Unexpected Visitor

I became anxious after I left the coffee shop. Because I can hear that voice even though it's faint. I can still hear it. I've been trying to focus my mind on something and did all sorts of things that will make the voice away. But I guess it will not go away no matter what I do. One thing or another, it will always be there.

When I was in the locker room in the coffee shop, I received a message from my boss at the flower shop, Ms. Han. I opened the message and it was quite long.

(It's okay for you to come late. Most of the flowers were bought by a man wearing a hoodie and shades. I thought he was a bad guy. But he paid in cash. I was quite shocked cause this is the first time it happened in my business. Anyway, I need to leave early to order flowers for tomorrow. When you arrived, you will understand everything. Abigail and Rosie helped me clean and packed all the flowers. And I told them once they're finished, they can go home and lock the shop. Don’t forget to check our website, to see if there are any inquiries about the prices of our flowers. You know what to do. You have the keys to the store and please, find time to familiarize yourself with our social media accounts, okay)

I grunt and heave a sigh after reading it. Those social media accounts that Ms. Han was always telling me about, until now, I have no idea what they are. I tried to do learn about all of it, but I still can't grasp what is the importance of using it. Now that I'm coming late and she reminded me about that, I have no choice but to study it.

I arrived at the flower shop feeling a little sticky because of the crowded train I've been in. When I look from the glass window outside, my eyes grew wider when I saw no flowers on display. Everything is gone. I open the door using my keys and it's like an empty for rent building. I put down my things on a nearby chair and look around the shop. All I can see are tiny petals, some stems that have been cut out, and some dust. Those two knuckleheads didn't sweep the floor that much. It's up to me to clean everything.

I gather my things and walk towards Ms. Han's office. I passed by some empty vases while looking around and my boss is not joking. Whoever in their right mind will buy all of the flowers here? It's so expensive and I can't even afford just a simple bouquet. Don't get me wrong, it's quite a story on how I land a job in this flower shop. But it will be for another discussion because I have some cleaning and learning to do.

I open Ms. Han's office and open the lights. I put my bag on one of the black and white chairs. I'm still amazed at how can she clean her office all the time. I can't even remember the last time I cleaned my room. Her cute couch with throw pillows orange and checkered on it for receiving clients, her white walls without a hint of cobwebs on it. The shelves have some pictures and awards display on them. She already made a mark on the business world.

I can't even remember the last time I cleaned my room. I am always exhausted from work and when I got home, I just slump my whole body on my bed. And the next thing I know, my alarm is going off. That is my routine every day.

Speaking of cleaning, I need to start right away. Because I need to study the so-called social media that my boss is always mentioning to me. I gather some cleaning materials, a good thing that the shop has a vacuum cleaner that it will just take me minutes to clean the dust on the floor.

While busy vacuuming the floor, I heard the bell on the door. I know there's a close sign on it or did I forgot to put it there? Who is it? Why did someone go to a close flower shop? Is it a bad guy that came to make some money? He can't get anything because I know that it is already in the vault. Whenever there's a large amount of money that our clients give; they will sign a form, we will give a receipt and the money will directly go to the vault that only Ms. Han knows the password. The money that we make in the cash register will also be put in the vault after our shift hours. So honestly speaking, there's no money in here except the money I have on my wallet and it's not much.

I close the loud vacuum and turn around to see who is it. Even if I'm a little nervous and my imaginations are running wild, I need to face whoever had the guts to come inside here.

"We are closed didn't you-" I stop when I saw a guy wearing a black cap, white shirt, and jeans that add to his height. When our eyes meet, I regret looking at him. What is he doing here?

"Hi Jedi, I'll help you," he said that casually and walks toward me. In his usual uniform, or rather our uniform, I didn't mind how tall he is. I never put so much attention to him. But now I am seeing him so close; he exudes an aura of confidence that I didn't know that has been there before.

"What are you doing here? And how did you know I work here?" I try to sound annoyed so he will go away. I don't have the time and energy to deal with him now. I've never told anyone, except my boss Rick that I have three jobs. Well, technically speaking, he accidentally knew about it when he saw my planner that I left in his office. He's not the type to pry or read someone's planner but he told me a piece of paper fell on my planner. That is the schedule for my work in the flower shop. It was just given to me by Ms. Han the other day when Rick saw it. So, I have no choice but to tell him the truth. And he didn't ask any more questions after that.

"I'll help you clean, let's start." He said it casually as if I'm not there. He is calm and I don't want to see this side of him. I might be drawn by his charms and let him in. No. Not anymore. I will not let anyone in. I've had enough of things in my life that I need to deal with.

"Ethan!" I didn't get to control myself. I know I might hurt him after this but I'm still in the process of getting over his confession. I don't do love, especially now that the voice is slowly coming back.

He didn't say anything back and the silence that engulfs us is deafening. And because of that, the voice is slowly coming back.

If you don't like him, I'll talk to him. Let me out!

I am glad that he looks away from me. Because I wince when I felt that pain in my temple again. Why does it have to be this way? Why can't she just let me be? I need to focus. I need to be strong. I will not let that voice win.

"I'm sorry if I am getting in the way of your work," He said in a soft voice enough for me to hear. I look up at him and saw a faint smile. "I ask sir Rick about this place. I just want to help."

Before I can even say anything, he walks past me and starts to clean. He gets two empty vases and puts them down on the floor. He doesn't need to do that. Well, I should be the one who will do the cleaning.

"Jedi, what are you using to clean your glass-"

I didn't know what got into me. I just grab one of his arms and pull him away towards Ms. Han's office.

I am always asking myself 'why?'

Why it has to be me?

If he knew the real me, will he still look at me this way?

If he knew the truth, will he still tell me he likes me?

If he knew everything, will he accept me?

No. No one will accept you as you are.

I know that. For a long time, I've known it.

I can feel Ethan is looking at me now. I am catching my breath because I used all my strength to pull him away. And now, I am panicking inside. When I realize what I have done, I can't speak. I can't even look at him right now.

Why did I do that? Why did I drag him inside the office?

That’s because of me. You are so pathetic. He is nice and handsome; I can make him-

Shut up!

I just want to have a peaceful day. I just want to do my job better. I just want to change my life. I don't want to be afraid anymore. I just want everything to be back to where it was. But I guess it's never going to happen. I guess I am asking for too much. That's why all my wishes are not coming true.

I took a deep breath and slowly look at the tall guy in front of me. "E-Ethan... I-I want to..." I stutter.

Shit! Wait! Why did I cuss? No. That is not me! What is wrong with me today? Why does not everything go my way? That voice is making me mad.

My hands are getting sweaty, my heartbeat is fast, and I am thinking about what to say next. Why did I have to do it on impulse? I've never touched any arms of another guy in my entire life. Let alone drag him somewhere in a quiet place. What am I supposed to say?

Will you cut it out? Stop being-

“I’m sorry for the way I act,” I bit my lip. I need to fight and focus my mind on this person in front of me.

“I was quite annoyed; you know what happened this morning right? I insulted that famous actor guy and I apologize. Anyway, we’re good.”

I stop biting my lip and try to find words to say at this moment. His silence is nerve-racking that it’s foreign to me. When we’re at the coffee shop, he’s very persistent to talk to me. And now it’s just the two of us alone, I am seeing a side of him that I’ve never seen before. He is like looking through my soul with his brown eyes and those lashes of him, I can’t help but be envy because it brings out the beauty of his eyes.

“I’m sorry if I’m not treating you nicely inside the coffee shop. It’s the only way I know for you to stop talking to me. I’m asking myself- E-Ethan?”

His arms are so strong and I’m holding my breath. What is he doing? I can smell his perfume and his hair has this manly smell that is making my heart beat fast. I became conscious and I want to know, do I smell bad? Why is he hugging me right now?

Just admit that you like it. Admit that you are-

I close my eyes because I wince when I felt that pain on my temple.

Why do I keep hearing you? Stop pestering me! Go away!

I gather all my strength to push Ethan away. Why do guys always gather around me? This guy right here is so good-looking that any girl will be smitten by him. But not me. I don’t have feelings for him. Especially after what he did. If I let him do what he wants, I’m afraid that the voice will win. And I won’t let it happen.

“I’m sorry if I surprise you, Jedi. I’m just happy that you are talking to me right now.” He is still looking at me and I feel a sudden change of mood. I don’t like his smile. I don’t like his charm. I don’t like him.

Why are you being in denial? You just can’t face the fact that actually, you are starting to feel something.

I’ll never escape my fate no matter what I do. I’ll never have a normal life. Before I hurt him, I’ll do everything I can to push him away. I will never fall in love with him.

“Just don’t do it again. Just go, Ethan. I don’t need your help.”

I open the door of Ms. Han’s office and was about to go outside. But he grabs my left arm so I have no choice but to look at him. He's way too close to me.

"Jedi, will you give me another chance?"

I stare at him and saw how serious he is right now. He is so persistent. I want him to give up. But he is not backing down. I know what he is talking about.

Like an idiot, I still ask him. “What do you mean?”

He let go of my arm and he took a step back. “Give me a chance to make it up to you,” he clears his throat. “What I want to say is, can you give me a chance to do it right this time?"

If it’s other girls that he is confessing to right now, they will jump in joy. I know what he is asking of me. And I don't want to be rude because I can see that it's not easy for him to say his feelings. I can see his expressions and it's the eyes of a person who is in love. I feel sorry for him. Because in the end, I know I'll still hurt him.

"Can we go out for now? It's stuffy in here." I manage to say that after what he said. I try to get it off my mind.

He nods and we both get out of the office. I forgot to clean the shop because of him. When we got out, I heave a sigh. I took five steps away from him and told him to stop using my right hand. He is a little taken aback by what I did but he stops walking.

"I will not give you any promises," I try to make my voice sound serious as much as I can muster. "Don't get too close to me, it's making me uncomfortable."

What are you doing? What are you saying to him?

I want to piss you off.

"Jedi what are-"

I raise my right hand for him to stop talking. "I'm not finished. I'll talk to you if I want to. Don't make any demands. And also, don't you ever touch me again without my permission." I try to threaten him with my voice. I need to do this not only for me but also for him. He will be the one who will be hurting in the end.

I've done it. After this, he will stop his fantasy that I'll reciprocate his feelings. I need to build a lot of walls, it's not steady anymore. There's a lot of people who want to get inside. But I don't have any room for them. It's already occupied and I can't break it down. Or more like I should not destroy it. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.

He is just standing there, bewildered and not saying anything. I don't want to do it to him. But he gives me no choice. He crossed a line this time.

"If you're not going to say anything, you can leave now. You are getting in the way of my work."

I didn't wait for his reply and walk past him. But before I can even start cleaning, he grabs my right arm. "Jedi, is that you?"

I felt a hint of nervousness inside me. He saw it. No. I said something again. What is wrong with me today?

So, do you want to fully introduce myself?

Shut up!

I use my left hand for him to let me go. And I turn around to face him. "You don't know the real me. So, are you still willing to take that chance?" I am challenging him by looking at him intently. I am just waiting here for his answer. A lot of guys have tried to go out with me, but none of them succeeded. Because of this sudden mood that I have and I don't know how to shut it off. Whenever I feel at lost, or someone crosses a line and did something that made me uncomfortable, I react and say things that will not be said by a normal girl. Those guys think that I'm abnormal.

I know what he will say, 'You're a crazy woman.' 'Bipolar.' 'Psycho.' And a lot of disgusting words to hurt my feelings. That's what I remember or is it from a dream? I can't remember. But why those words don't hurt me? It's like I became used to it. Am I still considered normal?

"Yes," I saw him clench his fists. "Yes, I'll take a chance on you."

I can't believe what he said that my eyes grew wider. That is not a normal reaction I get from guys I turned down. Is he out of his mind? I push him away; I even use my threatening tone so he will back off. Why won't he give up? Why?

My mind became blank and I didn't even hear his footsteps while walking towards me. He puts his arms on my shoulder and leans down on my face. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. But I won't give up on you," He lets me go and stands up straight. "I'm just getting started. See you, Jedi."

All I heard is footsteps and a door closing on my back. He just left me there standing and speechless. I think I need to get to a hospital; my heart rate is abnormal. This is the first time that I became nervous like this. I run over to a nearby water dispenser and get a cup to fill with water. In one gulp I finish it all.

What was that? Why did I suddenly become uneasy? How am I going to face him?