Never Sharper

Autumn break was just a few days away, and I began to feel more awake. While Kayla was in classes, I decided to visit the park from before often. It offered me a sort of peace, and I selfishly wondered if I wanted to ever share it with anyone else.

The haze in the morning that delicately weaved between every blade of grass- the shadows which resembled the strokes of an artist's brush. The perfume of the purple-bell flowers of the proud hostas; they spoke of rest without closing your eyes. It was rare that anyone passed through, and in so I took up the opportunity to draw vague images of the creatures from my dreams, and in interludes, the beautiful flora of the park.

Crouched over, fur-less, and round mouths which reminded me of sea-lampreys. Did they have eyes? My hand hesitated, I couldn't remember. But their skin- their bones; they were like skeletons draped with a wet curtain of flesh. Drawing them was difficult- the images and movements only flashed in my mind like broken frames of a video. And even drawing them, somehow the fear they instilled in me wasn't because of how they looked. Though I wasn't one to call myself a pagan, there was something inside of them which set fear in my chest.

Attempting to change the subject, I drew a portrait of Kayla to the best of my ability. The outlines were scratchy, but I had captured the bow-curve of her cheeks, and the flight-woven eyelashes which reminded me of little diving sparrows. I looked up and let my fingers rest, leaning back and looking at the opal sky.

Returning my notebook to my bag, I walked back towards the river and rested my chin on the railing, listening. If I focused hard enough, I felt like it was talking to me. Like a child, I had the urge to drop something into the racing water, and I retrieved one of the large leaves of the hostas. My fingers skillfully worked to create something akin to a boat, and I watched it twirl down into the swirling waters. It lasted a little ways down the walkway until it was swallowed entirely, disappearing into the opaque waters.

At the sound of another car parking- the only one I had begun to recognize consistently- I walked back to my car and opened my phone to see a text from Kayla saying she wanted to meet back at the Blue Owl again for some coffee after a stressful exam.

Once again we sat across from each other with our same drinks. Kayla groaned loudly and drew her hand through her hair.

"I'm so done with classes right now. I can't wait for break." A silent nod on my part. "And don't get me bothered about this huge paper Kensing wants us to do OVER BREAK."

Steam was pouring from her ears, and I could have sworn a vein pipped in her forehead. She sucked in a deep breath and took a sip of her coffee. It seemed like some sort of potion to calm her down, the way she 'ahh'ed after it.

"So what are we gonna do over break?"

"We?" I took a timid sip of my drink.

"Yea, unless you don't want to do anything with me-"

"No, that's not it." I wanted to get up and grab more sugar, my tongue coiling back from the bitter taste.

"My counselor suggested that I go back to the Stevensons, and the home I was first sent to, to get more info from a different prospective." Now it was her turn to accost me a nod.

"That's a good idea. I get it if you want to see your family alone." My hand flew to my head, a flinch spearing at the back of my neck. The words leapt from my tongue and the voice in the back of my head gained control of my mouth.

"No, I can't go alone." My voice wavered as my eyes grew cold. They're not my family- they're not my family. It kept chanting in my head.

Her hands picked up mine, my eyes coming back into focus.

"Ty, did something happen?"

"No- I dont know, I just have this weird feeling." She admitted that she didn't understand, but offered her support anyways.

"Well, this could be a good chance to get back to our detective work! We could work in a different radius for The Underground, tour around, ask questions, and I'll be here the entire way." She interlocked my fingers with hers and a weight lifted from my shoulders.

Tears clouded my vision, and I wiped them away with my sleeve. Was this because I'm tired?

"Thanks Kay, I love you." And I meant it. She was my chosen family, she was my day and my night. There was so much I wanted to give her, and I told myself that one day, I would make up for everything she's done for me.

"I love you too plum, always will." Her thumb stroked my hand casually, and it reminded me of the park. No matter how selfish I am, I want to share things with her.

"Would you like to go to a park with me? I found it on my way home during that rain storm."

"The day you were gone for five hours?" My hand scratched my neck as a sheepish smile lit up my face.

"Yea, I'm afraid so."

She looked into her drink thoughtfully before shaking her head.

"I think we should pack for break," her lips sipped in a sharp breath. "You've been so... awake these past few days, but I think it's catching up with you."

Her eyes pointed towards my hands, and upon looking down, I saw they were trembling weakly. I clenched my fist a few times, but it didn't help it. We both decided it would be best to return home, though she didn't want me driving this time.

The lights burned my eyes as I opened the passenger door and sat down. The car smelled distinctly like Kayla- a lemony fragrance. The drive blurred past my eyes, and my mind was dancing around things that would best be left alone.

I hadn't realized how heavy I felt until I sat down on the couch, slowly sinking. After having the dream so many times, it was less like falling asleep and more like walking through a door to a familiar place. The more and more it repeated, I felt like waking up was the dream.

As Kayla passed by, I held my phone out to her.

"Can you text Mrs. Stevenson for me so I don't forget? Just 'May I come over for autumn break?'- not too gushy." My words drawled out, and I was already gone before she could answer.

I was here. The air was swampy, and I could feel the dampness of the air sticking to my skin. My hands stretched out and traced the dirt tunnel, the cobwebs like silk against my skin. Dead leaves brushed beneath my feet, and the sounds amid the solid silence made me shiver. They were in one of these rooms, I just had to find them- and just like that, a warm hand was leading me out of the tunnel like the entire thing had been a mirage.

"You're not allowed down there." The words were the only ones I could understand against the garbled tones which layered against each other. Amid the flurry of movements and voices, I found myself sitting next to someone at a wooden table, the knotting like liquid gold. My hands rested on its cool surface, and looking down I could see the names which were carved into the wood; Jane x Matt, Ella was here, amid poorly done hearts and smiley faces. The figures slowly filtered out, and someone leaned across the table blowing out a soft orange light.

Darkness devoured me, and that was when something began to move in the room- its body loudly dragging itself across the floor, each step echoing. I could feel the sounds reverberate in the bones of my wrist, and looking up, that's where everything fell apart.

Blood- rich, scarlet, watery and wetting my feet like I was at the beach. Sometimes, they deserved it, but others? My consciousness fought against the narrative.

I could say it again and still be asking a different question.

Sometimes, they deserved it, but others?

A face leaned towards mine, their warm lips kissing me goodnight. The bright redness was gone, and the strange body seemed to have moved on its way. Cobwebs- a wispy voice singing deep from the ground. Jan- Julia- no. Focus. My hands relaxed against the cool table. The person beside me prodded at me, and I let my attention of the surroundings fade away. Their mouth moved, but I couldn't hear anything but sloshed up sounds of people talking and passing by. They seemed to lay their head down on the table in frustration, their messy black hair sticking up in funky directions. A name brushed its fingers against my lips, but I couldn't create a taste for it. It brushed across my hands as my palms grew wet, and their grip on me disappeared.

Did I deserve it?