Episode 4. As if Made From the Same Cloth
“Ichirou-san, could you turn on the TV?” Chika yawned as she walked into the kitchen.
Seki looked at the clock on the wall.
“Oh! It’s already this late?.”
Tomo was following his stepfather with his eyes as the man stepped into the living room.
Seki turned on the TV and switched channels. He then went back to the dining room where Chika was nodding off. Tomo saw him smile gently as he patted Chika’s head.
Chika wasn’t a morning person, yet she’d get up early every Saturday morning when the children shows ran on TV. Seki allowed it, and that was how they began to watch TV during meals.
Every time he thought his stepfather could find out he got anxious, and every Saturday dread weighed heavy in his chest. The thought ‘Maybe this time he’ll know and they’ll divorce’ was a thought as much a part of the ritual as Chika willingly getting up.
However, Tomo didn’t want to leave. Part of it was because it was his favourite show, but another part was that it would seem very suspicious if he left every time it started.
Unlike his sleep-loving sister, Tomo had no problems getting up early in the morning. He was afraid Seki might enter his room to wake him up, so he got up at six every single day. No matter what.
And so Tomo helped Seki make breakfast every morning. It should have been an opportunity to get to know each other. However, over the years the two had become more quiet and only asked to confirm something or ask of something. There were no actual conversations.
But there was nothing they needed to say.
Seki put breakfast for Chika on the table.
“I’ll go get your mother.”
Because Seki was taking care of the house, his mother had worked more. She still brought work home for the weekends, but she tried to get it done in the morning before they all ate breakfast, and somehow she would.
… she said. Tomo doubted it, though. It was more likely she thought she finished it up but then realised she hadn’t.
Tomo stood up and put out breakfast for his mother and Seki and then sat down again. He slowly ate as he watched the end of the animated show before his favourite series. His mother sat down beside him and Seki opposite of her. He gently shook Chika awake so she could watch too.
It was a different scene than it had been four years earlier.
He wasn’t sure if it was for the better. Some things hadn’t changed; he still made breakfast, and he still ate while watching a TV-show. However, that was where the similarity ended. Each ate when they woke up or felt like it. Then they may eat lunch and dinner together.
That was what scared him. If he was the reason Seki chose to divorce his mother, what must be nice for his sisters and mother would be taken apart again, and they all would continue with their own lives, independent of the others, yet still living under the same roof.
Even if he told himself Seki had brought the family together, it never included Tomo. He was an outsider in his own family. He knew the names of the people in the household, their ages, their birthdays… But he didn’t start conversations and he definitely couldn’t share what he liked or disliked if the man was present.
And it terrified him that, despite his family seeing his interests and likes, they may never accept how he felt inside. They might never accept him like Ken did.
Tomo had always been very invested in the franchise, and that applied to this show too, to the point of forgetting to eat while watching it. He pretended that wasn’t the case while slowly eating his breakfast.
“I’m pretty surprised by that plot twist.” Chika looked genuinely surprised. “I didn’t expect Cherry-chan to be the evil mastermind.”
“It was Plum,” Tomo muttered.
“What?” Chika said.
Seki-san smiled calmly. “It was Plum-chan and not Cherry-chan, Chika-san.”
“Oh, you’re right. Slip of tongue, I guess,” Chika laughed. “I can’t wait for next week’s episode!”
***
Tomo had sat down on the sofa, and was reading a book in English, when Seki spoke to him.
“Tomoki-kun, could you help me with the laundry?”
“Yes.”
He went to get the laundry he had in his room. He had things carefully separated; his pyjamas and any clothes he could hide with other clothing, were things he’d wash when he knew his step-father wouldn’t be home or had them washed at his grandmother’s if Shouji stopped by.
Tomo still found it difficult to hide things and sneak around constantly, even after four years. It didn’t get easier just because so much time had passed. As much as possible, he avoided everything he considered feminine too.
He hated being at home more than leaving the house.
Now and then he considered just telling the man, and apologise for being strange and not a good son. Asking him to not leave Sawa; he’d leave instead. Anything, just so his family didn’t have to suffer from being torn apart from each other the way it had been before. Chika needed a parent. Chiyo deserved a home she could return to, where she could just eat with everyone. Even Shouji was better off with Seki in their life.
They were happier now. He didn’t want to take that away from them.
Out of habit brought to him out of necessity, he knocked on Chika’s door, opening the door to see her red-and-grey decorated room, with a basketball poster hung above her desk. Chika was in her messy bed reading.
“Chika? Could you give me any laundry you need to get washed?”
His sister glanced at him. “Sure. The uniforms are over there.” She pointed as she continued reading.
Tomo shook his head and removed her uniforms from the hangers. “Where are your sports bras?”
“Dunno.”
“Then where are your gym clothes?”
“Dunno.”
“Where’s your bag?”
“Dunno.”
He sighed.
After searching around his sister’s room while she made no effort to help, he went to help sort out the laundry with Seki. They had done this so many times there was no reason to speak, and Chika had concluded Tomo and Seki read the other’s minds.
Before Seki had moved in, Tomo had been in charge of the chores. Chiyo had been busy with studying, while Chika had spent most of her time with friends or played basket.
Sawa’s cooking was abysmal, tasting as bad as it looked appalling, while Shouji hadn’t been home enough to help much, though Tomo’s father was in fact an excellent cook.
Seki had taken the responsibility for the housework, which was a relief as middle school was more work, but Tomo had kept doing a lot of chores, and the two had simple found routines that worked for all chores in the house.
Yet the lack of needed conversation added pressure for Tomo. He never knew what the man was thinking, and often wanted to run away, rather than do any chores, but he just couldn’t leave the man with all chores in a household of four, with Shouji and Chiyo visiting now and then.
“Whose is this?” Seki suddenly said while they were going through the laundry, startling Tomo. He looked up and saw a pale pink hoodie. He had worn it a few nights ago while studying late. He must have thrown it in the wrong place while tired.
Any warmth drained from him, and he was instantly feeling like he was choking. He couldn’t admit it was his, and he said the first name that came to mind:
“Saku-chan’s perhaps?”
He regretted it instantly, as Sakura didn’t wear pink, unless it was part of a print.
“Or Chika’s?” he tried. That was a better suggestion, but unlikely too.
Seki studied Tomo for a while and then smiled kindly.
“I suppose you’re right. It must be Chika-san’s. Maybe even Chiyo-san’s.”
Tomo felt his stomach turning at the mention of his oldest sister. Chiyo hadn’t been home for a few months. There was no way it could have been hers, and he knew Seki was aware of that.
“I think this would have looked good on you, Tomoki-kun. You have the same size as your sisters, don’t you?”
The man returned to the task, but Tomo had frozen in place, feeling as if his world was collapsing.
The man knew. He definitely knew. Tomo had ruined his mother’s marriage. He’d have to leave his home. Maybe quit school.
Seki looked up when Tomo didn’t continue and looked at him questioningly, then worriedly. Tomo’s nausea was overwhelming, and he ran to the toilet. After a few moments, he felt a hand on his back. Without a word, Seki gently rubbed his back.
***
“Are you all right?” Sawa asked Tomo, who had laid down on the sofa.
Tomo had been so anxious of what to do, he had remained on the floor. Seki hadn’t agreed to that and eventually picked Tomo up with surprising ease and carried him to the sofa where he laid Tomo down.
“Maybe it’s food poisoning,” she continued. She worriedly watched her husband put the blanket over her child. “Will we be all right?”
“Don’t worry. I’m sure there was nothing wrong with the breakfast.”
Tomo watched his mother nervously follow Seki with her eyes as he left and soon returned with a sports drink and a glass of water from the kitchen. He put them on the table and sat down by Tomo’s feet. He looked at Tomo for a moment before turning back to his wife.
“Tomoki-kun is a growing boy. I’m sure he just ate something before breakfast.”
Tomo wished he could just become smaller and hide from the entire situation. Run off to his room. But he was so tired.
He knew Seki had been up before he was, so the man could be certain Tomo had eaten nothing other than breakfast. And out of the three siblings, it was Chika who was prone to snacking.
Though, wouldn’t it normally be his mother who would come with an excuse, not the stepfather? He couldn’t help but wonder about that.
“You can go back to work. I’ll take care of Tomoki-kun.”
Nausea began building up again as Tomo questioned if it was really such a good idea to have the man take care of him. He much rather be left alone. He much rather leave the house immediately to never return.
Tomo felt nausea build up again. Was it really a good idea for Seki-san to bother with him?
“But aren’t you busy with the laundry?”
“I'd say I’m capable of doing both. You need to work, so please do that. You don’t want to worry Tomoki-kun.”
“I... I guess you’re right. I’ll go back to work. But if Tomoki gets sick again, we’re taking him to the hospital.”
“Mum, it’s okay. I’m all right. He’s right. I snacked before breakfast. It must have gone bad.” Tomo laughed awkwardly. He wasn’t the type to lie. Instead, he’d hide things by not telling the entire truth, but this time he supported Seki’s claim, as it was easier that way.
“If you say so. Let Ichirou take care of you, okay?”
“It’ll be fine. I just need to lie down for a while. If you don’t go, I’ll call Shouji.”
His mother laughed. ”I guess you’re fine if you would make Shouji come here as fast as he could.”
She left with a smile, and the two sat silently for some time.
“I’m sorry, Tomoki-kun,” Seki said after a while, giving Tomo an apologetic smile.
Tomo wondered what he was sorry for. He had done nothing wrong. If anyone was at fault, it was Tomo himself.
He was about to tell him that when the man continued: “Can you sit up a bit? You should drink a little.”
Sitting up, Tomo realised his clothes were moist with sweat. He must have really been anxious. He could understand that anyone would worry about him. He strained to smile at his stepfather, who handed him the bottle.
“Is there anything you want to watch?” he asked as he stood up again.
“Anything’s fine.”
“Very well.” Seki-san turned on the TV. “I’ll come to check up on you once I put some laundry in the washing machine. Is that all right with you?”
“Yes.”
Tomo turned to the TV after the man had left, and immediately covered his eyes, as he realised it was a documentary on snakes. During any pauses in the narration, he could hear his stepfather hum while doing chores. The song was familiar, and he listened closer.
It was the opening to the show they had watched during breakfast.
The humming stopped and steps went upstairs. He heard light knocking, and the door opening (so the room must have been Chika’s), Seki speaking, and someone answering, then steps walking downstairs again.
The humming continued. However, now it was the show from four years earlier. It was making him both uncomfortable and surprised.
He had thought the man had no interest in it. He rarely spoke much when Chika had talked about the show with, at best, mild enthusiasm, and what he had commented on had always been very general things.
How closely had the man watched these shows if he knew the openings? Or had they just stuck with him?
It was new that the man hummed. He had never observed him, but listening to the sound of the househusband, he realised Seki wasn’t much different than Tomo had been in elementary school. That made him less uncomfortable.
He chuckled.
In many ways, Seki differed from Shouji, who was talkative, but — aside from the meals he knew how to make — wasn’t very good with housekeeping. Seki also seemed to prefer quiet activities, based on what little Tomo had seen. The man would usually read if he wasn’t doing some chore. Meanwhile, Shouji was more energetic and like when things were happening around him. Shouji would try to be casual as soon as he could, while Seki still was very polite to everyone.
Though Shouji was still polite towards Seki.
Sawa chose two very different men to marry. Then again, Shouji was considerably younger, so perhaps it came with age…
Tomo laughed at the idea that Shouji would act more like Seki.
“Did you see something funny, Tomoki-kun?”
“Oh! I’m sorry.”
The man must have heard him laughing and came to check up on him.
Truthfully, Tomo didn’t laugh all that much. Not out loud, at least. And he didn’t dare to laugh around Seki, because he found his own chuckles to be too feminine. Questionable. A risk.
“Don’t be. I was only curious. Oh. That doesn’t look very pleasant.” Tomo focused on the TV again and covered his eyes when he saw a snake trying to eat something way too big for its jaw. Sakura would have enjoyed it more than Tomo did.
The channel soon switched. And switched. And switched. He uncovered his eyes and studied Seki, looking at the TV while skipping channels. He looked inappropriately serious doing so, but despite his own fear of being found out, Tomo saw Seki as a gentle person.
“There we go. This should be fine.” As if he had joked to himself, Ichirou let out a short but quiet laugh. It was the first time Tomo saw that.
The programme Seki had settled on was an old magical girl show which the TV station was running a marathon on as part of an anniversary. He had heard of it, but never watched it as it was difficult to find. The TV menu showed that it was season one and considering the time to the news, Tomo guessed it had only just begun.
What Tomo assumed was a preview or similar ended and the opening began. To his surprise, Seki hummed along as he left to continue with the chores.
He looked over his shoulder, curious about who Seki really was.
***
Some episodes in, Chika came downstairs with some clothes. She abruptly shoved into his face while he had wrapped the blanket tightly around him, immersed in the show.
“Here. He said you needed a change of clothes because you got sick. I tried to find something in your wardrobe that you would think was okay to wear, but there wasn’t anything. I gave up looking after like an hour.”
While he was glad Seki had respected his privacy, Tomo felt a little bad for both his sister and Seki. Chika had needed to look, because Tomo wouldn’t let the man into his room under any circumstances.
“That’s because Seki-san’s washing laundry,” he said, and took the clothes. “I asked you for your laundry, remember?”
“Yeah, but at least have something clean to wear just in case. I’m not gonna look for anything ever again, got that?”
“Then give me clothes I can wear.”
“Whatever. That’s my T-shirt, Chiyo’s shorts and Daikichi’s hoodie,” she muttered.
He looked at the clothes in his hands in confusion and then back up at Chika.
“Why would you have something that’s sensei’s?”
She winced at the question, then her entire face turned red, followed by a momentary too long pause for it to be her usual hot temper, and she shouted:
“You better not dirty any of it!”
She stomped off, and he heard their stepfather tell her not to break the floors, and the steps turned quiet.
Tomo looked down at the clothes in his hands, wondering if he should pretend he had never asked.
For Chika’s sake, he would forget about it.
***
“What do you want to eat?”
“Ice cream?” Tomo absentmindedly answered the question, focusing on the show.
He heard his stepfather chuckle, and he turned around to look at him in the kitchen.
“I was talking about lunch, but give me a moment.”
Tomo felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment.
“No, it’s fine. We have some chicken in the fridge that’ll expire soon, and I think there’s some lettuce Chika bought but didn’t use that we need to eat, so fried chicken salad, maybe? Oh! There is a package with something like a handful of seeds at the very back of the second shelf in the third cupboard on the left when facing away from the table too. There might be two or three, actually. Chika buys them, eats most of it, tires of it, and shoves into the pantry and forgets they’re there. I usually clean it up every once in a while by making snacks for myself.”
“I believe that’s the most I’ve heard you talk since we first met.”
“Really?” Tomo looked down thoughtfully, trying to remember anything he had said to the man in the past. Hearing steps, he looked up to see Ichirou coming with a bowl of ice cream topped with some dried berries. “I said it was fine!”
“You get the benefit of eating ice cream while I make lunch.” He smiled meaningfully. “I would have used fresh fruit but there’s nothing you can eat. I keep telling Sawa-san not to buy whatever she wants since you have allergies.” He put the bowl on the table.
“Huh? You know about that?”
“Of course! I asked Naomichi-kun if you children had any allergies since your mother said she wasn’t sure. She told me you chose what to bring home and what to cook. Naomichi-kun told me you’ve been hospitalised because of allergies.” He sighed. “Sawa-san is hopeless at times. She should at least remember if her children could die if they eat the wrong thing.”
Tomo looked at Seki-san with wide eyes.
“Tomoki-kun it’s very important to know about allergies.” Seki-san said when he saw that.
“No. I’m just... surprised. I didn’t think anyone but my sisters, Shouji and I would be careful about it. And grandma, I guess.” Tomo started fingering the blanket over his legs. He felt bad he hadn’t considered that Seki might actually care what he could and couldn’t eat. “I’m thankful actually, Ichirou-san. Even if I did most of the cooking, mum would sometimes do her own thing. I ended up having to make my food often.” He laughed awkwardly at the memories that weren’t good, but not entirely bad. “I thought it was odd you never used anything unsafe when cooking.”
His smile turned sorrowful. “That explains why you’ve always watched carefully as I’ve cooked. I suppose that’s also why you didn’t want to try anything I made that you hadn’t seen me make. I make sure nothing you react to is in the house. Whenever your mother brings something home, I go over to Sawada-san and give them to her. I would give them to the Hanakawa family, but you go there a lot. I’ve also made sure they know what is safe and isn’t.”
“You didn’t need to do that, Ichirou-san! I just check everything I eat and it’s been fine.”
“I don’t want any of my children dying on me,” he said. “Married into my family or not.”
Tomo stared down at his hands and the blanket he was crumpling. He felt tense from the tremendous amount of guilt he got hearing Ichirou considered him his child. Meanwhile, Tomo had considered him an intruder for over four years and hadn’t even tried to get to know him.
He clenched his fists. He couldn’t make up for any time he had purposely avoided to even talk to his stepfather; so much he didn’t even know that Seki knew about his allergies.
“Thank you,” he mumbled before looking back up at the man with the warm smile. “And I’m sorry.”
“What is there to be sorry about, Tomoki-kun? Now eat the ice cream and continue watching.” Seki nodded toward the TV. “The best arc in the series is about to start.”
Before he continued to watch the show, he followed Seki with his eyes.
Much like the man had said, the show had a good arc after their exchange, though Tomo couldn’t imagine he’d never admit to even enjoying the show, much less an arc in it. He kept considering changing the channel and wished his sister would come so he could have a reason to continue watching, but he let the channel remain the same.
However, he also understood that if Seki could tell when an arc came in a series this old, it couldn’t be just any show to the man. Even Tomo would need to re-watch any show a few times to remember the arcs in a several tens of episodes long show. Much less several seasons long. He hadn’t expected something like that, but he had nothing to base any expectations on either.
“I really know nothing,” he said under his breath.
He pulled his knees to his chest and rested his forehead against his arms, while trying to find some resolve. After a few moments he took a few deep breaths and sat straight again, putting his legs down and clenching his fists holding on the blanket.
“Uhm, Ichirou-san?”
The chopping behind him stopped, and he turned.
“Yes?”
“I know this is weird of me to say, but...” Tomo hesitated.
It wasn’t really his place to mention it. He knew that.
“No, it was nothing,” he said after a while.
“Tell me, Tomoki-kun. I don’t think you will say anything odd.”
Yet the entire situation was odd. Ken had pointed it out a lot of times.
“Eh... Um... Tomoki’s fine.”
“Hm?”
“You can just call me Tomoki. Or Tomo. It’s fine.”
Ichirou studied Tomo for a while. “Does that mean you won’t call me ‘Seki-san’ when you talk with others about me? Your mother told me because she’s been worried, and I have to admit it hurts a little, Tomo-kun.”
He felt anxiety well up inside as his eyes widened. He turned his gaze downwards. Thoughts raced through his head, wondering just how much the man knew. Knowing his mother, it wasn’t unlikely she would have let it slip about his room, wardrobe or hobbies.
A clutter and running steps alarmed Tomo and looking up Ichirou picked him up and hurried to the bathroom.
He started laughing as Ichirou put him down.
“Are you all right?”
“It’s fine. The surprise overpowered the nausea.
“Isn’t that too bad for you, Tomo-kun? I would have given you more ice cream.”
“Eh? Can’t I get some, anyway?”
“If you don’t call me Seki-san...” There was a hint of amusement in Ichirou’s eyes. He then started walking back to the kitchen as if nothing had just happened.
Tomo hurried to catch up. As anxious as the mention of that made him, he had already decided what to do. He needed to at least get to know the man and acknowledge Sawa had married the man and thus into Tomo’s family.
“Then I’ll have more ice cream, Ichirou-san.”
“I’ll prepare some, so go watch the show. It’s quite good.”
“I want ice cream too!” they heard Chika say when Tomo nodded and soon they saw her come down the stairs.
“Then you better get sick this very instant,” Ichirou said.
She looked horrified.
“I think you can have some too if you do some chores,” Tomo chuckled.
She contemplated it as Ichirou continued to the kitchen. “I’ll just go buy some at the convenience store instead.”