Chapter thirty-three :)

He was really there. A mixture of feelings came up in Harry. Relief that he found him and that he seemed to be okay, fear that he would reject him and those annoying butterflies because he hadn't seen him in a long time and he was really nervous about his reaction. He walked silently closer to Louis, who just sat there a few inches away from the window criss-cross on the floor facing the huge wall made of glass and set down next to him.

The view was perfect as usual. Shiny stars on the dark night sky and the colourful lights from beneath them. Louis presence made Harry's heart race like he just ran a marathon. He spun the rings around his fingers sometimes sneaking a look at Louis, he just stared straight ahead into the ocean of stars.

"I'm sorry." Louis whispered after a while, "I didn't mean to yell at you." Harry lifted his head Louis still wasn't looking at him. No, he wasn't the one who should apologize, Harry was, he had lied, a lot and Louis didn't deserve that. He deserved to be treated the way he treated Harry.

"No, I'm sorry I shouldn't have lied to you."

"I just get the feeling that you don't trust me enough." Louis' voice broke. Harry couldn't believe what he was about to say. He had two options, he could continue keeping the truth buried under his lies and lose Louis or he could tell him the truth and Charly would find out and make his warning true. But the last weeks had shown Harry that he didn't want to live without Louis.

Those weeks felt like an eternity he had felt so empty and alone. Everything he did felt like it was incomplete and his thoughts always got back to Louis, He had never felt around someone the way he does around Louis. He was broken, alone and didn't know what real friendship or love was. He had rejected everyone from him and didn't enjoy life, he had just existed. Going to school was like walking through hell, at home it wasn't different. The only thing he did was sitting alone in his room reading or crying.

But Louis had shown him that life was fun, he had helped him figure out who he was, get back to normal and he made him believe in himself again. And he gave him the feeling of being safe. There wouldn't be somebody else. He wants to grow old with him no matter what it costs.

He took a deep shaky breath in before he started "I trust you with all of my heart, and I know that telling you this will change things between us" Louis finally turned and faced him his eyes looked like they lost their colour they weren't that bright anymore, more like a grey tone. "but please promise me you won't tell anyone" Louis rested his chin on his harms that laid on his now bended knees and nodded "Promise" he whispered.

And at the tone, Harry knew he meant it. "The day I told you I was sick... I wasn't. I just couldn't be around him." Louis look got confused but Harry decided to just carry on talking if he'd stop now he probably wouldn't continue. "and because of him I got nightmares again but worse than ever, every time I closed my eyes I saw him every touch, smell and feeling felt so real. That's why I didn't sleep at all,"

"And this," He rolled up his sleeve to show the slight scar on his wrist "I just wanted to know if I was able to feel at least something because I felt so fucking numb," Louis expression changed he looked worried down at Harry's wrist lifting his hand, slowly brushing along the scar with his index finger. The touch caused goosebumps to spread along the path he touched.

"I would never do that again." He clarified and watched Louis facial features relax a little. "But what reminded you of him that you got the nightmares again?" He asked carefully. Harry needed another deep breath before he continued. "Charly," Harry whispered. He didn't expect to say it but he did. He looked down, he didn't want to see Louis look now. Pressing his eyes shut so no tears could escape.

"I don't understand. What has he to do with it?"

"It was him," Harry whispered clenching his jaw to press down the tears as he looked back into Louis' eyes, he looked shocked. After a few seconds of silence he suddenly got up, he looked about to punch someone to death. "Wha- What are you doing?" Harry rushed after him. "I'm going to beat the shit out of that disgusting little piece of shit!" He turned around to leave as Harry stopped him by grabbing the back of his hoodie.

"No. Lou you cant."

"Why?! He doesn't deserve otherwise." Louis hissed

"Because-" Harry stopped and choked down his tears. "Because the day I went to Liam's house and locked myself up in my room-" It was hard to speak when his voice broke so many times. "He warned me if I would tell one of the lads especially you, then, then-" He couldn't help the tears anymore they just streamed down his face. "he would-" His sobs took over. Harry bit his cheek so hard he could taste his blood mixed with the salty taste of his tears.

Louis took a step closer pulling him into his arms. It felt like the safest place on earth at the moment when Harry buried his face into Louis' shoulder.

"I won't let him hurt you, ever," he whispered tightening his arms around the younger boy. "And that's a promise."

****

It felt pretty good to finally tell Louis everything. That's what he did the whole ride home every detail. The weight on his shoulders lifted with every sentence. Louis didn't say anything, he just sat there holding his hand and listened. Until they arrived at his mom's house. They both agreed on driving there instead of to the apartment.

They sat in silence for a few seconds "What does it mean for us now?" Harry asked looking down at his hands.

"I don't know," Louis said honestly, Harry pressed his lips together, those words really hurt. It was stupid of him to think Louis would just forgive him when he knew the truth. Why should he, Harry had been a total jerk of a boyfriend, he knew that too but he had no chance. "Okay," He whispered hoping Louis wouldn't hear the pain in his voice and got out of the car.

"I still love you," Harry said before he closed the car door and turned around, keeping his eyes shut as he heard Louis start the car. He didn't want to cry but the pain in his chest got stronger with every step he took towards the door of his home. He tried to breathe through the sobs and keep the tears in with his whole strength.

He was just about to get his keys out of his pocket as the rusty sound of Louis car stopped and the car door opened. Harry turned around and saw Louis heading his way straight towards him his eyes focused on Harry's confused face. "I love you too Haz." He breathed grabbing Harry's neck with both of his hands pulling him down closing the gap between their lips. God how much Harry missed this.

Harry put his arms around Louis and pulled him as close as possible, he would never let him go again. Something cold slid down Harry's cheek but it wasn't a tear, there it was again Louis slowly pulled away and looked up into his eyes. They had their ocean blue colour back and shone like the sun's reflection above the water. A few more drops of water fell on Harry's face

"It has a slight romantic movie feeling with the rain huh?" Louis chuckled and made Harry smile with it. Harry took Louis hand from his neck, interlocked their fingers and let his other hand slide down Louis back. "Now it has." He agreed rocking back and forth. The rain was falling from above quiet music was playing from the radio in the car and Louis was in his arms. Yes, it was definitely like in a movie scene.

****

The door closed behind Harry's back he let himself lean against it, listening to the sound of Louis car getting quieter and quieter. A smile appeared on his face at the thought of what just happened. He whipped his lips and walked towards the kitchen. Harry felt like he would fall in love with Louis all over again.

"Looks like it worked out." Anne smiled leaning against the counter, a cup of coffee in her hand. It was pretty late for a coffee she must be having a night shift today, Harry's eyelids were heavy. "How do you know?" He yawned and stretched his arms above his head. "You're smiling like an idiot. I'm so happy to see you smile again." Since Harry lived with her again their relationship had gotten stronger. Not even close to what it had been once but definitely better than in the last two years.

"Oh, and the window of my room is above the door in case you forgot." She said and took another sip of her coffee. So she saw everything?! Harry blushed and looked at her embarrassed. "But don't worry I didn't saw or heard anything...Haz." She added teasingly, smiling so wide that Harry could feel the pain in his own cheeks. His eyes widened and he opened his mouth to say something but Anne acted like she was late and left him alone in the kitchen.

Harry chuckled he had really missed messing around with her like that. He still hadn't forgiven her for what she did but he tried to learn to live with it. He knew she had her own stuff to deal with and he didn't want to make it harder for her than it was already. He had heard her cry a few times since he was back home and it broke his heart no matter how he felt about her. "Alright, I get it." It was 10.43 pm.  Not really the time for Harry to be tired but the day had been exhausting.

He stripped off his jacket, hoodie, skinnies and shoes and put on a pair of sweatpants. As he was all cuddled up in his bed holding his pillow waiting that he would fall asleep, his mind was replaying the whole day over and over again. He rolled from side to side but nothing helped. He heard Louis' words in his head saying he wouldn't let Charly hurt him and that made him feel safe.

But those butterflies he had missed the last few weeks were stronger than ever and kept him awake.

"I love you too Haz."

Those words were stuck in his head. Yes, they had said it before but this time it was different. Harry wanted to fall asleep next to Louis again his bed felt so empty. He reached over to his bedside table, took the remote and turned on his TV. Hopefully, it would help him fall asleep.

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I'm currently sitting on a field leaning against a tree listening to music in the sun writing this. Because a good friend of mine recommended me doing this and it's such a good feeling. I love it.

x