CHAPTER IV: Disturbed, My Abyss

After the confrontation that occurred a few days ago, I deliberately ignored her attempts to talk to me.

But somehow, I couldn't seem to catch a break.

“What do you want?! It’s been almost a week! Stop it with your stubbornness!”

"I just arrived though?" She looked at me innocently.

I tried to take a deep breath and calm myself.

"YOU arrived late but your pestering never left." I coldly declared. My face remained stoic, but honestly? I wanted to pull my hair out. Only a small part of my rationality prevents me from doing so.

And that rationality is so thin, I doubt it'll last any longer.

"But-"

She ignored what I said and continued with her relentless rambling.

I desperately begged the divine entities to stop her. I can’t have a single peace of mind with her lingering around me every single minute of the day!

After an hour of her endless talking and pestering, I finally got accustomed to it.

By 'accustomed,' I meant, I learned how to ignore her completely.

“I just want to be your friend. I won’t stop until I achieve that.” She even expressed it with her fists.

“How many times do I need to repeat it? I don’t need a friend. Now, scram.” I went back to studying.

But of course, ending there would be way too simple.

“No. I also want to apologize for what happened the other day. I might have offended you…”

“Forgiven. Forgotten. Goodbye.” I waved my hand in dismissal.

“No! I told you I won’t stop unless we become friends.”

Fuck! She’s so stubborn!

“Look here Ms-”

“Solariz Aile Beaumore, you can call me Solar!” she excitedly exclaimed.

“I don’t care. Your so-called friendship is something you cannot, by all means, force on your own. If you understand, then go away.”

“I believe that when there’s a will, there’s a way.”

“Take your will and move away.”

Before she could utter a response, we heard a laugh out of nowhere.

I looked up from what I was writing and was shocked to see the man from the garden.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn't mean to intrude on your conversation. I was just amused, that’s all.” He smiled.

I did not bother to respond. I don’t even know him. I only recognized him as the man with godly beauty, nothing else.

“Um, it’s okay! I’m Solar by the way!” She extended her hand towards the new guy.

“As I heard, I’m Ross.” He gladly shook Solar’s hand and then looked at me.

I stared at him too.

He suddenly smiled.

I furrowed my eyebrows together.

“Ah, she doesn’t really speak much.” Solar said while looking sideways at me.

“It’s okay. I understand.”

I was surprised, I thought he would be demanding like Solar, given by the smiles and all.

“Ross…” a voice called.

Ross looked behind and greeted the man behind him.

“Oh, Haru! You done?”

“Yup. Um…” He shyly looked at us.

“Right! This is Solar and her acquaintance.”

“What?” Since when did I become this girl’s acquaintance? What’s with that lousy introduction?

“Sorry, I didn’t get your name, so I didn’t know how to introduce you.”

I sighed and rubbed my temples.

“Anyway, um, who is he?” Solar butted in, pertaining to his friend.

“This is Haru.” The Haru guy nodded nervously.

I watched Haru and saw that he was vaguely familiar.

I think he felt my suspicious gaze on him. This somehow made him cower in fear.

I rolled my eyes and realized where I had seen him before.

The bullied kid from last week.

If I’m correct, then that means the man beside him…

“Are you the one who helped him?” All of them looked at me when I said that.

Ross was visibly confused by what I said, “What do you mean?”

I dropped my gaze on my notebook again.

“That guy. The scene in the corridor.” I said without looking at any of them.

“A-ah y-yes. Y-you saw that?” I turned my head towards Haru and shrugged.

“Who didn’t?”

He looked down and pulled Ross’s black cardigan.

“Um, I don’t think you should have said that.” Solar spoke beside me.

“Why?”

I watched as they all diverted their eyes away from me, except for Ross who directly stared at me.

“I don’t care how you interpret my words.”

“But-”

“And I don’t owe any of you an explanation.” I seethed.

Silence took over our table. I had enough of this tiresome day.

I stood up and grabbed my things.

“W-wai-”

“Whoever you all are, I don’t have an ounce of interest with your lives.”

I turned my attention towards Solar.

“I hope realization gets through your thick skull. Stop forcing your morals onto me and leave me alone.”

When I arrived at my house, I quickly discarded my things.

I sat on my bed and looked into space.

I frustratingly pulled the roots of my hair.

“For heaven’s sake…”

I’m so tired…

Why does this kind of misfortune happen to me?

I laid on my bed and stared blankly at the ceiling. The artwork drawn onto it somehow calms me down.

A dark sky filled with a ceaseless number of stars. The flowers that surround the borders of the lit scenery. The way the petals seem to pop-out. The onlooker will definitely wait for the time it decides to fall on them. Like a rain of color amidst the black surrounding.

A taste of hope amidst the sea of greed.

I closed my eyes and relaxed my mind. Turning sideways, I deeply regretted opening them once again.

The broken frame of my nightmares stared at me. It was ruthlessly binding me.

I grabbed the nearest pillow next to me and threw it towards my nightstand.

It barely missed, yet it still did not reach its desired destination.

The eyes kept on piercing me.

I hate it.

The cracks of the glass haunt me relentlessly.

Ah…I’m scared…

I forced myself to turn away…

A futile attempt to escape, how foolish can I be?

In this world, redemption is not a possibility.

Because the moment you force yourself upon it, the world turns its back on you with blame and hatred.

With all those glistening eyes filled with reluctance, how can I dare to push myself in the path for acceptance?

I always felt like the time I can bear the pain was longer than the moments of happiness I gathered in my life.

Just because of that one mistake, the burden was relentless as it haunts me even in my blackened dreams.

I wish that time would just go back to when that 'person' was still hugging me. With warmth and not with anything else.

But like any other movie or book, time is irreversible and torment remains undeniable.

With closed eyes, darkened views, I pray for my fear to be lit and dispersed.

But that did not help as I continuously fell downwards towards my own abyss.