Chapter 9

I look at my plate with a lost gaze and take another bite. We're sitting at one of the bigger tables in the dinner. Everyone's laughing and talking together, sometimes following one same topic, but occasionally with several parallel topics in small groups. I tried joining a conversation, but I could only make a few comments before the picture of the shadow at the window came to mind. In the end, I opted to focus on eating and make an occasional comment, without bringing too much attention to me. Besides, I don't have the energy to interact with others. I think it's pointless. I just feel like I'm wasting time I could use to investigate.

A thought crosses my mind swiftly. 'After what you saw… Do you really want to keep looking into it?' I gulp nervously. I still haven't decided what to do about it. I shrug. 'Maybe I could think about it as I finish my meal.'

After a few minutes, I let out a long sigh and take my last bite to my mouth. I still feel nervous, but I feel it would be worse if I don't clear my doubts. Besides, I have to do something about this feeling that there's something more there, that I have to go to that room. I purse my lips. I'm still unsure about how smart it would be to carry on. After a while, I shake my head. 'I'm at school, a safe place. I'm not taking any real risk', I think to clear my hesitance and uncertainty, but my nervousness doesn't leave.

I look around and verify my teammates' expressions. They're too invested into their conversations to notice me if I left. Obviously, all except one. I glance at Phillip, who's flirting with a red-headed girl. I ponder how focused he is to see if I could sneak out. Even though his eyes are stuck to her, it feels like he would notice if his best friend left.

I sigh slightly. Phillip is trying to get me involved with the group, so I feel awful leaving him without telling him anything. I bite my lip and hold on to my food tray tightly. He's very relaxed and only wants to have fun. 'I know that, if I tell him what I feel or what I saw, he would look at me as if I were crazy'. I think about the times I've tried to tell him what I saw. I shake my head slightly. Definitely I can't tell him some things, because he wouldn't take me seriously.

I glance at Phillip, who stands up and tells the girl he's going to the restroom. I feel my heart beat faster. 'This is my chance'. I subtly take a deep breath and pretend to be invested in one of the conversations. I feel him give me friendly patts on my shoulder as he walks behind my chair. I look at him and he smiles at me without stopping. I smile back with a knot in my stomach. 'I appreciate him a lot and that's eating me inside.'

I look ahead again to clear my mind and not to regret my decision. I wait some seconds that feel endless and stand up with the tray in hand. As I walk to the tray deposit, I think about what I could say if anyone stops me, but no one seems to oppose or even realize I stood up. 'I don't blame them anyways', I think as I resume walking without stopping. 'I doubt I have anything interesting to say'. I think for a while about that statement. 'Or at least for what they would consider interesting.'

I open the dinner's door carefully so as not to make too much noise. Once closed behind me, I hasten my pace, fearing Phillip could find me and drag me back to the dinner. I let out a long sigh when I get to the second floor. I feel relief for not having run into Phillip, but the feeling quickly fades away with each step I take towards my destination.

I clench my fists and swallow. I consider going back and pretending nothing happened, but I force myself to carry on, reminding me constantly that it would be worse not doing anything. After a few minutes, I get to my destination. An old white door stands in front of me. There are no windows to take a peek inside . I gulp nervously and feel a cold sweat run down my spine, making me shiver. 'I have to open the door and go inside'.

I bite my lips hard and look around to make sure no one is nearby. I raise my hand to the doorknob, when something catches my attention. Underneath the door, there's a tiny slot. I debate whether I should look through there before entering. 'In the end, I would be seeing what there is on the other side'. I take a deep breath and, without thinking twice, I squat to lie on the floor and look inside.

The floor is cold, but I'm thankful I'm wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt to keep the cold away. I get my face closer and look through the opening. I see the lower end of different pieces of furniture and lockers, but it's very little. I focus my gaze more to see something else, but it's pointless. I frown slightly when I feel a light breeze on my face. 'There shouldn't be wind blowing here, it doesn't make sense'. I think about the closed window I saw from the court, making me even more puzzled. 'The only explanation for the wind would be an open window, but it doesn't seem to be the case'.

I feel my heart beat harder as I don't understand what's happening. No matter how hard my head tries to make sense out of it all, it always runs into an unbreakable wall. I swallow and put a hand on the floor, close to the opening, to sit up. I suddenly stay still and choke a scream as my breathing runs short. My eyes open wider when I see a shadow behind the door, a few inches away from me.

I breathe with difficulty and bite my lip to try calming down. The shadow stays as still as me, making me even more nervous. I open my mouth to say something. 'It might be a teacher'. Suddenly, the shadow vanishes swiftly, in the blink of an eye. I move backwards, frightened. Everything happened so fast I couldn't tell if I blinked and the person moved at the same time or if it simply vanished.

I take a deep breath and bite my lip as I stand up. My heart beats restlessly against my ears. I'm not sure about what just happened, making my breathing get even more agitated. I swallow, waiting for the door to open as a teacher comes out to scold me for being here. I wish for that to happen with all my might, because that would mean my mind is simply playing tricks of me out of lack of sleep. That would be a much better explanation than thinking there's something strange going on here.

Seconds go by and I keep my eyes glued to the opening. I swallow and shake my head to clear my thoughts. I clench my fists and stand up slowly. 'There's nothing strange inside', I say to myself to calm down. I put my hand on the doorknob, with a part of me hoping it won't open up, but it turns without any difficulty, as if it were waiting for me.

I open the door slowly and look around with scared eyes. 'There's no one here. There's no trace of the person who casted that shadow'. My heart beats faster and I tighten my grip on the doorknob, making my knuckles turn white. I swallow and breathe deeply to control my fear. I shake my head to clear my thoughts and look around again, but this time more carefully.

The teachers' lounge has a fairly similar size than the classroom. There are several chairs and desks aligned in a U-shape in the center. Many closed lockers are lined up against the walls. In front of me, there's a long window, the same I saw from the basketball court.

I take a couple of steps and half-close the door, worried that someone might find me here. I raise an eyebrow with suspicion. It's just a simple room. 'I thought there was going to be something strange here'. I twist my lips, feeling disappointed, but another part of me feels relieved. I run a hand down the back of my head as I feel pressure inside my chest. 'Could it be that my family left me here due to my wild imagination?' I sigh heavily. 'Maybe I caused them many problems because of it and my amnesia'. I think about the people I've met. 'They don't seem to have anything wrong'. I shake my head to clear my ideas, because they won't get me anywhere.

I walk to a desk with a thick book on it. I tilt my head intrigued and grab it. I read the title in my mind multiple times due to its strange name: "Genealogy of genetic changes". I frown and go over its pages without stopping on one in specific. I close it and stare at the cover. There's something in it that feels really familiar, but I can't pinpoint why. I bite my lips, looking for a reason that doesn't seem to arrive.

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice movement by the window, making me freeze. I raise my gaze quickly and leave the book on the desk. I get closer stealthily until I'm a couple of inches away from the window. I look around, trying to find the source of the movement I saw. I frown in confusion when I find nothing.

I tilt my head slightly, watching the window. 'From here I can see most of the school perfectly'. I lower my gaze and see the basketball court, picturing how watching the game from here must've been. 'From where that shadow was staring at me'. I shake my head and look down. I blink dumbfoundedly. I hadn't realized I had my mouth open, tarnishing the glass with my breath. I raise an arm to clean it with my sleeve, but I freeze. I squint slightly to see better. Between the whitish stain, there's a section slightly different.

I exhale slightly at the glass, revealing the word I saw written there from the court. It's blurry, but it's still there, displayed on the surface. I tilt my head as my heart beats hard. 'This means there was someone here. Someone who wrote "You" when they saw me'. I bite my lip hard. I try to breathe deeply to control my restless heart, but it's pointless. A voice in my mind screams for me to run away, but I'm frozen. I want to get away, to run far away from here, but I can't move. 'Maybe I don't actually want to leave', a thought crosses my mind as a shiver runs down my spine. 'I need to stay here a little longer. I need to find out what's happening here.'

I shake my head. I close my eyes for a moment and focus on my breathing, calming my heart down. A scream sounds far away, making my heart beat agitated again.

"James?!" Phillip's voice resonates loudly. "The game's about to start!"

I blink in surprise and look at the basketball court. I see many people gathering around and taking their positions, as well as other people sitting down at the side. I let out a long sigh. 'I'd forgotten we were going to have another game after eating'. I twist my lips and run to the door, but I stay still with my hand on the doorknob.

I turn my head towards the book. I think about that feeling of familiarity it gave me and I bite my lip. I ponder whether I should take it with me or not. I hear Phillip calling me again, making me jump startled. I swallow. 'He mustn't know I was here'. I run to the desk and grab the book without giving it another thought. 'I'll sort out what to do with you', I think as I create a plan in my mind to keep Phillip from noticing I borrowed it.

I close the door behind me and set myself to walk away as fast as possible. I look over my shoulder as I run. A cold sweat runs down my back as I see a shadow beneath the door through the opening.

Telling me I was never alone.