Broken Heart

Michael

I walked through the door and found myself in a small room. A nurse was already there with a huge vibrant smile plastered on her face.

It was infectious and seemed to bring a tiny glint of light into my presently gloomy life. If it was a different situation, I definitely would have smiled back.

"Hello, please put these on" She said, handing a hospital gown, cap, gloves and a flip flop to me. I noticed she was also wearing the same.

Lack of a presence beside me told me that Larry hadn't come in with me but I really couldn't think much about it because the sight that was before me threw me into a state of awe.

The room I was in was just a small room, more like an observation or control room that stood between the outside and the NICU.

Standing before me was a glass wall with a steel door at the middle.

I placed my gloved hand on the glass to feel the thickness and the nurse saw my action and told me that it was a necessary measure that helped parents who couldn't yet see their children, to see them through the glass. In fact people hardly ever went in.

When premature babies mature enough, they are moved to the nursery and parents can see them there.

"Why am I allowed to go in?" I had to ask.

"I was told exceptions were made Sir" she said, her smile broadening.

Maybe she knew who I was, which was definitely the reason why she was smiling like that? Not many people who worked here knew me, I liked to restrict myself to only those at the top.

It was getting sickening, kept reminding me of my wife and how she always loved to smile.

"Is it safe for all of the babies? This exception if yours" I was so not about to risk the health of the other babies, just to see mine.

"Absolutely Sir, you can go in".

Skeptical but agreeing nonetheless, I wrapped my hand around the knob of the steel door and pulled it downward, opening the door.

Inside the main ward was even more of a sight to behold than from the other side of the room.

The walls were clean and white all over and the floor was covered with nonslip pattern engraved white tiles. There were 12 incubators on each side of the room, spaced apart. All of them, occupied.

Some babies lay quietly breathing while some were clearly awake, tiny hands and legs moving here and there.

My heart clenched at the sight of them but soon enough, my attention was once again captured by the sight before me and the feeling it stirred up within me.

Bliss was all I felt as I stood in the room. It was like a room filled with angels, little innocent angels that knew nothing of the cruelty in the outside world.

The nurse gestured for me to follow her and we walked further into the room.

She stopped by an incubator at the end of the room and in it was the most beautiful being I had ever seen. She was sleeping or maybe not. Hard to tell but she took my breath away.

She was small and there was a ventilator in her nose, helping her breath. It was no surprise to me, she had been born before term after all.

"Put your hands through here so you can touch her". She showed me a hole and I did as she said.

I inserted my hand through the hole and touched her cheeks, gently.

It was just for an instant but I saw it. When I touched her, her mouth lifted a tiny bit in a smile and then it was gone. It made my heart swell with pride.

Her fingers were clenched tightly, I unclench them and place my pinky finger in her palm knowing what will happen.

As expected, her fingers immediately folded back around my finger, holding unto me. I always loved when babies did that.

Her tiny fingers wrapped around mine, barely going round. A reflex action, the nurse said.

She pulled it along as she moved her hands up and down, she was stronger than I thought she would be.

"Nurse....?"

"Abigail" she replied.

"Right, Abigail. I need to take her out of here". I said, not looking up from my baby.

"Sir, I don't think that is possible" she said, her face drawn up in a frown.

"I don't care what you think. I'm taking her to my wife so call whoever you have to call to make it happen". I said, looking her in the eye. I was dead serious.

"Ummm, yes Sir" She said then left the room.

"Hey baby" I whispered to my baby. "Someone can't wait to see you. The love of my life who sacrificed all for you is on the other side of this hospital and she needs to know you made it"

The door opened and I heard footsteps approach me.

Gently, I retrieved my finger from her grasp and my hand from the incubator.

I turned to see Liam standing behind me and just like that, all the happy feelings were replaced with sadness and anxiety.

"Liam, VI...?"

"Still with us but very weak. If we are doing this, we have to do it fast" Liam said, guiding me out the door. The nurses that were outside came in and I saw them do a bunch of stuff. In no time, my baby was being strolled out and down the hall.

_______________________

Liliana

The tires screeched as I pressed down hard on the break, bringing the car to a stop.

Opening the door, I bolted from the car and into the hospital, leaving the car running.

I ran to reception and a woman looked up, asking what she could do for me.

"Victoria Williams, what room is she in? I asked.

"No one but the close members of family is allowed to see her, Ma'am. Who are you to her please?"

"Victoria is my sister, my younger sister and I need to see her" I said hastily.

"Ok ma'am, I will need to see some identification..."

Shit.....

I quickly brought out my I.D and handed it to her. She examined it then checked her computer before handing it back to me.

"Room 404, knight wing. Take your left then right, it's on the twelfth floor. Down that way -she pointed to my right- take the elevator. You will need this and..." She handed me a key card.

She was still talking but I was too impatient to hear the rest of it. I ran to the elevator, and pressed the button multiple times till it opened.

I got in and pressed level 12 but nothing happened.

I examined the key card and saw an arrow drawn on one side of it, pointing to one direction. I had to insert it somewhere.

I looked closely then saw a slot and slid the key card in. It accepted it and brought out a touch key pad showing numbers.

Where Mike was involved, something like this was always expected.

I quickly entered the number 12, and the elevator began to ascend.

Getting to the twelfth floor, I took the direction the nurse gave. Left then right, totally ignoring the reception.

I found myself on a long hallway that curved right, with rooms on both sides, numbering from 200. I ran down the hall but came at a dead end with the last room numbered 240. What?

Like a mad person, I ran up and down the hall, counting. There were twenty rooms on both sides, impossible for there to be a room 404.

Fuck!!! I didn't have time for this.

I put my hand in my back pocket to retrieve my phone but it wasn't there. I checked the other one and it was empty too. I had forgotten the phone in the car.

Doubling back, I went back to the entry hall and dashed straight to the reception desk.

"Excuse me, I'm here to see Victoria. Victoria Williams".

"Straight down that hall, room 204"

"Thanks" I spared then ran again down the hall to room 204.

I was scared of going in, I didn't know what I would find inside, I was told she had been brought here after an accident but that was all I was told. I knew nothing of her prognosis.

I opened the door and the sight I saw scared me. My parents were sitting on a couch, my mom was sobbing out of control while dad's head was drooping low.

My brother in-law was on the left side of the bed, while an incubator was on the right.

My sister, Victoria, lay almost lifeless. Her eyes were barely open but I could see the smile on her face as she looked at her baby. It was barely there but my keen eyes noticed it.

I moved closer to the bed, tears already welling in my eyes. Noticing movement, her eyes shifted to me and she shut her eyes and opened them again, a bit wider. I could see the recognition in her eyes.

Mike got out of the way and I went closer to her. She tried lifting a hand but could only move few fingers.

I sat on the bed and took her hand in mine, my breath hitching when I felt how frail they were.

"Lily, you c-came" she whispered, stuttering.

"Yes I did, why will I not? You are my family". I cried.

"I have m--missed you. Two years of not s-seeing or h-having you around wa- wa- was h-ell..."

"Shhh.......little sis, you don't have to talk so much. I missed you too and I'm sorry for what happened, I didn't mean it. I just didn't want you getting hurt. Forgive me, please"

"I long had f-f-orgiven you." She whispered, tears slipping from her eyes. "I need you to look after my Mike and my daughter. Mom and dad needs you too."

"But I- my life is not--" I started to say but stopped. It wasn't what she needed to hear right now. So, I did the only thing that was within my power to do. I lied. "Ok Vi, I promise to stay and be by your husband and daughter. I promise Vi".

"...and mom and dad?" She prodded.

"Yes, mom and dad too" I lied again.

As I said the last words, her eyes closed. She was still alive, I could feel her weak pulse in her hand that I held but I could feel her slipping away.

Her chest rose and fell at intervals, each interval stretching with each inhale and exhale of breath.

"No...no...no Vi! Vi!! Open your eyes please" I shouted. Next thing, I was shoved out of the way by Mike who gathered her up in his arms.

"Vi my love, don't leave me please. Open your eyes baby, let me see them. Please love, don't leave me like this". Mike said over and over again, crying hysterically.

On queue, the baby started to cry, her voice piercing the heart of everyone and slowly, Vi's eyes opened.

I saw her mouth the words, "my baby" and then she said to Mike, "I'll always love you" and that was it. She was gone.

I couldn't believe that the one person who stood by me and never gave up on me was gone. Just like that! I was the bad one, why not me? Why did bad things happen to good people? Even Mike did not deserve this.

"Take that thing away from here, make it stop!" I was brought out of my shocked state as Mike shouted, but the baby only cried more.

It was like she knew and was mourning.

No one moved to do anything so I got up from the floor where I had sat and rolled the baby out.

A doctor leaned on the wall, just by the door. His hands covered his face and his shoulders shook violently, I hadn't noticed him before.

Just outside the door another doctor stood with a man on suit and two nurses.

I ignored them all and walked passed, rolling the baby along.

A nurse tried taking my niece from me but I shook my head. I could barely see where I was going as tears pooled in my eyes and streamed down my face. I was sad and definitely angry.

She wanted to approach the second time but the look of anger was clearly evident on my face, stopping her from doing so.

Pushing the incubator forward, I simply walked ahead to no where in particular.

I was lost. . .

Now I had nothing, I was all alone. The only family I had left was gone and it broke my heart to a million pieces.

______________________

Few hours had gone by, hours of crying and feeling insanely angry at the same time. I couldn't even cry anymore, the tears just won't come. I had cried it all and now, I was dry.

Exhausted, I sat in the waiting room looking at nothing and no one in particular. I just stared into space, begging it to stop; this video playing in my head, but it just wouldn't.

My mind kept going in and out of focus as my brain replayed the moment she died, over and over and over again. It went on and on like a horror movie stuck on repeat and I couldn't stop it.

One minute I was gone and the next, I'm back. It was like my own personal hell.

From afar, two people walked towards my direction. At first, in my whole madness, I didn't recognize them but eventually I did. It was mom and dad.

Noticing them, I didn't react but just kept a neutral face.

"Lily, I'm so glad you are home, I have missed you. How long has it been?" Mom spoke when they reached me. I didn't reply but just pretended I was lost in thought.

"Honey, are you okay?"

Really? I'm I supposed to be okay? Just leave me alone.

I didn't reply but just continued in my pretence.

"Larry, call for help. Liliana!" She called, placing her hands on my shoulders and shaking me.

Instantly I felt irritated, all the anger from before returning. I turned to her, my eyes as cold as steel and my voice filled with contempt.

"Get your filthy hands off me and never touch me again!" I warned, forcefully removing her hands from my person.

She stood straight, her face hardening and before I knew it, a slap landed across my face. The sound filled the room, making everyone turn and stare.

I wasn't one bit embarrassed or humiliated or sad or whatever it is children feel towards their parents. Unfazed, I stood up and looked her right in the eye.

"Is that all you've got" I asked, staring her down. "...because if it is, then get the fuck, out of my face" I finished and resumed my position on the chair, starring off into space like nothing had happened.

"Oh my God Larry, she is so much worse..." My poor poor mother cried before walking away. I saw her turn the corridor and when she was out of sight, I turned to Larry and said...

"You finally got your wish..."

________________________________________

Author

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