MA BAI COMES TO TOWN

A storm descended on the lousy tower block, and that storm was a five ft 5 Chinese woman, who looked completely harmless at first. This was Ma Bai, the only woman who scared genius policemen and now director of the Florida beach Pd Jintang, and Bai Yutong, the pilot so fearless that he did multiple tours across the world and managed to complete college between the tours, so not much really bothered them. It was with good reason too, Ma Bai had broken the record of cases solved for the female detective division, took the feared convict, the deadly Tennessee strangler, wanted in seven states and Tennessee down single handedly, all while nine months pregnant with Jintang and due to give birth the hour after the convict was booked in the Texas penitentiary, without ruining her makeup or hair. She was a total badass, and even their dad was intimated sometimes, so when you had someone like that standing at your door, it was only natural to be mildly scared.

Bai Yutong had been shaving his small patch of beard fluff after his post run shower, because he could never grow a proper beard and this measly patch of facial hair just made his clean cut face look messy, without a shirt off course, in a pair of tight fitting Armani boxers. Living alone meant he didn't have to be fully decent at all times in his own home, but when his doorbell rang and he thought it was the postman, that feeling of security he was used to wasn't necessarily a good thing. His mother, sitting comfortably on her trusty rolling suitcase, in a pristine white maxi dress and heels, was met with the sight of her youngest son still half covered in shaving foam and basically naked. "Bai Nicholas Yutong, why are you in such a state of undress! No son of mine should ever look like this, even in the morning before most of the population is awake, where did your military training go?", she scolded him. This was typical of Ma Bai, and when he lived at the family home in Texas he was expected to have done his morning run, showered and fully dressed before breakfast at 7am sharp.

The noise woke almost all the other residents on the floor up, except Zhan Yao, who was dead on his couch after finishing the second to last draft of his doctorate paper, and nothing was waking him up until at least 11, but Jintang was out the door at the sound of his mother before anyone could blink. “Ma, you didn’t say you would be here this early. Things run a bit differently in this coastal part of Florida, and not many people get up and ready until 7 or 8, because we start work at 9 for most jobs and sleep later too. A-Tong is just fitting in with Florida, so don’t go mad at him, not everyone here grew up with a general for a Ma.”, he said sleepily. Clearly, Jintang’s sleep brain had forgotten to remember the most important rule of life, don’t point out how military Ma was, or you get slapped, scolded and called a disappointing child. The slap did wake the older brother up though, and took the heat off poor Yutong, who scurried in to put pants and a shirt on, finish shaving and check the spare bedroom for any dust that settled overnight.

“Jintang Henry Bai, what is that thing you have on? Are you naked under that lacy black scrap of imitation silk, or have you got the same standards as A-Tong, in his underwear to answer the door? I shouldn’t have let you move away, look at what my sons have turned into!”, she shrieked, letting the whole floor plus the floors above hear about the Pd chiefs nightwear choices. Bai Jintang wanted to collapse in bed with a bottle of baiju and never show his face again, but he had to get Ma inside first. Luckily, she had already decided which apartment to live in temporarily, and it was Yutong’s recently cleaned and furnished showhome.

“Ma, go sit down and I’ll be in soon with breakfast. Your blood pressure must be through the roof by now, what would Ba say?”, he placated softly. He wanted to get inside, change into more substantial clothes that didn’t almost expose his trouser sausage in front of Zhan Yao and Gongsun, his other neighbors that knew him merely as the chief of the local Pd, and take a bloody leak like he had to in the morning. Their mother tutted, but tapped her way into Yutong’s apartment, leaving poor Jintang to get ready and find breakfast in as little time as possible.

In Ma Bai’s expert opinion, she thought that her youngest child’s home was excellently designed, warm and cosy, but it felt like there had been a reason it was so nice. Unlike A-Tang, Yutong had never been into interior styling, and was more bothered about easy cleaning access than how anything fit into the latest aesthetic. "Your Gege did this, I can see his Interior design fingerprints all over these shiny shelves and complementary throw pillows, you wouldn't like doing that unless it wasn't you choosing it. I bet you deep cleaned his apartment in return and that's why there won't be a speck of dust in his place.", she remarked haughtily, the very moment she got a good look at the house. Bai Yutong sighed, but that wasn't the worst thing Ma could say, so he could live with knowing they were both known for collaborating. He took the suitcase into the spare bedroom for when she wanted to settle in for the night, and turned the TV onto something half intelligent while Ge put clothes on and bought breakfast pastries.

Zhao Zhen got a surprise visit from the police chief, who looked visibly shaken in an unusually modest button up, formal pants and black leather loafers. Apart from his police uniform, a ragtag collection of thrifted shorts and t-shirts with various brand names on, and a suit that was only worn for company dinners, he had never seen Jintang stressed so maturely, considering the state most of his morning customers were in before the first coffee of the day. "You look like someone meeting the in-laws, but I know you're far from having in-laws, so I'm going to guess parents, specifically your mother. This coffee is on the house, just to let you know I feel that sorry for you and the little know it all community officer.", he greeted bluntly, in true Zhao Zhen fashion. Bai Jintang found himself nodding along, as the owner bagged three breakfast pastries and some complimentary pots of yoghurt, because it seemed that everyone could see right through him today, and he was too mentally exhausted to fight.

"That's Ma Bai, the one who took down the Tennessee strangler and then popped a perfectly healthy little me out not long after booking him into the Texas state prison. You can see why we need coffee, after she basically told all my neighbors that I sleep in ladies robes and my brother lives like a slob. Thanks for letting me vent too, I'll pay you the rest of that $30 as tip just because you're a cool dude.", he replied cheerily. Feeling lighter and free of worldly troubles, Jintang skipped out holding the bag of pastries and tray of coffee, leaving Zhao Zhen thanking the heavens for the $25 tip he got from simply standing there and listening.

Boya was sick of watching his boss get all the good tips, especially since he was soon to be the only other staff member in the coffee shop for a week, while Da Qing went on an all you can eat fish cruise up the Yangtze River. At least he got double pay and the superior ability to ban Qiming from physically coming into the shop for that time, which might have been the best thing his co-workers offered him to do all his life. His happy neighbor was a regular in the magical magician, and if he had to serve everyone from morning till night, even one less annoying customer was helpful. However, the ban was not effective for phone calls to bring coffee outside or meeting outside of houses to deliver, because Zhao Zhen still wanted his regular financial contributions. Every morning, Boya had to leave the comfort of his stool behind the counter, make a flat white with one pump of sugar syrup, one of caramel and a final pump of hazelnut syrup, which was one of the most complicated regular orders among the block, and take it outside to get the few dollars they charged for the terrible excuse of a drink.

Qiming may have accepted the ban peacefully and waited patiently at the eat out table for his order, for the sake of maintaining his pacifist image, but he wanted to know desperately why his neighbor banned him from entering the c coffee shop more. Clearly, the only way to get back in was to charm Boya's black socks off, so he needed to start on home turf right away, to get his in person privileges back. The first amendment to make was to put right the incident he called the messed converse, by spending more money on the shoes, because it was all he could think of doing. He finished his flat white, rinsed the plastic cup out from a nearby water fountain and dumped it in a recycling bin, to have both hands free and find the nearest shoe outlet. Three pairs should be fine right, in the size 8 he noticed the red ones honey bug vomited on were sized as. Red, black and grey preferably to fit the whole wardrobe of black leather, as long as the store had those colours

Zhao Zhen and Boya both sneezed suddenly, like someone was thinking about them, but it could also have been the cheap vanilla air freshener that fed through the air conditioning. Who would talk about his emo little co-worker anyway? He was more worth talking about if anyone wanted to discuss someone local.

Back at the youngest Bai's apartment, Ma was re-organising Yutong's home, nagging Jintang about his nightwear still, and generally causing chaos. She had called the officers beloved peloton a waste of money, moved it into the pantry after taking the bike to pieces, which was very upsetting to her youngest son's inner exercise freak, but he has carefully trained his face to hide such emotions, and wanted to confirm cook a full Cantonese feast with ingredients from Walmart. Walmart had plenty of the organic low salt soy sauce everyone accepted using, but what a surprise to find that they didn't sell the exact brand Grandma Bai cooked with in Hong Kong! Or not, considering this was a relatively Americanised city of Florida, and even the Chinese people he knew mostly ate fusion food like szechuan steak and lobster, or cooked as best as possible using the imported ingredients available. That meant a trip to the specialist supermarket, which was an hour drive from their apartment block in Tallahassee, into Panama city, just for special sauces, to feed the sons and thought were disappointing.

"Ma, you could try the city delicacy and enjoy some genuine Tennessee whiskey, you know, rather than driving to Panama for some oyster sauce?", Jintang suggested bravely. Bai Yutong mentally wondered if first, his brother had a legally recognized will written, secondly, where was it and finally, did he leave his cinema sized TV to his sweet little Didi, because that TV would compliment his extravagant yet minimalistic apartment theme perfectly. Ma Bai narrowed her eyes at her eldest, like he was a criminal under interrogation and not a blood child, but she relented thank god, and gave Gege his car keys back.

"I will accept this offer, only this time and only because the whiskey round here is apparently the good stuff. Your Ba told me to bring some back to Texas actually, the alcohol isn't as good in the lone star state, oh, and do any of you know where to buy quality baiju?", she asked abruptly. Young Bai may not have known himself, but if the level of drunkenness the night he almost got killed by the introverts was true, Zhan Yao definitely knew a man. He didn't say anything for now, letting his mother lead the way to the restaurant Google recommended for moon pies, hot chicken and Jack Daniels. Hopefully she paid too, and saved the whole chicken and fresh veg in his fridge for the next day's dinner, since the local Walmart sale on meat wasn't for another two days.

Happy neighbor Qiming had been shopping all day for the best and most Boya suiting converse, well, the best a reasonable amount of money could buy, and had a bag of toys for Fangyue and honey bug from a pet supplies superstore. He knocked on the door next to his, with honey bug securely zipped in his hoodie and the bag of shoes in his hand, praying that he would at least be allowed to come into the cafe once a day in the morning after this. Boya answered the door in a black bathrobe that smelled ever so slightly of leather and damp wood, looking so different from the emo dude he saw in the cafe or yelling at his cat, he was speechless. "What do you want Qiming, I have other better things to do than be ogled by your lecherous eyes and let my AC run into the hall. Is that new converse?", he enquired slyly, raising an eyebrow suggestively. If he hadn't wanted to be alive tomorrow, Qiming would have quite happily admitted he was ogling and waited patiently for his death, but he had a mission to achieve!

"I want to apologize for whatever I did to wrong you and give you reason not to serve me, and first I'll make up for Honey bug's hairball. Here are three limited edition pairs of converse in size 8, in colours that will go with your clothes, so please consider lifting my ban a bit Boya.", he pleaded as pitifully as his manly pride would allow him to be. There was a new twitch in his neighbors left eye, as he looked the caffeine starved man with a cat tucked in his clothes up and down critically, like he was stuck between murder and trespassing charges, but Boya grinned instead and reached out to take the bag.

"For giving me enough converse to last the rest of the year and grovelling so miserably, I will allow you to come in the cafe, on the grounds that you stay at least 2ft away from me at all times and never bring a pet. You are the best begging, snivelling fool I've met, and therefore I grant you permission to enter my working premises.", he replied smugly. Assuming that this was a way of saying thank you, in what must have been special Boya language, Qiming kowtowed awkwardly and left to the safety of his own apartment, that didn't have any horrible introverted coffee shop workers in.

Boya thought Christmas had come early, he had enough shoes to wear a different pair with each leather outfit, and got the chance to roast his stupid neighbor to silence. Life couldn't get much better in most ways…

Ma Bai had eaten, drunk too much Jack Daniels and taken a bus home to her youngest son's apartment because she was too wobbly to walk the whole way, but at least Yutong's new ikea sheets were comfortable. She enjoyed terrorising her only children, and despite what her parenting looked like from other people's point of view, she genuinely appreciated every moment spent with Jintang and Yutong, because they weren't at home to look after anymore. From the morning, it was clear to her that sleepy Tennessee hadn't stopped Bai Yutong from working out and eating well, something very reassuring to see, but he was a bit more relaxed than he usually was in the Texas family home, which was important for his mental well-being and development. Jintang was just as flashy as ever, yet everyone loved their little police prodigy anyway, and if he had questionable nightwear choices, it wasn't exactly hurting anybody.