Ramblings of an author - post divergent

Nothing really important. Skip if you want more cool stories.

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I always have trouble with conversations in my story. It is actually one of the reasons I don't want to write fan fiction. Even though these are my characters and I should be the one to know everything about them, I just don't really know how to react and speak for them. It's so strange, but I just have so much trouble with that.

Commas too, but that will never stop. I just cannot stop using them like I do. (obsessively)

Since this story was probably the closest to our world, it made it a bit more difficult too. (I like to avoid that as much as possible for two reasons. One our world has nothing to do with the universe I am writing and like political stuff and what nots. Not really that, but essentially it is fiction and I want to keep it as close to that as possible.) So when I first started it, Black Hawk Down sounded so interesting. Shooting and battles with a character that can literally not partake in it. How and why... I wanted to explore that. I think for the most part I did.

Then of course the location and content of where it took place wasn't the only thing I worried about. The content warnings and what not. I guess I do write graphic and traumatic stuff normally, but this was digging into war. Due to the location, it is closer to the real world. Veterans who fight and have suffered are no joke. I wanted to do my best to give something 'realistic' and to deliver it with care. I know I ain't great, but I really did my best at it. (Considering everything that I write ain't much, but still.)

Now there was something I think I failed at. I wanted to write something that was showing instead of telling. I found myself explaining every little bit, more than once, for simple things that didn't need it. Ugh that was so frustrating, but I felt like it was needed.

Then there is the fact that I literally tried my best to explain and detail the background. To write those details so that everyone could enjoy stunning visuals at 60 fps in my story. :P Of course that failed after what? First chapter? Gosh it was so bad.

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When I look at my writings, everything from when I started writing to now, it is better. Much better. I took a broken car and started running with it like I was Fred Flintstone. Over time I actually added an engine and wheels, so it is much smoother and easier. But I clearly lack aesthetics. It looks terribly wrong to all the other cars on the road. Not that I want to be exactly like them, but I clearly can see where I lack for the most part.

Aesthetics. As stated above I have trouble writing details. Explaining who looks like what. The dress is made out of what material? That metal is smooth or jagged? It is tough for me to write that stuff. For people, when I'm writing characters, I actually just create what they are based on their name. I don't really know how to explain it, but it is like I take the letters that make up their name and use some weird mind magic to create their entire body out of it. Except for the most part it is colors with a standard doll I use for everything. Super difficult to explain, but that was the best way I think I can explain it.

Along with how people look, it's also about their acting. When I read a story, with enough time, I can predict where it will go. Especially if it is well written… unlike me. I create a character that has limitations either by age or injury. So I know what they can and cannot do. That does help me. Now Brahk is a father, I'm not even close to something like that and never will be, but I can guess what he would do. From past experiences and what I've seen in other fictions, stories or shows, I can give a good guess. He should want to protect and care for who he cares about. Blood related or not. There he would push them to make the right choices, but not force them. It is all for them to make and he just wants to nudge them along and be there for them. Now when these (should be) complex characters have issues and I have a decent idea on the main character, I fail. I know what Brahk will say, he just wants them to succeed and to be proud regardless of their success. But how would they react to what he says? That is tougher for me. Sure some things I can force with cliché events that I reference in my head, but when it isn't like that and I actively try to avoid that, it becomes much more difficult.

The last thing I should talk about is how I repeat many things over and over again. Up above I talked about the divergent and below the line was more generic with examples. But they are clearly the same thing as above, just a bit more descriptive. Nothing more really. But when I was writing the divergent and others before that, it is like I forget what I write. So in the next paragraph since I don't know I just make that information available to the reader. But the problem is I do it over and over again, with each paragraph containing the same information that I just said twenty times above that one.

I know I have things I need to work on. To be better at. One I didn't really talk about is this is how I speak. I remember learning in school is never to do that, but well it is happening. Writing how I speak… tsk tsk tsk. All of these things, even ones I haven't really noticed or talked about yet are difficult. I want to be better, even to be perfect, but that won't happen. So as I go forward I will continue to do my best and I hope that everyone that reads my stories is excited and really enjoys them!