Chapter 8: Mixed Feelings

I'm in a yard with 3 kids, I look around and realize it's Beth's yard. The kids are jumping on the trampoline and as I get closer, I realize one of the kids is me. I remember the other 2 kids, it's Jonah and Cade.

I see Beth walk outside and yell for the kids to go in for lunch and I follow them into the house. Nobody can see or hear me, so I wonder why I'm here. As the kids are eating lunch, Beth gets a phone call and I follow her as she walks away to answer it.

"Hello?.... oh how have you been.... great... what can I do for you?.... I don't think that's a good idea Liz, he can't protect her like we can here.... I know but there must be something we can do.... fine... fine, but you have to promise me that you'll watch over her.... what should I tell her?.... I have to Liz! It wouldn't be fair for her to just get taken out of a happy home without telling her first.... I just don't know what the harm in telling her could be.... Fine, fine I won't.... goodbye Liz."

She walks over to the window, she tries to blink her tears away but a few escape. She wipes her eyes before returning to all of the kids.

I don't know how to feel, I'm the only person who never knew, everyone else around me seemed to know everything about me. I stand and watch as they all eat and talk and laugh, I miss those days. I look around and realize I can sense everyone's powers, and when I focus enough, I can tell who is an angel and who is a witch. Beth, Celeste, Cade, and I are all angels, and Conner and Nevada are witches, but for some reason I can't tell what Jonah is. Maybe it's because he's too young.

———————

I woke up, confused. Jayden sat up next to me and asked me what was wrong.

"Liz knows? What is she?" I ask.

"I can't tell you that, you'll have to figure it out for yourself."

I sigh as I start to get frustrated, "I'm tired of people saying they can't tell me things? Why? How am I supposed to figure things out if nobody answers my questions?"

He looks at me, he doesn't even seem phased by my anger, "look, it's not easy. I know it's frustrating having to piece things together but I'm here to help you. I can't tell you certain things for a few reasons. Other people's stories are not mine to tell, I could only tell you about Celeste because she was one of the biggest parts in my story, but I can't tell you about people who weren't big parts of my story. If I could do more for you, I promise that I would."

For some reason I'm still angry and have tons of questions running through my head, "Are you only here because I'm your destiny?" I ask.

"What do you mean?"

"Your destiny has always been to protect me, but is that the only reason you care about my safety? You say you're here to help but is it only because you have to?"

"Of course not. I'm here because I care about you, I don't want you to have to go through all of this alone."

"You moved to find me because you had to protect me. We only met because of your destiny. I feel like our friendship isn't real, like it's just been something that's forced on you. You've stayed close to me and cared about me because you have to."

I start to get up but he grabs my wrist and pulls me back toward him. "Olivia, I care about you. Yes, we only met at work because I had to be near you to protect you, but that doesn't mean our friendship has ever been fake."

He gently tilts my head up so that our eyes meet, "you are one of the most amazing people I have ever met, I'm glad I got to meet you, and I love being your friend. I've never been forced into a friendship with you, I never had to be your friend, I just had to keep you safe. I don't have to be here with you, I know that this family would do everything to keep you safe. I am here because I want to be by your side, I want to comfort you, and hold you in my arms when you need me. You are important to me, Olivia."

I realize my eyes had started watering so I broke eye contact, and looked away embarrassed.

I looked at my phone and realized it was 7:30, breakfast would be ready soon. I went into the bathroom to brush my hair, and then Jayden and I went downstairs and set the table while Beth cooked breakfast. Beth sent us upstairs to wake everyone up. Nevada came out with her daughter and the man who I assumed was her husband. Nevada gave me a hug before we all went downstairs.

Conner had already left for work, but the rest of us sat at the table. Celeste disappeared into the kitchen and then her and Beth came out with trays of food. The plates were loaded up with eggs, hash browns, bacon, sausage, and cinnamon rolls. Seeing all of the food made my mouth water.

We all sat around and ate and talked, Nevada introduced her husband to me, his name is Phillip. He is a nice man, and he seems smart, he owns his own business. Katie kept looking at me with curiosity, so I asked her to tell me about herself.

After we ate and cleared the table, Celeste told me to go get ready for the day, and we would begin everything after lunch.

Jayden and I went back upstairs to our room to shower and change. "Look, I'm sorry about earlier, I guess I wasn't really myself..." I say as we walk into the bedroom.

"You don't need to apologize, I understand that you're going through a lot right now. Your emotions are going to be all over the place."

"I still shouldn't have said those things. I trust you, and I know you're not faking being my friend. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, but please don't feel bad. It's not your fault and I know you weren't trying to be angry."

I smile at him and thank him for understanding. I need to bathe but I'm scared because of what happened yesterday morning, so I do the only thing I can think of.

"Hey Jayden?... I need to bathe but-"

"But you're afraid to go alone."

I nod my head and he takes my hand and leads me to the bathroom. He runs the jacuzzi water for me, and then turns around so that I can get undressed. For some reason I wished he didn't turn around, I kind of wanted him to see me.

I got in the jacuzzi and told him it was okay to turn around, so he did and he came over to sit on the ledge. He starts rubbing my neck and shoulders and we talk and joke around.

"Are you gonna invite me in?" He asks, jokingly.

I knew he was joking but the thought of him getting in with me made my body tingle.

"I would, but I think you're too scared to get in with me." I joke.

He laughs and pretends to look offended, "you think I'm afraid of a jacuzzi?"

"No, but maybe you're scared of me." I say, only partially joking.

"Oh trust me, I'm definitely not afraid of you," he laughs.

I lock eyes with him, "then get in with me."

"What?"

"You heard me. You said you're not scared, so what's stopping you from getting in with me?"

"Olivia," he said warningly, but I could see a hint of desire in his eye.

"There's more than enough room for the both of us. I'll turn away while you get undressed," without waiting for an answer, I faced the opposite direction. I waited a second, and then I heard him sigh and start to get undressed, and then I felt him get into the jacuzzi, sitting in the opposite direction so that we would face each other.

"See? It wasn't that hard," I smile.

He rolls his eyes, "Olivia you're something else."

"Oh yeah?" I asked. "What am I?"

"You are..." he says as he looks at me and thinks for a second, his eyes lock on mine, "perfect."

My breath catches in my throat and my eyes stay locked on his as the butterflies in my stomach go wild. I move across the jacuzzi so that I'm sitting next to next to him. He trails his fingers down my neck and around my collarbone, making me crave more of his touch.

He stops for a second and looks at me, "I do that to your eyes, don't I? That's why you didn't tell me."

I blush and look away, "maybe."

"Don't be shy about your feelings, I told you that you can talk to me about anything," he says, caressing my cheek.

I nod my head, still embarrassed.

He thinks for a second, "but the first time it happened, we weren't doing anything anything like this. Unless... it was a dream?"

I feel more and more heat flood my cheeks as I try to avoid his gaze.

"It's okay, you don't have to feel embarrassed around me Olivia. Dreams like that are normal. Besides, I could never judge you for anything. But let's change the subject. Are you excited about today?" He asks.

I nod and try to keep up with the conversation but I can't focus with his naked body right beside me. The jacuzzi was filled with bubbles so we couldn't see through the water, but just knowing how close he was to me gave me urges. I didn't know how much longer I could hold myself back.

He must have noticed that I wasn't paying attention, "hey, what are you thinking about."

My cheeks got hot and I bit my lip, "nothing."

"You sure?" He asks.

I nod my head.

"So... you're not thinking about doing this?" He caresses my cheek and then leans over and gently plants his soft lips on mine. I feel electricity run through my entire body, and he pulls back after a few seconds. I look him in the eye, breathless.

"No," I say, he looks at me confused. "I wasn't going to do that, I was going to do this." I turn so that I can straddle him, and then I wrap my fingers in his hair and plant my lips on his, but I didn't do it as gently as he did. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me even closer to him. I run my tongue along his bottom lip and he opens his mouth to let my tongue inside. Our tongues dance around together and I let out a moan. He holds me even tighter and kisses my jawline down to my neck, but then he stops and sighs.

I look at him, confused. "What's wrong?"

He looks at me with sadness in his eyes. "Olivia. As much as I want this, as much as I want you, we can't do this," he says, while getting out of the tub to grab a towel.

I panic, I feel like I messed everything up. "What do you mean? And where are you going?"

"I just need a little bit of time alone, I'll be back at lunchtime." He goes into the bedroom and puts his clothes on and then he comes back into the bathroom to grab his belt.

"Did I do something wrong?" I ask, worried.

He sighs, "no, you didn't do anything wrong. I promise." And with that, he leaves.

I get out of the tub and change into some clothes, lunchtime isn't for another 2 and a half hours. Hopefully Jayden was telling the truth about being back at lunchtime.

I start to think about him, and it feels like my heart is drowning. Why did he just leave like that? Did I do something wrong? Maybe I shouldn't have kissed him? But that didn't make sense, he kissed me first. I put my face into the pillow and couldn't help but to cry. I cried for a little bit before I heard a knock on the door, I yell come in and it's Nevada. She sees my puffy eyes and closes the door and runs over to me, "what happened?"

"I don't really know, I just know that I screwed things up."

"Screwed things up how?" She asks.

I debate on telling her about how I feel, but I finally decide to let my feelings out. "I have feelings for Jayden, I have for a while. I've been feeling a lot more drawn to him lately, and my visions are easier to handle when he's around. He stayed with me while I bathed because last time I went to bathe alone, I got a bad vision. I convinced him to get into the jacuzzi with me, and he did. It was going fine and then... and then he kissed me. So I kissed him back, but I may have taken the kiss too far. He stopped and got out of the tub and left, he said he couldn't do it. He said he'll be back at lunchtime."

"Oh honey I'm sorry. And you didn't mess things up, he kissed you first. He's probably just confused about his feelings," she says, giving me a hug.

"You think so?"

She nods, "I do. But you should get some rest and try to be in the best mood you can today. It's going to be okay."

I believed her, "thank you."

She leaves the room and shuts the door behind her.

I lay in bed and cry until I finally fall asleep.

———————

I woke up and Jayden was sleeping next to me, he must have decided to come back before lunch. I sit up and get out of bed and when I turn back toward the bed, Jayden is sitting up.

"I don't love you Olivia," he says harshly.

I look at him, confused. "I know you don't. That's okay."

"I'll never love you. Nobody will. You are selfish."

"What? Why?" I ask, the last thing I consider myself is selfish.

"You have a soul mate, and you are falling in love with me. That is selfish. If Arcadia finds out that you've been messing around with me, he won't want you either. Who will be the one to tell him you love me? Will you do it or should I? You'll be all alone."

I stare at him, speechless. Why was he being so mean? But maybe he was right, I am selfish...

"Were you going to just let me fall in love with you, and then leave me once you met Arcadia? You are truly selfish Olivia, and I will never love you."

I feel my eyes start to water as I look away, ashamed. He was right.

"Don't cry Olivia... you are not the victim."

There's a knock on the door, and I answer it. It's Celeste.

"What's going on?" She asks, seeing the tears streaming down my face.

"Olivia is selfish, she is betraying Arcadia by falling in love with me. And she is leading me on, just to leave me when she meets him."

Celeste looks at me angrily, "how could you? You are supposed to only love Arcadia. How could you be so selfish? I think you should leave."

I look at her in shock as she waits, I put my stuff into my backpack and start to go downstairs to leave, and I run into Beth.

"I thought you were good Olivia. How could you be so selfish? Arcadia will never love you..." she says as she nudges me out the front door.

I get outside and I start to cry, and then I heard Arcadia's voice.

"I don't want you Olivia. You have betrayed me."

I fall to my knees and sob, feeling like I've ruined everything.