Chapter 2

Chapter Two

And because of that, I didn't know that it was already dismissal time. The nervousness suddenly showed up in my chest and let me feel shit every time I think about things that concern me about letting Makey go. If I let him go, I need to accept also that I won't be around him ever again and it was weird because I was ready for it even if it would hurt me for a while but I was ready.

I just know that we weren't meant for each other. I knew it from the start but still I risked because I also want to be loved. I want to love someone so dearly that it would hurt me.

He could've been my first boyfriend.

When I finished fixing my things and myself, I went out of the classroom and locked it. I went to the pool and while I was on my way, I prepared myself and what to say and that's the reason why my nervousness just doubled up. I was literally stuttering while saying the things that I want to say to him.

"Makey, I know that we've been—" but I stopped when I saw him waiting for me. His hands were in his pockets and he was staring at the pool's water.

He is still so handsome while wearing his white-colored marine uniform. With his clean cut-hair, uniform free from wrinkles and his pants not having even a little smudge of dirt, he will always be the guy that I want but can't have.

He's that someone that I almost have.

My heart hurts just imagining those what ifs.

I walked silently as I went near him. He didn't even know I was coming; A reason why I am so nervous. He looked serious while staring at the blue pool mirroring the colors of his eyes. When I was a meter closer to him, I coughed and then I caught his attention immediately.

His smile quickly showed up but for a very obvious reason, I couldn't give back his smile. My heart was literally aching as I saw his smile. The smile that I will probably just stare at a distance.

And maybe love was cruel because he immediately noticed my expression and went from smiling then having a very worried look.

"Asha, is there a problem?" he asked.

I nodded and then inhaled deeply. I stared at him, "This will be long so don't you dare stop me from speaking." I said while he's staring at me.

At this point, anyone who'll see us will notice the difference with our height because I was literally looking upward when I looked at him. "I know it gets a little bit boring when I take too long to answer you and I understand why you're like this for the past few weeks. I enjoyed your company. You make feel loved even if ang ikli lang ng panliligaw stage. I feel like that was the best day of my life. So thank you for letting me experience that—" I wasn't done but he already stopped me from saying more words.

"Asha, what do you mean?" he asked and confusion and nervousness was too obvious in his voice.

"I want you to stop courting me." I directly said and I don't even know where I got the audacity to say it without stuttering my way through it. I saw how his mouth dropped when I said that and right there I was starting to regret my decision.

"What?" he surprisingly asked.

"Asha, did I do something?" he asked me again and I can almost see his desperation.

And I honestly want to get back the words that I have said but what Thea said impacted me so much that it was firm enough to not break what I said. 'He deserves that freedom, Asha.' I said mentally, convincing myself that this is right.

"Asha, you know that I am not forcing you. I can honestly wait until you're ready. Just please... don't say that." he said and I saw him forcing himself not to cry even if his eyes were literally on the verge of crying.

I closed my eyes out of frustrations and guilt. I need to get out of here before I break myself.

'Why am I hurting the person that I love?' I mentally uttered.

I calmed myself because I might cry also. This honesty sucks big time and I was thankful that this is a hidden place because it would create many issues if we're seen by someone.

"Asha, please. I'm sorry if I have done things that might offend you but please, don't ask me to stop courting you." he said.

"Then please, Makey, don't make this hard for me. Can you just let me go, peacefully?" I asked him desperately.

"I like you so much, Asha. I wouldn't even dare do things that might offend you. Please don't do this..."

I shook my head and turned my back on him. I started to walk away from him when he shouted, "I'll court you for one week more, if you don't want me after that, then I'm not going to bother you anymore." but I chose to not turn and just continue walking away from him.

Weeks had passed when I told him about my feelings and decided to let him go even if he told me about courting me for a week and if I still don't want him then he'll stop. He never said anything to me after that and was ignoring me. I have never felt this guilty all my life but it was weird because even if I was hurting, seeing him happy with his friends made me so happy.

Though, I honestly thought that he would be devastated but seeing him smiling with is friends, it made me feel stupid for thinking that way. It was hard you know. It was hard contemplating whether to risk getting hurt or just spare myself from the future heartbreaks. How dumb of me to think that he would feel bad about us being apart but it was the opposite, it made him genuinely happy and I am more than guilty for depriving him with that emotion after years of dating me.

Even though we met a couple of times when passing by the hallways, I would just normally do what I have been doing for years of dating him, ignore the hell out of him and that is what he did also. Although sometimes, it hurts like hell whenever I see him happily chatting with girls, there's also a part of me that's happy that he finally will find a girl who is not a coward like me.

But as much as I would want to ignore him forever, there were times where we were obliged to talk to each other and that certain time where we talked was one of the things that bothers me the most. I still remember the day where we talked after ignoring each other for weeks. It rained so much that day that I was stranded on a waiting shed, waiting for the rain to stop when he came in.

"You're going home late today huh." he said and I was surprised that he chose to talk to me because I wasn't really paying much attention to him.

I just sat at the edge of the waiting shed and shaking so little because it was cold.

"Y-Yeah...how about you? You're also going home late today." I never intended to start off a conversation but to just let the awkwardness between us disappear, I had to talk to him and maybe this would be a good start for us too after weeks of ignoring each other.

"I forgot something. I just went back to get it. Didn't know it would rain this much." he said.

It got silent after that and I didn't talk more because I didn't know what to say after that. As minutes passed by, I grew impatient. I am getting so sleepy that it made me think of just running in the rain just to get home. I stood up and was about to abandon all the possibilities of me not getting soaked by rain when a hand stopped me from doing so.

"Please... let me go. I wanna go home." I said when I looked at Makey holding my arm. It wasn't firm but it was enough for me to stop by my tracks.

"Why do you always want to be free when I am not even holding you so firmly?" because of the loud pouring rain, I didn't understand what he said.

"Huh? What are you saying again? I want to go home so please... let my hand go."

He sighed, let my hand go and then reached for the zipper of his bag. "I have an umbrella in here. Use this." he said and handed me the pink umbrella.

Confused at what he's doing, I asked. "Why are you doing this?"

He looked at me straight into the eyes, "Because I like you and I care for you." his blue magnetic eyes left me in daze and I was speechless for a second not until I reminded myself that I shouldn't be feeling like this. Not when he's in front of me.