Episode 17. The Silver Lining

"Ken, that tickles."

"That's not my fault. I'm trying to get your measurement, Tomo."

"Without the measuring tape?" Tomo held up the roll he had in his hand, with a smile and a raised eyebrow, while Ken was lightly tapping his fingers around Tomo's waist under his shirt.

Ken grinned. "I guess I got caught!"

"Well, you never asked for it," Tomo chuckled.

The grin disappeared as Ken took the measuring tape. "You still can't feel anything at your right side, can you?" he said quietly.

"Huh, you touched there as well?"

"Yeah. I just thought I'd see how you'd react. I didn't put any pressure on the scar, though."

"I should feel it if you put enough pressure, so it's kinda pointless to try that."

"I'll take your waist measurement for real now. Don't get spooked."

"I'll try not to."

Though Tomo was pretty used to not feeling clothes or anything in the area, Ken was right to assume he could get spooked. Suddenly feeling pressure over the scar or suddenly feeling something on his skin when it 'disappeared' or it just suddenly 'appeared' did alarm him. He still wasn't entirely over what happened either, so he could get images for that day in his mind when something was touching the area.

That was why Ken never put his arm around Tomo's waist if he risked touching it.

And, so, even if he expected it, he twitched.

The two of them called the entire area where he couldn't feel anything 'the scar' since it was due the injury, but the actual scar was much smaller. He had tried to figure out where the area actually was, but since he could feel with his own fingers it was difficult to notice when the tingly and the fully functional areas started.

"Did you want a chest measurement, Eguchi?"

"If you would, senpai," Eguchi said.

Tomo had suggested they went to the drama club to ask a senpai he was comfortable with. Chika would have done as well, but Tomo was more comfortable with Ken. He was respectful and had a better idea of what Tomo didn't like. And the thing about the scar as well.

"Anything else?" Ken asked as he wrote down the measurement.

"Shoulder, sleeve and inner leg," Eguchi replied.

"What are you doing when she wants all of these measurements?" Ken asked as he got Tomo's shoulder width.

"Just a café," Eguchi said.

"What are you going to be? A waiter?" Ken asked.

"Same as at work."

"Really? That's unexpected." Ken seemed to be going to take the leg measurement, but changed his mind and started with Tomo's neck, taking far more measurements than the girl had asked for. He wrote them all down. "Tomo, how tall are you now?"

"Eh... I was 166 during the health checkup..."

Ken stared at Tomo for a while, like he couldn't believe his ears. "Really? What was it last year? 160?"

"157 in October."

"Almost 10 cm in 11 months. Nice."

"Why are you impressed? It's not like I can do anything about it."

Eguchi laughed and Ken gave him a grin. He jotted down the height and gave the piece of paper to the girl.

"That should be all you need unless you are going to make a hat. The neck measurement is important if you're going to cover the neck to hide anything. It also helps when making a collar. Make sure to add some width if you make a vest."

"Oh... Eh... Thank you, senpai."

"I see you're keeping yourself busy," Tomo said. "Since you probably have taken lots of measurements already. How's the drama club coming along?"

"They disagree on the script." Ken shrugged. "I'm glad I'm not in this play. It's going to be a car crash, I tell you."

Tomo chuckled. "Last year's play was pretty good. The one before that was absolutely horrible and you stole the spotlight from everyone else as Villager... D, was it?"

"Wasn't it F?"

"Does that really matter? It was a villager," Eguchi smiled. "And we better go back before Itou sends a search party for us."

"You're right." Tomo turned from the girl to Ken. "Tell Chika to not stay too long or Ichirou will get worried."

"Remember to pick me up before you go home, Tomo!"

"Will do!"

***

"I have questions." Eguchi was getting something to drink from the vending machine on the third floor and Tomo had waited for her. It seemed like a jerk move to just walk ahead of her.

"I'll answer if I can."

"Why don't you feel anything on your right side? Why do you have a scar?"

"So you heard that. Ken probably tried to make sure you didn't. I got stabbed in middle school. As I mentioned, I didn't have many friends."

Eguchi just stared at Tomo who was leaning against the wall.

"That's far from just not having friends! Why?"

Tomo smiled, trying to make it to something minor.

"I was pretty popular for a while. I was also bullied at the same time. I had a couple of friends though, and a girl got jealous. And now I don't really feel anything unless you apply pressure. I was lucky. All I have is a scar and some loss of sensation." He shrugged. "Does that answer your question? I rather you don't go around telling people about it. Yuu and Tatsumi know, but it's not like I've told everyone I know about it."

"That's such a crazy story I don't think anyone would believe me."

"Next question."

"What's your relationship with senpai?"

"Childhood friends. We grew up together. Like, we've known each other since I was born." Eguchi looked disappointed. Tomo chuckled. "Did you expect a different answer?"

"I thought you'd say you were boyfriends. You're really close, but if you grew up together that makes sense."

Tomo felt how he must be blushing a little. He looked into the floor. At least he dodged that assumption. Eguchi could be a little dangerous if she observed them, so they should be careful around her if they didn't want her to find out

"Alright, next question," he said.

"How did you know senpai would be here and not in his classroom?"

Tomo thought about it. He couldn't really say 'I went there before to tell him Shouji was going to have the futon so Ken needed to think of a reason to stay in my room and not on the sofa' which was the truth.

"I just kinda assumed he was going to be there. Chika's my sister, remember? They're in the same class, so she must have mentioned something." And the drama club room was closer anyway, so it would be the first place for him to check now that Ken couldn't slack off in the health teacher's office.

"Why are you going home together?"

"Huh?"

"He said to remember to pick him up and you said you would. Which sounds like you're going home together. But I've seen senpai at the station a lot, but you live nearby, right?"

"Why can't we go home together? We've known each other for ages. I think it's completely normal to visit one another."

"But won't it be late for you or him to return home if either of you stays?"

Tomo shrugged. He needed to pretend it was nothing abnormal about it. "My stepfather has a car."

Eguchi seemed content with that answer. "Let's go back to the classroom."

Tomo started walking towards the stairs and Eguchi followed him.

"Susumu?"

Tomo noticed Susumu stand in the middle of the staircase. He looked a little troubled. He probably heard some if not everything they had talked about.

"Are they looking for us? Thanks for coming to get us." Tomo smiled and started walking down the stairs.

"Ah, yeah. Itou was a pain." Susumu didn't meet his gaze and turned to go downstairs.

"Itou takes this way too seriously," Eguchi complained. "He should relax a bit."

"He's just a serious person, I guess," Susumu replied avoidingly.

***

"Momoi, wait!"

Tomo and Ken turned and saw Susumu try to catch up with them.

"Susumu, what is it?"

"Can I talk for a bit?"

The boy glanced at Ken, and Tomo turned to him. Ken got the message and went into the convenience store nearby.

Susumu looked away from him.

"Is this related to when you went to see Wakabayashi-sensei?"

He scratched his cheek and looked back at Tomo. Tomo noticed he wasn't much shorter than Susumu. Maybe he made note of it because Ken had been impressed with his growth. He hadn't really noticed until now, but it could be because he mostly sat down when he did talk with them.

"Uh, yeah... Kinda."

Tomo figured. But he wasn't sure what to think. Was Susumu going to say he preferred not to be around Tomo? But why would he then have chosen to talk to the nonbinary teacher?

"What's up?"

Susumu looked away again. It seemed like keeping eye contact with him was really difficult, so perhaps this was the end of a friendship he had yet to really start. As long as Susumu kept it secret...

"Honestly, I feel a bit guilty."

"Huh?"

That... was not what Tomo had been thinking about. But he remembered how Tatsumi had apologised just in case he would have said anything hurtful when he found out.

"I didn't really mean anything about it, honest. I was one of the people who said that you might be a girl. I really didn't mean it." Susumu fell silent, and Tomo waited. "We were some guys in class talking about it and because you had long hair back then and didn't get changed with us, I said something like 'Maybe Seki is actually a girl' and then later I started hearing how it was floating around the class that you must be a girl. I said it as a joke, but I didn't think it'd go around the class. You must have heard it at some point and I just... I feel bad. Tatsumi yelled at me for a good half hour when he found out I was the one who had started it. It was months ago. Like in May."

Tomo blinked. He really hadn't expected that.

"I mean..." he started.

He did really look feminine before. Less so now, but not exactly masculine either.

But it did possibly explain Tatsumi's reaction with the apology. And it said a lot about Tatsumi, since he must have still only gotten muttered greetings and hadn't really known Tomo well in May.

This also said a lot about Susumu. He must have thought long and hard about it. And admitting one's fault was hard. Tomo knew that very well.

He got his phone out of his bag and Susumu gave him an odd look. Tomo scrolled down to pictures from when he was at the end of being 14 and just had turned 15 years old — not long after he was stabbed. It was a little hard to see them without remembering the incident, but the photos were from positive times.

Despite how challenging it was at times, he did try to see the good among the bad. He was, at his core, an optimist. Probably. He wanted to believe the best would happen and that there was a silver lining in everything. Even in the wound he had received. He tapped an image of him and gave his phone to his classmate.

"Swipe to see some more. Even I can say I wasn't really always a 'maybe'. That's almost two years ago. It was more 'How can you be a boy?' back then. The long hair obviously did a lot to give that illusion, but I think I've lost some of the femininity since then." He paused. He hadn't told Susumu about it, but maybe that would come one day, so... "At least on the outside," he added.

The classmate looked through the images. Then he stopped. Tomo looked at what he made him freeze.

It was a picture of him and Ken in a hospital bed. Ken was the one holding the phone and the two were holding hands and Tomo holding up a cardboard heart. Tomo chuckled at how silly it was.

Susumu looked surprised at him. "What?"

"I was just thinking Ken and I really haven't changed much even after becoming a couple. That's one of our 'secret' photos. We never held hands if others were around. If we did we tried to hide it. We still do, unless we're around people who know." Tomo pointed at the heart. "I got that heart from Saku-chan as a get well gift. Ken came by later that day and while his brother and my father talked we took the photo." It was a really fond memory when he thought back on it. "I need to show that to Ken later. I completely forgot I had that."

"You don't seem really bothered by the fact it must have been after..." Susumu realised what he was saying, confirming Tomo's earlier suspicion.

"It's fine. I figured you overheard. I value the good memories, even though the bad ones affect me a lot more. Maybe because most of my good memories are with Ken and Saku-chan and my bad ones are outside my safe bubble."

"Are you done talking?" Ken called out as he exited the store.

"Oh! I got sidetracked! No, we're not. But Ken, come over here real quick. I found something great!"

Ken hurried over to them and Tomo showed his phone to Ken.

"Why do you even have that?" Ken said and covered his mouth.

"But it's such a great memory. Look how cute you are."

"Hell no, that's just embarrassing. And you showed it to a classmate too? Seriously, Tomo! That's harassment!"

Tomo laughed. "You're as cute today, Ken. Maybe I should have this printed?"

"No! I'd die from embarrassment if Chika or Shouji-nii saw that. Or Sawa-san. Or worse — niisan!"

"I should show Sayoko then."

"Don't start showing it around to the girls. You'll ruin my reputation."

Tomo hugged Ken's arm. "Don't worry. I won't show it to anyone. Susumu just happened upon it when I showed him I looked more feminine a couple of years ago."

"I don't know if that's better or worse... At least keep pictures like that away from people... For real." Ken looked pretty miserable at the thought. "I'll go sit over there until you're done."

"Thanks, Ken." When Ken had hurried over to a bench that was outside the convenience store, Tomo continued. "My point was that I don't really feel offended by it. I don't like the idea of being called boyish or girly, or a boy or a girl, or being mistaken for either, but it's not like I can't understand it. Especially if we're talking back when I had longer hair."

"I might also have suggested you were gay."

Now Tomo groaned.

"Sorry."

"At least you were half-right about that one. I have the body of a boy and Ken's my boyfriend. Though I don't know what I count as since I'm nonbinary."

"Sensei said you would be androsexual or something if you were into guys. But apparently sexuality isn't that simple."

So Susumu had talked about that too. He must have asked about a lot of things. It made Tomo wonder where Wakabayashi was on the spectrum. Asexual? Bisexual? Or... Androsexual, was it? Or sexual attraction towards women. Or maybe they were like Tomo.

"You heard Ken before. He's into girls. I'm kinda a bit into Ken. Sexually speaking, anyway. We like each other. And that's pretty much it."

"You're not angry?"

"Want me to be honest? No, I'm not angry. A little sad though. To know that someone was doing what I was so scared of. However, you're speaking to me about it because you regret it. And Yuu and Tatsumi trusted you enough to think it was a good idea to let you know. I trust them. And... Well... I know how to forgive. I don't have sisters for nothing. I've fought plenty of times with Ken in the past."

He looked over at Ken who noticed and waved a little. He returned it.

"Besides, you quickly killed the talk about me possibly identifying as a girl. Or something else. I don't think Yuu or Tatsumi would have managed to outright say 'Momo isn't a girl' and sound so certain. Tatsumi understands it's pretty difficult to be me but he's pretty gentle and he's seldom outright angry, right? Yuu understands it's not something I can easily share but I don't think he fully understands it. He just accepts it." He turned back to Susumu and smiled. "But, Susumu, you've tried. That's why you've talked to sensei, isn't it?"

Susumu looked surprised. If it was because Tomo said he was forgiven or because of his question, he couldn't say.

"You should come over sometime. You have more to discover about me, if you truly want to understand me. But take your time. But don't feel guilty. Instead... I don't know. I wish I could say something but I don't really have anything." Tomo chuckled. "See you tomorrow, Susumu."

"Ah, uh, later Momo..."

Susumu looked really confused as Tomo turned towards Ken and hurried over to him.

Yeah, he did feel a bit hurt. He'd want some of the comfort only he could get from the boy waiting for him. But he genuinely thought he forgave Susumu for it. He just needed a little time to process the pain too.

***

"Ken."

He snorted.

"Are you still embarrassed?" he asked quietly

Tomo put his arms around him as they sat on the living room floor. Chika had gone to sleep and Sayoko stayed over in the guest room so the two of them could get back to school early, Shouji was sitting in the reference room where he'd sleep. Tomo's mother was probably doing nothing important in her and Ichirou's bedroom and Ichirou was keeping an eye on Tomo and Ken from the kitchen.

They both knew he was, although he pretended to be deciding what to make for lunch for the next day.

"I am," Ken muttered.

"It's not that embarrassing. It's cute." Tomo pulled Ken closer, forcing him to lean backwards. It was a little awkward when Tomo was almost a head shorter. Oh well.

"The photo is cute, but seeing how obvious it was that I liked you even then is totally embarrassing." Ken moved forward before he leaned back and placed the back of his head against Tomo's shoulder, looking at him. Tomo was glad he had the sofa behind him because that got heavier than he thought it would have been.

"But I think it's amazing you've liked me this long. And it's not like I figured it out any sooner than you did."

Ken took Tomo's phone from the table, unlocked it and scrolled through photos. He found the image and tapped it. He pointed at the heart.

"Honestly, I think you knew. You just didn't want to admit it."

Tomo kissed Ken's hair.

"Well... You might be right. I might have become more conscious of you at the end of elementary school. But I thought it was weird..."

"See, you figured it a long time ago. Wait. Was that why you gave me the chocolates when you were in elementary school?"

Tomo laughed. He remembered when Ken had been close to kissing him at the café. It felt like such a long time ago, but it wasn't that long ago. His heart had raced. He hadn't been sure if Ken had acted. He had blanked out. And part of him seemed to have unlocked what he had tried to hide for so long. Something he now knew his now-boyfriend also had been hiding.

"Who knows?" He pushed Ken off of him. "I'm going to bed. Wanna come with?"

"I don't have an excuse though..."

"Who cares? I think everyone but Sayoko knows anyway."

And he really wanted to stay close to Ken.

He looked over at Ichirou. "I don't know, Tomo. Your bodyguard looks a little scary."

"Seriously Ken..."

The gazed moved to Tomo. "Did something happen? Did Susumu do something?"

Tomo put his forehead against Ken's back.

"He apologised... So he didn't do anything bad, but..."

He felt Ken move and looked up. Arms wrapped around him and Ken put his forehead against Tomo's.

"Anything for you, my love," Ken whispered. "I'll even fight the dragons guarding you if I have to. You're my very own jewel, after all. And I'll heal that broken heart of yours."

He chuckled. "It's not a broken heart though."