Chapter 5

When Su Nian wakes up, he feels completely disoriented.

The previous day and evening coming to him in fragments.

Mei Lin had been there.

There had been a fight, as usual, they fight so much these days.

It's shocking how they can turn a simple thing into an argument.

He hardly remembers what they fought about last night.

He supposes it doesn't matter.

He remembers Mei Lin's angry face, her face red. Accusing him.

Accusing him that he wasn't helping her family.

Was she always like this? Who this woman?

She wasn't the little girl in his memory.

Family? Her family? He may be bias but he is not blind.

In her anger, Mei Lin threw a cup at the floor. The broken bits of jade laid at his feet. Glinting like diamonds, a symbol of a world that was so comforting breaking so harshly.

Family? Did she marry him because of his family?

He left their home angry and confused. This life with her was beautiful but now he is not sure if it was worth it.

He left, trying to find a cure for all this chaos, trying to find.....

Mei Xiang.

He remembers where he is now. Usually one of them leaves after sex, it's most often Su Nian that leaves. He is not sure what is going inside his head... not that he was ever emotionally sound.

Next to Mei Xiang seems to be asleep.

She looks different like this.

Her scarred skin glowing softly in them dimly lit room.

Her skin full of bumps, all weapon related.

Su Nian has seen all the scars on her back.

Long slender scars, fat thick scars.

They looked like torture.

What had she gone through in her past that she had this much scarring.

A slight smile is gracing the sleeping Mei Xiang. She doesn't look all that unapproachable now.

Her dark hair sprawled on the bed, soft and resembling a flowing river of ink.

Mei Xiang groans and Su Nian holds his breath. It seems that Mei Xiang is not waking up.

Su Nian's eyes fall on her lips. Plump, moist.

He remembers last night and he shivers. She had completely dominated him and he had submitted.

He looked at his bruised and lightly touched his sore neck. She had made him scream her name. She had made him forget everything. She made him realise who was the dominant when in bed

Su Nian shakes his head. It somehow seemed wrong thinking back on those moments now.

Maybe he should leave.

Mei Xiang is still sleeping.

There is still time to leave.

Leaving now will only make him more guilty than he is now.

As if he is using Mei Xiang only as stress relief toy, although the reason he goes to Mei Xiang is to relieve his emotions.

An object. A thing.

This isn't what this is, is it?

He wishes he knew what 'this' was.

He looks at Mei Xiang again.

She looks so perfect.

Perfect with no reason.

Someone full of secrets.

Secrets that are hiding in the shadows.

So mysterious.

Su Nian doesn't even know her family. Doesn't who know who she is.

He wishes he knew more about her.

He misses lazy mornings with Mei Lin.

Mornings where he wouldn't need to leave home early.

He misses it.

He misses sharing his time with Mei Lin.

He had no idea how much he misses it.

Until now.

Until now when he met this mysterious woman who looks like a demon seductress and who he barely knows anything about.

Maybe he should leave.

He should definitely leave.

Su Nian is preparing to stand when the body behind him shifts and opens her eyes. Her long lashes framing those dull brown eyes.

Su Nian can't help but smile.

He seems to forget that he was about to leave.

Raises his hand and sweeps the hair from Mei Xiang's face.

Mei Xiang's eyes looks dazed as she looks at him.

She sits up and he averts his eyes.

"You are still here?"

Mei Xiang's voice was raspy and low. Even deeper than her normal voice and at her voice his dick stirs in response beneath the sheets. He raises his knees to hide his erection but luckily Mei Xiang didn't seem to notice.

"I .....could leave?"

The statement seemed more of a question because he doesn't know about her.

Su Nian coughs nervously. He needs this to stop.

Whatever this is.

"Mei Xiang," he calls and she gives him the same indescribable look, "This needs to stop."

She looks at him and raises her brow in question.

"My relationship with my wife is worsening."

Mei Xiang chuckles. She was mocking him.

"And how is that my fault?"

Su Nian breaths in, "When you came into my life my already straining relationship kept on breaking with no signs of bettering."

A dangerous light danced in her eyes. Mei Xiang was angry, "Are you blaming for the deterioration of your relationship with your wife?" She drawled.

He knows that this isn't fair for Mei Xiang but he need to stop whatever they have.

"I am not blaming you Mei Xiang. I am just saying that my relationship with my worse has gotten much worse when you came into my life." What he was saying was no different than blaming Mei Xiang. He looks at his current bed partner and he feels nervous with the way he worded it.

"I love my wife Mei Xiang. Looking at you reminds me of her and it fills me with guilt."

Mei Xiang laughed, "Guilt? Were you feeling the same guilt when you were screaming my name last night? When you were begging me to let you release? Aren't you ashamed Su Nian?"

Mei Xiang slowly stood, her eyes pinning him. "I agree that I kept on sleeping with you despite knowing that you are married. However, do not put the blame on me as if its only I who had committed the act. I thought you were different Su Nian, but you are the same as other men. Your hypocrisy and cowardice disgust me."

Su Nian was left alone in the room. His heart twisted in a mix of emotion.

He disgusts her?

Su Nian was always mesmerized by Mei Xiang and his body acts before he thinks.

He hastily throws his clothes on and follows after Mei Xiang. He needs to find her. There is a part of him, a very confusing part, that doesn't want to say goodbye to Mei Xiang, that didn't mean what he had said earlier.

He sees her.

He finds himself unable to move.

She is on a horse, talking with a man and walking away.

Words leave his mouth. They were stuck in his heart. A part of his body was unwilling and every step she was taking further away from him, he felt their distance widen. His chest became heavy and he felt as if he was squished by two mountains.

He couldn't believe all of it was ending like this.

All the time they had spent together was meaningless.

A part of him wished she would look back and she did.

Mei Xiang stop and looked directly at him, she gave him a blinding smile before looking to the front and riding away.

Don't leave those words were stuck in his mouth.

With Mei Xiang gone, Su Nian finds himself in his office. He couldn't find it in himself to go home, he knew he would go home to accusations. He had never stayed a whole night away after an argument. However it seems his morning would just keep getting worse. After three exhausting hours spent in the imperial court debating with other scholars, his wife came. She had come with a rant, accusing him of ignoring her and Su Nian feels a headache coming on.

"Where were you last night?" Mei Lin was livid. She demands to know where he was last night.

"I was at an inn," Su Nian says. It's not the truth nor is it a lie either, "I just had to get away for the night."

The last part is true.

Su Nian sighs, "I did not spend the night with a woman at the inn."

Mei Xiang.

Mei Xiang would have given him an amused smile had she heard about this. And Su Nian smiles at the thought. When it came to Mei Xiang he always found himself smiling so easily.

Why was it easy?

His head hurts and his mind is in chaos.

Mei Lin is in front of him but he seems not to see her.

In his eyes is a woman walking away, her back to him never looking behind.

He shook his head to get rid of those thoughts.

"Are you hungry?" Su Nian smiled but the smile did not reach his eyes.

"Humph," Mei Lin pouted, "Are you now remembering that I am hungry?" Tears falling down her cheeks.

"How can I forget you. You are my Mei Lin."

Mei Lin smiled before pouting and looking away.

"Come. Let's go and eat," Su Nian persuaded.

When she didn't say anything, Su Nian gathered her in his arms and carried her to his table. He placed her onto his lap and began feeding her.

Mei Lin let him feed her, she missed him. Missed his kisses. She missed him dearly. Why was it that it couldn't be peaceful like this?

"You have to eat so that I won't worry about you."

"Mei Lin understands."

"Good eat more."

After eating, Su Nian orders a bath for her and he spends time to personally remove her clothes for her.

"Su Nian, why don't you join me?" Mei Lin ask her cheeks a delicious pink.

"You need to take care of yourself now that you are not feeling well. When you are better I will join you."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

Su Nian squeezed Mei Lin close to him and kissed at the top of her head.

"I will be heading back to the borders."

Mei Lin looked at him hurt, "Why should you go?"

Su Nian sighed and kissed her forehead, "I have to go, the Crown prince asked for my help."

"Okay I will let you go but you have to promise that you will stay true to me."

What? Su Nian looked at her confused.

"What I mean is," Mei Lin looked at him fiercely, "I don't want you to seek pleasure from other women and bring another woman to my home as a concubine because 'she saved your life. Or she helped me. Or she has no one else.' Excuses like that. Because I swear to you I will make her life miserable."

Su Nian stared at the woman in his arms. A woman he didn't recognize. Who was this insecure woman?

He removes his hands from her, "Mei Lin...."

"No you have to promise me now. If you can't promise me, you need to choose. The crown prince or me!"

Su Nian closed his eyes and got out of the embrace. He breathed in for a moment before standing. He reached out to her, breathed in her scent and kissed her lips, "Remember to eat well and wear a lot of clothes. Winter is coming, please take care of your health. Escort the lady out."

Three maids came and escorted the dazed Mei Lin out. Su Nian hardened his heart and looked away. He would be away for a while and he could endure her absence. He had to. No one could control him. He was loyal to the empire, a right hand man to the future Emperor. No one could pull a wool over his eyes not even his beloved Mei Lin.

Mei Xiang.

Mei Xiang.

Mei Xiang