S'envoler

“Never go in search of love, go in search of life, and life will find you the love you seek. ― Atticus

Mew's POV

Day 9.

Ah, yeah. I like counting days. And now, it's the 9th of the month and I'm about to have the biggest plot twist of my life.

I promised myself not to go back to that place again.

That place where I had all the good and bad memories.

I'm finally going to see you again.

I sighed. My older brother, Tong, called me last week. Said that he's going to propose to his girl and so he requested me to go home and take over the company if ever he's getting married.

And yesterday, he called me.

"Hey, how's the proposal?" I said when I answered the call.

"Can you speak more casually and in Tagalog? You're talking to your brother, come on!" He said.

He hates it when I speak in English, said that it's too formal and we're like business partners.

Well, it's not that I don't speak Tagalog anymore. It's just that English is a much easier language to use when dealing with people, most especially, with clients.

I'm handling MSJ Group of Companies here in Thailand. Some of our clients came from foreign countries, so speaking in English is really important.

Anyway,

"So, did she say yes?" I asked. I'm happy that he's about to fulfill his future with someone he loves. He's getting old already.

"Guess what?" He replied. My eyes widened in shock.

Why did she agree to marry my brother?

Kidding, he'll probably kill me if he heard that.

"Congrats, Kuya (bro)! You're finally getting married! So, when's the wedding?" I'm sure he's excited as well.

"We're still planning. And you, how are you?" He asked.

"I'm okay. I went to the White Temple earlier. It's too peaceful there," I said as I reminisce the scenery from that temple.

White Temple is located in Chiang Rai and I happened to visit different temples here every leisure day.

"Don't you want to go home? It's been 5? 6 years? Do you want to be a priest or something?" He scoffed.

I want to.

I want to go home.

I miss my home.

How I wish I could still hug my home.

"You said you wanted me to take over the company when you're married. You're still engaged though," I said as a matter of fact.

"Silly. Of course, I still need to guide you with the company here in the Philippines. It's different from Thailand." He replied with a point. As if I'm a slow learner.

"Okay, whatever. When do you want me to book a flight?" It's not that the Philippines and Thailand are that far from each other. It'll maybe take 3 hours or more if I ride by plane.

Besides, I don't want to use our plane just for a 3-hour flight.

It'll just waste money and gas.

“Tomorrow."

That fast?

"Then, I'll probably arrive late already. Too lazy to travel early in the morning," I said and I bid my goodbye.

"Flight *** is now boarding. Please make your way to Gate 99.”

When I heard that, I immediately stood up and grabbed my duffle bag.

This is it. I'm finally going back.

Tong doesn't know that I booked a flight earlier than I told him so I'll probably head to the company already.

I'm sure that Kuya Tong will be there.

Besides, I have nothing to do in the office. I've already finished signing some documents, investments, and a lot more.

I told them I'll be out of the country and just email me if they need something.

"Off, run the company for me, okay? I trust you in this. Take good care of it. I don't want to come back here knowing that our company is bankrupted already,”

"I got this, Kuya. Don't worry. Chase the love of your life there." My younger cousin said. He's my right hand in the company and I trust him.

"Crazy. He's never gonna love me again. I'll just come back for the company.”

"Sus."

It's about 5:30 PM when the plane landed.

I got a little bit stuck inside the airport because of the luggage and all that checking.

As soon as I head out of the airport, I already realized that I'm finally back to the place that once made me feel at home.

I remembered the last time I was here, right in this spot.

It's like I'm leaving a huge part of myself.

It breaks my heart to know that I haven't reconciled with the most important person in my life when I left this country. Funny, right? It's like these countries were two worlds apart from that I cannot go home.

I cannot go back to the place that once made me feel pure happiness.

I don't understand why, maybe because I know that the person I want to see first when I land here, will never come? Or because of the pain, I've caused him so I chose to just not show up.

We are both in a small world, I can never deny the fact that we'd cross paths in the future and I don't want to hurt him again.

He's probably happy now. It's been five years since we separated ways and I think that's the best thing to do at that moment.

For the past few years, I've been keeping myself busy.

No girls. Of course, no boys.

Just me and my liquor.

That's the only accomplice I had when even I, can't understand myself. And that's the only thing that could remind me of my memories with him.

Every time I get drunk, I can see him. Sitting beside me, saying that he still loves me. Saying that I'm forgiven already.

Then, I'll end up having a hangover.

There was a time in my life when I just gave up.

A year after I left the Philippines, I was heartbroken, then I had to handle the rising group of companies. I was pressured, stressed, but I had to keep going as my parents started getting mad at me and putting all their negative criticism on me.

They said that I'm not meeting their expectations, they're disappointed and all the negative sides they've seen in me. They do not even consider what I was feeling at that moment, instead, they used it against me. To make me feel guilty over the things that I chose to prioritize.

They were even blaming Gulf and said that when I had a relationship with him, I lost all my interest.

At that time, I got hurt. Don't they know that Gulf has been my rest in this tiring world?

Time passed by, and when we finally graduated, things happened so fast that I can't keep up, but Gulf was there. He protected me at times when I feel like I'm giving up.

My parents were obsessed with me handling the company.

Why me?

Why not my brother?

Why can they give Kuya what he wants but if it's me, it's as if they already had planned my future?

I never wanted this kind of life. I wanted to control my own but I can't because I know that I still have my responsibilities as their son.

I want to win him back.

I want to chase him. Say that I still love him. Say sorry as long as I can, but I can't.

I admit that it's entirely my fault, I was drunk that time but I guess I can never defend myself because it happened already.

I was also blaming myself to the point that I wished to just vanish and remove his memories of me.

The next day thing I remember, I woke up in a hospital.

I saw Off inside the room so I asked him what was I doing here.

How come I woke up in a hospital when I'm at the office?

He said I overdosed according to the doctor. He also said that he saw me lying on the floor unconscious in the office.

After that, I realized that my life doesn't have to end that way. I'm at fault so I can't run away from the sins that I have. I should do something. Killing myself is not and it will never be a solution.

I said to myself that if I get a hold of this company and it's stable, then I'll run back to him. So, I put all my efforts into that company because, after that, I want to be able to prioritize my wants and my can’s.

But then when I came back a year ago, I felt foolish.

He's happy already and I didn't want to ruin the smile I've seen on his face.

He looks peaceful.

So now, I've made up my mind.

I will not interfere in his life again and I'll only come back for work.

That's it.