20 - Everywhere

There was something in the way she moved, I noticed from the first day I met her.

She was something too wild for this bland world, full of half-smiles and dead eyes. Her green eyes blurred all the red flags.

I stopped seeing red and instead saw green. And we all know green means go.

I was young but I had known better than to fall in love before a disaster. I had known better than to fall in love with a disaster.

She's a toxin in my blood.

She's a dangerous aneurysm in my brain.

She's an inoperable tumour on my spine.

I can't get her out of my system. She's everywhere.

Everywhere.

-A-

It was wrong, I knew that. But I also knew that I had too much debt to pay off to care about casualties.

The acts I do now, I do without taking joy in.

Well, maybe a little.

I can't help it. None of us can.

Once we are in the program, we start killing. Like a machine, we kill. Without so much as a flicker of guilt, we do it because we had to.

But it was addicting.