Chapter twenty-six :)

"It's what?!" His voice broke, he didn't mean to yell, it just came out like that. The food Louis had given him made him feel a lot better physically. And the cramps weren't that horrible anymore.

But what should he do now, he was extremely exhausted, he wouldn't make it through the night without caffeine.

He headed his way through the kitchen searching through every drawer and e cabinet hoping to find coffee. Nothing, just that decaffeinated one Louis had given him. "Harry stop it!" Louis shouted grabbing Harry's shoulders and looking him deep in the eyes. Harry jumped away. He had gotten dizzy from the fast movements.

"How long are you doing this already?!"

"Doing what?" He knew that Louis already knew about it but he tried to talk it off. "I know about your nightmare and that you binge on coffee." Harry's lip trembled as Louis continued. "And I'm not stupid. So tell me. How long are you doing this already?"

As he felt tears coming up Harry looked down "Since Monday." He said honest his voice just a slight whisper. "Why didn't you call me? You promised. I could have been there for you." No matter how badly Harry tried to stay away from Louis, the desire to hold him again got bigger and bigger.

"I know." He breathed shakingly while fighting against his tears. "So why didn't you? Did I- do something wrong?" Harry immediately looked up leaning against the counter to hold himself up. "No you didn't I - I just didn't want to bother you." Louis's eyes looked hurt. Harry never wanted him to felt like that, it wasn't his fault.

It was his own. He just wanted to be alone because he thought that it would be easier but he realized that it wasn't. He realized how much he needed Louis' accompany even tho he couldn't tell him about what happened. He just hoped he would understand. A few tears streamed down his cheek.

"It was just l- listen I really want to tell you what happened but I can't and -" Harry gasped as more tears streamed down his face. "And I beg you to accept that." The room started spinning and his eyelids got heavier. It all got too much, he had been awake for four days straight and all the caffeine had already left his body.

He had never felt so exhausted in his whole life. It felt like he could fall asleep now while standing. He was so tired he didn't even notice that he dropped the mug that he had been holding the whole time. The last thing he saw was Louis coming closer. And his strong arms at his back and underneath his knees.

He could hear a slow heartbeat next to his ear and the soft whispering voice of Louis "You're save here." just before his eyes closed, he drifted into sleep. For the first time in four days.

****

No nightmare, the heartbeat was still there as Harry opened his eyes slowly and blinked into the bare sunlight shining brightly through the window. His head throbbed and his whole body felt like it was made of jello. He raised his head and looked up to see Louis.

He was asleep and looked so adorably cute. His arm was wrapped around Harry and the other one intertwined with his on Louis's tummy. Harry carefully got up trying not to wake up Louis. On his way to the bathroom, Harry noticed that weird feeling that he always had when he had slept unusually long.

But the clock showed 9.34 am. he had slept for about nine hours, which was pretty normal actually. Well, not if you have been awake for four days before but it must have been enough for him.

The mirror showed a reflection Harry couldn't recognize. What had he done to himself? His cheekbones were so sharp it looked like he was sick his skin still a little pale the circles under his eyes still as dark as yesterday even tho he had slept. They would probably stay a little longer.

He looked like a stranger to himself, disgusted by what he saw he promised himself to eat more from now on. He didn't want to look like that and the only reason he did it was that the caffeine would kick in. He had felt so miserable the whole time and he didn't want that again.

Opening the mirror to get his toothbrush Harry noticed blood on his left sleeve. He rolled it up to take a look at the plaster at his wrist, it was all bleed through. Harry grabbed a new one and out of a drawer next to the sink and exchanged them.

He was so disgusted by the cut at his wrist that he could barely look at it. Yesterday after he took a shower he saw the razor lying next to the sink. He just wanted to try if it made him feel something. The whole time he felt so numb but as he did it he almost threw up, he was so disgusted by seeing all the blood streaming out of his wrist.

He had tried to wash it off so fastly that he accidentally kicked the shampoo bottle off the edge of the sink and as Louis tried to come in he just put a random plaster on hoping it would stop it from bleeding. It worked, just not that well.

After exchanging the plaster and throwing the old one away he brushed his teeth and got back to Louis' room, Louis was still sleeping he had started snoring with his mouth wide open. It cursed a small smile on Harry's lips. He opened the closet quietly assuming not to find a fitting hoodie, they would be really tight but that didn't matter, he had to cover his wrist somehow.

Surprisingly all of the clothes he had at Liam's hung inside the closet, all hoodies, t-shirt and blouses were hanging on hangers right next to Louis'. His skinnies were folded neatly in a drawer. And even his socks and boxers were sorted into a drawer. How did they get there?

Harry suddenly felt something again that he hadn't felt in a long time something that he used to hate because it wouldn't go away but it was the only good feeling he had in ages. God, how he missed those butterflies. They weren't much but they were there.

He threw on a black hoodie just in case it would bleed through again and the white hoodie landed in the back corner of the closet buried underneath the stack of his skinnies. Harry would wash it later when Louis wasn't home. The black hoodie had a little smiley face in the middle of it, and it was oversized what Harry loved. Because it was so cosy and it made him look less skinny.

A deep groan came from the direction of the bed. Harry didn't notice that Louis had already stopped snoring. "Haz?" Louis leaned on his hands looking around hysterically. "Here." He looked past the closet door into Louis's scrunched-up face. His eyes were narrowed "you are finally awake." He murmured letting himself fall into his pillows again.

"What do you mean it's only about 10 am." Harry closed the closet door and walked over to the bed Louis chuckled "yes it's 10 am. But it's already Sunday Haz." If it was Sunday that meant he had slept the whole day yesterday. How was it possible to sleep that long?

"Wait what I-" Now the weird feeling he felt made sense "Yes, the whole day." Louis groaned into his pillow. He couldn't believe he had slept so long. "But as I can see you're feeling better so it was worth it," Louis slowly sat up rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Yes I do but-" Louis cut him off and looked at him wide-eyed. He looked like a worried mom. "What? What do you need?" Harry did not expect that reaction from him? "Nothing I'm fine I was about to say, but how did my stuff and I get here?"

He wanted to ask him this since yesterday, well the day before yesterday, ugh, confusing. The last thing he remembered was driving over to Liam's house after the incident at school. And then he found himself sitting on Louis' couch not knowing how he got there.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Louis looked concerned. "I was driving to Liam's after- uh." He stopped, no Charly will hurt him if he would tell Louis. So he kept it secret "And then I was sitting on your couch." Louis took Harry's hand carefully and stroked it with his thumb.

"Liam and I... we drove after you were locked up in your room sitting in a corner not able to move or speak." Louis stopped and cleared his throat before he continued. "After Liam told me what you have been doing, I took all of your stuff and brought it into the car. Then I took you with me."

Louis looked up from their hands "And as you slept yesterday I unpacked everything and put it in the right place." Louis gave him a soft smile which made Harry's heart feel warm. "I hope that's okay." Yes, it was. And as soon as Harry successfully suppressed the incident with Charly which may take one or two days he could be happy again. Just as happy as when he and Louis had their first kiss.

"Of course." Harry's stomach suddenly stomach growled. "I will make us some food, and you will eat something I don't care if I have to feed you." Louis stretched his arms above his head and yawned loudly.

Then he got up "I will help you." Louis shook his head "No you need to rest." Harry made his way to the door. "I have had enough rest and you have already done too much for me already." He still felt week on his legs, he knew that he wasn't able to stand longer than like 10 minutes, but that must be enough to make some pancakes.

After the first pancakes were done Louis forced Harry to take a break because 'he would overpower himself' as Louis said. Now he was just sitting there watching the older boy noting every single detail about him. Every single movement of his muscles when he did little dances along the song playing on the radio.

Or the way he sometimes looked over to Harry to make sure he was fine. Louis turned around, two plates in his hands. He caught Harry starring and chuckled as he placed the plate in front of Harry. It had two pancakes with strawberries on top of it. "I don't want to force you Haz, so please I beg you, please eat at least one."

Louis looked at him with watery eyes. The pancakes smelled so good his stomach hurt in desire, it was so annoying. Harry thought back to when he saw himself in the mirror and how sick he looked. He took the fork and ate first the half of the pancake, and then the second half as he saw how happy Louis was.

He wasn't feeling fine but he wanted Louis to believe he was. So he just gave him a little smile hoping to suppress the incident quickly.