Revisiting Hurts

Gary carried their bags upstairs.

“What a trip!”

“Yeah,” Gary laughed, looking back at her. “Don’t think I’ve ever had so much beer and looked so good.”

“Me neither.” She watched him throw his own bag down the hall then enter her bedroom. She followed.

His stormy grey eyes met twinkling blue ones. “Hey, are we talking about you or me?”

“You, me, us… what’s the difference?” He put her bags on her bed and walked towards her. “None at all. You’re sexy, I’m sexy. I love you, you love me.”

“I want you, you want me.” She was taking little steps back for every step he took forward, then she hit a wall. Gary stood in front of her and she placed her hand on his shoulder, bringing him closer.

“Welcome home, Gary Bodley.”

“Why thank you, ma’am,” he drawled. “Although… home really is wherever you are, sweetheart.” Then their lips met in a slow, sensual kiss.

One kiss turned into several and Gary gave his full attention to pleasing the dark-haired beauty before him.

With each button he undid, he heightened her anticipation and as the sundress fell to the floor, he sighed. She wasn’t wearing anything else.

“I forgot to tell you…” Kris smiled wickedly.

“Believe me,” he murmured, “I’m glad you didn’t.” Then went back to touching and tasting every inch of her body.

That was the type of memory that attacked him so viciously every time Gary walked into the house where Reese and Carrie now lived without him. It ripped out his heart over and over to know she didn’t understand the extent to which her memory loss affected him.

How could she? After all, she’d lost her memory.

In all his frustration and anger, Gary punched a wall and didn’t feel anything at first, save for the conflicting feelings raging within him. Collapsing into the nearest chair, he couldn’t feel a thing beyond the agony in his heart.

Even when pain seared straight through his hand, all the way into his arm began to register, Gary sat very still, so still he could have been a statue in his own home. It was almost as though he were punishing himself, because what he would’ve loved to do at that time is take a run and release all the pent up energy and emotion. Sitting still deprived him of that relief and so he remained seated, beating himself up by not moving a muscle.

****

“Gary, you have to try!”

“I don’t have to, Carnerie, you want me to. There’s a difference,” he scowled.

“What good is it doing you not to?” she insisted.

“What guarantee is there that anything will change if I do?” Gary countered, anger glittering in his grey eyes, his jaw set.

Reese and Carnerie sighed in unison.

“We’re getting nowhere,” Reese said.

“I’m glad someone notices,” Gary muttered, glaring mutinously at his older brother.

“Just tell her!” Carrie insisted again.

“Tell her what exactly?’ Gary growled. “That I love her and once upon a time she loved me back?” He shook his head, “I don’t think so because I’m not going to let her believe she has to love me back or that she has a responsibility to try and love me back. She could end up thinking that I’m trying to force her into something that- gasp- she doesn’t remember. Had you thought of that?”

Carrie opened her mouth to answer him, but her jaw slammed shut when she saw her brother close his eyes and take a deep breath. His handsome features were drawn into a frown.

When he opened them again, he spoke softly.

“I’m not going to risk the possibility of causing her to digress. Maybe now that she’s awake and does not remember me she wants to move on- and not necessarily with me.” He looked at his sister, his grey eyes pleading, needing her to hear the words clearly. “She doesn’t have to remember me. She shouldn’t even need reminding because it all used to be easier than breathing.” Pause. After saying that, Gary felt as if he could barely breathe, and he continued with great difficulty, “If she can’t… so be it.”

His siblings were quiet for a long time. Reese decided against all the things he had planned to say and Carrie bit her lip, feeling very sorry for causing the pain in her brother’s eyes.

Reese finally spoke, “We’re sorry, man. We don’t want to hurt you.”

“Then we are through talking about Kris.” Gary stood up and walked outside.

Carrie moved as though she wanted to go after him. Reese stopped her.

“Let him go. He needs space.”

The three of them were at Gary and Luke’s house. Luke had gone out and the dog was resting in Gary’s room. Carrie and Reese had come for lunch, which had passed pleasantly. After the meal, however, Carrie had breached the topic of Kristina and Gary didn’t even want to think about her.

They watched him now, running his hands through his hair. Reese remembered at the airport, the day after Kris had awoken. Gary had said in no uncertain terms that Kris should not be spoon-fed information about him. Kris’s mother had made it easier by taking all the pictures out of the campus house during her coma- she had felt a great need to be close to her daughter’s things.

Soon after that Gary had sent movers to remove all his belongings. Reese had thought of that decision as odd- it was almost as if he didn’t want to be remembered. He figured, as he often did when he thought about it all, that it was his brother still blaming himself.

Gary returned from the patio. “I’m sorry I can’t help you with Kris. You know I’d have stayed in the house if it had been a good idea, but believe me it’s best for both of us if she remembers in her own time.”

He sat down across from the two of them and continued, “You know how easy it is for Kris to depend on me. We can’t let that happen while she’s recovering.”

“You would move the world for her,” Carrie said, tears in her eyes. Once again she recognized just how much he’d given up allowing Kris to regain her memory at her pace.

“Yeah, I am a total sucker... but I will not come back and I will not tell her,” he said firmly. He turned to look squarely at Reese and when he read understanding in his brother’s expression, he nodded.

Reese nodded in return. “Okay.”