Forty-Six

"Yup. They just slept." I said softly into the phone as I zipped up the tent that I was sharing with Mingyu and Yeojun. "We were talking for a while but I guess they were really tired. It was our team's turn to go get the groceries for today."

"Aren't you tired?" Changmin asked in just as much of a hushed voice.

"Mm. I'm fine." I smiled to myself and distanced myself from the tents and moved towards the sea. Once I felt that I was sufficiently out of earshot, is sat down on the sand and rolled up my track pants halfway up my calf. It was reasonably cool out but the jacket that I had on was enough for me just then. I was tempted to take off my shoes and dig my toes into the sand but I did not want to risk falling ill because of the cold. I hugged myself with one had against the cold sea breeze that made me shiver at first and pressed the phone harder against my ear, hoping to gain some warmth from it. Nevertheless, I liked the cold. "Where are you, Hyung?"

"My room." He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry for calling so late but I couldn't get free till Jaemin Hyung too fell asleep."

I chuckled. "Look at us being all sneaky."

"We don't have much of a choice." He sounded tired though. It was peak promotion time for them after all.

"I watched 'Closer'."

"Ah… We haven't talked since then, have we?"

"We have both been busy." I reasoned. "I hadn't thought that we would get the chance today either since it got so late. I'm just happy that we could talk at least now."

"True. So, what did you think?"

"It was very 04:00 am. The MV was intense and all of you looked so good."

"All of us?" He prodded.

"You looked good."

"That's what I wanted to hear. Who do you think I was appealing to in all those scenes?"

"Oh?" I laughed. "You were appealing to me?"

"Who else? Especially that solo rap."

The one where he was lying on the floor with his chin up in the air. "Arrogant."

"Ya. Really?" He sulked.

"Coffee would hate me if they knew about it."

"They won't know."

"Still. Nevertheless, 'Closer' is a work of art. The lyrics and the composition too. Your concepts and their execution are always so perfect. You're all actors, honestly."

"We did dedicate quite a bit to that title track. Which song did you like in 'Underground' overall though?"

I thought about it. "I've been listening to 'Wae Andwae?' and 'Narang Hamkke Anja' a lot.

"They are your kind of songs. I'm not surprised."

"Yeah. They are my kind of songs."

"Other than 'Closer', I personally like 'Uri' a lot."

"'Uri' sounds like a good dance number."

"I know, right? I actually had a lot of fun working on it. The song came out good but it's a track that we just let loose on."

"Wah… Now you're boasting."

He laughed softly. "Admire me."

"Psht. I admire 04:00 am and Baekjae Sunbae." You too.

"Mm. But you love me, right?" He sort of cooed.

"Aish…" I rolled my eyes. He was a real smooth-talked. Not that he was mistaken either… "Hyung, it would have been really nice had you been here right now."

"Would it? Why?" He asked.

"I'm sitting on the beach. The sky's lit up with stars, the waves are calm and there's a breeze… and it's a little chilly."

"The perfect setting to cuddle up in, huh?" He chuckled.

Exactly. "It's beautiful. Breath-taking even." And talking on the phone about it just wasn't enough. "You should've… I wish you were here."

"Send me pictures."

"Okay." That was all we could have done anyway. "When do you wake up?"

"Let me see…" His voice became a little distant as though he was checking the time on his phone. Then, he came back. "In about three hours."

"Seriously?" I knew what life as an Idol was like but I still couldn't help feeling concerned. "Good night, Hyung…"

"But I want to talk to you."

"I… want to talk to you too but I want you to sleep as well." And I wanted to see you. That had become more of a persistent feeling though. "Please, sleep. You must be tired."

"Mm." He hummed, unhappy with the situation. "Then… sing for me."

"What?" I sat straight at that request. "Hyung…"

"Sing for me, Jeongwoo-ya."

"No… I mean, I can't just…" I got flustered. "It's too cold… to sing." It wasn't.

He laughed softly. "What? Are you shy? You're S.T.A.Y's Vocal Team leader. Don't be shy~"

"That has nothing to do with this!" Being Vocal Team leader and singing in S.T.A.Y is VERY different from singing over the phone to my boyfriend!

"It's okay even if your voice isn't perfect. I just want to hear you sing."

"Ah…" What do I do? "Hyung-ah… Please, don't make me do this."

"The shyer you get, the more I want to hear it." He stated. "Actually, now I have a song request too. Sing 'Where We Are'."

"'Where We Are'? You still haven't grown tired of that song?" How could someone listen to it so much?

"It's more meaningful to me than you think, Jeongwoo." He said seriously. "It's what brought me back to you."

Thinking about it now, it did make sense. He had started taking the effort to get close again after Blue Ink and 'Where We Are' released. He had even quoted it in the letter that he had first sent me. He had always brought it up, saying that he liked it because I was the one who wrote it. If the song really did bring him back to me… Maybe I should cherish it a little more too.

I closed my eyes and composed myself. If he really wanted me to sing, I could let him hear it.

"It feels like yesterday-" I began singing. "-that I left home in a run.

All this while, I've been stacking up on all I have done.

By myself, no height could possibly be tall enough-

I was far too heavy, my voice far too rough."

I heard him take a deep breath. I could almost see him with his eyes closed, listening to me. He made no further sound as I continued singing and I soon lost myself to the personal concert.

"So, in those days that seem hard and unforgiving,

When you're tired, doubtful but continue believing-

When this sky you helped me mark seems way too far to you

And when you map where we are, wondering what to do-

Even then, I'll be right here on this side of the sky

Upon which you gaze in awe, reaching out so high-

To touch, to comfort. And when you say you're fine,

I hope you'll make me your strength as much as I have made you mine."

Somehow, I had ended up singing the entire song. It was as though I was reminding myself of everything I had thought of when I had originally written it. That feeling of gratitude, of purpose, of being loved- the ambition that True had given us... And then I thought about Changmin. Had listening to such a song really reminded him of me?

Gratitude. Purpose. Love. Ambition. Changmin.

Did this mean that while I was chasing after him and 04:00 am, he was also working so hard because he had me in his thoughts?

By the time I had finished singing and had gone silent, I could hear nothing more from the other end. Slowly, I called. "Hyung?"

Nothing.

"Are… you sleeping?"

No response again. He really had fallen asleep. He must have been that tired.

I smiled to myself and said in a low voice, "I love you." Then I cut the call and took a couple of pictures of the sea and the star-filled sky to send to him before pocketing my phone. I had just about started humming the melody of 'Where We Are' to myself again when I got interrupted by a blanket falling over my head. That actually scared me so much that I jumped but then a voice accompanied it.

"Do you want to fall sick that badly?"

"Hyung." I looked up at Jaehyeon who had also draped his blankets over himself and was standing a couple of feet behind me. I then realised that he had brought me my own blanket. Looking back, I saw that he had zipped the tent back up completely. I smiled at him. "Thank you."

He closed his eyes for a brief moment and then came to sit beside me, pulling his blanket closed tighter. He had bed-head and he was still squinting at the sea. He had clearly been sleeping well.

"Why did you wake up?" I asked.

"I don't know… I think I got thirsty." He responded. "I drank water anyway."

"You 'think' you got thirsty?" I laughed. "You look ready to fall back asleep right now. Why did you come out here?"

He looked at me- or rather, squinted at me- before turning his eyes back to the sea. "I don't know."

"What?" This was too amusing.

"No…" He took a deep breath and sat up. "It was cold inside the tent. It wasn't so cold that I couldn't sleep but… I wanted to see how cold it was outside and then I saw you sitting here, on your phone."

"Is that so?" And you waited till I finished?

"Mm. Changmin Sunbae?"

"Yup." I nodded.

"This late?"

"He could get free only now. You know what it's like post-release." I shrugged. "We hadn't talked in a while."

He brought his gaze back to me. "Jeongwoo- ya, does he treat you well?"

The questioned surprised me. "E-Eh? Yes. Why?"

"No. Just like that." He shook his head. "You don't really talk about it. You seemed to be doing fine but… I just wanted to confirm."

Even if Jaehyeon knew about our relationship, it wasn't something I could really talk about openly. What we had between Changmin and I was more than enough. I did not quite want to throw it around me by talking about it.

"We're fine." I replied. "Thanks for asking."

"Okay then. But how much longer are you planning on sitting out here?"

"I don't know." I sighed. "I'll probably go in now."

"Eh… Why did I bother coming here then?" He turned towards me and dropped his head on my shoulder. "The tent's too far away and Hanseol doesn't allow me to hug him beyond a point. It's cold~" He whined.

"Aw. Poor you." I patted his head. "Fine. Five more minutes." I let him hug me when he did that as a response to my agreeing to stay out.

"I should have just chosen your tent." He mumbled.

"You're the one who spoke big about finding me and then went into the other one." I reminded him.

"I knew you were in the red one. You had been eyeing it since we reached here on the first day. I just…"

"You picked the other tent on purpose?" I asked in surprise. "Why?"

"Thought that I'd give Changmin Sunbae some peace of mind."

"What?"

"And I thought that I could give the kids a chance to be with you. We're always together anyway. Let them get their chances. But you're out here at this time anyway and Hanseol's mean."

"I'm not usually out here. This is the first time in the three days that we have been here." I clarified.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"That's good then." He yawned. "Your sleep's important."

"Mm. After sitting here today though, I'm tempted to sit here every night. It's so beautiful."

"Are you not even listening to what I am saying?" He looked at me coldly.

"I said 'tempted to'. I didn't say that I would. Maybe on our last day here… all five of us could sit and watch this."

"That, I do not mind." He agreed to that. "We can include that in our series too. Don't want to say goodbye to the sea." He waved at the vast and dark sea that mirrored the night sky before us.

I smiled and looked up at the sky. "You know, when I was small… probably in Elementary School or so… I used to have a fancy for the stars."

"Oh? The 'I want a telescope for my birthday' kind of fancy?"

"Yup." I nodded.

"And did you get a telescope?"

"No. I got a book on constellations instead." I replied. "My parents were not very lavish. I have no complaints though. They have tried their best."

"Asking you to choose between themselves and DayBreak wasn't exactly the best though…"

"That was because I had gotten carried away with training and had not even bothered to call them." That had happened in the few months before debut, when I was training with Jaehyeon and the others, after Changmin went ahead. "We're past all that now. My Mom even has a poster of us on their bedroom wall. You've seen it, haven't you?"

"I've seen it." He sat up straight again. "It's been so long since we've all gone home though."

"It's been almost two full years." I thought back on it. "We had last gone a couple of months before we began working on Blue Ink, right?"

"We should probably consider taking a break after All Hands on Deck. We should all go home. I haven't even seen my niece since she was born."

"How old is she now?"

"Around six months." He sighed deeply. "Noona keeps sending me pictures, baiting me to go home. She's the cutest little human being, our Han Seulbi!"

"Jaehyeon Ahjussi." I elbowed him teasingly.

"Ah… When will I get to hear her calling me that?"

"She's only six months old. Let's do our best to get you to her as soon as we can, okay?" I held up a fist.

He smiled and bumped his fist against mine. "Ah."

It would be nice if I could go home too. "Shall we go back in, Hyung? It's already 02:00 am."

"Okay." He nodded. I stood up first and gave him a hand, pulling him up. We stood there and watched the sea again for a moment, then headed back to our respective tents, wishing each other good night.