Chapter 19 - I Too Am Human . . .

I never understood why I'm always so hard on myself. I guess we as humans are programmed to be that way sometimes. With tears in my eyes, I find it hard to write this chapter. . . I don't know where to start. I have been writing about my past and I have been trying to stay strong and not allowing things to get to me. And sadly today I am super emotional and I don't understand why. Everything just feels too much. I can't stop crying. I have been trying to hide it from my family. But now I'm at that point where I don't even care if someone walks in on me crying. I don't want t speak to anyone about it just yet. I understand that we all go through days like this from time to time.

I never thought that writing this chapter would be this hard, it kills me that I have been crying this much. I chose to write this chapter just to show my readers that even though I may seem so strong, I too have feelings and I too make mistakes. I too am moody sometimes and I too lack patients sometimes. It takes a strong person to be able to show their true emotions. I have been able to withstand worse in the past. So why is it so hard for me to get through this now? Maybe it's because I am not seeing God's lesson clearly yet. . . Lord please open my eyes so I am able to see what you are trying to teach me.

One days like these I don't want anyone telling me how I need to feel. Like please jut let me feel the way I feel, just make sure that you are there to support me. I shut the world out and when I am feeling better I let everyone back in. I don't have anything against anyone. I just prefer to keep my circle small on days like these. It is still really hard for me to let people in because of the way I have gotten hurt in the past. When I feel like this I am exhausted all the time. All I want to do is sleep, I don't want to eat, talk, laugh. All I want is to lay in bed all day and watch Netflix. Am I the only one who feels this way?. . .