Seon-Ho

Yeon had recovered gradually somehow, but I was still preoccupied with her words and her new demeanour. I couldn't help but feel something was going on, something my father's stupid guards weren't catching onto. So I made a note to follow her myself next time she had her day out.
 And my plans were starting to fall into place and I was becoming one of the few men the king relied on the most. But it was cold in the palace compared to the new warmth in my fathers' house. I convinced myself that I was confident enough in my plans that I could work from home more. But when I made my way through the gates, she appeared behind my back and grabbed my fingers "are you going to bed? You look shattered" she looked at me tenderly and my heart beat faster. We hand’t really spoken since our last..meeting since I was so busy…and maybe because I went a little overboard and said too much to her since she didn’t give me an answer. 



I just nodded in reply, looking at her hand holding mine. My face grew red and hot in this cool spring night. “I accidentally made extra food in the kitchen and I wouldn't want it going to waste. Would you like some before bed?" I nodded again and slowly released my hands from hers. She went to the kitchen and brought out something I never had the chance to eat before; Yeot. I had intended to take it into my room but the fresh smell was getting to me still warm in my hands and I simply couldn't resist anymore. I found myself eating it in front of her quarters on the steps before the guards came in and my father was still in the palace "you cook well" giving her rare praise. "Thank you" she replied equally startled at the compliment, smiling widely; her cheeks the colour of ripe plums "I can make more whenever you like, you don't seem to eat enough anyways" she shrugged her shoulders. I kept eating all the Yeot she kept on giving me but I froze momentarily when she said that. I've never had someone monitor my health like that before since my mother had passed away, but I recovered in time and just kept on eating as I had never seen food before "That was amazing. Thank you Yeon" my smile was as wide as it could possibly be, savouring my first portion of Yeot. She had fixed her eyes on my mouth with a completely different look as I licked my fingers and became nervous.


She had realised that I had noticed her looking at me and we both looked away at the same time. I heard her shudder and I felt a warm sensation sliding down my spine. We clumsily wished each other goodnight and she practically ran to her room. Something possessed me momentarily and I stood up and caught her by her arm and pulled her in closer to me from her back. She didn't flinch or try to pull away from me. I had her against my chest; her delicate scent was driving me crazy and I found myself borrowing my face into her hair and placed my other arm around her shoulders so she couldn't escape. Time froze for a long time and I wanted to do more but at that same time a servant came out and we both panicked, she freed herself from my grip and ran, shutting the doors behind her. I went to bed angrier at the servant than I expected. I sulked and tried to sleep but her scent was on my hands and I went to bed with a smile.



Something else had changed between us; she had started being a lot nicer to me than usual. She was a naturally patient and caring person, but now she was really going out of her way to serve me and make me happy. I had truly never seen anything like it, not even my own late mother had the time to put in this much effort for me. Yeon lit calming incense sticks for me as soon as entered my chambers, she had enough food and refreshments ready for me to serve an entire office and she even went out of her way to buy me new robes for almost every occasion. I didn't realise how much gold my father was giving her, but when i walked in on her actually making clothes for me by her own hand, i was honestly left speechless. I was so entirely touched by her actions that my knees started buckling out of nowhere, and i could only collapse onto the floor right outside her quarters, so she could barely see me as i had myself outside of her door. I had brought my work home today so i could catch up to everyone else in my office since my father liked to pull me out of the office that he chose for me just so i can become his little errand boy when it was convenient for him. 


Entering the palace was a lifelong dream of mine to uphold my promise to my mother to change the laws that were being passed in this corrupt nation that only satisfied the noble people and the hierarchy that they were desperate to keep in place. For so long, i looked for any and every opportunity to get my way in without my father's help. And my father completely ruined it, by not only bribing my way through the military that completely humiliated me and ruined Yeon's brother and my only friend in this world. But he also displayed his nepotistic nature for everyone to see by bribing me into places to carry out his dirty work. As if sending Hwi away to the army without any preparation at all didn't break me enough, now my father was making me in charge of his affairs when it came to Hwi. He was putting us both in our places by making me lord my status all over Hwi, which was something that made me retch with guilt every single time.

My father had always brought out the worst possible version of myself, and now with the situation with Hwi, i had been put in a really dark place that made me unable to face myself at all. And even though i knew that i had no right to her, Yeon really was the only light in my life for a very long time. My feelings for Yeon were getting more and more complicated with each passing day; guilt, peace, sorrow, happiness, warmth and sadness. Not even i knew what to do with myself, but that didn't stop Yeon from trying to accompany me, no matter how much i had started pushing her away all over again. When i told her not to attend to me anymore, she barged her way through all of the servants outside of my room and she refused to leave until i ate and drank everything in her presence. Not even the threat of calling my father scared her, in fact, she just sat on the floor with her arms wrapped around her chest like an angry little child. What could i do? Even amidst my anger and confusion, she was the only person who could calm me down. She cared for me, she truly did, even if I was illegitimate. 


In 12th century Korea which imposed Confucius laws; legitimate children had all the rights that the law allowed them and married each other as a main couple. A man of power could take in as many concubines as his ranking allowed him but they could only be illegitimate despite their social and economical ranking. Concubines were the servants of the main wives and their children were always lower than the legitimate children, and were not to dares their father’s as such, but only as ‘master’ or ‘lord’. A child’s social class was mostly recognised by the mother’s, and as my mother was a mere slave and concubine then I was looked down upon the same as dogs were. And that was only the inner workings of the family in Confucius law; as the mothers were still regarded as slaves without an ounce of affection shown to them, then how could they in turn hope to raise their children? As emotionless as they could since women were not allowed to express themselves even in the smallest of ways.



Their hair had to be tied, their hands had to be folded politely and they were not allowed to utter a word in public, they could only look down to the ground and follow their husbands silently whenever they went when they were allowed outside. And I was doing everything I could to get into the palace so I could change this rigid and corrupt world that always bent over backwards to the higher class. And even if it meant passing the military exam with a bribe that was not known to me until I cheated under pure pressure, and sending my only and dearest friend Hwi away for his own stately as I took in Yeon, then so be it for now. And when we met again, I would figure out a way to save his life once again under the guise of the betrayer a much as I possible could. And as for Yeon, the awkward but lonely outlasted teenager that she was…she used to be would always have my protection no matter what it cost me. The Seo’s were my only family as far as I was concerned, even if we were temporarily frenemies now. I needed to keep Hwi away from my father and the sister he adored to his bones but now was barely able to recognise him. I needed to keep Yeon alive for Hwi’s sake and as it turned out, my sanity. Despite the very obvious changes that had come about her, she was the only…pure, clean and untouched woman I had ever known and was the only person who reminded me of human morals and values. My life had always been dark, lonely, miserable and even cruel since the moment my eight year old brother drowned playing with me and my poor mother took her life in front of me and my father blamed me for all of it. Nobody asked me how I felt, what the truth was about his death…or how I was feeling about it. And the blame and hatred my own ‘father’ cast upon me gave me every single motivation to change these laws, even it meant hurting the ones around me temporarily. I did always want a place in the palace by my own merit when I served the army. But with all the extra stress I was dealing with now, I didn’t even know what I wanted anymore.