Seon-Ho

I took a deep breath, trying to forget what happened last night and failing miserably before summoning her to my room a few hours later. I heard her small footsteps making her way towards me. She asked for permission to enter; her voice softer than usual that was doing something to my head. I had to pinch my leg to return to my senses yet again. She was first and foremost Hwi's precious sister and his only remaining family. I know how much he adored her and I had to respect that no matter what. 


She entered my room, but she was still pale and thin and wouldn't meet my eyes for a while. My heart sank, and my mind had wandered to the time I first brought her to my room...
 She came to my room and the air felt lighter already. For once I wasn't sitting and studying miserably, it felt like the old times when we used to all hang out together. It was so unexpected; this is the very last thing I thought would happen by bringing her here. I was so grateful to her already I could never let her know. She smiled so gracefully to me, unlike the other times she would that I lacked words for a few seconds. She started to look worried when I didn't answer so I pulled myself together and smiled back at her directly. It was genuine.



"So how are you fitting in here so far? Have you run into any problems?" I sounded more concerned than I was meant to, I almost sounded like Hwi. She smiled at me once again in appreciation I could tell. My smile widened slightly, this was a new feeling for me. When was the last time someone was thankful to me? For anything? "I'm fine thank you. And how are you?" I was so thrown by that question that I was speechless for a few moments. She was still standing smiling at me, unaware of the major changes she had brought into my life in less than twenty four hours. I recovered in time with another small smile and replied quietly. I was silent for a moment and before I could recover she sat herself down opposite me and I couldn't look at her. I glued my eyes to her shoulder in order not to appear rude to her. "So tell me about the rules I need to follow in this place. What should I do?"

She took the words out of my mouth so directly but still in a soft tone. My head shot up when she said this and she held me in her gaze as she understood me at some level already. I breathed a little, my mind a little unburdened already. I gave her a brief set of rules; she should stay in her room and away from my father as much as possible. I also told her she wasn't to leave the house more than once a month and that I would place her a servant if she needed anything else. She thanked me once again and started to look around my room with a keen eye and I started to laugh. Even if she had lost her memories some things about her were still the same. I knew what she was going to 'coincidentally' look at after the cute show she was putting on, I saw her smiling at it before she fell asleep yesterday. And right on time, her eyes landed on my books and I had to hold back my laughter, putting on a show for her as well. She was the only girl in this Korean village that actually read for pleasure, despite her lowborn status. My smile had a mind of its own and I asked her curiously what she was looking at. She looked startled at me and tried to act innocent and I almost choked on my laughter. She was slowly turning pink and I couldn't take it anymore I was about to wet myself. I stood up and told her she was free to borrow my books anytime and her face lit up as I had never seen. She got to the books so quickly she almost flew to the bookshelves. She was so happy to see it that it made a little bit of the guilt go away. I looked at her for a little while, it wasn't going to be so bad having her here after all. After what seemed like an age she picked out the heaviest one she could find and surprised me with a quick hug before running out of my room...



With that memory I couldn't help myself; her mere presence, even somewhat cold now brought life to me. Before I know it I pulled her close to my chest and hugged her as I had never hugged anyone before, and I hadn't... apart from my mother. It felt as though time had stopped... but I could hear my heart beating like never had before. I knew I should be careful as she still hadn't gotten her memories back but I was desperate and in panic. She lay motionless in my arms and she was cold. It hurt me to see her in such a state that I even winced before I held her tighter without saying a word, hoping she would hold me in return, just once and try to be content with it. A long time had passed by and I was about to lose all hope. I sighed, but the moment I was going to release her, her small arms found their way around my waist and she buried her head into my neck, holding me back with all her might. 


I felt tears streaming down my face before I could stop it, I didn't have any recollection of being so close to another person in a very long time, never mind a woman. Everyone else in my life had treated me like I had the plague since this whole mess started with the military exam but yet here was the one person who was the biggest victim in all of this holding onto me for dear life. Her small frame was far too easy to hold, her long hair trickled into my clothes, and her scent... god, her scent was driving me crazy. 


She was Hwi's sister, and the only girl I grew up with. But as much as I tried to hide and deny it, I couldn't any longer; she entered this house a mere girl of sixteen but had grown in a year to become one the purest, gentle, and most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes upon. And she was the only warm thing in my home...and my heart. She cared for me and loved me like no other. And as much as I knew I put her brother through hell unwillingly just so he could reunite with her... I really didn't want to let her go anywhere out of my sight at all. 



After she had collected herself she eventually withdrew from my arms, much to my reluctance. I felt myself... growing up. I wanted to stay like this forever, with her looking up to me, and depending on me, as everyone around me had abandoned me. But she hadn't. 
"Are you ok? What is wrong with you? Are you unwell? What can I do?" The words fell out of my mouth before I could catch them. But it made her look at me again, and it brought a smile to her lips. And with that, I sighed in relief. "I'm well brother, I am sorry if alarmed you in my present state and I also apologise for not coming to see you sooner. I am...still adjusting to your home, even after all this time. Was there a particular reason you called upon me?" Her tone of voice had changed but she still looked directly at me like she had always done, always observing my reaction. I tried to muster a sentence or so in response but I couldn't get the image of her in her room last night out of my head that very moment. I so desperately wanted to hold her again...


"I just wanted to enquire about your health. I haven't seen you for a while, that is all" I swallowed. She gave me a small bow and made her way to my door...
"Yeon... are you sure you have nothing to tell me?" She stopped in her tracks and took a long look at me "No brother...unless you have some things you would like to tell me?" My head shot up and we just stared intensely at each other for a while, both shrouded in our sad silences before she left my room with her scent in the air. I went to sleep, almost a different man from the one who had long ago betrayed his only friend, even if it was to save his life. I missed him, there was no denying it. But his sister made me want to be a better man without even having done anything. I looked around the room she left and I really didn't want to be here anymore. I wanted to be with someone who brought me peace like Yeon did, and I didn’t even care where that would leave me or what I had to do to achieve it, but it was all I could think about how. It would have been nice if Hui-Jee had given me a chance like Yeon does, even if she didn’t know it. But…a part of me was staring to realise that even if Hui-Jee treated me with an ounce of kindness that Yeon did, it wouldn’t be the same and it wouldn’t nearly be enough. I was also starting to realise that despite my suffering, my guilt and under the heavy burdens of my sins that I was forced to commit under my father’s world…I was still somewhat a selfish and greedy bastard that was about to embark on his most selfish deed yet, even though I was the very last person in the world that had the rights after what I had done.