Formula for Blues

"OK, before we start, it wasn't my fault", Akiko began.

"The guy refuses to give us any details either, but his first instinct is to apologize to you for ruining the date and running off", Maria listed, "Whatever it was, it had to have been bad."

"I keep telling you, it's not a date", Akiko challenged.

"Of course it was a date, Akiko", one of the friends said, "Why do you think we all went to the effort of coming up with excuses not to go with you to the movies ourselves?"

Akiko looked in disbelief at her friends, "So you really did have this all planned."

"I really wanted to go see that movie, but Maria said no", the other complained.

Maria took a slow sip of water, never breaking her gaze, "Akiko, you don't have to tell us the exact details, but I do at least want to know what happened to have the tall guy just run off."

Sighing in defeat, Akiko explained what happened yesterday afternoon. How she prepared herself, how things seemed to get off to a bad start, seemed to be getting better and then plummeting down to the ground again. The trio was not impressed with what they had just heard. Looking at their faces, "What are all of you looking at me like that for? It was him that was freaking out for no reason."

Maria placed her hand over Akiko's, "My friend, I'm only going to say this once-"

...

Benjiro reached the music room not a moment too soon for himself. He never exactly considered himself a prideful person. If he were, he probably wouldn't spend so much time hating and blaming himself for various things. But, to say that it didn't feel humiliating saying his apology in front of an entire cafeteria of people would be a complete lie. It took a considerable amount of self control to sit down gently enough to not break the piano bench's fragile legs.

'Why did I have to blurt that out in front of everyone', he silently wailed, 'It could've waited until another time, but you just had to say it right then and there didn't you?'

'It was either you said your sorry's to that midget then and there', Inei reasoned, 'We both know if you hadn't you never would. You would've isolated yourself from her, hoped things would blow over and if she never forgave you, at the very least you could be left alone. After all, that's your end goal, isn't it? To live a life of total solitude because that's the only thing you can envision and figure you deserve?'

'That's not what I want at all', Benjiro retorted, 'Why would anyone want that kind of life. As much as I enjoy our little talks, having a friend, especially one that doesn't live God knows how many miles away and can only communicate to by letter.'

Benjiro ripped out a hunk of his sandwich and chewed furiously.

'You do know cell phones are a thing?'

Feeling the chunk of sandwich roll down his throat and hitting his stomach felt like swallowing a dollop of cement.

'Don't patronize me, Inei! The fact still stands that if someone actually wanted me to be their friend, I wouldn't say "no."

'Considering that I act as part of an amalgamation of your thoughts and your personal beliefs, I wouldn't exist if you didn't at least hold a few of the thoughts you just so vehemently denied.'

Benjiro set down the sandwich as he was about to take another bite.

'Heh, just because I don't think about it all the time doesn't mean I don't believe. It just means that other things are present, I suppose.'

'And it pleases me that you're finding new outlets' Inei acknowledged, 'But within those supposed moments of freedom, you're still clinging to isolation as a lifestyle. You claim to want companionship, and yet you never take any action to change that. You're still punishing yourself.'

Benjiro turned towards the silent piano. Every time he looked at it, the cover resembled a coffin. Lifting the cover and staring down at the monochromatic keys, it occurred to him that he hadn't played the piano since the day Hiromi found her way into his humble little sanctuary. Sardonically, he wondered if he began playing, she would walk through the door like some sort of elegant princess and ask him to play her something to ease her mind from whatever troubles people from her world experienced.

'However, I think we've both known for a long time that being free is just something people tell themselves to avoid the fact that very little of what they do in life is something they can call their own' Inei criticized, 'We just feed off each other in a mutually parasitic existence, like a particularly greedy vampire. And we hope that eventually someone else will take their fangs out of our necks long enough to show a little gratitude before going off to find someone else to drain.'

Benjiro couldn't help but cringe at his own analogy. It sounded too pessimistic, even for him. Viewing things as 'Glass Half Empty', was a half truth, but it was one of those half truths that made just enough sense that people may consider it as a whole truth.

'That's not entirely right. I helped Higaki for a time, however short it was. I'm trying to help Haruoka with her studies, and I told Yamanaka that she could depend on me.'

'Yes, you did do all those things', Inei agreed, 'But at the same time, think of it like this. Akiko only wanted your help after you were conveniently around, and she wasn't too keen on letting you have your half of the bargain. You'd love to see Haruoka fall flat on her face, but you won't because you need that extra credit and a new thing to slap on your resume. And the only reason you told Yamanaka that she could depend on you is that you know you have nothing of value to offer her besides a listening ear.'

Benjiro stretched out his fingers over the keys and sighed, 'I know I don't have much to offer, and that I've caused no shortage of misery. I may just be doing all these things to feel a little better about myself, but like you pointed out, it's not like anyone else is doing anything else any differently.'

He began plinking a few of the keys, wondering what to play. He was approaching a pitch black place, one that he had been keeping behind an iron door, and he was getting dangerously close to turning the key in its hole. Benjiro's hands began slowly dancing across the keys, forming a blues sound. More keystrokes produced more of those sad yet strangely sweet notes. He was struck by how the blues, could be such an enigma of music. The notes always sounded happy enough when you first hear them, but as the songs progressed you realized just how dark they were.

'I guess those songs reflect the people playing them. They feel so much pain deep down, but they just put on their happy faces and tell another half truth. They tell you how they're really feeling, but they do it in such a way that everyone just figures that they're doing alright, given the circumstances.'

The general bluesy feel began to change into the song "Georgia on my Mind." A ghost of a smile crept onto his lips, remembering how Private Franklin taught him that song, claiming it to be one of his favorites that his father taught him in turn. How the older man told him of Ray Charles, the old, blind, black man that sang the song. It had always impressed Benjiro that someone who couldn't see a damn thing, could still see the beauty of a place he called home.

'Just another contradictory enigma I suppose.'

The door of the music room opened, and Benjiro found himself wondering if Hiromi was walking through. Not wanting to appear to eager, he kept playing his song as the footsteps approached. His chest tightened in an unpleasant fashion, and he faltered on the notes seeing Akiko be the one to come through the door, wearing an expression he was growing all too accustomed, embarrassment. He ceased his playing, but refused to look up and just stared at the keys, as if they could help him somehow.

"Look, you really didn't make things easy yesterday", Akiko began, "Any time I tried to start something, you refused to go along with it."

"Why are you here?"

Akiko sounded offended, "You can't just say a cryptic phrase in front of my friends and just expect me not to do anything."

Benjiro felt a knife blade slide in between his ribs.

"S-So, you only c-came because y-you want to m-make what I s-said clear?"

There was a pause, "No, I came to say that--- that even though you totally bombed the afternoon, I know that maybe going to see a romantic movie and only inviting you as a last resort wasn't a great idea on my part. So, you owe me a new afternoon."

The knife retracted and he looked up, "Wh-What do you m-mean?"

Akiko's face lit up like a traffic light. She began twirling her hair around one finger, "Wh-What I'm saying is that you need to find some way of making up for going out that day. I don't really care what it is, but just so long as it's something enjoyable, I won't complain."

Benjiro wasn't exactly sure what he was hearing, but he was beginning to have suspicions.

"Are y-you saying th-that you w-want to-to..."

"Don't read too much into it", she suddenly shouted.

Out of instinct, Benjiro's hand shot forward but instead of pushing her shoulder like he intended, he grabbed a fistful of Akiko's surprisingly soft chest. Both of their faces turned a similar shade of red. The nervous boy tried stammering out an apology, but just like before, the only thing he received was a shriek and a hand leaving a stinging mark on his cheek.

"You really have no sense of boundaries, do you", Akiko said as she began walking out.

Before she was out of the music room, she turned back, "Oh, and you had better not stop helping me rehearse. For all your faults, you have a good critical eye."

She disappeared from the room, leaving Benjiro once again, quite dazed and confused.

"Mission accomplished. I think", both of them said to themselves.