Episode 10. Cause and Effect

“Yuu... I thought senpai and Seki-kun were good friends,” Furukawa whispered.

She, Yuu and Tatsumi were walking in front of Tomo and Ken. Behind them were Sakura and Nomura.

“They should be...” Yuu said and turned to Tatsumi, who shrugged.

A sudden tug at his arm gave him a fright.

“Senpai, Seki-chan! You’re so boring!” Sakura said, and the distance between Ken and Tomo shortened as both of them struggled not to stumble and Sakura pulled them together. “You need to get along!”

“What’s going on?” Furukawa and the boys turned around and saw Sakura move her hand to Tomo’s wrist.

“What are you doing?” he asked, not approving what she had planned.

Ken suddenly pulled his arm to him, startled by Sakura’s plan. Tomo, too, tried to pull his hand away.

In the past couple of weeks, Ken had only sent a handful of messages and only talked to Tomo at work. More recently it had been better than the first few days of complete silence, yet that treatment hurt him.

However, Sakura yanked their arms trying to pull them both together to hold hands. She still smiled, but looked tenser for every second she struggled.

Tomo feared Sakura when she was genuinely angry and yanked his arm away.

“Fine,” he snapped at her and took Ken’s hands. “If this is what you want, I’ll go along with it.”

“Tomo-chan, let go!”

“Shut up, Ken!”

“I told you to get along!”

“Uh… Momo-chan, senpai?”

“What?!” It sounded harsher than he had meant it.

Yuu looked apologetic. “You might have gotten a bit… friendly.”

Tomo paused for a moment before he turned to Sakura.

“This is all your fault, Saku-chan.”

“It’s yours! You’re ruining the mood. Why can’t you two get along at least now? You’ve been in some weird fight for weeks!”

There was a tired sigh and Tomo felt how Ken’s tense hand relaxed a little and held his hand.

“Stop, you two. You’re just making it worse.” Stressed and uncomfortable, Ken looked around. “Besides, could you not shout in the middle of the street?”

***

“Is this where Makkun works?” Furukawa asked as they sat down at a table at the family restaurant. “I haven’t seen him in forever. You should tell him to come home sometimes!”

“Calm down, Airi. He works in the kitchen,” Yuu replied as he pushed the button on the table. “We’ll see if he’s here.”

Soon a waiter arrived at their table and he asked if there was something like an allergy list or something. The waiter stuttered that they might be unable to accommodate allergies.

“Is Sakuraba Makoto here today?”

“Eh… I believe so…”

“Do you think you could ask for him? I’m his younger brother and we have a person with allergies.”

“I’ll… I’ll ask the manager. Excuse me.”

The waiter hurried away.

“Like a manager will be much help,” Ken muttered. “Is your brother good with handling allergies?”

“I don’t know, but since he studies something to do with food, I thought he might have a clue?”

Something about the situation gave Tomo a nagging feeling. As if something sounded strangely familiar, but he couldn’t say what.

“Anyway!” Furukawa interrupted them. “Can someone explain now?”

With Tomo on her right and Ken on her left, she was holding their wrists to ensure they wouldn’t let go.

With a sigh Tomo glanced at Sakura before he turned to Tatsumi and Yuu.

“Eeeeh...” Yuu looked at Tomo, then at Tatsumi. “Stuff happened when Hana-chan and Momo-chan were in middle school, so they try to avoid that same thing to happen and pretend they don’t know each other.”

“You told them?”

He avoided Sakura’s accusing glare by looking away from her. “It might have been really necessary.”

She sighed. “Why did I think you could keep it up?”

“Don’t fight.”

He looked over at Ken. The situation was draining Ken as he tried to find a solution to the situation they were in, and which was the last on his preference list.

“Yuu, I heard you… had…” they heard from someone coming closer.

The voice was all too familiar and in dread Tomo turned to see a familiar face usually surrounded by brown waves falling down to his collarbones, and honey-coloured eyes staring at him and Ken in disbelief.

Tomo figured out what was familiar: Fujiki’s boyfriend studied culinary science.

“Momo-san and Ken-kun? How do you know Yuu? Wait… Can I ask that?”

“Makoto-san, help?” Tomo asked, lifting his hand. The man just looked confused.

“Why are you asking Makoto-san for help, Tomo? Weren’t you the one who grabbed my hand?”

“Because Saku-chan was getting angry, and I didn’t want to hear about that stuff again.”

Ken relaxed, which made Tomo’s shoulders drop. He hadn’t realised how tense he had been until then.

“If that’s the case, I really can’t blame you.”

He turned to Makoto and gave him a bright smile.

“Don’t mind us. Momo-chan is the one with allergies, so if you would…”

Makoto nodded and went over the dessert menu with Tomo. Once Tomo could order, the others had decided as well. Makoto jotted down the order ‘while at it’, sharing the same relaxed stance as Fujiki, and spoke similarly to how he did at work, though he remained polite.

Spending so much time at the café as Makoto had, perhaps it came to him naturally.

The man had become a regular right away, before Tomo had worked there. He wasn’t sure when, but they had become a couple at some point after he had joined. Even after a couple, Fujiki would forget the rest of the world when he sat down with Makoto, and Makoto wasn’t much better.

While they got their order, Sakura and Tomo switched places since holding Ken’s hand with Sakura between was inconvenient for all three of them. Ken said they wouldn’t let go until they needed to go home or Sakura said they could, and she had been willing to let go.

Tomo glanced at him, trying to see if he felt disgusted or uncomfortable with Tomo holding his hand, but he looked like he usually would.

Once they got their order, Yuu curiously studied at Tomo and Ken.

“How do you know my brother?”

“I s’pose he’s a regular at our café. Drinks a lot of coffee,” Ken said nonchalantly before he picked up his cup of coffee.

They didn’t know if Makoto was openly gay, so they couldn’t exactly say he was their boss’ boyfriend. Yuu raised a brow as he stared at Ken, but said nothing about it.

“Let’s make this simple and explain everything.” Ken put down his cup of coffee and lifted their hands for everyone to see. “To everyone,” he said before he put their hands underneath the table.

He tried to handle the spoon to get a piece with his left hand, but it was too hard for the right-handed boy. Tomo put down his own cup and took the spoon from him.

“Here,” he said as he held up the spoon.

Ken shamelessly closed his lips around the spoon. “Thanks.”

Part of Tomo rejoiced that he could do this, another part was embarrassed about it, and a third — the dominant one — pushed the other two emotions away.

It was nothing special.

“Are we going to mention everything?” Tomo asked and squeezed Ken’s hand under the table. The question was about that.

Ken returned it. “All that matters. We can’t exactly go over three people’s life history, now can we?”

“I guess,” he said, “It still started with my birth though.”

Ken rested his head against his free hand and looked at the person to his right. “Well, I guess it’s Tomo-chan’s life’s history then,” he teased with an amused smile.

Tomo flushed. “Ken!”

“You’ve known each other your entire life?” Tatsumi asked. “I thought Hana-chan introduced you?”

“I did,” Sakura huffed. “You could have told me. But how did you two even get to know each other? Neither of you have ever moved, and you live in different cities.”

“We’re missing some details.”

“Just a few. It all starts with niisan and Shouji-nii.”

“What does Shouji have to do with this?”

“Be quiet, Sakkun. I’ll tell this story.”

“Idiot.”

“Momoi Naomichi was born to a woman named Momoi Chitose and her husband Fujinosuke.”

Tomo chuckled.

“When Naomichi-kun was six years old, Chitose took in a boy whose mother had gotten ill when he was born. Her health had always been fragile, but the baby’s birth was harder on her than expected. The little baby boy’s name was Fujita Kouta. Naomichi, who had no siblings, felt blessed with the little boy’s presence and before long Naomichi loved Kouta like he was his own baby brother. Kouta’s mother got better, but Chitose kept taking care of the little boy during the days, and Kouta turned one, then two… The Fujita’s saw no need to take the boy away from the lady, and Kouta would spend his days with her while Naomichi was at school, and then the afternoons with Naomichi.”

“When Kouta was old enough to begin school, he went to the same school that Naomichi had been at. It was close to the middle school where Naomichi was and they would go to school like brothers.”

“Then, the year Kouta was turning twelve, Naomichi had a daughter named Chiyo with a woman named Sawa. As Naomichi was still in school and Sawa was not a reliable parent, the two placed their daughter in Naomichi’s mother’s care. A few years later they had a second daughter, Chika, who Chitose also took care of. A couple of months later, Keiko had her second son, Kenta. And two years later, Tomoki was born.”

“Kenta was, just like Kouta, placed in Chitose’s care and Kenta grew up with Chiyo and Chika. When Tomoki was born it was another family member for Kenta.”

Ken turned to Tomo and nodded for him to continue.

“Years later, when the Momoi children were all in school and stayed with Sawa, the Hanakawa family with their five children, all named after seasons – although one was not born during it – moved into the house next to the Naomichi’s family. The youngest, Sakura, began acting, and there she met someone she thought was super cool.”

Tomo paused and Ken smiled as he melodramatically said: “And his name was Kenta.”

“In her excitement, she brought her friend Tomoki with her one time to practice just to show him. To see the very Kenta he had grown up with surprised Tomoki.”

“And Kenta was surprised to see Tomoki.”

“Tomoki joined the children’s drama troupe for a few years, then quit. His mother remarried to Seki Ichirou. Tomoki then went to middle school with Sakura, began working at Kouta’s café, had... an... incident...” He trailed off.

“And got into B High School, with Sakura, which also was Kenta’s school,” Kenta finished after squeezing Tomo’s hand.

“So Yama-senpai is practically your brother, Momo.”

Tomo laughed awkwardly. “I guess. I never really thought of it that way. He’s just always been there.”

He felt Ken’s hand move, and their clasped hands shifted. Ken’s fingers found their way between his. It was how they usually held hands, and they would normally change as soon as no one saw.

Yet, they hadn’t.

Tomo also feared that if he tried anything, Ken would come to hate him. Now he regretted it, though.

“But...” Ken said slowly, covering his mouth and cheeks with his hand. Tomo saw the cheeks get a red tint. “I guess that’s not all.”

Was there anything else? They had mentioned everything but the thing they wouldn’t mention. It confused him.

“Momo, why are you blushing?”

Tomo tried to find an answer but found none.

“Tatsumi, you’ve been to the café.”

“You’ve been to Yama-senpai’s fetish workplace?”

Tomo let out a nervous laugh when Sakura asked her question. Even if it wasn’t about how close Tomo and Ken were, the café was still a pretty tough topic. Especially with what had happened. He rather it wasn’t the subject of conversation at all, ever.

“That’s taking it too far. It’s a pretty normal café if you remove the acting.”

“And crossdressers,” Tatsumi added.

“And Momo-chan. I think it all would have seemed much more normal without Momo-chan in there.”

“Eh!?” Hearing he was the major reason the café was strange shocked Tomo. He wasn’t that weird. Probably. “What have I done that was so weird?”

Tatsumi and Yuu looked at each other and then turned to Tomo.

“To be honest, we both were a little confused until we talked at your place. I didn’t expect that, Momo-chan.”

“Tomo, sounds like you’re doing just fine at work,” Ken said.

Tomo turned to a gentle smile that made his heart race. The memory of Ken’s face and breath flashed by, making Tomo look away. Embarrassed by his own mind, he picked up his cup.

“But that kiss thing was really too much.”

Tomo choked on his tea, despite expecting the mention of that particular detail. Ken’s torso shook a little as he held back his laughter.

“There weren’t any kisses!” he said between coughs. “Don’t make people misunderstand! Ken, don’t laugh!”

“Ah, yeah. Sorry, Momo-chan. It was poorly phrased. Nothing happened.”

Tomo put this cup down. “Do I have to bring Ken with me to the restroom?”

“I’m not that cruel.”

“Thanks.”

Tomo let go of Ken’s hand and hurried away.

Yuu was right.

Nothing had happened.

It wasn’t Ken that acted strangely. It was Tomo.

***

There was a knock as the door opened, and he turned away from the English essay he wrote for the club.

“Excuse me for disturbing you.”

Tomo expected to see Ichirou with a tray with snacks or tea, but he held nothing.

“No, it’s alright. I was just writing. Did you need anything?”

“Kenta-kun’s here.”

Tomo blinked.

Despite them having a couple of hours of being back to normal while with their friends the day before, Ken had returned to being avoidant once they were home again.

Ichirou smiled as he left the door, and Ken stepped into view instead. He didn’t greet Tomo, nor look him in the eye.

“You can come in,” Tomo said when Ken didn’t step inside.

Ken glanced at Tomo before he habitually ducked through the door, carrying a sports bag, which he dropped onto the floor after closing the door.

Tomo looked between Ken and the bag.

Seconds ticked away, none sure who to speak first.

“Are you staying over?” Tomo eventually asked.

“If you’re okay with it. Ichirou-san said nothing.” He covered his mouth with his hand.

“Okay.” Tomo moved to the bed, inviting Ken to sit next to him.

He didn’t move, and the ticking of the clock continued in the awkward silence.

“I thought we might need to talk.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Tomo looked at his hands, rubbing his index fingers. Unlike usual, Tomo had apologised soon after instead of feeling too guilty to manage, so Ken must know and didn’t like how Tomo was. Could it possibly be anything else?

“I can stay in the guest bedroom.”

“Ken, it’s fine. Unless you want to stay elsewhere. I’d never chase you away, you know.”

“Maybe you should,” Ken muttered and Tomo tilted his head to the side.

The one ending it should be Ken, right?

He patted the bed again. Ken hesitated before he sat down next to Tomo, shoulder to shoulder, making Tomo’s heart hammer in his chest in anxiety. He rubbed his fingers while Ken clasped his hands, neither of them looking at the other.

“Is it something really bad?” He glanced at Ken, who stared into his hands. “Did you get a girlfriend? A real one?”

If he had fallen in love with Sayoko…

Ken sniggered. “Do I need you permission to get one?”

“No, but…”

“I don’t need one. I have you, right?”

A spark of joy ignited in Tomo, which he immediately extinguished with annoyance.

“Don’t say it like that. Someone might misunderstand. I’m just a friend.”

Ken put his arm around Tomo’s shoulders and nuzzled his hair. “Sure. If you’re just a friend, I won’t.”

Emotions ran rampant within Tomo. Ken was so close, and while it was calming, it made him nervous.

“Really, don’t say stuff like that. There’ll be misunderstandings.”

“You’re the only one here, Tomo.”

He panicked. He was saying it because he was the only one who could misunderstand, yet he didn’t want Ken to know.

“What did you want to talk about if it wasn’t a girlfriend?” he hurried.

Ken stopped the nuzzling and then put strands of hair behind Tomo’s ear. Flustered, Tomo felt Ken’s gaze.

“You’re so cute,” he said quietly, yet not quite whispering. “Sometimes almost too adorable.”

Tomo turned his head away from Ken, staring into the floor, his cheeks hot and his heart fluttering. “Don’t call some random boy that. Save it for your girls.”

“I only ever say it to you.”

“What does this have to do with anything?”

“Well…” Ken said thoughtfully, his teasing and playful tone gone, as he increased the distance between them. “It has everything to do with it. I wanted to talk about us.”

Tomo’s heart sank. “I see.”

“What is it?”

“It’s time to grow up, right? You’re almost eighteen. I’m sixteen. You’ll want a proper girlfriend soon; we need to stop being like this.”

“And that makes you sad? If you don’t want that, tell me. I’m never going to chase you away either.” Ken gently turned Tomo’s face toward him. “It’s okay to be selfish, and to say what you want and feel.”

Ken put his forehead against Tomo’s, looking into Tomo’s eyes through his unstyled fringe.

The memory overlapped with the current situation and Tomo’s eyes wandered, trying to look at something else, but no matter what, he saw Ken.

“If I’m not just a friend, what am I? Family?”

Ken let go of him and moved back, their foreheads no longer touching. Ken still looked at Tomo, but the smile looked strained.

“If that’s what you think, that’s fine. But then you need to tell me.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ll think of you as family too.”

“I said it yesterday, but I never thought of you as family,” Tomo mumbled.

They circled the topic, afraid of touching upon it, gauging where the other stood. They would try to take a step forward, then back off. Waiting for the other to mention it. Having their own emotional rollercoasters. Happy, hopeful, disappointed, hurt, questioning, confused…

There was no way Tomo wasn’t noticing that. He noticed it… yet he was afraid he was misinterpreting it.

“So you see me as a friend? That’s fine too.”

“You know it’s not that simple. While you are my best friend…”

Ken’s eyes twinkled with amusement as he took Tomo’s hand and their hands intertwined. “Is this what best friends do?”

“No. I mean, they do, but not like this and not in high school.”

“Hmm…”

“What is it?”

“Do we do anything else best friends don’t do?”

“Don’t be stupid. You know we do.” He frowned as he looked at their clasped hands. “Do you want us to stop? Is that it?”

“Tomo, are you pretending to be stupid?”

“Aren’t you avoiding the topic?” Tomo looked straight into Ken’s eyes and the boy looked surprised.

“I am,” he muttered into his hand after a while, his cheeks tinged pink. “Do friends act like we do?”

“There might be some,” Tomo offered. “But you know why we hide it. People won’t accept it as a friendship.”

“So we are just friends?” Ken squeezed Tomo’s hand.

“Aren’t we?” He tried not to smile and Ken chuckled as he put his forehead back against Tomo’s.

“Depends.”

Tomo’s heart was racing. It felt a little hard to breathe, but it wasn’t uncomfortable like when he was anxious. It was like his chest was full of something good. He had never thought he’d feel like this.

“I like you, Ken.”

How many times in his lifetime had he said those words? Yet this time was special, and they both knew it.

“I know,” Ken responded seriously. He didn’t smile or look amused. He didn’t joke and tease. He didn’t reject it.

“Mm.”

Ken rubbed his forehead against Tomo’s as Tomo squeezed Ken’s hand.

Soon he was nuzzling Tomo’s hair, and Tomo laughed as he tried to lean away from it. Ken let go of his hand and put his arms around him, trying to keep Tomo from getting away. He laughed as he nuzzled Tomo’s hair.

They fell onto the bed, and Ken held Tomo, who still tried to get away from the nuzzling. Then his fingers began to move around, and Tomo couldn’t keep from laughing even more while being tickled.

“I give up! Time out!” he wheezed between the roaring laughs.

They laughed for a while more while Tomo dried tears from the corners of his eyes. It turned to chuckles and soon they laid quietly in the bed, Ken with his arms around Tomo while he in satisfaction nuzzled Tomo’s hair.

“What brought this on?” Tomo asked. “You’re into girls, right?”

“Yeah,” Ken answered.

“Do you want to do the same thing with me as with girls?”

It took a few moments before Ken replied. “I don’t. Well, some things, but you know… Would you want to?”

Tomo had never thought about who he was and wasn’t attracted to. There had been nothing to think about, because there was no one.

“I don’t need anything. I’m happy with holding hands or sleeping next to you or hugging. If I wanted something in the future, I’m a boy so it would be weird for you. I don’t want that.”

Tomo underestimated how well his childhood friend knew him.

“But?”

Silent, Tomo sat up and looked down as he rubbed his fingers against the hem of his t-shirt. Ken sat up too and studied Tomo.

“Have you ever kissed someone?”

Ken had avoided being too close to girls at their school. However, with girls and women who he knew from elsewhere, he could go further. Tomo knew because Ken had always told him about it. Not in detail, just mentioning it in passing.

He had mentioned kisses before.

“Uh… Yeah…?”

“I meant someone… special?”

“Oh. Right.”

Ken grinned as he put his arms around his waist, closing the distance again. Ken’s breath tickled his skin, and his heart was racing. It was even a little hard to breathe.

“I’ve been really close. A bit too close, perhaps.”

He was frozen in place, his head as empty as the time before.

“Definitely too close,” Ken added with a laugh. “That’s fine. Let me know when you’re ready.”

“Sometimes you’re a jerk. You know that, right?”

“Chika’s told me that for years, so I think I know by now,” he laughed. “You know… Sorry for staying away. I needed to think about our relationship. I got kinda agitated when you acted the way I usually do and felt stupid for it.”

Tomo chuckled. “Well, I know confusion, so if you need someone to share your thoughts with, I’m here.”

Ken gave him a half-smile. “True. Though I was more jealous than confused.”

He kissed Tomo’s forehead, making Tomo unsure how to react. It took him by surprise, mixed with joy. He didn’t hate it, that was for sure. He didn’t mind it either.

Then again, Ken always said he did nothing to girls if he didn’t know it was fine. The same applied to Tomo, right?

“But you were wrong about one thing, Tomo-chan.”

Tomo peered up at Ken, who took his hand again.

“You’re not ‘a boy’ to me. You’re Tomo. You’ve always been you, and that’s fine. You’re fine as you are. I want you to remember that.”

He looked back at their hands before he rested his head against Ken’s shoulder, and Ken responded by resting his against Tomo’s head. He felt comfortable like this; there was no anxiety or pressure.

Ken only ever saw ‘Tomoki’.

“Mm. Thanks, Ken.”

***

“Tomo-chan!”

The two of them looked up from the math problems Ken was helping Tomo with. Sakura had stormed into the house without as much as a greeting.

“Help me with English!”

Though they were about to have summer break, Tomo wanted to review what he hadn’t done well during the finals, and as Ken and Tomo were good again, Ken was helping him.

Sakura most likely had a similar thought process and wanted Tomo to help her with his best subject.

“Sakura-san.” Ichirou came downstairs to greet the sudden guest. He had been cleaning upstairs. “You'd benefit from acting your age.”

Tomo chuckled.

“That’s cute,” Ken whispered.

Now that there were no question marks to straighten out, he was closer than usual.

“Tomo-kun is studying with Kenta-kun.”

“Senpai’s here too? I’ll ask him for help too.”

And gone she was.

Ichirou came into the kitchen and began preparing tea. Tomo noticed how he glanced at them a few times.

“Ken, too close,” he whispered.

He moved away from Tomo. Close enough to touch hands if they wanted to, yet too far for shoulders to bump.

When his stepfather bought two cups and some snacks, he asked in a quiet voice: “Will you need the futon this time?”

“What?” Ken asked, confused.

“I’m wondering if you’re sharing the bed with Tomo-kun, Kenta-kun.”

“The futon is fine. The guest bedroom too,” Ken said and looked at Tomo, who just stared at the math problems, feeling his face turn hot.

He didn’t know how Ichirou had figured that one out yet, and he had forgotten to mention it to Ken.

“Then I’ll put an extra set of blanket and pillow in your room, Tomo-kun.”

Ken watched Ichirou leave before he whispered: “Tomo, have you told him?”

“No. Maybe you’re too close, but I think he knows more than he tells.”

That’s when Sakura burst into the house again. They heard her take a few steps in, stop, back up, and say ‘excuse me’. Moments later, she sat down on the floor. She brought every subject with her.

“You know I don’t study anymore, Sakkun. I’m not helping you with all of that.”

Ichirou placed a third cup of tea on the table.

“Oh, that’s right. Kenta-kun, how did you do on the exams this term? I believe those not at the top are told their placement.”

“Only Aoki from my class did better than I did.” Ken turned to Tomo with a grin. “Sayocchi was furious.”

“And you didn’t study?” Sakura asked with suspicion.

“No.” He then turned back to Tomo’s math problems. “There wasn’t any point,” he muttered.