Last Goodbye

Last breath. Gone forever.

Nature is taking its course. Death is inevitable for all of us. When one takes time to think that it will eventually happen to them, the thought becomes unnerving.

Dying is certain, but the timing is not.

As people grow older, the fear of dying in this culture of denial of death becomes more prominent in their thinking. But what if illness and death were sooner than we thought, or if they were unprepared for what was to come?

What exactly were my parents thinking? Are they devastated they would left me out here by myself?

I was seating at the crematorium and waited for the process to finish.

I was hoping to see them one last time but they didn't allow me.

Today, culture seems to be too optimistic about death. We're so afraid of dying that we have no choice but to be a culture of life. Our world focuses on happiness and treats unhappiness as an unnecessary or useless feeling.

"Rin."

I looked towards my right and saw the twins.

"Rin! Your eyes are so poofy! Good lord take some rest Rin."

I looked down and imagined how horrible I looked especially in front of my friends.

The staff placed both of mother and father's urn on the table in the front. They lit up candles and placed flowers I bought.

I stared at the front where their urns where placed. Even though my eyes hurt, my tears won't stop falling.

"Shhh Rin, your eyes are so red so stop crying. Take care of yourself first! Look at you. You're nothing but skin and bones! Phil is coming and he's bringing us some food."

I can't eat anything during this time of desperation. My appetite won't cooperate. Instead, it helps with the crying situation and I kinda hate it.

Agony, anguish, broken heart, hurt, sorrow, dejection, dismay, homesickness, distress, unhappiness and more. You know it, I have it.

Our world is focused on happiness and treats unhappiness as an unnecessary or useless feeling. But sadness can slow you down and make you think about your life, your feelings and the people around you.

Now, I feel like shit.

Phil arrived and brought us some food. Yelena distributed the food for all of us and some of them were starting to eat.

"Rin, come on you've got to at least eat something. You've lost weight I can tell."

I just stared at the wall for nothing.

"Excuse me guys. I've got to got o the comfort room."

I stood up and went to the CR. When I went inside, I just saw how terrible and horrible i looked. The black circles under my eyes were very visible. I can tell I lost some weight because I was not able to eat anything for three days.

I opened the tap and pour some water on my face to make me liven up.

I grabbed for my towel but that's when I realize that I left it inside the room.

"Hey, I guess you're looking for this."

Phil gave me my towel and immediately wiped my face with it.

"Are you oka-

"Please stop saying that! I'm tired of people pitying me. Can't you see I'm in the verge of sadness and extreme grief? I just can't understand how people are trying to ask me if I'm okay. Isn't it obvious huh? It annoys me. People pitying you, befriending you and leaving you all alone because you were betrayed. Like what the fuck are you even trying to imply huh?"

Phil's eyes widened in shock by what I've said. He bowed his head down, fidgeting his fingers.

"I'm- I'm sorry Rin. I know you are in that deep sorrow right now and I always keep on asking if you're okay. It's just that I want to check up on you. I'm sorry."

I didn't reply to his statement. Instead, I look at him with full attention trying to absorb what he's trying to make me understand.

"I know this is such bad timing but I want to tell you something. I-

"What?"

"I like you."

"Huh?"

I'm still processing what's been happening. I went to the room and wanted to bring home the urns because things went awkward for Phil and I.

"Guys, I can't thank you enough. I'm sorry if you got to come here in such a short notice."

"No no Rin, it's totally fine with us. We're friends remember? What are friends for?"

I smiled and waved goodbye to them.

I noticed that Phil was not following with them.

"Hey why are you still here? Aren't you going home yet?"

"I- uhm- I just wanted to get you home safe."

I saw him turned his back on me and his ears were red. What is he a kid?

"Uhm okay? Will your mom be okay about this?"

"Yea she is cool with it. She wanted you to gave someone that would accompany you in your house. Mind if I stay for a bit?"

Huh? Him staying at my house? Would that be a good thing as a girl? I mean the two of us would still be staying in one roof but it wouldn't hurt to let him stay right?

"Yea. Sure. I need someone to clean and cook for me in the house anyway."

We rode a cab on our way home. We passed by a grocery store but I realized that I was bringing the urns home.

"Hey mind if you wait here? The house is not far away I'll be back. I'll also go get changed."

I rushed towards our home and opened the door.

I guess things would go differently now huh.

I went to the center table and reached for the cloth i needed to place the urns. I placed mother and father in the altar within the living room. I lit some candles and placed flowers I bought for them yesterday.

I went up to my room to go get changed. Tears were falling from my eyes. I guess this would be a tough one.

I wiped it off and rushed to the supermarket where Phil was waiting for us.

"Hey you're back."

I nodded and we went inside the supermarket. We bought things that would be enough for the two of us for a week.

When we are lining up near the cashier area, one of my neighbors approached me.

"Rin! I'm extending my sympathies. I heard that your mom and dad died. I'm really sorry honey. Oh and who is this handsome young man you are with"

"This is Phil. He's a classmate."

I saw the eyes of my neighbor lit up. Maybe he was just mesmerized by his looks?

"Oh. He's not you're boyfriend or anything right?" he said as he was trying to flirt with me.

Phil's eyes were filled with terror and anger. Stephen, my neighbor backed off and waved us goodbye.

"Oi you scared the person. Don't do that again."

"Good enough for him. Anyways after we finished paying, I'm going to get my stuff at my house. Wait for me here after you placed all the things in your house okay?"

I nodded and went to continue lining up. After paying for the groceries, I immediately went home to place all of the things in the refrigerator and pantry.

Someone texted me through the phone in an unknown number.

"Hey, I might be a little late so wait for my signal to come for me by the supermarket okay?"

- Phil

I saved his number and replied "okay".

I went up to the guest room and prepared the bed and closet. I saw a picture of mom and dad's wedding in the closet and tears started falling again.

"I wished we get to spend more time together damn it."

I looked at the window.

I'm avenging your death mom, dad. I promise you that.

I'll bring you justice.