Angel White

Sitting up on the mattress is a monumental effort, my ribs bleating in pain and arms shaking under my minimal weight. Glancing beside me to make sure I don't wake him, I see the naked body of my step-father. It's not often that he legitimately sleeps with me. A part of me thinks he does it out of his own twisted version of guilt and love. He did love me at one point. I was there and find it hard to believe. Another part of me imagines that he is shorter, his hair longer, his eyes greener.

Slowly and carefully, I get out of bed. The last thing I want to do is wake him up. It takes me a lot longer than it should to get across the room, to the adjoined bathroom. With my body already being three-quarters dead the vampyre part of me isn't able to repair my body or stop me from deteriorating. Immortal, but dying.

The second I get to the bathroom, the second I see myself in the mirror, the floodgates open. Fully facing the mirror, sobs wracking my aching body, I run a hand through my hair. My now purely white hair, white as a sheet of paper. White hair that only means one thing to me and my Salem ancestors. Looking down at my stomach, and the healing carving of my baby's father's name, I run my hands over it all. Too thin. Much too thin to be alive let alone carrying a baby. Let along for the third time.

Maxwell's groan grabs my attention and I glance into the other room to see him roll over in his sleep, close to waking. My heart begins thudding, pounding rapidly as I turn back and swing open the cupboard, rummaging through it. Desperate to find anything, anything, to paint my hair black with.

"No, no, no, no. Come on, come on, COME ON!" My desperate shout wakes Maxwell.

"Aya, where are you?"

I clamp my hand over my mouth, tears flowing faster by the second. He and Jake know exactly what my white hair means. Know all about my history and my Salem ancestors. I wish I had a choice. I wish I had a voice. I wish I wasn't such a submissive, damaged, ridiculous excuse for a woman. Lily is Jake's daughter and I was so thankful because Maxwell is a hundred times worse than him. But this child . . . this child has only just last night been conceived. Maxwell will know without a doubt that it is his child.

"Aya, come here now. Don't make me come get you."

Wiping my face free of tears and taking a deep breath, I steady myself before re-entering the bedroom. The man sits bolt right up on the dirty mattress when he sees me and his smile is the most disgusting thing on the face of the earth. The complete opposite of Damon. I know why this happened now, instead of last week or last month or last year. I know the legends of Hybrids and their astronomical fertility. Maxwell gets off the mattress, his member swinging as he does. Standing way too close for comfort, he places his hands on my stomach.

"My baby," he says, smiling, "A girl. I want a girl, so make it be." I nod rapidly and it pleases him. But it's a lie. No matter how powerful I might be or how few consequences I'll face, I will not participate in such a heinous act. I'm already a freak of nature, I do not need to create another one.

"Good," he says, stepping away from me. "Now, no more school. You'll be working for a friend of mine now too. Earn me more cash to take care of you and the thing." I nod once again, not wanting to get into trouble or get hurt. I'll do anything to avoid pain at this point. I can't handle it anymore.

*_*_*_*

"Alexis! What are you doing here?" I almost crumble into Amber's arms and knowing something is wrong, she leads me to the backroom, straight to a chair.

"What the hell happened?! What are you doing here? Your hair-"

She stops abruptly as I grab her arms and say, "I'm pregnant." Within half a second her eyes look like they're about to pop out of her head.

"Okay, well, we're getting out of here," she declares, rushing over to a sweater draped over the back of another chair.

She's shrugging it on as I shake my head, telling her, "No. Don won't let you. You'll get in trouble." She shakes her head in return, telling me we're going and we'll be back in time for the fights, the important part of the night.

"I can't let you get into something with him for me, I just can't Amber."

She looks me dead in the eyes, "We're going to get Lily, we're going for ice cream. I don't want to hear another word about it. Now, I'll get changed and we'll go." I sit in silence, in anticipation, as she changes. Almost smiling. She's going to be an amazing mother to Lily, and her own children whenever that time comes.

Within a few minutes Amber has helped me into her douche of a fiance's car and we're headed off. In the car, I glance over Amber. She doesn't talk much about her and Don, what he does to her. I don't expect her to, but it'd be nice to know what they argue about before she comes to work with bruises down her back, or slices against her neck. Then again, I'm sure she thinks the same of me. She and Damon, they always ask. I never know what to say. The topic usually comes out rushed, like they expect an answer before they've even finished speaking. So I panic. Maybe . . . I think maybe if I were given more time to answer, maybe there'd be a bigger chance of me spilling the beans. More so, I'd probably tell them if they didn't look so disappointed all the time. Every time I can't share something, their disappointment is clear, however brief it is. Or maybe . . . maybe if I knew they'd understand, then I'd say more. But they don't. They don't understand what it's like. Don is only violent when he's angry thank the Goddess, and Amber doesn't anger him a lot. I've seen the bruises she gets but they're fair and few. For that, I'm grateful. She doesn't understand what it's like. Don, in his own fucked up way, respects her. He'd never rape her. She doesn't understand. Thank the Goddess. And Damon . . . Damon had a perfect life. The last I saw of him and his family; he had a devoted mother, a loving father, and a cute little sister. His life was great. His life is still great. He has his own place, an awesomely paying job, a loving family, and friends forever. He doesn't understand. No one will ever understand.

Amber's voice brings me back into the present, "I'm just gonna drop you at the parlor and get Lily. The staff might have a riot if you go in there looking like that. I won't be long though." I nod, showing my agreement. As much as I hate the sound of it, it's probably the wisest thing to do. So, at the parlor, she helps me out of the car and goes on her way again. I take a seat in one of the booths in the store, preparing to wait in silence just before my phone decides to make a sound. A rare occurrence. Grabbing it from my pocket, I turn it on and click into my messages.

Ditching school already? Where are you? Xxx

- Damon

I can't help the smile that dawns on my face, becoming giddy at the fact that he sent me kissy faces. Having to think of what to say, if I say anything at all, I take a moment before responding.

Family holiday

- Aya

I stare at my phone as it sends and I'm waiting for a few minutes before those dots appear, bouncing up and down. Then my phone vibrates as his text comes through.

What? Why didn't you say? Should you be traveling?

- Damon

Placing my phone on the table, I look away, not at all liking that I've lied to him again. But I'm not allowed at school anymore. I can't see him anymore. So, I don't really have a choice in the matter.

Glancing around the small parlor, I watch as a young couple and their kid's order ice cream together. As they laugh and talk and play footsies. Biting my lip is the only thing that will stop its trembling, again realizing that I won't experience that. And this . . . this purely innocent baby will never draw breath.

Blurriness takes over my vision, but I blink it away and peel my eyes off the family. I pick the phone back up, typing quickly, and wanting this conversation to be over.

It was very sudden. I'm sorry

- Aya

I watch those three dots jump up and down on the screen, waiting patiently for his next text to appear. The dots actually disappear and reappear numerous times before I finally get a text back.

Can I see you when you get back? Xx

- Damon

At this point, I'm not sure whether to break down or smile. I want to tell him . . . I want to tell him, of course, he can see me, that I can't wait for that moment and I've been missing him since I left his house last week. That I can't get through any of this without him.

"MAMA!"

My head snaps up at the sound of that voice, and as a smile takes over my face, I drop my phone on the table. I stand up just in time to be tackled in a hug.

"I missed you so so so much, mama! So very so much! Can you come live with auntie Amber and me?" Smiling, I bend down to her level to give her a proper hug.

"I missed you too, Squirt. I love you so much!" I hug her tighter and tighter with every second that goes by. Not knowing when after today I will see her again, or if I'll see her again at all. Somehow, Lily can tell. She can read me enough to know there is something bad. She hugs me back tightly, she doesn't let go. She doesn't let go until I eventually force myself to pull away from her, and smile. That smile might be the single hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

"How about some ice cream?"

Her short attention span shifts over to the ice cream flavors and she runs to where they're all displayed behind glass. I use the table to help me back up from the floor and scoop my phone into my pocket, following close behind her.

Looking over Lily to see all the flavors, Amber asks, "What flavors you want, hon?" Lily ums and uhs and hmms until she finally points to the watermelon sorbet. She asks for every add-on topping imaginable and Amber had minimal qualms giving her the lot. It brings me both joy and sadness. She's truly going to be a great mother to Lily. The woman offers me something and I debate it for a moment. I haven't eaten for a few days, I should be fine to have a little. So I ask for just plain vanilla sorbet. No dairy, no add-ons.

We sit down to eat together and Lily tells me all about what she's been doing in kindergarten and at auntie Amber's house. A lot of painting, mostly painting actually. I sincerely hope she pursues art as she grows up.

Not long later we finish our icy cold desserts we decide to take a walk to the park. However, by the time we get to the park, my stomach has flipped over and twisted numerous times. I barely make it out of Lily's sight, behind a tree, before my shaking knees give out and my sorbet comes barrelling up my throat. All of it, tinged with crimson. It almost makes me scoff. I'm supposed to be drinking the damn substance, not expelling it. A few heaves more and there is nothing left to come up. Amber continues to hold my hair and rub my back as I dry-heave and retch. It hurts a lot more than usual. The vomiting, the migraine I now have, my aching stomach, it all hurts ten times more than it usually does.

"Do you think you're done?"

I nod, wiping my mouth and spitting a few times. She lets go of my hair and steps back, giving me space to climb to my feet. I try to. I really do. Again, and again, and again. Amber, knowing I'm too ashamed to ask for help, simply steps in and silently lends me a hand. She doesn't say a word about it and for that I am grateful. She helps me to a nearby bench right by the sandpit, sitting down with me. A quick glance around assures me that Lily is in the climbing gym, and being school hours, there's no one else here. Looking back at Amber, I find she's already staring at me, just . . . sad.

"Who's is it?" Her voice is so soft, and quiet. Calm.

"Maxwell. Last night."

"Are you gonna go through with it?"

I simply shrug. Who knows. I sure don't. With all the beatings, all the food I can't keep down, the blood I refuse to drink . . I'm not sure I'll ever be sure. I'd never intentionally kill it but I can't stop it from dying on its own. I'm not healthy by any standard. And who knows what comes with being a Hybrid. I'm about as uncertain as I've ever been about the future.

"Something else happened as well."

Her brows pull together at my serious tone, "Like something witchy?"

I'm not scared to tell her. I know she will not run, or become afraid of me, or tell anyone. She's never been like that. She knows me just about inside out, as I like to think I know her.

"More like something vampyre-y."

Her eyes bulge and she stutters for a moment, clearly at a loss for words. This is much different than an extended lifespan with powers. This is immortality, drinking blood, hurting people whether intentionally or on purpose.

She knows about vampyres, became curious about their probability after I revealed to her I was a witch. However, I'm quite sure she didn't expect something like this to happen.

"It was Joshua," I tell her, hoping that the information will make her steer clear of him, more so than she does now. He hides it well. I knew about the existence of his kind and never suspected him. It makes me think and wonder, who else in this town has supernatural secrets.