Beginning and end

The next day I gave birth to Mahif, who's gonna be our pride and joy.I had plans of teasing her about Islam and giving her the best is Lameck education there is possible yet spoiling her as a kid. I was in labour pains for  for most of the day Then I heard 8:30 PM Mahif in bed was born.  I was Crying with joy when I heard her first cry but I was wondering where her father one my beloved that's when I got the news that I had to have a life and lose a life at that. One of his intelligence officers who were I hated with a passion for giving him a bad reputation told me That this year I he had killed my beloved Faysel. I wanted nothing more than to be with him one more time but I couldn't I had this innocent life to take care of. This is why I was trying to make hard decisions I didn't want her to be a royalty or know who her parents were sure I ended up giving Mahif up for adoption cause of the depression and postpartum depression that I was feeling after losing Faysel and giving birth to her I thought I was going to harm her or that I couldn't take care of her all neglect her even though I had the means to feed her. The midwife was sad mothers and said well if you want to go and give her up for adoption that's fine will give her to another friends who will take care of her benevolent prince. I said that I didn't want her to be of Saudi royalty I want her to Eva civilian.   I took a private jet to Canada but I'm on the way I dropped off Mahif  in Egypt so she wouldn't know who she really was.  For all I  know and cared she was going to think that she was Egyptian and not Saudi.   When I handed it over to the orphanage in Egypt I was crying again of another loss the loss of my baby to someone else I couldn't believe what was happening. I said that I was on my way back to Canada and that I was going to make a life there is an unasumed person.  For I did not want to be known. I knew that Faysel love me as much as he did which was passionately in astronomical But I had to leave him behind he was dead I couldn't even go to his royal funeral if there was a royal funeral I did not hear about that in the news in fact he was disappeared off the face of the earth presumed dead. For all I knew he was being tortured or worse by the CIA I knew in my heart it was the CIA that was after him, Then I wondered if the orphanage had changed her last name for safety reasons I was so scared for Mahif I wanted to take her back to Canada, but I was told she was adopted out to the states.

I asked which city and state that she was and they said she was in California Los Angeles and then she was on the western name and she was changed of her religion.   The only remedy of my beloved was gone to the stage but she was healthy and fine I knew that would her adoptive parents tell her about us.  How would you find out about me and her father. All these questions and I asked what the address of the adoptive family was and they said it was on such and such a Street PO Box 123 in Los Angeles.   I quickly scribble down the name of the street and the PO Box in the ZIP Code I want to write letters to Mahif  I wrote letters under her birth and Muslim name, Mahif.  I told her what happened to her father I told her how we met and how much we love each other and how much I loved her. I will write letters on a monthly basis and I get large bag from the adoptive parents and I would wonder how was your first day at school what is she making any friends did you get the chickenpox the normal stuff for mother won't worry about. When she was 18 It was In the 2010s , I was 50 years old at the time and things were starting to add up maybe the journalist were kidnapped and tortured and dissolved at the hands of Faysel but I will never know. I was there I know is that I was loved by someone, only people that knew her my address was the adoptive family of my daughter everyone else didn't know who I was or who I married or whether I lived or you knew if I had a mailing address.

I found peace and I found a new view in life both bitter sweet.