Chapter 29: My Heart

With both hands in my pockets, nostrils flared, and sweat beading on my brow, I hastily walk through campus. A sharp glare at the remaining fly heads sends them parting in the blink of an eye. I have zero energy to fight.

Once I have steadied my pace and swept the water from my eyes, I make a sharp right into the convenience store. Sugary candy and popcorn are what I crave at this moment.

"What was that noise?"

"I don't know, Riko. Get behind me."

After the door clicks open, I hold a hand to my stomach, dropping the bag's contents onto the ground. The sharp pain makes me grunt! A sudden glare of light makes me crouch in place.

The two women freeze like deer caught by headlights. I get up and gesture at the food, only to be distracted by a knocking on the door. Wow! Can't a person get some peace after a crappy day at work! Nope!

Not when sorcerers are involved, money to be made, butts to be kissed, or families to keep together! I loathe sorcery with every fiber of my being. I take the apple from Riko's shaky hand, placing it on the table with unnecessary force. A third knock on the door makes me shake my head.

My knuckles clench at the sight of Yaga's back. I guess he got information from Gojo and Geto after all! How convenient! I clear my throat and force a smile on my face.

"Come inside." I leave the door open and walk into the kitchen. I am taking my time filling a pot with water.

The lack of movement makes my skin crawl and my stomach drop. I hold my breath for a few seconds before stepping outside the kitchen. Yaga, Riko, and Misato stare at each other. When the kettle starts hissing, I sneak back into the kitchen, emerging with a cup for each person.

Riko and Misato sit without hesitation. My instructor stands in place while looking around the room. After a few seconds, I follow his gaze: his eyes rest on the photo tucked inside my bag's outer pocket. His shoulders slump while he sits down. My heart does a flip-flop inside my chest.

"Miss Santa-Clara?

I blink rapidly, unaware my eyes dried up from staring at my cup. The pounding on my frontal lobe makes me rub my temples. I grind my teeth together trying to soothe the storm brewing in my mind. Riko fidgets with her cup while Yaga sits in silence. I look Misato in the eyes. She glances between Riko and me before tugging on Riko's sleeve. The two women excuse themselves before securing away from the table.

Once the bedroom door closes, I tap my middle and pointer finger together.

"What do you plan to do with the Star Plasma Vessel?"

"She has a name," I mutter between sips of tea.

Yaga turns his head to the side while folding his arms across his chest. I follow his line of sight to my bag. A silent breath leaves my mouth as I place the cup down. I rise slowly from my chair, rubbing my mid-back in the process. Each step toward the bag makes my legs feel like sandbags: my head slowly pulsates in time with my heartbeat. Shutting my eyes brings zero relief.

Once situated at the table, I pass the photo toward Yaga. He flips it over with the utmost care; his jaw opens halfway, revealing parted teeth. His eyes are downcast, fixing themselves on his former schoolmates.

My twenty-year-old mother and nineteen-year-old father hold a deep gaze as my mother receives accolades for making it to Grade 1 status. A small group of sorcerers stands behind them: smiling, clapping, and high-fiving.

"This was one of the best days of my life." I rub the back of my head at Yaga's words. His sudden half-grin makes me mimic his reaction.

"Not to sound rude, but..."

"I wanted to check in on you...given how quick-tempered you were back on campus." Yaga leans back in his chair, making it squeak under his weight. His eyes never leave the photo.

I shrug my shoulders while rubbing my temples in response: the pounding in my head grows with each second. Yaga forces a smile on his face while placing the photo face down. The smallest mist of water reflects from his dark brown eyes.

"When did my father last reach out to you?" My question makes Yaga's brow furrow. His eyes move from the photo to my face. I raise my brows, folding my arms across my chest for comfort.

"And what makes you think we have been in contact?"

"When was the last time Gojo's grandfather made contact with my father?"

I rub my face vigorously while keeping my eyes shut. When my eyes meet Yaga's, a sense of dread radiates from his face. He refuses to make eye contact despite my calm demeanor. I push the teacup away from me, resting my folded hands on the table.

"Fine. If you are not going to answer me, please leave." There is a heaviness behind each word leaving my mouth.

"How can I help you?"

A quiet knock on the door makes my head turn.

"Do not come in." I hold a hand up to my classmates, making them bump into each other. "Yaga was just leaving."

Our instructor gets up, unfolds his arms, and steps outside. Before the trio walks away, I tell Yaga point blank, "Call Madam Lark."

One Week Later

Meow? Meow!

Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Crash!

My eyes bolt open just as I crash into a pane of glass. I swallow hard, rubbing my arms frantically and finding no blood. Dang, it! Sleep came for a brief minute and left without a trace. I throw my head back onto my pillow and stare at the dark ceiling.

A bright light flashes across my phone screen. Whoever it is will have to leave a message.

.........

"Any luck getting a hold of her?"

Satoru lets out a low grunt when my voice recording plays. He clicks off the call, shoving his phone into his pocket. Not the response Suguru anticipates. Both classmates stare at each other before heading off campus.

........

After twenty minutes of staring off into space, I sit up, stretching my neck from side to side. Empty cartons of ice cream, chip bags, and my schoolwork decorate the bedroom floor. Jeans, worn three days in a row, sit in a heap with my favorite black hoody. I begrudgingly grab the clothing on my way out the door. Bloodshot eyes and numbness radiating from my core welcome me in the cold bathroom.

As I watch the coffee drip into the pot, a slight trail of tears rolls down my face. A fire burns in my gut, making me clench my fists. I pull the hoody close to my body; visions of blood-soaked clothing, Satoru's death stare, and Suguru's limp body flash across my mind!

Flashing blue-and-red lights reflect off the soft-grey sky as I exit the bus. My heart drops to my stomach when I hear the whaling sirens behind me; I break out into a run when the flashing yellow lights stop by the bridge my brother said he would meet me. It can't be, no.

The ding from the pot draws me out of my mind; the bitter coffee notes make my stomach churn ad my hands tremble faster. I take a few deep breaths before grabbing my keys, putting my hood up, and heading outside. My coffee is not going anyplace.

A few seconds go by before my phone vibrates. I ignore it, trying hard to distract myself while weaving through the pedestrian traffic. Damn! There are so many people out for a Wednesday morning! Keeping my eyes shut, I enter the first coffee shop to my right.

My empty cup rests on the ledge; a slight mist runs down the edge as I wipe my nose. "Why did you leave? I was on my way the second I got your message." My eyes never leave the water's edge. A new wave of anger gnaws at my intestines.

The sound of dirt kicking up in the distance makes me grow quiet. I rest my head on the cold stone bridge support, allowing my hood to comfort me. I do not move a muscle as one person flanks me. Darkness blankets the bridge as a cloud covers what little sunshine is out. My cheeks spread apart slightly.

"It took me a year to walk over this bridge." I keep my head down, and a light sprinkling of rain hits my back while I continue talking. "And another two years to seek therapy."

Sakura takes the same stance as me. "They found his body floating over there." I point to the set of stairs by the water's edge. She pulls me into a side hug without hesitation; I do not resist and let her warmth thaw my walls. The rain pours down harder, moistening my face with water. Sakura waves her hand at the two people approaching the bridge.

We hold our position for two minutes, then walk away due to the downpour. I bite the inside of my lip and fold my hands under my armpits when we catch up with Satoru and Suguru. They say nothing, leading us to someplace warm and dry.

"How did you know where to find me?" Sakura shrugs her shoulders as she hands me a coffee.

I allow my shoulders to relax while the rest of our company sits down. It does little to relieve the tension building in my shoulders.

None of us say a word for what feels like forever. I fiddle with the sleeve of my hoody while Satoru looks at his phone screen. Sakura maintains a gentle smile while Suguru glances from person to person.

"Sorry." My quiet word brings three pairs of eyes to me. "It has been..." I struggle to finish my sentence, opting to bite my lip and fiddle with my sleeve some more. "The rain has stopped. How about we walk?" I suggest while forcing a smile.

A few minutes into our walk of silence, Sakura bids us goodbye. She has to meet her brother and mother for dinner. Dang, it! I take a few deep breaths before giving her a goodbye hug.

Once out of earshot, Satoru attempts to break the tension by asking, "how come you never greet us with a hug?". I grit my teeth and shove my hands into my pockets, picking up my speed just a hair. Suguru gives Satoru a sharp look through squinted eyes.

As I am about to step foot into the street, a firm grasp keeps me from getting hit by a car. I look Satoru dead in the eyes and say, "was not me bringing you back from death enough?" My heart rate picks up, water blocks my vision, and my throat feels parched. "For someone so sure of himself, you suck at reading people's emotions!"

"What is that..."

"I nearly lost my closest friends last week!" My chest huffs up and down. "Two people who remind me of someone I lost three years ago. Two people who matter to me!" I spread my arms to the sky, looking from one person to the other. When the crossing signal chirps, I bolt to the campus gates.

Both my classmates run after me, catching up right as I head to the classroom. The tears pour out, uninhibited, unbridled. Blubbering sounds escape my mouth, and I feel an inferno on my face. Cursed energy does not leak out due to a barrier created within my being.

After three minutes, my tears cease to flow. I fold my arms, one on the other, resting my head on them. Two chairs move on either side of me. Four eyes look at me.

We wait, in silence, until the door slides open.

"Hmph. You decided to come back to school, Santa-Clara?" I give Yaga a half-assed thumbs up. "Don't get too comfortable. You three are wanted for a meeting with the higher-ups. I will wait outside."

An uncomfortable chill runs down my spine after Yaga shuts the door. I sit up straight, keeping my arms folded.

"We should go. Can't keep the powers that be waiting!" I say in a monotone.

"Are you sure you want to go to a meeting? In your state?" Suguru asks.

I shrug at his question before getting up. At this point in my life, covering my feelings has become second nature. An artful skill that makes shamanism more bearable.

Once inside the hallway, I walk past Yaga, averting eye contact with him. He looks at Geto and Gojo as they leave the classroom.