Chapter 5

I lie face up on the bed and look at the ceiling, getting lost in my thoughts. I should be getting ready for the Friday party, but today has been so strange the last thing I want is to hang around people I don't even remember. I sigh and raise my hands to my face. Frustration washes over me, engulfing every thought I have. I couldn't recognize anyone I had classes with along the day. All the time I've had the lingering sensation that I know them, but it doesn't get anywhere further than that. I grunt and scowl. It's like someone opened one lock to the door, but forgot there are 20 more still left.

I sit on the bed and rub my face with both hands. After a few moments, I look at the open closet with some outfits already prepared for me to wear. I purse my lips, thinking. A part of me wants me to stay in my room for the rest of the day and try organizing my ideas, ignoring everything else. Yet, another part screams that, the more I get used to how my life used to be, the more opportunities I'll have for my memory to come back. 'I don't understand anything that's going on, but maybe, if I pretend, eventually everything will fall into place.'

I move my head from one side to the other, pondering my options and thinking about them. After a while, I lie back on the bed. I hug myself with both arms and sigh heavily, feeling like the smallest person in the world, lost in an infinite loneliness.

The door suddenly opens, stopping my train of thought. I blink multiple times, surprised, looking towards the origin of the noise. The blond guy looks at me with a wide, playful grin. He steps closer, crossing his arms as he raises an eyebrow when he sees me lying down.

"You're not ready yet?" He asks harshly.

I hurry to sit on the bed and look from the closet to Phillip, not knowing what to tell him. Every idea I have feels wrong for some reason.

"I'm not sure if I want to go… this time," I say, making myself smaller.

"What are you saying?" He says after a huff and takes a few steps closer. "The week is too stressful in this crappy place for you to refuse going to a party."

Phillip shakes his head and twists his lips, annoyed, as he walks towards the closer. He looks at the outfits and mixes them, coming up with a combination I hadn't considered. He looks at me from head to toe and nods, with a proud demeanor.

"Are you going to leave those clothes waiting around?" He places the outfit on the bed and smirks. "Come on, Jay, you have to come to the party. You can't leave me stranded."

I sigh heavily and look at the clothes laying on the bed. 'I'm not ready to tell him I don't want to go,' I think with a knot in my stomach, 'but, if I don't do it now, it'll be much harder later'. I turn to Phillip and stand up, opening my mouth to speak.

"I know something was missing!" He announces loudly and gets back to the closet. "Every person in the club has to wear our official jacket," he tosses a dark crimson jacket to my hands. "That's it, now you're ready for the fun."

"But I don't know if I want to go," I say with a tiny voice, feeling insecure and strange for the weight of the jacket on my hands. "I haven't…"

Phillip laughs aloud and turns around, walking towards the door. He looks at me over his shoulder. I notice that he's still laughing with glee.

"Remember how much you love these parties. Come on, Jay! Fight your laziness and have fun for a while," he winks at me and exits the room. "I'll wait for you here," he points to the spot where he's standing. "When you're ready, you know what to do."

His eyes glow with amusement and he closes the door, leaving me alone again. I purse my lips hesitantly and get back up from bed. I look at the outfit he left me: black jeans with a long-sleeve gray t-shirt. I start getting dressed, trying to push away the rejection I feel when I think about interacting with people I don't remember knowing. 'But, on the other side, talking with friends may help me get back to normal.'

I look myself in the small mirror when I finish putting my black boots on and sigh heavily. I feel relieved that Phillip didn't stay inside as I got dressed. Even though apparently we've known each other for a long time, I don't feel completely comfortable having him nearby when I get dressed. I tilt my head, watching my reflection and trying to feel more familiarity with what I see, but the feeling that something slips through my fingers comes back, even though the mirror is right in front of me.

I shake my head slowly to clear my head and open the door. Phillip is leaning on the wall across the hall, watching his nails. He raises his head and greets me with one of his characteristic smirks, making me smile back without hesitance.

"Now you look much better and decent," he looks me up and down and nods. "You look on point, which means it's time for us to go."

He walks down the hall and I follow him as I put the jacket on. I glance at him. His clothes are fairly similar to mine, but his t-shirt is navy blue and matching jeans. I tilt my head slightly. 'They could be the colors of the club'. I shrug without interest and look around. I'd already walked down this hall, but I didn't pay attention to it, because I was late for classes in the morning and was too shaken and distracted with my thoughts on my way back.

I turn my head to look at the windows along the walls. The sky is full with dark gray clouds, threatening with an upcoming storm. I purse my lips with discomfort when I realize I don't have an umbrella with me. Phillip starts whistling a song I can't identify, but it's as energetic as his pace. I look at him for a few moments and then turn to the front. 'He seems to know me well, so he might have more information about me'. I take a deep breath and stare at him, trying to fake a careless demeanor.

"Do you know why we're in this… institute?" I ask slowly, more than I would've liked.

Phillip chuckles and looks at me, raising an eyebrow.

"You've asked me that many times," he rolls his eyes, amused. "Stop worrying about that and just enjoy," he shrugs. "In the end, that's why we're here, to have fun."

I nod and think for a moment about my next question.

"I know we're going to a party, but where is it exactly?"

"Relax, it's a couple of halls away," he gestures with his hand carelessly. "It's in Derek's room, it's not that far. Since when are you such a slob?" He says sarcastically.

I bite my lip slightly as I think about a way to continue the conversation, but, after a moment, I sigh subtly, giving up. 'Apparently he's more about jokes and less about chatting'. I twist my lips with disappointment and focus on clearing my thoughts, weighing on me progressively more.

The whistling starts sounding again. Phillip's demeanor is careless and joyful. I look out of the window again, where raindrops start falling noisily. A thunder crackles far away, lighting the sky for a few seconds.

"You're not afraid of a little rain, are you, Jay?" He asks, smirking.

I shake my head, smiling back at him. We turn at the corner and he starts talking about the classes we had today, but, regardless of how hard I try to focus, his words become more foreign with every step I take. I look around, with a familiar feeling engulfing me. I blink, surprised, and open my eyes more, thirsty for answers.

I look to the side, towards another hallway through which we haven't walked. My heart runs quickly with enthusiasm, not knowing where it comes from. A lightning tears the sky, lighting everything on its path, and creates a shadow at the end of that hall.

I tilt my head, blinking with surprise. Even though I see the shadow, I don't hear any footsteps aside from Phillip's and mine. I stop for a moment and look to the other hall, waiting to notice any movement, but nothing happens. I gulp and decide to walk there, driven by some kind of magnetism I don't know where it comes from.

The sound of rain becomes stronger, along with the thunder. The lighting of the lightbulbs starts getting dimmer. I open my eyes more and look around, frowning, trying to find what I saw a moment ago. Through the corner of my eye, I see a swift movement. I turn my head and look at the shadow, moving towards another hall. Without hesitating, I run behind it, not really knowing why, just letting myself be led by a strange feeling of familiarity.

My heartbeat runs fast, hammering against my ears. More thunder resonates, making it difficult to hear my own footsteps. I suddenly stop and trip when I notice the hallway ends on a wall. I tilt my head and scowl with confusion. 'How could someone cast a shadow and walk through here when there's no way to go?' I sigh and shake my head slightly. 'My mind is playing tricks on me again'. The sound of raging thunder hurts my ears. A lightning crosses the sky, shining through the windows and making my own shadow appear on the wall at the end of the hall.

I open my eyes more and my heart skips a beat. The shadow I saw before, is now casted next to mine.

Watching me, unmoving.

I gulp and slowly turn around. A cold sweat runs down my spine, but I ignore it. The long hall I just walked through appears in front of me, but I'm the only person there.

It feels as if that shadow were the one chasing after me.