what would life be with happiness

"Introduce yourself"

"I am the last born, the 'trouble child' problems came just after my arrival my brother once said but who would believe him he never liked me try as much as you want." I said A bit dramatic I'll admit  but true who would've foretold that I would be this way  and in my current situation.

"Who are you"

"I am becca which is Rebecca for short if some of yall didn't know but it was just becca no re in the front thank you very please." I smirk ,fold my arms across my chest to put across my statement but she larch her eyebrow to just gives me that oh really now look if you don't tell me more I'll whoop your ass right now on this table so I just gigle and say.

"If I told you my lifes story you'd feel sorry for me and try to be my friend but I don't want that and plus doesn't your file tell you that already "I answer back to my psychologist annoyed but my answer was fitting the treatment she gave me ,I smirk .

"Interesting very interesting" and took note of that probably writing how I got an attitude or something I really don't know wasn't she supposed to be nice since this is our first session.

Yes I was at a psychologist  and I had started my first session with me being me a bitch as always  that's how I like it and will forever be but how was that my fault what type of question did she ask its not like she didn't know me cause everything was written on my file it was just annoying her asking me stuff she could have read she's just being plain lazy if I tell you.

The other's were better then her yes the other's. I was even in a mental institution once that's how bad I was but it never reflected on my schooling I'd appear to right the exams and go back but it was a kind of punishment no one could be my friend cause a nusre would accompany me everywhere and writing in the principal's office made me kind of look like those trouble students that bit too much then they could handle

Can you tell me about your past if you don't mind we have to help you get better. Faking a smile while process the look on my face

"Let me tell you something ever since I was born I always wanted to die and get reborn as something or someone else like a bird or butterfly I know its dum but that's what I want"I say honestly. In an  attempt  to break the ice.

Why do you want that to happen?

"Let me be honest with you since my late early childhood I was always second best to a person that never did no good.

Have you ever been chosen out just because one person couldn't stand that you were better then them, have you ever been neglected for someone who wasn't worth it or were you ever had everything expect affection."

what would life be with happiness and not antidepressants who will ever know

*~*

Flashback



July the 13 the day of the great disaster . Quiet morning no birds in sight and no sign off people for miles.

These perfectly built roads that held masses of people and children playing together in one unity seemed shallow

Lifeless like a deserted dessert I know doesn't make sense but thats how it is.

"Tell me something girl aren't tried tryna fill that void or do you need to hurt more. Is there something else you looking for" my twim sister bassie asks me puzzled.

(Bassie had small caremal tainted eyes, long fragile hair, skinny body, dimples on each cheek  but could make a battalion of men turn with just a snap off a finger how envious I was off her although we were identical twins and the fact I had big bushy curly hair, a dimple on one side my right cheek and big brown popping eyes. I felt that she was the planned one and I was just a plus one she was the best off the best yes that's right was) "im falling in all the good times we both shared mtase(southern African way of saying sister) I can't lose you like this " I say in full depth of sadness

I...

They.....

We had just found out that my sisiter had a tumour and it was at a bad stage she was given week's to live and there was no way of preventing it or making it better for sometime.

We stood there looking at her in the bedroom the doctor had adviced us to keep her home with us and he'd come for routine visits and if it might get critical we should send her to the hospital. So we tried our best to keep her happy.

Say it to me baby

Say it loud and clear

We used to be so close

Now you not even here

I need to hear you say love and that you not gon leave

And no excuses just come back to me

Say it with baby

How could god be so cruel being raised by my father and no mother in the picture. Yes it was just the four of us my father , tom but in full THOMAS,my brother ,happy or as I call him ass wipe , my sister and I  my mother passed away after giving birth to me .I was told she left the world right before she could ever hold me into her arms and embrace me properly  but at least my sister had that chance . Remember that child that almost slipped and dead same time that was me. (Ohh you haven't read that part sorry its a spoiler makes you wanna readit more huh)

My sister ,she was more a mother then sister for me although we were of the same age she had matured before time , made sure that we got everything we would if our mother was still with us I guess that's why she was everyone's favorite including me . Honestly who would hate a person that raised them

And look at ME now nothing more than a reflection of what she wasn't and how she'd not behave.

How I ruled the day I was added on this earth

Broken home baby

I can never blame you

No never taught you how to:

Love right

Or stand right and there's uphill

More times this life is just uphill

You always fighting something

You never stop runing

You don't bother tryna keep a smile

Hold your bags girl always try

We might not be alright perfect aint coming but I'll be alright

You just got to love me

But I guess this is falling on faint ears....

_____________

Pretty sad and hurt breaking

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