Episode 18. My Words are Mine Alone

"Are you ready, Momoi?" Eguchi called out to Tomo.

He had buttoned the shirt that some of his classmates had worked on. The quality was terrible and he had immediately missed his work uniform.

"No," he said while folding the cuffs up. "Give me a moment. It might be a bit small."

"No way! I even asked senpai—!"

Tomo came out of the temporary dressing room they had put together in the classroom.

"I'm joking," he said with a smile. "The shirt's a little big around the waist." He gathered some of the fabric at the back. "If you tighten it just a little, it'll be harder to tell."

"I thought a bit looser would be better..." Eguchi thought out loud.

"It just makes me look more like a guy. It adds some bulk and I'm pretty slim," Tomo said with a smile.

He didn't want to smile. He wanted to cry. He wasn't comfortable at all with any of this.

Fujiki and Makoto had heard about the culture festival from Kouta (Yuu had kept it secret because he didn't want his brother to see him in a dress and Airi had actually kept quiet about it), so now they were going to come. Makoto would probably not judge a café at a high school culture festival very harshly, but Fujiki would definitely point out everything Tomo could do better.

Which just added to his discomfort.

"It won't get too small?"

"Eguchi, does it look too small?"

"Hmmm..."

Tomo sighed and walked over to his desk. He got his phone out of his bag and messaged Ken.

Help! Shirt's too big.

Ok. Coming down.

"Ken's coming to look at it."

"Paisen's checking us out?" Sakura asked. "I want him to see if I can improve my costume too!"

Tomo was one of the few who didn't sew his own costume. He was busy putting together the menu and trying out what his classmates thought would be easy.

"Saku-chan, he's just helping with the androgynous stuff," he smiled at her. He could see she didn't believe his smile, but went along with it.

"This is outrageous!" Sakura pretended to be upset, her smile betraying her.

Tomo wasn't the only one who wouldn't be really crossdressing. There were a couple of guys and a few girls who had felt uncomfortable. They said they would have if they had no choice, but each of them was happy Tomo had been in their class so they could avoid it. But most actually thought it would be fun.

Perhaps his class in general just was okay with things that weren't 'normal'. The guys didn't complain about the dresses, but instead messed with each other. The girls kept praising each other about how handsome they looked. Sakura... was in a strange twilight zone. No one really put any thought to the fact she was dressed like a manservant, nor that she hung out with the guys more than the girls, because she looked like one of the guys... but not in a dress that needed to be fixed. But she still was helpful and offered honest opinions on the others. She was in the drama club after all.

The troupe she was part of at the theatre was also run by volunteers, which was why both Ken and Sakura had made many costumes in the past. It was a little odd to see her being mature about it and helping. At the theatre, she would be overly confident and boast.

Ken was helping with the androgynous costumes since it was harder to create the illusion of not being any gender than just dressing up as the opposite. Tomo knew how his uniform at work looked and felt, so he had a pretty good idea for himself, but each costume had to be adjusted in different ways.

3-A was simply going to hold a photo exhibition. They collected photos they had taken during the past two and a half years and were going to call it 'Memories of B High'.

Apparently, Ken had wanted to do something more serious, but there were a lot of people in cultural clubs who were doing some serious projects who wanted to get off easy.

It did give Ken more time to help 1-B though. And the drama club didn't seem to mind too much, since Ken wasn't going to be acting so he didn't need to rehearse.

And they had yet to actually properly settle for a script... 'Car crash' as Ken had described it seemed like it would be accurate.

***

"Tomo, Yayoi-chan! What do you need help with?" Ken asked as he came in through the rear door.

"Seki Tomoki needs to go to the arts and humanities teachers' office immediately," a student said at the front.

Tomo looked at Ken who backed up and hurried to the student through the hall.

"Erikacchi, did the teacher tell you why?"

"Kenta-senpai!" the girl uttered in surprise, then shook her head. "I just happened to talk to Oomori-sensei and was told to ask Abe Rieko from 1-A and Seki Tomoki from 1-B come to the office. It seemed reeeeaaaaally serious though. Like totally. Also..."

The girl, who must have been one of "Ken's girls", lowered her voice to a whisper.

"Got it," Ken said and smiled brightly towards the girl before he stepped into the classroom. "Tomo, you better get changed. Yayoi, I'll help with the others for the time being."

Tomo just nodded. What was this about? He had no clue and he felt anxious. The one who had known him for perhaps too long must have noticed, because once Tomo was in his uniform again and about to leave, Ken hurried up to him.

"Let us know what's going on, 'kay?" he said, and gave Tomo's hand a quick squeeze.

"Mm. I will," he nodded before he headed to the office.

"Momoi..." Wakabayashi said as he opened the door.

"Excuse me, I was asked to come?"

And so was Abe Rieko. He could only think it had to do with her bullying or stealing his notes. If not directly, it could be something like accusing him of something he hadn't done.

"Sit down. We need to wait." Handa said with a grave voice. He could only comply.

Tomo raked his memories for a reason to be there and suddenly remembered the panic attack. He had dropped his notebook. He had gotten it back the next day from a second year who said he had found it outside. And prior to that Abe Rieko had taken it without his permission. He had been so focused on the culture festival preparations he had somehow forgotten about it. Perhaps slowly becoming friends with people in class really helped.

Everyone in his class seemed nice. Rumours of him being a girl had apparently also died together with the ones about him being gay. He felt... safe wasn't precisely the word, but he didn't feel as threatened by his classmates has he had before. Maybe he had been lucky to have Yuu in his class. Yuu was friends with everyone. Susumu and Tatsumi got along with most as well, Sakura had been on friendly terms with all the girls, but then they had distanced themselves from her. She did get along better with them after her confession about her sudden image change.

But it didn't change that his notebook had disappeared. Just that his mind hadn't been occupied by the thoughts and fears revolving it. He had gotten feedback from Wakabayashi and handed in his essay after some revisions to Handa. The English club was going to choose their individual entries for the anthology the next day...

"This is about my story, isn't it?"

Handa pursed his lips and Wakabayashi looked somewhat pained.

He was right. He just knew it. He was so tired of this drama. He didn't need it. He rather gave it up just to avoid it.

"Excuse me," Tomo heard and froze for a second. Out of habit he put his best smile on and turned.

"Why, if it isn't Abe Rieko-san?"

She blinked in surprise. Tomo figured she hadn't been told he was asked to come, nor expected a smile.

Tomo was so glad he worked at the café. He had learnt to smile at any time. Customer service. A seemingly useless skill for someone like him, but it was so useful at the oddest of moments.

"Huh? Tomoki-kun? What are you doing here? I was asked to see the teacher..." At first, she seemed like she didn't know what to say, but then quickly caught on to the situation.

"I never said you could call me Tomoki, so would you be so kind as to stop using my given name, Abe-san?"

Tomo turned back to the teachers, still smiling. He saw a hint of disbelief in Handa's face. The teacher had never seen Tomo hostile against anyone.

However, Handa knew the Tomo from school and from over two years ago. Not Momo-san.

"Aren't we the same age? Shouldn't it be fine, Tomoki-kun?" Abe tried.

"I have to say that's rather rude," Tomoki said. "To use someone's name when they specifically asked you not to."

"Abe-san, Momoi-kun is right. If he isn't fine with it, you're being rude," Handa agreed.

Handa left the obvious unsaid. It was normal indeed for people the same age to be on friendly terms.

"We're still waiting for Kitamura-sensei," Wakabayashi said. "Once he's here—"

"Handa-sensei, Wakabayashi-sensei, Abe-san, Seki-kun. Sorry for the wait."

***

"That essay is definitely mine!" Abe's voice was confident.

Tomo just listened calmly. He didn't feel a need to get angry. He really could not find a reason to, nor the energy for it.

Handa glanced at Kitamura.

"Abe-san, Wakabayashi-sensei received a copy of this in English from Seki-kun before the preparations truly started. He gave both the first draft and the second one for them to read for their opinion. It appears he lost the notebook he kept his writing in."

"He must have translated mine!"

"If I wanted to take your story I wouldn't have translated the first draft, would I?"

Tomo smiled at Abe Rieko.

He had given up on her.

It still hurt that she had taken his work and claimed it to be hers, and even took the trouble to translate both the original draft and the changed draft, but what could he do?

"Maybe you did as to be able to say that in case you were found out!"

"The writing style is, however, consistent with Momoi-kun's other work," Handa said. "But I hear Wakabayashi-sensei see inconsistencies compared to what you handed in to Kataoka-sensei during the last term and what they have gotten from you this term."

"I have only handed in shorter things in tests and homework, except for one essay. There is little to compare with. Tomoki-kun shouldn't have written much more in English."

"Momoi-kun hands in something every month for review within the club. The English club has that as its required club activity," Handa pointed out. "I receive a copy of every essay and short story they write for the club."

"Do you have any proof I didn't originally write it?"

Kitamura was about to say something, but Tomo smiled at his teachers.

"There is unlikely any proof," Tomo said.

"So you admit you took it?"

"No, Abe-san. I'm saying that there is neither proof you took it from me, nor that I wrote it. Certainly, as sensei says, there may be consistencies in writing style, but that proves nothing. I, however, don't want to be accused of something that can't be proven. It's been proven you've taken my notebook without permission. We know that much. You can scream out I stole it however much you want, but there is nothing to back your claims. Therefore, there is no proof. Neither in my favour nor in my disfavour."

"Momoi is quite right..." Handa said hesitantly with a furrowed brow.

"Sensei, may I leave? I was in the middle of fitting my uniform for the café our class will have. I also have to make the menu. I don't think this issue will be resolved as it would only be her word against mine."

The teacher looked surprised for a second. "I see. Yes, of course. You can go back now."

"Thank you. I will write something new for the anthology, Handa-sensei." He stood up.

"But you need to hand it in tomorrow unless you choose something you've previously written, Momoi-kun," Handa pointed out.

He only had one option then.

"I know, sensei. Which is why I would prefer if this absurd discussion could end."

"Absurd?" Kitamura asked.

"Yes. No matter what I would say, Abe-san would say is a lie without any proof. But as we have agreed on — there is no proof. I could, in theory, have translated them both. I could also, in theory, have worked very hard to keep the style consistent. That, of course, means I had analysed my own work beforehand and then carefully made sure it neither sounded fabricated nor was different than usual. I would assume that actually takes more time than just writing something of my own. But it seems to be a reasonable assumption that I put more effort into plagiarisation than my own work according to Abe-san, so I have nothing to say on the matter, aside from that it is absurd. I can write a new piece without needing to ruin my credibility. It may not be polished, but it's not impossible."

"I'm afraid Tomoki-kun must be ill," Abe said worriedly. "Maybe that's why he translated my essay..."

"Ah, yes. You're quite right." He smiled politely, his tone matching it. "You did tell me the symptoms before. Let me think... I might have forgotten some, but wasn't it wearing a headband, wearing green, pink and lilac glasses, keeping my hair long, wearing light coloured cardigans... What else was it? Oh yes, girly boys! They're all signs I'm mentally ill. You are right. I must be very ill. My forgetfulness is likely part of it as well. Next time I see Suzuki-sensei, I will discuss it with her. Thank you very much for the reminder, Abe-san." She was just a really annoying customer. "Now, if you excuse me, I'll take my leave, sensei." He bowed and left the room.

***

"Momo! Welcome back! What was it about?" Tatsumi held up a hand when Tomo came into the classroom.

"Nothing important," he muttered.

Now he had done it. He was irritated. He would have rather this mess had happened earlier. Now he was pressured to write something new.

Tomo walked through the classroom, took a notebook out of his bag and started writing the title.

***

There was a slam as a pair of hands hit his desk. "Tomoki!" Tomo looked up and saw his sister looking furious. "I heard from Dai you have to write something new before lunch tomorrow because the one you submitted can't be used after all!"

"So? It wasn't a good essay anyway."

"Wasn't that the essay you were so excited to hand in for the anthology?! You worked really hard on it!"

"No."

Tomo looked down and kept writing. She didn't need to remind him that he had worked hard on it. That he had really liked it.

Chika grabbed his arm.

"Chika, you're making a scene. I have something to write and I'm waiting for Eguchi to finish the fitting for the others, so I can have my own fitting and after that I will be writing the menu."

"Didn't you choose this school specifically for the English club and its connections to K university?"

That was true. That was also why he just had to accept what happened. Without proof, they couldn't say he had plagiarised someone else's work, so they couldn't add it as something he had done. Without any proof to counter Abe Rieko's claims, it would be at a standstill. He realised that.

"Chika."

Tomo looked back up at his sister. His arm was hurting.

"Fine! Be like Ichirou and be silently angry then. If it kills you later, it's not my fault."

Tomo chuckled, then smiled at Chika. She looked surprised. "I'm not angry, really. There's no point, you know. There is no proof in favour or disfavour for either side, so as long as I just write this there shouldn't be any problems for me. But you're in the way for our class and if you're not going to help us, you will leave right now."

Chika let go of his arm and left the classroom muttering to herself about how she must be an idiot.

"What was that about? You have to rewrite something?" Tatsumi asked. Tomo stopped writing.

"Yeah, so unless it's related to the festival, please don't talk to me right now, Suzuki-kun. I'm pretty busy."

"Su—?"

Tomo continued to write.

***

"What's wrong with you, Tomo?"

Tomo felt Ken suddenly grabbed his arm while he was on his way home.

"Nothing is wrong. I'm going home, like any student should do after the end of the day."

"I went down to your class, but they said you had already gone home since you have to write. I heard Chika mutter something about that too. I asked Sayocchi and heard you were accused of plagiarism. That's not 'nothing', is it?"

"I wasn't accused of anything, Ken. There just was nothing I could do except write something new or pick an old one. I will write this or not be in the anthology at all."

"Just pick something old!"

Tomo turned to Ken and let him feel sad about the situation for the first time. Tears threatened to overflow. The irritation in Ken's eyes was wiped away as soon as he looked into Tomo's eyes.

"That's not really possible. I don't have any of it, Ken."

"What?"

"You know I write things in the English notebook because I always had it around to be able to review things, right? So it was natural to write down any drafts in it. You haven't really read anything. Well, your English is so bad you wouldn't be able to understand it even if I had shown you... But a lot of it was... private. I considered some of them as something I might hand in, but most of it was for my eyes only. That's why I never let Saku-chan borrow it. Or you. I threw all of it except one draft away after Abe Rieko took my notebook. Handa is the only one who has a copy of what I have handed in. But everything else..."

"Tomo, why? Won't you regret it?"

"Do you think I'm not right now? But I don't want to have anything that can be used against me. I... write things I don't want anyone to see, Ken. Even if it's not about me specifically..."

"It's your feelings and wishes."

"... Some of it is. But not..."

He trailed off. He couldn't really say what he wrote about. Maybe someday he'd tell Ken.

Ken gave him a one-armed hug and a quick kiss on his forehead. "I get it. But if Handa has some, can't you ask for a copy of those?"

They started walking, Ken fingering Tomo's fingers even if he didn't hold his hand. There were others from their school that could see them, after all.

"'Sorry, I don't have anything I wrote left, except these first and second drafts I'm accused of stealing, so could I get a copy of what I've handed in for you to read, sensei?' doesn't sound good in my situation, Ken."

"But if you explained the situation, Handa would listen. He knows you."

"What if Abe Rieko brings it to the principal then? Tells him that Handa is playing favourites? That could do harm too."

"Are you really going to do this all over again, Tomo? Did you learn nothing in middle school?"

"I did learn something: Life is harsh."

Ken looked hurt and Tomo looked into the road, taking hold of Ken's finger, taking the risk of someone noticing. He really wanted to hold his hand.

"I'm not giving up, Ken. That's why I'll write until I have something to give Handa."

"I'll be by your side. Though I might be sleeping in your bed while you're awake," he yawned

Tomo chuckled in return.

***

"Handa-sensei, here's my submission for the anthology."

Handa looked surprised when he took the five handwritten pages. He looked at them.

"I'm sorry it's in such an unsightly state, but I only just finished and I don't have time to clean it up before the deadline. But if you accept it..."

"I'll read it. Give me a moment."

Tomo anxiously fingered the sleeves of his cardigan. He bowed to teachers who came and went.

"Hmmm," Handa said and looked from the handwritten pieces of paper to Tomo. "I can't accept this."

Tomo thought he had done well enough. It felt like all his hard work — him sitting up all night — was for nothing.

"What?"

Handa gave him a half-smile. "You need to clean it up. It's full of mistakes. If you clean it up before the end of the day and show it to me again for consideration, it'll be fine. If it's in an acceptable state, that is."

The despair he had felt turned into relief and happiness. "Thank you!"

"You write well under pressure. This might actually be your best work. And I am not only including what you've shown me since the start of the school. Even though your overall quality is better now, you have some rough gems among the ones you wrote in sixth grade and in middle school. Maybe it was for the better Abe tried to steal your work."

"'Tried'?"

"You left with a statement Wakabayashi-sensei couldn't take lightly. Neither could I or Kitamura-sensei. Well, perhaps it was in your favour that she said you might be ill and you responded to that. It was brought to the principal because it was further harassment and she said she stood by her opinions. I was going to put your story in the anthology if you didn't have anything to bring on time, since the principal approved."

Tomo sighed. "And I tried to not take it to the principal because it could hurt my future."

Handa laughed. "You're right. But it wasn't you or Abe who brought it to him. It was the three of us. Sorry about that."

""

" You need to work on your pronunciation. You're still struggling a little with the sound."

"Thank you very much," he said, genuinely glad Handa pointed it out, and bowed. "If there's nothing more, I'll excuse myself."

"I look forward to seeing a revised version."

"If I don't turn up with a revised version before the end of the day, please, do put the other one in. I would prefer that, actually."

"What? No! Momoi-kun, you should put in that one!"

"It's my choice, isn't it, sensei?"

Handa looked like he wanted to protest, but he knew what his job was.

Tomo bowed again and was then about to turn.

"Oh. Please don't tell your girlfriend about things related to my studies and club activities, sensei."

He looked surprised at Tomo. "So she stormed off after all," he muttered after a moment's silence.

Tomo was about to comment on Chika's personality but noticed one of the teachers approach Handa. "Well then, I'll take my leave. "

The teacher looked defeated as Tomoki bowed a final time and then left the office.

Ken was waiting outside. He looked more nervous than Tomo had felt going in. It actually made Tomo happy that he cared that much. Then again, he had been up until he fell asleep, giving Tomo feedback. Tomo had asked how something sounded, and Ken had replied. Until he eventually didn't.

"How did it go?" he asked when Tomo had closed the door.

"It needs to be revised to possibly be approved. Apparently the situation was taken to the principal after all, and the one I wanted can be added to the anthology. Handa says this is better. I don't think so, though. It's pretty rough."

"Maybe that's why he liked it. Not all works need to be polished to perfection, you know?"

He gave Ken a tired smile and yawned.

"Need a nap?"

He chuckled. "I really do."

***

It was extremely embarrassing that Ken was playing with his hair. He was focused on reading and was doing it absent-mindedly while Tomo had his head in his lap.

The beds at the health teacher's and the infirmary were already taken by students, so Ken had dragged Tomo up the stairs to the door to the roof. There was a landing, of which half was out of view from the stairs of up thanks to a wall. There were a couple of dusty boxes Ken claimed had nothing of value in them, but it was a mostly empty space perfect to hide away at.

The door was always locked, but that was also why people wouldn't come there. As long as there wasn't a fire, no one had reason to. Apparently Ken had brought girls up there when he still 'dated' the girls at school.

That also made Tomo worried someone would come precisely because they were looking for him.

Ken said he still went there to be alone, which Tomo had no clue about until then. Then again, he had likely not wanted to share about a place he'd bring girls to the person he liked, so Tomo wasn't exactly feeling anything in particular about it. It just explained why Chika sometimes would wonder where he had disappeared to.

Naturally, Tomo got tense when he heard footsteps coming up the stairs.

"What is it?" Ken called down without turning away from his book. He seemed completely unfazed by it.

"Ah, sorry. You were there. Thought you stopped with the girls, Yamada. Studying seriously and stuff."

"Sure it's not you spreading rumours about me?"

"Of course not."

"Then leave my spot, Adachi. I'm not alone."

"Chill." There was a pause, which made Tomo even tenser. "Is she hot?"

"You gotta ask that now?"

"Come on!"

"Not your type, for sure. Go fuck around elsewhere."

Tomo heard Adachi walk back down.

"Your spot?" Tomo whispered.

"Adachi is as infamous as I am. Though I'm the classiest thing alive compared to him. I actually bring people on dates. He probably heard rumours I stopped dating and thought he could use this place to fool around with some girl instead of wherever he goes. I claimed this spot way back in my first year. Adachi probably heard how I got girl after girl and tried something similar. Well, he's a jerk though. I don't agree with his methods. I mean, he doesn't force anyone to anything, but he just wants to relieve stress. Then dumps them. They're people and have feelings!"

Ken got more and more agitated as he whispered to Tomo. He put the book down and ran his fingers through Tomo's hair

"Now he ruined my mood."

"So there are people you don't get along with."

He felt Ken poke his cheek. "Did elementary school never happen to you or something?" His voice was gentle. "Of course, there are people I can't stand. Everyone has at least one person like that."

"Hmm... Which class is Adachi in?"

"Why do you even wanna know that? 3-E. He dropped from 1-A to 2-D and finally 3-E. Shoulda use me as an example of that instead and keep the grades up."

"I was surprised when I found out you were in 3-A though. You seemed to slack off last year."

Tomo saw how Ken's slightly annoyed expression turned to a grin. "I bet Chika only told you about how I was fooling around with girls. She shouldn't talk, dating a teacher. I'm better than she is."

So Ken knew about it too.

"There's nothing wrong with Handa."

He sighed. "There isn't. Except that he's, what, 24? He's a good guy. I think he'd be good for her, really. Pisses me off. Take your relationships seriously, idiots."

He studied Ken, who sighed while looking back at Tomo after looking on the opposite wall as he was talking.

"She puts him in a tough spot. I get that they were dating before he became a teacher, but keeping it up once he started working here? They should have broken it off. He could lose his job. Chika would hate herself for it, but she won't listen. She's so stupid it's painful, Tomo. Handa too."

"From what I know, he didn't know Chika was going to this school though. She refused to tell him which she had tried for and then it turned out that she got into the same school that he got a job at. Allegedly. I only know bits and pieces. I don't... remember much from around then. I didn't know anything about their relationship until recently."

Tomo had figured it out thanks to Chika's carelessness. After she lent him Handa's hoodie, he wanted to know what was going on, because after over two years she would surely have given back the man's hoodie even if he forgot it while he was tutoring her, since they obviously still met each other.

"I bet you didn't. Chika hasn't even told Sayocchi."

"Sayoko would be furious."

"Yeah... I originally thought she was in on it, but found out I was the only one who knew when I confronted Chika about it during our first year."

So Ken had known for some time.

"How did you find out?"

He looked like it wasn't something he wanted to remember, and he was quiet for some time. Tomo was ready to drop the subject when Ken replied.

"They were in my spot," he muttered. "Here. Of all the places."