CHAPTER XLIV: Worries of the Night

After what happened, both of us remained at the park to relax and enjoy the view.

The place was filled with people from different age groups.

It's an ideal spot to be at.

You could freely feel the movement of nature as it surrounds you.

This was definitely the best way to comfort yourself.

When it reached six in the evening, we decided to head in and go home.

We gathered our things and went straight to the cashier.

It was interesting to watch as the cashier lady scanned our bracelets so easily and saw all of our expenses in just a snap.

Paying was super convenient because it proved to be hassle-free especially since we didn't have to wait in line for too long.

The only crisis we faced, though, was apparent when it came to fitting all of our staff inside the car.

Solar just had to buy half of what they were selling inside.

We only finished pushing everything inside after almost half an hour. Although, I could guess how squished and disfigured everything will be when we take it out.

Solar drove me until we reached my house.

It was, once again, chaotic because we had to pull my panda and pillow out of there without having anything topple over.

Luckily, some of the guards wandering around helped us.

I bid Solar goodbye and watched as she left.

She didn't forget to remind me of what we talked about and how I should man up or woman up to my feelings.

I just rolled my eyes at that.

I didn't really have the energy to retaliate anymore.

The guards gave me a hand in bringing all of my stuff in my room.

The helpers greeted me but I didn't stay to talk any longer because I was dead tired.

Merely washing for a bit and making sure that all my makeup was removed, I sluggishly jumped on the bed and was relieved to feel its fluffiness.

I didn't have time to think about anything else because the next thing I knew I was already in dreamland.

I woke up, surprisingly, past noon the following day.

Gosh, I didn't even get to eat dinner.

The first thing I did was to stretch my limbs because my whole body just felt so sore.

My feet were also aching to the point that even just using it to step on the floor made me want to crawl back to bed.

Solar didn't even forsake me for today because once I opened my phone, numerous messages bombarded my phone.

I decided to check it after I washed up because I'm already expecting how annoying all of it will be.

And I was right, as always.

The number one topic of every text she sent me revolved around her asking me whether or not I'll confess to Ross during the second semester.

Regret.

That's the only thing that came to my mind.

I forgot how pushy she can be.

I can already foresee how she'll disturb me and my sanity for the rest of the remaining holiday break.

Gosh, where did I go wrong?

Going down, the dining hall was already filled with an aromatic scent that covered the entire room.

Let's just say that I ate till my buttons popped.

Describing what and how much I munched upon would be too disturbing.

There is exactly less than a week before university resumes.

And like any other student on the planet, I am now experiencing vacation boredom.

Thinking about the possible things I could do, there was a particular idea that seemed appealing to me.

And, of course, that includes painting.

I didn't have any leftover homework or project to work on so the only thing I could focus on was personal entertainment.

In that sense, drawing was something that entertained me greatly no matter the circumstance.

I immediately went towards my art studio and gathered every tool I needed for the meantime.

Ah, I feel at home.

It's not only because I'm literally at home but because doing this made me realize how accustomed I am to it, evidently.

Successfully collecting all the materials I chose, I carried it towards my room.

I just didn't have it in me to paint there yet.

I'm proud to take all these little steps and no one can force me to do more than what I can carry.

The reminiscing smell of paint was satisfying.

I drew a sketch first on my messy notebook of ideas.

It took five crumpled papers before I agreed on the theme that I wanted to paint.

The sway of my hands reminded me of a dance in the middle of a large but quiet ballroom.

I didn't bother to imagine the lack of audience.

I could feel myself going without missing a single beat.

It's like the flicker of the bristles on every turn sounds similar to a dress' magnificent flow of cloth.

When I was in the middle of creating it, an annoying noise echoed in the room.

I later realized that it was my stomach.

No wonder I was famished, it was already dinner time.

There isn't that much of a noticeable progress but it was still there to visibly present the beginning of it.

I washed my hands properly before changing into a more appropriate outfit.

As I quietly descended the stairs, I couldn't help but focus on the painting that was running through my head.

It was making me fidget in unknown excitement.

That night, I quickly consumed my dinner.

I didn't know why but there's just this drive that wouldn't falter inside of me.

However, the continuous calls I received from Solar reminded me of how I forgot to answer her messages earlier.

So, I paused what I was about to do and replied to her.

'Are you planning to do it?'

I could already tell what she was insisting on.

'Idk. Stop pressuring me.'

A second later, my phone dinged again.

'I'm just so excited. I can't calm down.'

'Why don't you take interest in another person's life?'

'Yours is way more interesting. Plus, it's not really girls talk if it's not with a girl right?'

'Yeah? Then go find another female out there.'

'Why are you like that? After all we did yesterday, this is how you treat me?'

Why do I have this sudden urge to throw away my phone?

I sighed and typed my reply.

'Don't make it sound like I did something immorally wrong to you.'

'Whatevs. Have the two of you talked?'

This made me tilt my head to the side.

'You know I'm still ignoring him, don't you?'

'Yeah, well, that's just your jealousy speaking. Talk to him already! At least ease his mind.'

Ease his mind on what?!

'Why do all of your texts sound like I'm some evil villain or smth?'

There wasn't any answer for about a minute which made me double check if I sent the message successfully.

I was about to ask her what's wrong, only to receive this a few seconds later.

'You kinda are…'

Let's just agree that I didn't bother to answer that or any of her messages for the rest of the night.

After gaining the silence I needed, I proceeded with my artwork.

When I saw that it was quarter to nine in my alarm clock, I decided to stop for the day.

I was still feeling a little tired from yesterday so I planned to sleep early.

But once my head hit the pillow, thoughts roamed around my head.

Our conversation from yesterday resurfaced.

I revealed my feelings for Ross to her which was somehow concerning because I don't know when she'll slip up.

Also, if she would relentlessly persist that I confess, I wouldn't have told her in the first place.

"What would I do if he feels the same?" I voiced out within this quiet room.

I glanced around and spotted the familiar picture frame.

I closed my eyes tightly and opened them again slowly.

"What do you think I should do?" I asked while looking in that direction.

I was worried that after talking to Solar the dormant expectations I had for him would show itself.

In addition to that, just thinking about the accumulated troubles in my family, in my memories, and with my entirety, it's a given that I'll hesitate.

I do want to express my feelings because I also want to be like the girls in novels and shows that welcome love in their arms after overcoming that hurdle.

To go on dates, to have late night talks, all those sweet things, I deeply wished for those, even though it may not seem after describing my personality.

I'm also afraid to confess first, to be honest.

I know it'll be hard to be rejected and that it'll go away after sometime but it's still hard.

No matter how much I deny that fact, it'll never leave.

"I honestly don't know what to do anymore."

Apparently, these are the struggles of a maiden's heart which were shown to the stars and lit by the moonlight in its most vulnerable state.