Thirty-Six

"You look impressed." Baekjae Sunbae chuckled as we left the theatre and walked into the lobby.

"Yes, I am. Very impressed." I admitted, nodding a few times to show how impressed I was. "The story was so enthralling right from the start. The heroine did a really good job too, portraying the strong character. And Sunbae, you." I would have stopped and bowed to him in admiration but all I could do just then was nod along so as to not hold up the people leaving the theatre behind us. "You've always been amazing but watching you on-screen when you were sitting next to me… Plus, I know you better now and so I also know how different the role you play is from what you really are like so your abilities as an actor really shone through."

"Thank you. It's really nice to know that I have someone who admires me nearby. You were great company too. Let's do this again."

"You mean go to a premier together again?" Really?!

"Yes." He smiled. We were about to step out and find ourselves a ride to the restaurant where the whole crew was going for dinner when a man who was probably in his late 40s or early 50s walked up to us.

"Min Baekjae." The man with dyed black hair and thick-rimmed spectacles smiled and extended a hand which Baekjae Sunbae gladly shook.

"Bae Seokmun-ssi, good evening."

"I had not seen you when we were going in earlier. But, of course, you're our lead actor. You wouldn't miss your movie's premier, would you? I must admit- you have proven yourself again. Even at such a young age, you are pretty much a household name."

See. I was feeling proud to just have been standing next to him.

"I couldn't have done it without everyone's support." Baekjae Sunbae bowed to the senior actor whom I recognised as having played the heroine's uncle. "I have learnt so much from you this time. I sincerely hope that we get to work together again."

"Oh? You were here…" A young woman with a bob cut wearing an elegant black knee-length dress stopped by us on her way out when she noticed us. She had acted as Baekjae Sunbae's younger sister in the movie. "Bae-ssi too." She bowed politely to the other man. "You're all coming to the restaurant, right?"

"Yes." Baekjae Sunbae answered. "We're heading there now."

"Do you have a car? If you don't, you can come with me. I drove here."

"I have a car so you youngsters can carry on." Bae Seokmun-ssi took his leave after smiling at me too and ducking his head in acknowledgement.

"You're Choi Jeongwoo from S.T.A.Y, right?" The young woman offered me a hand. "Huge fan, actually. I'm Lee Seoyoon."

"It's a pleasure to meet you." I shook her hand and smiled. "I'm a fan of your work too. You've done a really good job in this movie as well. And I was especially taken by your role in 'Ten Times a Liar'."

"Oh! That's one of my all-time favourite projects! It looks like you watch a lot of movies." She sounded happy.

"I watch when I can. All the more since I'm friends with an actor too." I said at which Baekjae Sunbae chuckled.

"It's nice to see so much intermingling between S.T.A.Y and 04:00 am- starting from seeing you here with Baekjae, the Christmas party and your collaboration with Changmin Oppa."

The mention of his name made me flinch inwardly. Moreover, she seemed very well acquainted with 04:00 am. Baekjae Sunbae had worked with her a few times before and considering that his members usually accompanied him, it was no surprise that his actor friends knew his members too.

"It's been fun for us as well. 04:00 am and S.T.A.Y make a good team." I nodded in agreement.

"That, I agree." She motioned to the exit. "Shall we get to know each other on the way to the restaurant? I won't impose myself on you two once we're there."

"It's no imposition, really." I said and Baekjae Sunbae urged me to walk by a hand on my back.

"Thank you, Noona. Let's get going."

We talked quite a bit on the way to the restaurant in her car. She was a very outgoing person, talkative and witty. I realised that it was easy to get well-acquainted with her even over a 10-minute drive and she was also aware of everything happening in the industry. Changmin and the others must have gotten so friendly with her just as I had come to call her Noona by the end of the drive.

She walked into the restaurant with us and once we had exchanged contact details, she ran off to the heroine calling her Unnie.

"She seems so close to everyone." I commented as Baekjae Sunbae and I picked a table for two and sat down.

"She's the kind of person you can't help getting close to, don't you think?" He nodded. "She's a delight to work with too- absolutely talented and professional."

"This movie really does have a top-class cast." Including Baekjae Sunbae. "Ah, but is it okay for you to be sitting with just me? Shouldn't you be with the crew or something?"

"It's alright. We have already had our team dinners and, besides, I'm here with you today. It's perfectly fine. I can go around and talk to the others before leaving."

"If… that's okay then…" I sat back. I had initially thought that it might get awkward with just the two of us but that seemed nothing more than a delusion now. "Being here with everyone feels so unreal though. Other than Sunbae, they're all face I've only ever seen on-screen. Ah, is this how True and Coffee feel during fan-signs?"

"Tell me if there's anyone you want to talk to. I'll introduce you." He offered.

I smiled. "Thank you but I'm more than happy just being here. I'm glad that I came." I pretended to adjust my non-existent glasses- a habit that Baekjae Sunbae's detective character had in the movie.

He laughed, his eyes genuinely crinkling up at that. "It's actually become a habit for me whenever I wear glasses now."

"You wear glasses?" I asked, surprised. "I've never seen you wearing glasses."

"Oh. You haven't?" He thought a moment. "Well, we do run into each other between practice or shooting anyway. I wear it only when I have to read for a long time."

"Damn. I didn't know." I thought back to his detective character who wore glasses. "You look good anyway. I just look older than I am."

"You wear glasses?"

"No. Jaehyeon Hyung does. I've tried them on a couple of times. Even Mingyu does."

"Ah. I think I've seen Jaehyeon Hyung wear it during a Live once. That was quite a while back though."

"You watch our Lives too?"

"Just like you watch 04:00 am's when you can. I rarely get the chance to though."

"Given your schedule, it's understandable. How do you manage all this though? You don't ever really look tired."

"I do get tired but I also have this ability to fall asleep whenever I try to sleep so I'm able to catch some shut-eye whenever possible. Plus, having seven members helps. They're able to manage a lot of things without me."

"Mm. That does make sense."

"Rest is important, Jeongwoo." He said meaningfully. "No matter how busy you may be."

Uh… "I guess everyone knows what happened to me." I chuckled wryly. "I was too rash. The pressure had gotten to me."

"We had heard about it from Changmin Hyung. He was freaking out ever since he got to know from Manager Nam. He had calmed down only after meeting you himself. He even blew off a group dinner for it."

What? "But he'd told me that he was free."

"What else would he have told you?" He shrugged. "He worries about you a lot, you know?"

If the fact that he had kissed me was anything to go by, I had no doubt about it. "I know…"

He sighed. "I don't know what happened between you two but I hope you sort it out soon."

I looked at him in surprise. What did he know? "That's…"

"The thing about our Changmin Hyung is that he doesn't try too hard to hide how he is feeling if he's down. And none of us have seen you both talking during the past three days. He usually video calls you when we're away. Jaemin Hyung said that he had not done that either. And he would have at least come with me to meet you at the agency today, right? He did not though. You did not ask about him either." He stated. "It's pretty obvious to all of us."

I was trying extra hard so that S.T.A.Y did not find out. I had not denied it when they had thought that half the calls that I received during the day were from Changmin. I had left them no room to doubt that anything had gone wrong. Changmin, on the other hand, had not done anything of that sort. Was he really THAT close and open with 04:00 am? It wasn't that I was not close to S.T.A.Y but something like this… Changmin had evidently not told anything to his members but he probably trusted them to not ask anything beyond a point too. In my case, even if not anyone else, Jaehyeon would have not let me off till I had said something. While I was mostly grateful for that, this was not a matter I could just come out and tell him. The fact that Baekjae Sunbae knew even this much was an unpleasant reminder of how close Changmin was to people other than me.

It was unfair that I was suffering alone like this without even being able to show it.

"Something really did happen, huh?" Baekjae Sunbae asked more seriously this time. "Honestly, when I called you yesterday, with the way you responded first, I had thought that you might back out. I'm glad that you came though."

I gave him a tired smile. "I'm sorry. I'm glad that I came too. And about Changmin Hyung… we'll work on it." Work on it? How will we work on it? Work on what exactly?

Hyung-ah… what do we do now?

He nodded. "Do let me know if you need anything or if there's anything I could help with."

"Thank you." I'm afraid there's nothing you could possibly do to help us here, Baekjae Sunbae.

He smiled reassuringly. "Shall we order?"

I agreed and we placed the order after deciding from the menu. Throughout the rest of the evening, he did not bring up Changmin again. We eventually returned to a comfortable conversation but the heaviness that I was feeling within did not fade away. Having talked about Changmin had thrown me off my game entirely.

I was the one actively avoiding him but I was also missing him terribly.

The image burnt into the back of my eyes was that of his horror-stricken face after I had pushed him away. It wasn't an image that I wanted to see whenever I thought about him and I had been thinking about him a lot during the past few days.

I felt bad but I could not think of what to do. What could I possibly do that would help the both of us? Even though I had declared that we could not talk about it, the fact remained that we could do nothing about it if we did not talk.

After getting out of the cab that night, when I made my way to the elevator to go up to our dorm, I found myself unable to keep my composure. The moment the elevator doors shut, I leaned against the side wall and clutched my shirt over my chest and focused on regulating my breathing. Changmin had become this heavy lump in my chest and I couldn't carry that in with me when I reached home.

I shook off the sensation after stepping out of the elevator and then keyed in the passcode to our dorm. Everyone else had been home and they had been eager to know all about the premier and my evening. Sticking around only long enough to fill them in, I used exhaustion as an excuse to retreat into bed.