Forty-Eight

"It's cold but it's also very pleasant out here tonight." Mingyu said and looked around our dorm's rooftop that had been set up for out 'Rooftop Conversations' series' final episode. "It's a full moon night too."

I imagined that our editors would insert a full shot of the moon right there.

"It's the perfect night to bring our 'Rooftop Conversations' series to an end." Hanseol sighed. "After all this planning and work, it feels like it's ending too soon."

"What? You do realise that four years since debut have passed by so fast, right?" Jaehyeon pointed out, pushing his glasses into place atop his nose.

"It's hard to believe." I nodded. "There's something about set-ups like these that make you introspect, huh?"

"We do have plenty to introspect on." Jaehyeon sat back in his chair to my right. "That's what 'Rooftop Conversations' has been all about."

I smirked and sat forward. This was the moment that I had been waiting for. Rooftop Conversations was completely unscripted. There was a general plan about what games to play when and when to start eating but the rest of it was on us entirely. It wasn't a live broadcast so we could leave correcting our mistakes to the editing team, if any. This was precisely why Jaehyeon was unaware of my plan to bring this up during our 'Rooftop Conversations'. "Hyung-ah, come to think of it, we haven't really told True about the origins of our 'Rooftop Conversations'."

"Origins?" Jaehyeon asked. "Oh. We haven't."

"And we haven't told the others about it either."

"What? You told us, didn't you?" Yeojun looked confused.

"Not the whole story." I crossed my right leg over my left and tapped the table with the fingers on my right hand, leaning against my chair by my left hand. "Right, Hyung?"

"Ya… Jeongwoo… "He looked away with a strained smile. "You wouldn't."

"I brought it up on camera. I would." I nodded with a grave expression on my face.

"You wouldn't embarrass me like that." He shook his head and looked at me hopefully.

I smiled, then looked at the others. "So… I had mentioned that I had gotten this idea from a dream that Jaehyeon Hyung had had, right?"

"Yes." Yeojun sat forward to listen eagerly.

"Jeongwoo, juice. Drink." Jaehyeon pushed the glass of mango juice towards me.

"No need." I chuckled. "I'm not sure if True remember but… it was during a live that I had done from the practice room after the first time I had played the piano on stage." The Live in which I had gone and given a spoiler for our Dystopian Yeongweonhi Norae performance that I couldn't follow up on. "Hyung was sleeping when I went to show him to you. After the live, I had gone to wake Hyung up. He was super disoriented when he woke up and he went on to tell me about this really good dream that I had interrupted which, incidentally, was about the five of us having a conversation up on a rooftop. It was at a time when we couldn't afford such a luxury owing to our schedules. What really motivated me to think up this series was the fact that our Hyung-"

"Jeongwoo."

"-had started crying." I completed despite Jaehyeon's interruption.

"Aish." Jaehyeon rolled his eyes and looked away. I had told you that that was because I had just woken up."

"You cried, Hyung?" Hanseol asked, surprised.

"We haven't seen Jaehyeon Hyung cry in such a long time." Mingyu stated. "We were pretty stretched thin back then. It's understandable that it hit you hard."

"It can hardly be called crying." He sat up with every intention of defending himself. "I had just momentarily teared up." He scowled at me. "You can't call that crying."

"I admit that it was hardly anything but the fact remains that you cried and I comforted you." I wasn't going to give in. This was my way of getting back at him for all the fan-service that he often pulled on me without warning.

"Ya. This is news to us as well." Hanseol looked at Jaehyeon whose ears had gone red from the embarrassment.

"I was waiting for today to reveal it." I made a finger-heart at Jaehyeon and smiled sweetly. "It's fine, right, Hyung?"

"Fine." He narrowed his eyes at me. "Only for the fact that it shows me as someone who values his members and their time."

"Why would you say that aloud?" Mingyu made a disgusted face at him, all in good jest.

"Well, at least we now know the real story behind our 'Rooftop Conversations'." Hanseol was also acting as our MC of sorts for the program and was in charge of bringing our conversations back to what was on the agenda whenever needed. "Today is special because it's our last one episode and so, we haven't planned much. We have one game and then… the main event." He tapped the envelope sitting on the table before him. We all had our own envelopes before us too. "These will be read over dinner after the small game that our staff have prepared for us."

"I'm actually nervous." Yeojun shuddered and clenched a fist at his knee, sitting across the table from me.

"For those who do not know, this is also our Maknae's first time writing a letter." Mingyu said and patted his shoulder. "I'm looking forward to his the most."

"Uwah… Pressure." Yeojun grimaced.

"Me too." I put up a hand. "He was at his table for four hours earlier today. I'm looking forward to it too."

"I'm looking forward to K-Soul's letter actually." Jaehyeon spoke and looked at Hanseol. "You hardly tell us how you feel, I'm looking forward to hearing what you REALLY think of us."

"Ooh. That's true." Yeojun agreed. "K-soul Hyung hardly tells us that he loves us."

"You're naïve to think that I would have written something like that in the letter." Hanseol said dryly.

"You haven't?" I asked in dismay.

"…You'll hear it later." He waved it off. "Now, the game for today."

The game was to taste two drinks that looked exactly the same and to identify which one was bought from a store and which one was made by our staff. Except for Hanseol and Yeojun, everyone guessed wrong. The winners were allowed an extra plate of the fried chicken as a reward. Following that, we talked for a few minutes more about whatever topics happened to come up, including 04:00 am's Underground.

Then, as we were tucking into dinner, we decided to bring out the letters.

"Who's going first? Rock-Paper-Scissors?" I suggested.

"Let MinQ Hyung go first." Yeojun smiled at Mingyu. "Lead by example, as they say."

"I'm just the most convenient pick." Mingyu rolled his eyes.

"It's either you or YoonJae Hyung." Hanseol shrugged.

"Why me?" Jaehyeon perked up.

"Because you're the eldest." Hanseol responded and looked at Mingyu. "If you start, YoonJae Hyung gets to go second."

"Again?" Jaehyeon raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. Because you're the eldest." Hanseol repeated. "We'll go by age after that."

"Which means that I'll be last. That somehow puts more pressure on me- the climax." Yeojun looked down.

"Then… I'm going to start." Mingyu said and took out his letter from the envelope before him. He cleared his throat and began reading-

"To S.T.A.Y,

Who we are to each other

Is more than words can know.

Family, friend, sworn brothers-

We'll go as far as far can go.

Together."

He paused when Jaehyeon whistled. Then he continued reading.

"There's honestly little left to be said between us, at least as far as I am concerned. As far as writing this letter goes though, it has made me stop and think back on the little details of all those years that we have come through together- pre-debut, debut and everything after that.

From Jun-ah's ice cream in the middle of the night because he was too nervous to sleep to Jeongwoo Hyung's Meatball Soup that we haven't had in a while to K-Soul Hyung's random power speeches to YoonJae Hyung's 'Come here. Hyung is here'… They're all the little things that only we will ever truly understand the significance of. Thinking about it now, I feel that it's fine that way. Only we need to really understand. Otherwise, I wouldn't have had so much to say in just that one sentence.

I was enthusiastic… but also very nervous about being S.T.A.Y's leader. I was one of the younger members, after all. Never have I felt anything other than exasperation when thinking about all of you though- as a leader should. Well, exasperation and immense gratitude. You made and continue to make me. Never have I shouldered anything alone. Never have I felt this proud or satisfied in anything that I have done before- because, this time, I know for a fact that I have people to rely on and share with right beside me.

We have made ourselves that way.

And I do not doubt that we will stay that way for a very long time to come.

Maybe I have come to take this for granted but I feel that I am allowed at least this comfort. And in this comfort, I lay my hopes for good health, happiness and success, because none of that means anything to me if we aren't in it together.

I'll continue to count on you.

I love you. A lot.

From MinQ."

He set his letter down and looked around at us. "That was all I could fit into one page."

"MinQ-ya…" I scrunched up my forehead, moved. "I'll make Meatball Soup again soon. It's so weird that I haven't made it for so long…"

"It used to be comfort food for us." Jaehyeon smiled reminiscently.

"My Mother would be happy to hear this. It was her recipe originally." I chuckled.

"Jeongwoo Hyung's Mother, we love you!" Yeojun said to the camera. "Thank you."

"Ah. But it's only fair if we mention a forgotten habit of our leader's also here, right?" Hanseol said.

"Mm." Jaehyeon nodded as we all thought about it.

"Oh!" Yeojun snapped his fingers. "That one- gaming before sleeping."

"Right. He used to do that every night." Hanseol recalled. "To kill stress, wasn't it?"

"I outgrew that soon though." Mingyu shrugged.

"Now you scold me if I play. Such a hypocrite." Yeojun pouted.

"I don't play anymore. That doesn't make me a hypocrite." He pointed out. "Anyway, you're up next, YoonJae Hyung."

"Go on, Hyung. We're waiting~" I smiled and sat back.

"Okay." He picked up his letter to read. "I wish I too had added in a poem or something but… anyway." He opened the letter and adjusted his glasses. He had worn them specifically for this episode to read the letter. He hadn't wanted to wear contact lenses because this felt more real.

"To my members,

I think we should do this more often- writing letters to each other. I'll be absolutely honest here. This is my fifth attempt. No matter what I write, I just can't get satisfied because there's too much to say. I can't throw this one away too so I'm just going to wing it.

I feel responsible for all of you because I'm the eldest member and all the more because you all keep rubbing it in my face." He ensured to stop and looked at the camera in displeasure before continuing. "But I really would like it if you would all just rely on me more. I feel like I rely on you more than you rely on me. Despite how hard it may get, you are my strength and reason to push on- my precious four Dongsaengs.

I think Hanseol probably felt this more with his Mixtapes than I did but promoting or working without the rest of the members is really difficult at this point. It's like packing up and moving somewhere new but forgetting to bring the keys with you. And I think Blue Ink has brought us closer to each other than we had ever been before. That's also why, more than being just our new project, All Hands on Deck also feels like a collection of precious memories.

I love you all so much that this moment that the five of us share can very well be the highlight of my life- just as every moment I spend with you.

I miss home when I end up staying away for so long but then, if I was to go back there, one day away is enough to make me miss all of you- that's how much room in my daily life you've taken up.

MinQ-ya, you're doing an awesome job so keep going as you are. Jun-ah, I admire your strength and am proud of how far you have come. Jeongwoo-ya, I love you for putting up with me. K-soul-ah, let this Hyung baby you a little more.

Let's stay together forever.

I love you.

From Yoon Jaehyeon."

"Such an old man's letter!" Mingyu laughed.

"I love you too." Jaehyeon nodded and smiled bitterly.

"Take us with you the next time that you go home though. We'd like to meet your niece too." Yeojun said. "We've only ever heard about her."

Jaehyeon pouted at that. "Even I have only seen pictures of her…"

"Moving on." Hanseol shook his head. "It's my turn, isn't it?" He opened his letter. At this point, everyone sat forward in anticipation.