes widen as he vigorously moves his lips over mine, trying to enter. He glides his finger along the bare skin on my waist, just under my T-shirt and I gasp involuntarily.

He takes the moment to invade the insides of my mouth and I take a moment before… responding.

He takes it as cue to pull me further closer, holding my neck with one hand keeping me in place.

I am still unable to move my arms that remain down at my sides as Zach takes control, desperately exploring my mouth. I can feel my entire body, burning as if on fire.

And I just can’t get enough as I respond with equal fervour.

His lips are warm, soft and his tongue moves skillfully. He tastes exquisitely divine, with an equally erotic mix of his scent, messing with my head. My body suddenly turns into a low pressure cabin and I feel my knees going limp.

He is everything I had dreamt of. Probably more.

I have never been kissed, ever before. I had always saved it for someone I’ll love. Someone who will be worth it.

I’m probably stupid to no ends, but in this moment Zach seems to be. And I have never liked anything remotely as this much.

I should’ve stopped him. I know I should stop him this instant and slap the hell out of him. But then, he is Zach. And I am human after all.

Despite the things between us, I can’t just un-feel everything. And I can’t stop.

He is the flame right now. He is fire. And I’m burning.

We separate a moment after, breathless and panting for air. He still holds me close as I feel my face getting hotter by the second. His eyes have darkened and he looks at me with a burning sensation in them.

“I told you to leave me alone. The one thing you did, was not do that.” His voice knocks my senses back as I try to realise what he just did. What we just did.

“You just-“I am unable to complete the sentence. Half because I was panting. And half because I don’t want to.

“And you liked it.” I freeze, and a chill goes down my spine.

“That’s not a justification.”

“As if I want to give you one.”

Oh boy. I’m starting to regret this already. I knew I would and I had accepted to feel it. Just not this soon after…

And in this moment I knew that I was indeed the parasite he had accused me to have been. And I didn’t know if it really was a good thing after all.

Zach Hayden has just stolen my first kiss. And this is how he bloody had to?

Author's note:

Holy shucks. Finally.

*heart eyes*

How’s that for new beginnings?

Alanna said yes to the council.

And did I say that Zach is as unexpected as gonorrhea. Yeah, well let’s upgrade it to… Death.

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