Ch 20 "Dispersion"

"Hey dad..." I said with a cold voice somehow I didn't feel that power to listen to him I didn't have that spirit to talk to him it was just too much for me somehow I don't know

"Lorraine baby I-I wanted to call and check on you , How are you and how is the weather with aunt Carla?"

"It's … It's fine dad I am doing pretty well and I am happy with aunt Carla"

"Great I am happy about that an-"

I heard Sandra's Voice through the phone calling dad "Babe come on I need you!" I felt that I am start to boil my hand turned into fist and I had to act super calm and super easy in front of Lucinda

"Yes darling few just wait few seconds" My father replied to her

"Who are you talking to Josh?" She asked

"It's Lorraine darling I needed to check on her"

"Oh...Lorraine darling you know she is fine with miss Carla and her cousin , I bet she is enjoying her time with them don't worry , and tell her that I said hi"

She turned pretty cold , the feeling that she actually stole my dad from me made me wanna cry...she is brain washing him and his love made him blind as if she drugged him I know dad his choices and his life no one dared to play on them , even my mom as long as I know from him , how did she play on his mind that easily even me his daughter I couldn't

"Lorraine Sandra-"

"I heard her dad tell her that I said hi...you can go I won't interrupt you" my voice was so weak I was trying to catch my breath..I don't wanna sound weak I don't wanna show them that

"Alright and I wanted to say that we will get back after 3 days so you can say good bye to aunt Carla"

I wasn't happy with that news instead I felt cold my fingers went cold I was speechless that was the first time to hate my father's returning , even Lucinda noticed and got worried but I had nothing to do more than saying "okay" to him

"Have a good time dad"

"You too Lorraine , I love you!"

"...I love you too!"

I sat back on the chair looking at nothing trying to act cool keep it together but I started shivering when I imagined that Sandra's and dad's relation will be toxic to me when I am trying to keep it together I slowly started sobbing and Lucinda came up to me and hugged me shushing telling everything is fine everything is okay and I needed that warm hug like for so long so I didn't push her away but hugging her

"It's fine....you don't need to be sad at all it's a challenge you are in such a cruel hard one and you know that life can be a bitch sometimes but you know what it's alright , we are still breathing then there is a chance to get through everything and solve everything it's about time baby" She was speaking calmly patting my head and rubbing my back

"I feel like I can't , I don't know sometimes I feel like I can do it it's gonna be fine I am trying to convince myself that! but then it gets heavier the chance on getting to my target is getting away and away little by little and....I don't know if I am doing this right or....or what"

"I am sure you will get the answer pretty soon by your own , but now you should rest you have class tomorrow"

"I will try..."

Next day at Miss Heather...we started warming up each one were full of spirit except me I couldn't sleep well and I couldn't practice on what Miss Heather gave me well Sam looked a bit concerned he asked what's going on but I tried to hide it because I don't wanna ruin it more than this

"NOW on the count of three , ONE TWO ..THREE!"

We started playing Amber start singing and we were doing great but everytime I play the song wrong , I apologize and we start over again but I am not focused and I am really getting worried

"LORRAINE!" Miss Heather shouted

"Yes Miss Heather.."

"We are here to show an art , WE ARE NOT JOKING! , if I chose you then don't think it's because of your aunt … NO PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS HAS NOTHING to do with my work....so here you have to choose either you focus and play well OR NEVER COME TO THIS PLACE IF YOU CAN'T PLAY WELL...UNDERSTOOD!"

I was looking down trying to keep my tears inside me as much as I can

"I am sorry Miss Heather...my apology"

"Don't apology to me but to your team member they got tired from repeating over and over because of your mess!"

Sam came closer to me patting my shoulder and Olivia came to the other side telling me it's okay , but I really didn't have the power to talk so I took my violin and ran out of this place I was about to go out of the gate but I heard someone calling me from behind

"Yes...Miss Heather!"