Forty-Nine

"To Mingyu,"

"Oh?" Mingyu sat up in surprise. "You've written individually."

"Just… yes. Listen." Hanseol went back to reading his letter.

"To Mingyu,

You are doing an amazing job as a leader- admirable even. It's okay to go easy on yourself though. Every small slip-up is not your fault. But then again, it's that sense of responsibility of yours that makes you such a great leader despite being as young as you are. You know your priorities well too. As the elder one here, I too have much to learn from you. As a rapper, I can only wish I was as versatile as you."

"Hyung…" Mingyu pressed a hand over his mouth and looked so moved that he could have cried. "Thank you. I love you too."

That could very well have been translated as Hanseol's way of showing affection.

"Jun-ah," Hanseol continued, ignoring Mingyu's last statement. "You are the first person I had gotten to know among the members. I think that's because you're the Maknae and I felt the need to look out for you as well but you have a personality that rubs off on anyone favourably. We can always count on you to brighten up any dull day. So, no matter what happens, I want you to protect that about yourself."

"Yes. I understand." Yeojun nodded enthusiastically. "As long as I have my Hyungs, I'll be fine."

I was most probably next.

"Jeongwoo-ya,

It's always comforting to know that there's someone of the same age close by. And it helps that you're the kind of guy who takes care of everyone. But you forget to care for yourself sometimes, which I hope you realise and do something about. YoonJae Hyung isn't the only one who looks to you for comfort. You're also the most hard-working out of all of us. I just want you to know that you can seek comfort in us whenever you need it."

"I know." I had gotten his message loud and clear. He was probably referring to that time before Changmin and I started dating. Jaehyeon had later mentioned that the others too had noticed that something was off towards the end but none of them had said anything about it and then it had gotten resolved. Hanseol was typically the kind of guy to quietly observe too. "Thank you."

"Hyung," his eyes flitted over to Jaehyeon who was waiting anxiously. He then chuckled and began reading again. "You're one of the most frivolous and yet strong people that I have ever met. True, your strength comes from the people you surround yourself with but that's what makes you so admirable too. What's really… precious about you, though, is that even when you're the first person to give up on yourself, you're the last person to give up on your people. Each and every one of us finds strength in that too.

So… S.T.A.Y, thank you for being here.

-Kwan Hanseol."

He folded the letter and replaced it in the envelope, carefully placing it back on the table. He was obviously embarrassed. His deliberate and refined actions were his way of covering for it.

"I never really thought I was like that." Jaehyeon chuckled and looked at Hanseol. "Am I really like that?"

"You are." Yeojun answered. "You are the kind of guy who would scarp your own draft letter four to five times and settle for whatever comes after that."

"But you're also the kind of guy who would stay up at night despite bring tired just to help me with the choreography of our songs in our room if I was having trouble." I added.

"You make us open up about the stuff bothering us." Mingyu joined in too. "No matter how trivial or serious the issue might be."

After all, there is a reason that you're the only one here who knew about Changmin and I.

I remembered what he had said to me on the beach that night in Thailand when the issue of Mingyu's parents had come up. "You are our Hyung, are you not?"

He looked at me in a way that told me that he had caught on to the reference. I merely returned a smile. He'd better be aware by now of how grateful I was for him.

"Ah, but, K-Soul-ssi…" Mingyu sat forward. "You really did not say that you love us."

… "That was my way of saying it." He tucked a bit of his red hair behind his ear and looked away.

"It's fair enough, isn't it?" I decided to help the poor guy on realising how embarrassed he was. This much had been a lot coming from him already.

"Let's believe that he's said it to us in his head." Yeojun chuckled.

"Jeongwoo, your turn." Hanseol looked at me in urgency.

"Okay." I laughed softly and took out my letter to read.

"To the members,

I had heard a lot about what needed to be sacrificed to be able to stand where I am currently standing. I was fully prepared to make those sacrifices too when I auditioned and became a trainee. But no one had told me what I would gain in the process of getting here.

You are the reason that I'm still able to push on, dream and write songs as I do. You are what keeps me wanting to better myself. You are where I can just be.

I was that kid in class who would be sitting in a corner quietly and writing down the words that popped up in my head. That kid now stands on stage in front of thousands singing the very same words that he had once hidden. The confidence to do that also comes from you.

S.T.A.Y is where I belong.

Wherever I go and whatever I do, I want it to be with you- all four of you. Because of everything we have been through and done to get here, it would be meaningless if what comes next isn't with you.

Just like this, I want us to be able to continue writing letters to each other. Even fifty to seventy years in the future, I want us to be able to write letters to each other just like this.

You are hope. You are the reason I work hard.

This thought just occurred to me- We are always together when we're working. We live together. And yet, when I do plan small vacations, no matter how drastically the scenery changes, the faces with me are always the same.

I want to travel the world with you. I want to keep performing with you. I want to keep making music and touching hearts with you. I want to continue smiling and hoping and working hard with you. And no matter what happens, I want to and will always continue to love you.

-Jeongwoo."

"That was… such a hopeful letter." Mingyu commented as I put my letter away. "It felt like a love letter."

"It was a very Jeongwoo-like letter." Jaehyeon folded his arms and rested them on the table as he smiled at me. "That sounded exactly like you."

"Well, I was the one who wrote it. Who else could it possibly sound like?" I shrugged. I do admit that I had secretly added a few 'and Changmin Hyung's in my head when I was reading the letter but I did feel everything I had written in the letter genuinely from the bottom of my heart. "I too had wanted to add personal messages to everyone but I had used up the entire page even before realising it. I didn't have the heart to cut any of what I had written out either."

"It's okay, Hyung. If it's you, we all know what you want to say." Yeojun smiled, clutching his letter a little nervously.

Jaehyeon patted my knee under the table. "We all know."

You're the only one who knows the whole story though. The fact that I had something to hide from the others actually made me a little sad.

"Then… I'm reading mine now." Yeojun said and opened up his letter. His eyes flitted over the page as though he was reading the first few lines to himself before beginning to read aloud from the beginning.

"To my Hyungs,

Being the Maknae of the group, I had always felt the need to stay focused and keep up with everyone in everything that we did. I needed to train if I was going to be able to stand beside everyone. At least, that's how I had thought initially. Now, I just do what I really feel like doing with you and it inevitably ends up bringing out the best in me.

I am my best version when I am with you.

There are a lot of things that I want to say. I'm sure you know most of it already. That's why you look after me like you do. I am able to withstand everything thrown at me because I know I have my Hyungs who are willing to fight the world for me. I would do the same for you too.

There is nothing I enjoy more that dancing, performing, with all of you. The joy that we share in the dressing room after every successful performance makes all the sleepless and exhausting days worth it.

I am happy that I am here- that I am a member of S.T.A.Y.

MinQ Hyung, I know we bicker a lot but I couldn't have asked for a better roommate. Jeongwoo Hyung, I am grateful for how you look after me and understand even the things that I do not say. K-Soul Hyung, even though I've called you a nag before, I want you to know that the things you say are what have given me strength and make me retrospect. YoonJae Hyung, if there's anything that I have learnt from you, it's to be shamelessly and honestly confident about who I am.

They say that children adopt what they see their parents doing as they grow up. I have adopted what you do. And I love the view that it has allowed me to see.

I have so much more to say.

You just mean that much to me.

It is only fitting that the first letter that I have ever written in my life be dedicated to you.

Thank you for everything. I love you.

-Jun."

He stared at the page a moment longer before lowering it and then smiling sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. "Ya… This is actually a little embarrassing."

"Jun-ah…" I knit my brows together and laid a hand over my heart. I felt so happy and proud!

"Mom's happy." Jaehyeon chuckled and looked at Yeojun. "But that really was the best gift that you could have given us. We've brought you up well~"

"If Jeongwoo Hyung's the Mom of the group, who's the Dad?" Mingyu looked at Hanseol. "Honestly, K-Soul Hyung acts a lot like a strict Dad sometimes."

"I'd rather be the Hyung who has to be strict because the Dad's too lenient and weak-hearted." Hanseol clicked his tongue and looked at Jaehyeon.

"Of course, if Jeongwoo's the Mom, then I should rightfully be the Dad." Jaehyeon said as if it was a given and looked at me. "Right?"

I gave him a poker face. "Why do I have to be stuck with you? No. K-Soul-ssi-" I looked at Hanseol. "You-"

"No." Jaehyeon interrupted.

I laughed. "Geez. Fine. Whatever."

Changmin would probably get jealous of this once it releases. I decided not to say anything about it to him till it's out. I would like to see how he would react.

"I have something to say." Yeojun raised a hand. "I actually enjoyed this letter-writing process. So, Mother, I understand why you never complained about having to write them for me when I was younger. And I'm going to write more on my own from now on. The next one is to you, Mother. Wait for it~"

It was almost as though Changmin's letter had started a ripple. Letters were getting sent everywhere now.

Maybe… I could write Changmin a letter too. Some time.

"I think we all agree that these 'Rooftop Conversations' are going to remain close to all of our hearts." Hanseol spoke up.

"Yeah. This was much-needed." Jaehyeon nodded.

"The letters were sincere too. I think it was meaningful as long as it has reminded us of what we mean to each other and what we work for." Mingyu contributed.

"And while we have not mentioned True in our letters, True are just as important to each of us personally and to S.T.A.Y as a whole as the members are." I mentioned. We had collectively decided to not mention True in the letter because we were allowed only so much time and space to write our letters. We wouldn't have been able to do justice to either the members or True had we tried to include both. We hadn't quite wanted to shift the focus from ourselves either. The 'Rooftop Conversations' were meant for the members. It was a strategic move to not mention True. However, we did plan to make up for it. Some time soon, we would be releasing letters from each of us to True. "So, to True," I made a big heart using both my arms above my head. "We love you~"

"We love you very much!" Mingyu joined in while the others too made hearts of their own.

We talked for a bit longer over dessert and finally wound up our last episode's shooting. Mingyu promptly collected the letters and handed them to Manager Park, asking him if they could be framed and hung up in the dorm. They were the first letters we had written to each other, after all. Manager Park was more than willing to oblige.

"The best thing about our 'Rooftop Conversations' is that we just have to go down a couple of floors to get home." Jaehyeon stretched a bit as he walked ahead of me down the stairs.

"I feel bad for the others though. They still have to go back to office with all the equipment before going home." Mingyu said, walking further ahead.

"That's true. At least we have wound up for now though. We just have to work on our dances, previews and teasers now." Hanseol reminded us. "A few more weeks and All Hands on Deck will be out."

"I'm excited!" Yeojun exclaimed from beside me, then turned to look up at Manager Park who was following us. "What do you think about the album this time, Manager-nim?"

"I think you've worked together really well on it." He replied. "It stands out in the number of elements in the songs, especially in the title track 'Sandbox'."

"You think so?" Yeojun beamed.

"Come to think of it, we really haven't heard your opinion on the album yet, Manager-nim." Mingyu too looked up at him as we slowed down to listen.

"Like I said, the number of elements." Manager Park smiled. "It's like you have infused your own individual styles into one song. Let's consider YoonJae-ssi and Jun-ssi, for instance. Aside from the obvious vocal and rap difference, the tempo, the vibe and feel of the entire verses are so different that listening to them separately makes them sound like two different songs but in the way that Sandbox has been structured, you don't feel the disconnect at all. It's like the song has diversity. It's versatile. The composition and production are perfect. This kind of harmony was what you were trying to go with for All Hands on Deck, right? I feel like you've succeeded."

That felt really good to hear.

"If Manager-nim also thinks so then…" Jaehyeon looked ahead and smiled. "Let's hope for the best."

"I hope True like it." I said. Blue Ink had set a very high standard for us to meet and exceed.

Once we were back in our dorm, Manager Park gave us a brief on the next day's schedule, wished us good night and then left. We decided to turn in for the night immediately because it had gotten late and we had to wake up early the next day.