You Haven't Changed At All

A Place Like Home

by Eleventh

ALISSA DEL ROSARIO POV

Two weeks and three days have passed since I witnessed the murder of my former boss, Mr. Palma. He’s all over the news and I won’t deny that it haunts me every time. I didn’t kill him but it feels like I did. I could have been a witness and help find justice but I didn’t.

Nadine kept calling me for a week, bugging me if I ever went to see Mr. Palma. I lied, of course. I never told her anything because I didn't trust her... not anymore. I can’t help but think that she set me up.

As soon as I received the money that Mom wired in my bank account, I immediately flew to Mindanao and was quarantined for 14-Days in the nearby city that’s two hours away from Santa Barbara, the little town where I grew up.

How do you define home?

Some say home is not a place but it’s the people that make you feel warm.

For Mom, Santa Barbara is home. But for me... I’m not quite sure.

Whenever I hear the name of the town where I grew up, it always makes me remember my childhood memories. Santa Barbara reminds me of waking up to the smell of champurrado, a sweet chocolate rice porridge prepared by our grandmother who we call, Nanay.

Nanay!

If a home was a person, it would be Nanay.

Nanay was the light of the family. She loved each one of us dearly, disciplined us most gently, kept us all together in one place, and taught us the value of family, that we should never trade it for anything meaningless like career, money, or ambition.

Sorry, Nanay but in the modern-day, what you call meaningless is what matters most to me now.

I used to think that the Del Rosario family is the most important thing in the world until I realized that my Mom is the only family I have.

“Ali!!!” Tito Jem, Mom’s youngest brother, waved at me as he approaches to help me carry my stuff.

I almost didn’t recognize him because of the face mask he’s wearing. Not to mention, he has gone old and fatter than ever.

I took his hand and kissed it, Filipino’s gesture of respect.

“Hello, Tito!” I gave him a timid smile.

Tito Jem was a big man. He has always been fat. With those big arms, he tried to embrace me but I stepped back because we have to follow the social distancing protocol

“Tito! Social Distancing, remember?”

Which reminds me, I shouldn’t have kissed his hand HA-HA-HA!

“Oh yeah! Right! Sorry, I just miss you.”

That was quite awkward for me. I’m not expressive. So, I don’t know how to respond to that.

Tito Jem and I had a unique uncle-niece relationship. We have a 7-year gap and I grew up with him like he was a big brother to me and I was a baby sister to him.

My Tito is like a Teletubby when he’s in the mood. He is never without a beaming smile. I know he’s smiling so bright behind that mask because I can see it in his eyes. He is bouncy and he’s very, very chatty.

“How long has it been? 10 years?”

“12 years, Tito!”

“Really? That long? You haven’t changed at all. You’re still short and skinny.” Tito Jem was a bit busy loading my stuff in the trunk that he didn’t take a thorough look at my appearance. But when he was done, he was disappointed to see my hair the moment I took off my hood. “Uhm, except for your hair though. It’s too short. What happened to your healthy, shiny, long hair?”

My family adores my hair so much. Its length reaches my waist and it was very shiny. They say I take it from Nanay because when I was younger, she took extra care of it as if I was her doll.

But I don’t like my hair long. It’s too much of a hassle combing it every morning and it consumes too much shampoo so I cut it short.

“It’s too hot in Manila, Tito. So, I decided to cut it short.”

Tito Jem pouted his lips and shrugged his shoulders.

“Oh well. It’ll grow back again anyway. Let’s go?”

We hopped into his vintage car. It was really old and it made a squeaky sound whenever you step on the break. It also runs slow so I’m guessing that we’ll be home by dinner time at this state.

“Good thing your swab test turned out negative. So how was your 14-Day Quarantine? Was it good? Did they treat you well?”

“Well, the accommodation was great. Sleeping in the hotel was comfortable and the staffs were nice. But, it was so boring. There’s no TV, no radio, and no internet.”

Tito Jem laughed.

“Your generation can’t live without the internet, huh?”

Speaking of the internet! Gawd! Will I survive in Santa Barbara? The last time I remember, I can’t use my internet data in that town because the signal is too weak. Oh no! Does that mean no social media? No Facebook? No Twitter? No Instagram? No Youtube? No Netflix? Then, what am I gonna do there?

But... I guess that's okay. I need a break anyway.

Tito Jem noticed I was quiet.

“Excited?”

Not at all! The only reason I was here is that I was running away.

Crap! Why would I run away? I didn’t kill the man!

“Everyone is anticipating seeing you, Ali! Especially Sunny.”

I have never heard that name before. But I shouldn’t be surprised. I was away for more than a decade. That means I probably must have a lot of new cousins now.

“Who?”

“Sunny! My 4-year old daughter.”

“You had a daughter? How many kids do you have already?”

“I have three. Claude, Raine, and Sunny. I bet you still remember the two? They cling to you all the time, remember?”

I do. Claude and Raine were the sweetest. They always sleep in my room because of the bedtime stories I tell before we go to sleep. Raine would cuddle on my side and sleep on my arms, while Claude is on the other side. Recalling those memories, I can’t help but smile.

On our way to our little town, I opened the window and sniffed the wind. It smelled like sea air. You can tell we’re almost there when you can finally see the sparkling blue-greenish sea and the green ridges beside the empty mountain pass. It’s my favorite view every time I travel home from the city.

And finally, we’re here.

It was 7 in the evening when we arrived. As far as I remember, most of the houses at this hour have their lights off and doors closed because it’s sleeping time. However, the Del Rosario mansion is rather alive and joyful. Boisterous music can be heard from the inside, and the house is packed with people.

“What’s going on?” my eyebrows crinkled.

Tito Jem did not answer me. Instead, he gently pulled me inside. When he opened the door, everyone shouted the moment they saw my face.

“WELCOME HOME, ALISSA!!!”

Honestly, I don’t know how to react. Most of my Mom’s siblings and my cousins were there looking pretty excited and exultant to see me again but I just couldn’t reciprocate the feeling.

“T-thanks!" I said with a timid smile. "Uhm, I totally appreciate this and I don’t wanna be a killjoy but… why are we throwing a party amid a pandemic? Is this even allowed? Shouldn’t we practice social distancing?”

Tito Jem stepped in.

“Hush! Don’t worry about it, Ali! The mayor is a friend of ours. They’ll let us off the hook if we ever get caught.”

“And besides, we live in the same community so pretty sure we’re safe from the virus.” Uncle Renzy, the 6th child, added. He’s a party animal. I’m sure he’s the one who suggested throwing a welcome party for me. “So, come on! LET’S PARTY, EVERYONE! WHOOO!”

Wine bottles and beers popped open and everyone in the house enjoyed the drinks. The music was really loud that can make anyone dance. The grown-up men stayed in the garden, drinking and talking about politics and business. While the women were in the living room gossiping as usual.

Meanwhile, my cousins Rikko, Eric, and Drew opted to stay on the balcony on the second floor with Uncle Renzy because it's a chill place to stay and it's spacious too. He was the gunner, as always, filling the glass with drinks up to the brim.

It was a weird thing to look at.

When we were teenagers, we were told not to hang out with him because he used to be a drug user. Our parents were afraid that he might influence us if we get along with him.

“Come on, my dear niece! Here! Take a glass!” he offered which I politely declined.

“I’ll pass, Uncle. I don’t feel like drinking tonight.”

“But this party is for you, Ali. Come on! Just take one glass!”

I was quite surprised that Drew spoke to me. We haven’t talked for five years since that day when he did a terrible thing that caused him to lose my trust. I thought I have forgiven him but whenever I see him smile and talk to me like nothing happened, I get so disgusted. He's nothing but a jerk to me.

“Excuse me, everyone! I’ll go around for a while and catch up with our other relatives.”

“Fine! Suit yourself, dear!”

I excused myself not to escape the drinks that Uncle Renzy offers, but to avoid talking to Drew.

I find it too uncomfortable.

I went around the Del Rosario mansion. It’s already old and it needs a total make-over. Mom wanted to renovate it but I told her to buy a piece of land instead of spending money on a house that isn’t hers. Technically speaking, we don’t own the mansion. EVERYBODY owns the mansion. Although most of my Mom's siblings have built their own homes already since they got married, some of her siblings still live here like Aunt Celestine, her eldest sister who's an old maid, Tiyo Andres, and his daughters and Uncle Renzy.

I went to the kitchen to grab some food when I walked past Shiela, Eric's sister, sitting quietly on the couch near the window, so absorbed in her book as usual. She doesn't like socializing and it's surprising to find her hanging around in the mansion instead of staying at home reading her books. Amber and Freya were sitting next to her talking about boys but she was least bothered about it.

I guess the three ladies were too busy to notice me and I didn't mind because we weren't that close anyway.

I went back upstairs. It's where all the rooms are. It's our favorite place to play hide and seek. I hate that game because my cousins always look for me first and I always get to be it. Yet, those kinds of memories always bring a curve on my lips.

“Ow! You hit me!” a cute little voice below me complained while I was walking in the corridors of the second floor. When I looked down, a little chubby girl with curly hair stared at me angrily. She was rubbing her forehead in pain.

I sat on my ankles so I can speak to her at eye level. I stared at her and giggled. I’m sure this girl is Sunny because she looks exactly like Tito Jem. Her face is as round as his. Her cheeks are chubby and pink. And her nose is round and small. Actually, she looked a lot like Piglet, but chubbier.

“What are you laughing at? Shouldn’t you say sorry? Papa said if you accidentally hit someone, you should say sorry.”

“Sorry!” I smilingly apologized.

She smiled back with her puffed cheeks. “You’re forgiven.”

“You must be Sunny!”

“Good guess. How did you know?”

"You look like your father."

She beamed another smile. "A lot of people tell me that. And who are you? You're not familiar at all."

“I’m Alissa. We’re cousins.”

She gasped and her eyes were filled with marvel. “You’re Ate Alissa? Kuya Claude always talks about you! I think he’s excited to see you.”

“Really?”

That honestly made my heart happy. I may find it hard to believe that people in this house genuinely wanted me to be here but at least for these kids, I am someone to anticipate.

“Sunny? Where are you? There you are! I’ve been looking for you. Come here, you little fuzzy ball!”

A teenage boy came from behind me to get Sunny.

“Claude?” I stood up to greet him. “Is that you? Wow! You’re taller than me now.”

I was expecting Claude would be happy to see me, so happy that he might embrace me and tell me that he misses me.

But…

Claude just looked at me and left without a word.

Sunny was as confused as I am. I can even hear her nag at her brother as they walked away.

“Kuya! Why didn’t you say a word to Ate Alissa? Didn't you miss her?”

“Shut up, Fuzzball!”

“Ooooh! You are so rude, Kuya!”

I couldn’t explain why Claude was cold. But I know for sure that he must have a reason why he was acting like that.

Teenager things.

I decided to go back to the balcony.

And just in time, my favorite cousin arrived.

When I say favorite, I mean the person I love to piss off.

I think I’m going to finally have fun at this party.