Emotions are not simple
After a little while, I am able to observe the thing that could produce such a phenom.
Suffice to say I was left amazed by the beauty of the woman(?) before me.
Long pink hair that reach her back, framing a face that can only be descried as flawless. White skin glistering with a brilliance that outshines every other star in existence. Eyes that show what can only be described as the cosmos adorned her face, while little wings came out from behind her ears. A halo followed her along with a pair of much larger wings appeared out from -just about her back to complete this divine sight that makes one want to bow in reverence. Not that any part of this woman is not perfect and well propositioned but her eyes, those orbs that seem to be able to drawn their surroundings in, true took my attention.
While I have seen many beautiful sights, the most were artificial ones. Any woman somehow pales in comparison, as the feeling she natural excludes overwhelms any part of my senses.
Nothing could prepare me from this.
Yet unable to keep quiet, my mouth moved on its own
"Beautiful."
The woman seemingly finding my words amusing, responded with a kind smile that could literally melt every person.
"My,my~. Thank you for your complement Akira-chan~."
Even distracted by her melodic voice I managed to blush furiously, understanding I've spoken without noticing. But instead of trying to refute my previous words I managed to gather my shattered thoughts and turn my head away, miraculously managing to gather my composure.
"W-well appearing at of nowhere can be quite a sight. Sorry if I have happened to offend you. it is just your appearance can be quite … awe inspiring to say the least."
'Really nice save there... but how can I keep silent when someone as beautiful appears out of nowhere!!!', I mused inwardly, my focus once more towards the only companion in these …peculiar circumstances.
"Ufufufu..~You know you do not have to act so shy Akira-chan~. After all it is quite a refreshing sight to be complemented and not simply being looked with lecherous eyes~"
Now I am an adult that had many "escapades". From happy to sad and some rather "enjoyable". Yet I could not stop my embarrassment as I tried to hide my face from her, since it has most likely reached a color that could rival the sun.
"W-well i-it's not everyday someone meets God and it turns out it is a criminally good-looking woman!!", I quickly countered. Hell, my heart hasn't stopped trying to break from its prison since I beheld her!
"Oh~. You think I am God~?", she asked while titling her head quite adorably and blinking her eyes in faux-innocence, that did nothing to hide the mirth and intrigue hidden in them.
Trying to gather my composure and taking deep breaths in order not to simply faint from this sight I answer,
"I-I know I died. But to wake up in something akin to space while also hearing that I am in in the afterlife is kind of a clear indication."
'Though can she hear my thoughts!? Please don't let it happen!!', Cutting my hopes in half she spoke while chuckling.
"Unfortunately, I can! So, no naughty thoughts alright~?"
Again, my face heated up. I-I think that fainting is a very clear option at this point...damn it! I did not think the Afterlife was like this!
'Though I am not complaining.....'
No bad thoughts go away!!
Continuing chucking she replied to my earlier inquire with the same amusement in her voice while also hiding a bit of... warmth?
"Well, you are correct and incorrect at the same time~! I am not the God you are thinking but a being a little stronger than it~! Buuuuut this is the afterlife so congrats for guessing it and not simply losing your cool in this situation~!"
…Why do I have a feeling of DeJa'Vu?
Discarding such useless thoughts, a reply left my lips solemnly towards this goddess
'Because I really do not think there exists a term to describe her that allows my sanity to be kept intact!'
"Well....I knew, I was going to die. I even remember my final moments so falling into hysteria is not really going to solve anything."
With her eyes sparking the goddess literally teleported behind me before I could even blink.
"Wha-"
The reason why I was able to guess the location of her appearance was the pair of arms that pulled me into an embrace. A hug that took life out of me because of the suddenness and the embarrassment when I felt her rather(*ahem*) ample bosom while also petting my head.
"Such a mature child!!!Oh how cute can you be! Please call me Akasha though and not something as impersonal as goddess okay~!"
While a normal person would either try to enjoy the moment (which I guiltily did) or try to escape because of his embarrassment and surprise I... froze.
While I had multiple girlfriends and some relationships over the years, I did not marry or start a family to my immense sadness. The reasons where several. From the sudden loss of my mother which made me quite apprehensive to start a family. The fact that my child would grow up in such a rotten world where his/her worth is only as a cog to an unyielding monster that we call society. Or because I did not find "the one true love". Maybe because I really never opened up and instead worked towards dealing with any problem my partner had? A point that can prove quite critical towards a worse future in any bond due to an apparent lack of faith. Yet quite difficult for me to find any solution that would be satisfying.
Even when I have experienced many intimate moments and even heartfelt ones, I couldn't stop myself.
An action that was out of the realms of logic. They burst open the moment I felt her warmth and care in that simple action.
.
.
.
I released silent sobs...
How long was it since I last released my emotions?
A WOMAN FALLING IN THE KITCHEN COUNTER
I DID NOT DO ANYTHING
AN AVERAGE LOOKING MAN WHO I LOOKED AFTER, DISAPPEARING WITH NO CLUE
BECAUSE I WAS NOT THERE
.
.
How long since I felt this feeling?
MANAGING TO COMPLETE AN ASSIGNMENT AS A CHILD ONLY FOR A WOMAN TO EMBRACE ME WHILE COMPLEMENTING ME.
GETTING SICK, MY BROTHER WORRYING, WHILE THE SAME WOMAN STAYING AWAKE SO SHE CAN TAKE CARE OF EVEN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
IN A HOSPITAL BED THE WOMAN RASPING
"I will.... always love you.... my little Akira-chan and Satoru-chan...."
.
.
Love
A mother's love
I do not know why I felt that. No number of ideas could ever hope to give a reason but I continued crying for what felt like hours while the goddess continued embracing me and soothing me while repeating.
"It's alright",
"Let it all out",
"I am here"
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I do not know how much timed passed but I was finally able to calm down
The goddess never once letting go through out my emotional breakdown.
It has been quite a while since I last remembered my mother and simply let it all out. I never could really cry. I was supposed to be the strong big brother that cannot buckle down no matter the weight he carries. Usually, I was the one consoling and helping people, especially if my partner, at the time needed a pillar to support herself.
I convinced myself that I must not show weakness in a world full of hungry sharks while I was the one protecting my brother. For thirty years that was my life and while it was not easy, it was my choice. Many times, friends tried to let me unload some of my concerns but I would usually just say that everything is fine and simply make a joke to lighten the mood.
I liked making my friends, family and lover happy. That, in turn, brought me happiness.
But by not expressing my sadness and troubles in an outward way, to people willing to listen, I created a time bomb to my negative emotions that would one day blow in my face and make me kneel under all that emotional baggage.
Yet while I understood that, I did nothing.
The reason?
I paid no heed to my own emotional World. Despite how much important, I knew, it was. I just couldn't spend the time of others to deal with my own "baggage".
I tormented myself for situations I had no control under and denied to release my emotions while hiding my problems behind a mask of positivity. It was better for all others. To appear as the reliable man that would help those he has connected with. Neglecting the spiral for negative emotions that gathered by my inability to ask help, as it wasn't something I deserved....
Of course, I was wrong.
My self-punishment was valid to my eyes. I drowned myself into such words that sunk me to depths my voice couldn't be heard.
So now in a place I could not fathom seeing with my own eyes held by a goddess, who for no apparent reason expressed fondness for me, I could not help it...
"Mmmmmmm..!Stop having such depressing thoughts Akira-chan or I won't release you until you feel better~!"
Releasing a hoarse laugh, I simply replied,
"Sorry...", releasing a hoarse laugh, I simply replied, "It's just, I did not expect to have such a reaction by a hug no matter the beauty of the person... I was a little overwhelmed by your emotions in that simple exchange Akasha"
Is it blasphemous to speak to a god without an honorific? Probably, but right now I can't just bring myself to care for such formalities.
While putting my head at her thighs and making me look up at her, I saw again a mesmerizing smile.
"No problem~!Though it is not good to simply bottle things up, you know! Baka-Aki making me worry!"
She pouted like a child! I could not help it and simple laughed out loud. My emotions are all over the place anyway.
Her pout intensifying as the goddess "complained"
"And now you laugh to my concerns!", pursuing her rosy lips she gave a '*HUMPH*',"Akira-chan is not cute at all anymore!"
"E-exc-cuse me. I do not mean to make fun of you! It's is just I did not expect the "legendary" Akasha to make such a face. Please I beg your pardon!", my words were sincere and I found a natural calmness to this banter. Any worries long since disappeared.
"Hmm? That is much better~! Good manners too! That is my Aki-chan~", she, like the previous pout did not exist, simply continued her ministrations, "Though you say I am "legendary"? Does that mean you know me~?"
"Well, more like a presumption but do you happen to be the representation of Akashic records by any chance?"
Akasha isn't really a "common" name even for a "God". Being a nasuverse/type moon fan also helps in that regard.
Her eyes sparkling, she offered another bright smile.
"Indeed, right you are Aki-chan!~Though please do not confuse me with the type moon "World's" version of Akasha. I am the embodiment of all different [Worlds] and everything that exists and doesn't. Real and not~! I have created life throughout the different "Worlds", fictional and not, and have given the chance for life to stand across [Existence]. For convenience's sake I am over all the beings of any given world. Those beings can be humans, heteromorphs, angels, demons, gods, concepts or anything that simply "exists" at any given form and power! Some even can control the fundamental "Laws", "Pillars" or simply "Truths" of the Worlds~!", she said while puffing her chest proudly.
"Now you might be wondering why such an amazing entity is doing meeting you? As I said, previously I have given life to the worlds meaning I am kinda the Mother of everything~. So if you ever feel like it call me mama!"
Chuckling awkwardly, I continued listening to this "impossible entity" that still gives me a lap pillow of all things.
Hardening her eyes Akasha continued,
"While not all, most existences meet a different version of Administrators or Executors after their Death. They provide the opportunity to be determined by their karma, actions and character an appropriate afterlife. That can range from the version they perceive as hell or heaven. Some can even be given the option of reincarnation, transmigration and many other similar options. Naturally many not as pleasant, as punishments can be given depending on the situation.", her expression softening she continued.
"I rarely meet souls in order to judge them much less in my female form. Yet here we are! The only thing I do not enjoy is the fact that any sentient being is usually prone to violence, but that is their "nature". An evil existence that simply destroys things for no apparent reason once slain, will be given an appropriate punishment while a good existence will receive rewards.", A sigh escaped her lips.
"However not all good actions can be led by pacifism. Often conflict is required for positive change. In those instances, the fact that a being is ready and understands the weight of its actions, but still continues through with them whether they are any kind of conflict, shall receive a more lenient judgement rather than a being that does good actions for bad and selfish intentions."
The opportunity to question any of these terms or even the grandiose of the Truth behind how everything works was removed. I was far too enthralled to interrupt her.
"Now I came here to judge you! My verdict is the fact you can transmigrate in a body to another [World] with certain boons depending on the world you choose. Of course, if you do not want you will be able to go to a 'Heaven' since you are a good soul albeit a little troubled and hurt."
Trembling I try to answer, yet before I could speak a hand combed my hair, immediately calming me.
Trying to gather my thoughts I can only give a smile and speak. One sentence that had far more weight than intended.
"I wish to go where my mother and brother are."
Again, a sign escaped her lips, this time more strained, while she adopts a sad expression.
"Before I answer you, there is a piece of information you must know. While extremely uncommon it is not impossible for a being to transmigrate to another world by a myriad of ways. Your mother is indeed dead and went to "Heaven" but your brother went to another world not by his choice."
Thousand thoughts flash through my mind but the hand combing my hair never stops, acting as a way to calm the storm that is my mind.
"I-is he okay? Is he alone? And could he have come back on his own?"
"YES, to the first two and No to the last unfortunately. Unless you have a special privilege after leaving your world it is almost impossible for one to come back to their original unless there is a clear Gateway or the being that was responsible returns the one it transported. In this case it was a one-way trip through a Gateway connected to the game Yggdrasil and not the product of outside interference .SO as not to confuse you, I will not explain the intricacies of the situation. Just known he is living as his game avatar in a fantasy world, along with the guild.The npcs are alive and while having done "bad" things he strives for a better world. It is impossible for him not to be involved in a conflict but he strives to make the world a better one"
.
.
.
.
..
...
(*sigh*)
"Of course, the idiot will be transported to another world through the game...."
While I was desperate to find him, he Somehow got isekaied to a different world.
While my relief that he is alive (though considering his avatar as alive as an undead can be anyway...)and has a base with companions that will probably support him.
After all, if the npcs rebelled he could not do anything to truly defend himself.
There is nothing I could do for him but maybe if I go to him, I could at least provide him support!
But I also want to meet mother. The fact she is in Heaven obviously means that she is alright.
What I should do? How can I be at their side simultaneously? Maybe if-
"Ufufufu~. Know that when a person is to be judged and cannot make a decision the wishes of his loved ones are explained to him~! Your mother and brother want you to experience your life uninhibited. They are fine in their respective places and while your brother faces conflicts, the code of the npcs basically make them deify him. Though you cannot speak to them since my interference could end the Worlds they inhabit and it is impossible for me to place restrictions upon myself that would allow such a meeting as any realm that isn't similar to this Space would be destroyed...Sorry about that...."
Shaking my head, I answered, "If it was not for you this burden that I carried even after death would not disappear so thank you wholeheartedly for that! The fact I learned, my family is good is the best possible scenario. Even the if I'm not too thrilled by the fact, my brother is making the world a better place through conflict that he will have to experience himself...."
I watched as her frown disappeared and blossomed to a smile
"As for my decision...