- C H A P T E R • O N E -

I'm searching

Oh baby, I'm searching

Through time places

I'll find ya

Finding distractions as I'm getting closer

But it won't deter me

I feel it

[Chorus]

Let it be us again

No stopping

Let it be us, let it be us again

Let it be us again

No stopping

Let it be us, let it be us again

~Us Again- Benji Lewis

-Seraphine -

September 17, 2017

Boston University, Boston, Massachusetts

"Hey, how much do you think I can get by being a gigolo?"

I currently had my head shoved so far into my laptop I couldn't mutter a decent reply, let alone smack him with one my many books scattered on the table like I normally would have.

Ariel and I were both drowning up to our necks in notes and books at our school's archaic library, home of almost all my late nights and early mornings. I had a not-so-pop quiz Friday and Ariel was obviously too busy filling out gigolo applications on his computer to focus on his film presentation.

"On this site is says that some women would pay up to two thousand dollars for a weekend." Ariel gushed, an excited grin finding residence on his lips. I sighed deeply through my nose. "Don't you have something to be doing like- I don't know- your presentation that's due next Tuesday?"

"Why would I do that when I could have a rich lonely housewife take me on a paid trip to Bali?" I looked up, from my second page of notes on Italian architecture during the renaissance, and gave him a bored scowl. "You would honestly sell your time to rich desperate married women?"

He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Maybe more if the money's good."

Ariel Johnston, my best-friend since college orientation a few months ago, could probably make a decent living by being a male escort. With deep brown eyes, tan skin thanks to his hispanic heritage, and a mop of soft brown locks that grew a bit past his ears he could make a decent living wooing rich, lonely housewives. Even his slightly acute jaw gave him a rugged edge that seemed to have the ladies fall for him hook, line and sinker.

I quickly balled up a sheet of blank paper and threw it at what I hoped would be his head, but he anticipated my move and ducked. I watched in horror as my feeble attempt at a decent paper ball flew and hit the student directly behind my intended target.

He slowly turned around and was immediately met with my rushed apologies and small giggles from Ariel. "I'm so sorry, I wasn't trying to hit you, I was trying to hit my friend because he was going on about being a gigolo."

Oh God.

"I'm not saying that he can't be a gigolo, there's nothing wrong with being a gigolo, I mean he could be an otter and I wouldn't-"

"This is a library, not a playground." He spat. My face and mouth open and close in pure shame as he turned his back to me and resumed his work.

"You should've seen the look on your face!" I glared down at my best friend while he laughed at the mortifying encounter that just took place.

"An otter?! Jesus Sera, that's gold." I reached across the table and flicked his forehead and chuckled at the satisfying thwack that resounded. I checked the time on my phone and squealed a bit and quickly started to pack my things. "Oh stop being such a child, I didn't even hit you that hard." I replied to his groaning about how his forehead was going to bruise. We quickly packed away the mess that covered our large makeshift desk, composed of two smaller pale grey desks shoved together .

When I first started classes here, the Mugar Memorial instantly became one of my favorite spots on campus with the history of the school oozing out of every crevice and its two stories filled to the brim with knowledge. I smiled fondly at the memory of me on my first day grazing my fingers along the spines of older books. My all time favorite aspect of the aging building had to be the isolated studying carrels. The sight of the secluded booths struck a chord in my introverted heart.

"Where are we going for lunch?" I had just stuffed my last page of notes inside my bag when Ariel ruffled my hair and wrapped an arm around my neck. "Don't care, just as long as you pay." He released me from his death hold and strode his way to the library exit.

"Nope no way, I paid last time," I quipped, already falling behind his lengthy strides.

--------

We had just walked into my English Composition class after lunch (which I needlessly paid for) when I saw him.

His round dark brown, smiling eyes caught my attention immediately. My eyes started their familiar voyage at the top of his freshly cut hair, accompanied with a crisp set of French braids sitting atop his head, and then wandered down over the bridge of his strong set nose and then finally resting at his full lips and his strong jaw line.

"Are you eye raping Isaac again?" I felt Ariel poke my cheek. It was customary for Ariel to walk me to my class after lunch on Fridays, he only had one class and took it upon himself to become my bodyguard for the remainder of the day.

I felt a blush creep up my neck. "I wasn't eye raping him." With one last wishful glance at the boy of my dreams and a swift smack to the back of Ariel's hand , he and I sauntered to the front of the lecture hall, quickly finding a seat in the among the growing number of students seeping into the large room.

"Why don't you just ask him out, I heard he and Ella broke up." Ariel chimed in beside me. "Again."

My back unintentionally straightened at the name of my former best friend. Ella and I were inseparable as kids, from the moment I first moved into the house across the street from hers we were thick as thieves. No matter what it was, whether it be first grade bullies to middle school puberty, we had survived almost everything together. But nothing could prepare us for the biggest obstacle our friendship would ever face.

High school.

That was a bit dramatic, but true nonetheless. Through all the new friends and new interests, I had still thought of Ella as my best friend, that was until I saw her on the arm of my longtime crush Isaac Bradshaw. That was the breaking point. Ella knew how I felt about Isaac, she knew how I practically stalked him in middle school, and how I (a socially awkward peanut) risked school wide embarrassment by cheering him on in the stands of almost every baseball game.

She knew he was my first love.

I shook my head free of the futile thoughts and made my way to my seat. I heard more of Isaac's small chuckles as his friend joked about how the team's mascot threw popcorn all over the fans from the opposing team.

I got myself situated in my favorite seat near the front of the room and began pulling out any necessary items I would need for the hour and a half class. "Thanks, but I think I'm good," I shot Ariel a tight lipped smile. " I don't wanna get heartbreak tears and snot on my new sweaters."

From where I was sitting, I had an almost perfect view of Isaac and his teammates. I marveled at the way he tipped his head back when he laughed or how ridiculously handsome he looked in just a varsity jacket, plain shirt and jeans.

"Can you at least come to this party with me tonight? I need my favorite wing-woman." I pulled my longing gaze from the handsome brunette and eyed my best friend warily. "Why in God's name would you need a wing-woman? You have no problem getting a girl's attention." My eyes drifted back to the object of most of my daydreams.

"Lunch on me all next week." He bartered. I cocked my head at his proposal and let a small grin grow on my face.

"Say no more Johnston."

_______

Ariel and I were standing at the large front door of a huge historic house containing some random frat party and I already wanted to go home.

"Welp, this was fun and all but I have a ton of work to do." I tried to quickly back-step off the porch but I was met with Ariel's strong arm around my shoulders guiding me into the pulsating house. "C'mon, live a little!" I huffed at his brief pep-talk, but allowed him walk us through the doorway and in to the mass of sweaty gyrating students.

"Welcome to your first college party!" Ariel yelled over what I assumed was usual party noise.

"Yay," I said sarcastically. I openly gawked at the horde of inebriated college students, some with sipping from multiple drinks. I never understood the excitement about grinding on complete strangers and drinking to within an inch of one's life.

"I'm gonna go find a wall and plant myself." I turned to see Ariel had already wound himself around a pretty brunette with shoulder length hair. We were here not even five seconds and he already found his lady for the night. A small part of me envied his ability to charm his way into anyone's arms. I slapped his arm, earning a startled scowl from Ariel. "what the hell Sera!" I rolled my eyes and motioned to the wall.

"What? No, I'm not gonna let you spend your first college party standing against the wall."He motioned something to the girl but I rested a hand on his arm. "It's cool, you can just have enough fun for the both of us." He gave me an 'Are you sure?' look. I nodded and shooed him off towards his new lady friend.

After a few more worried glances, I was finally on my own.

I was enjoying my wall sitting experience in an isolated corner near the kitchen when a guy, an athlete judging by the red, white and black varsity jacket, holding two drinks in his hands approached me. "Hey cutie, wanna drink?" I eyed the opened bottle wearily.

"Nah, I think I'm good. Thanks though." I had hoped he got the memo, but of course, I was wrong. "C'mon!" He goaded. "One drink won't hurt you."

No, but you might. Blonde curly hair and charming baby blue eyes, he seemed harmless enough, but there was a sort of glint in his baby blues that didn't sit well with me.

"I really shouldn't, I'm the designated driver tonight", I lied. "Maybe some other time." I had tried to step around him, but he grabbed my arm and forced me back into the corner. "I won't take no for an answer." I gulped. Why did I agree to come to the stupid party?

"Is there a problem here Sam?" I looked up and was instantly enraptured by familiar hazel eyes.

Thank you Lord and everything Holy.

"Hey man, nah we're all good here." He attempted to put his arm around my shoulders in a friendly manner but I indiscreetly shrugged him off. "Then you wouldn't mind if I borrow her for a sec?" Isaac didn't wait for an answer and took me by my hand and lead me to the kitchen. "Are you ok?" We had made it into the kitchen and I felt as if I could finally breathe.

"Yeah, I'm good. Thanks for uh, helping me." Isaac had long since removed his hand from mine but that didn't stop the tingling that remained. I smiled a bit to myself, thankful that my dark chocolate skin hid the blush that would have been on full display. "Dude was acting mad weird, I'm just glad I got there before he tried anything."

Yeah, you and me both.

"I'm Isaac by the way."

It's cool, you got this. Just don't embarrass yourself.

"I know."

You know?

YOU KNOW?

That's it, I'm digging a whole and throwing myself inside.

"I mean, you're on the baseball team right?" He laughed at my awful cover up.

"Yeah, I am. What's your name?"

"I'm Se-" I was cut off by an audible gasp.

"Syphilis? Is that you?" I turned my head and lo and behold there stood my arch nemesis Eleanor Bates. She stood at about 5'5, towering over my small 5'3 frame, long brown hair that fell in beautiful waves and large green eyes covered in a neatly done smoky eye. She had on a little black dress that stopped mid thigh and paired it with red heels that no doubt costed more than my entire wardrobe - She was gorgeous.

"Oh my God, it is you! I would notice that plain hairstyle anywhere." She stepped further into the kitchen and wrapped a possessive arm around his waist.

"Y'all met before?" He asked, understandably confused. I shook my head just as Ella said yes. "We were friends when we were kids. I quickly grew out of that though," she sneered.

I need to get out of here.

"Um, thanks Isaac for helping me, but I should probably get going."

I made a move to leave our little nook but was stopped by Ella's sudden interjection.

"But the party just started, didn't it babe?"

I watched in disgust as my former friend grabbed the one person I had considered my soulmate and crashed their lips together.

I didn't know whether to cry or scream or rip hair right out of her scalp. I let out a small 'excuse me' and pushed my way through the crowd with tears burning my eyes. I heard multiple 'watch where you're going' and even a few colorful words, but I ignored them and kept walking.

I had made it to the porch and let out the breath I had been holding since the scene in the kitchen. I felt a traitorous tear slip down my cheek. I looked up into the night sky and at the billions of stars and planets and galaxies and started laughing.

"Why me? Huh? The one guy I like, the only guy I like, and he's with her?" I slid down the wall.

"Why won't you answer me?" I sobbed quietly.

"He's more of the silent type."

I peered through my tear soaked lashes and saw a dark figure approach me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think anyone was out here," I got up to leave but he shook his head.

As he stepped closer, I noticed a old faded black leather jacket hung around his broad shoulders with a red and white striped shirt underneath and black distressed jeans. His hair was a cliché tousled mess, but on him it looked good. He came and squatted next to me.

"It's fine, it's it's nice to know I'm not the only crazy one." My mood was lifted by his husky tone and a slight English accent fourteen year old me would swoon over. I scoffed at his accusation. "I'm not crazy, I'm just..." I was cut short by his deep chuckle.

"If yelling at the sky isn't considered crazy, then what is?" He looked at me expectantly, a humorous grin undoubtedly present under the dim porch light. He had the bluest eyes I had ever seen, it felt as if I was staring into a vast ocean where it was just me and him.

"Hello? Anyone there?"

I was snapped out of my trance by an abrupt poke to my forehead. "What?"

"Your name? Do you have one?" He repeated slowly.

"Yeah I'm Seraphine, but everyone calls me Sera." I offered my hand. He took my cold hand into his warm one. "I'm Ash." I felt a shiver run down my spine.

Weird.

"So Seraphine, you wanna get outta here?"

I eyed him suspiciously. I had already escaped one potentially disastrous encounter and I wasn't sure if I could handle another close call. "But I barely know you." He stood up and lent me his hand. "Why don't we fix that?"

Ariel's earlier words rang in my ears.

C'mon, the voice teased. Live a little.

I wiped my nose on my sleeve and took his hand.

"Sure, why not."