Chapter 9: Cousin

The next day is Monday and it is the beginning of the week but it feels like Friday because I have so much things to do. My energy is not good enough to embrace the challenges of this day. But luckily, I’m desperate to be successful and striving hard so I keep grinding.

First thing I did when my class ended was go to my apartment, do the homeworks, activities that is due because I love to procrastinate, I am cramming now.

I look for my phone to know what time is it and I found it was 10 in the midnight. I haven’t feed myself because I’m actually serious to finish all my due.

Suddenly I feel envy to those people who have parents or relatives that loves to nag. Because they are the reminder, an alarm clock to eat, to wake up, to do things that are essential and necessary in life. If only I have someone who can and will nag at me. I'll probably treasure him or her. But reality hits me for I don’t have someone.

I stretched my arm and feet because I feel sore all over my body. I stood up and went to kitchen so I can cook for myself.

I was almost done eating my dinner when someone knock my door. I open and was welcome by Julian.

“Let me in,” he said.

I ceased my forehead. What is he doing at this hour?

“It’s midnight, you should go home.”

“Not until you answer my questions.”

“Ask me,” I commanded him.

He shook his head. “I won’t ask you here. You should let me in, I’m a guest, treat me nice.”

I give him my middle finger and turn my back.

“What? You are only eating your dinner now?”

I nod and continue eating.

He grab a clean plate and ready to dig in. Nice! He’s not invited but he keeps crashing and literally stealing some food.

He smiled before take a spoonful of rice to his mouth. He gives me thumbs up indicating it was delicious.

I hope we’ll stay like this. He’s my only relative the only family I acknowledge. I hope, really hope.

He decided to wash the dishes and I continue to finish school related stuffs.

“I almost forgot, what do you want to ask me?”

"You have boyfriend?"

I don’t know what’s on his mind because he’s busy washing and basically I’m talking to his back.

"You like him?" I asked and returned my eyes to the laptop. I only need to proofread what I typed earlier.

"Didn't expect you can have the courage to enter in a relationship since what happened about you and Andrei."

Why does it sound like I can't and will not move on to Andrei?

"Don’t get me wrong. I just thought you are still in pain, in the progress of accepting everything."

"It’s been almost a year."

"Doesn't mean you can move-on that easily, people even took 2 or 4 years just to get over with it."

Again, this time it sounds ridiculous that I moved on with short amount of time.

"Are you serious with him? If not, stop it. You should not use another person just to ease the pain.”

“Will you continue nagging me?”

If he went here for a petty nag then I should not open my door. But the back of my brain feels happy that finally someone is nagging me.

“Just don’t get hurt okay?” After he finished doing the chores, he immediately left.

I won’t get hurt. It’s not even real. And the last thing I want is to be loved.

--

Tuesday sucks! I thought monday is enough but no. Tuesday is really testing my patient. I didn't know we will have quiz.

I saw Julian entering the room and was about to approach me. I raises my right eyebrow.

What now?

"Do you know him?" He asked offering me to look for his phone.

"You'll go right?" I read what it said in the text. I shook my head.

"You really don't know?"

"Nope."

"Really? But it said here I'm your boyfriend."

"I have two exams today." I address it. I hope he can understand that I can't play for his game right now. I really have to do well. Last night I finished activities past 12 and now the unexpected quizzes.

"Shoot. Fighting!"

I ignore him and really did my best to review. And efforts really pay well. I ace the exams.

"Guess who's happy with the score?" He teasingly welcome me.

"I'll treat you, call?"

I nod and lead the way to cafeteria. I order my usual course.

"About the message. You really don't know? Look, he message me again."

"The party will be 3 pm. Any dress will do."

I don't recall someone who will throw a party and I'm not a party-goer. I prefer reading books than dancing and hyping in the midst of the crowd.

"Ask him, who is he." I suggested.

"He said his my boyfriend."

"Then, he's your boyfriend."

His eyes become big like shocked or something then awkwardly laugh.

"Are you serious? Don't tell me you think I'm a—”

"What's wrong with liking men?"

"Zyrus, I'm not gay."

"So do you like me?"

"What?" Shocked and disgusted was written on his face.

"Why are you only nice to me?" That's what I notice.

He sighed and put the utensils in the table. He seriously face me.

"I'm nice to everyone."

"No, not with Zyra."

Am I special to him? But he should know better, I don't like it.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Answer my question."

"What do you want me to answer?"

I breath. I don't know. I thought we will last, that he is my only cousin, my only relative who still accepting me for who I am.

"The truth. I want to hear the truth from you."

"I hate you," he reply.

Hate? Does it mean he likes me? Or he really hates me?

I bitterly smile. I thought Julian will stay by my side for so long but I guess everyone's mission is to vanish around me.

And I don't also want him to have high hopes. It's better to cut ties now.

"Dunno if hate means loving or the opposite of it. Nevertheless, I'm not a fan of incest and probably don't care about you shitting me because I'm used to it but you are a good friend." I stood up and left him hanging.

I don't want to hear anything from him. I'm actually expecting something from his answer. Not hate or love but the truth.