Fifty-Four

By the time I had come back out of the washroom, Changmin had gone from sitting on the edge of his bed irritably to lying on it in in disdain. His eyes flitted over to me before returning to the ceiling languidly.

He was so obviously sulking that it was painfully adorable to watch.

I went over and dropped onto the bed beside him, moving in closer to lie on my side facing him and to rest my head on his left shoulder. "Hyung." I pulled his right arm over me and made him turn his body towards me.

Despite his sulking, he readily hugged me. Before I could say anything to him, he pulled me in against himself and buried his face into my shoulder, making me laugh a little at the ticklish sensation.

"Ah, Hyung! What are you doing?"

"I won't-" He stopped speaking, pulled back a bit and kissed me once before moving such that he had one arm wrapped around my torso and the other hand at the back of my head, holding it to the crook of his neck. "It sucks that we got interrupted but I won't do anything more."

"Mm." I returned his hug and cuddled up. It had been so long since the last time we had shared a hug. Although the emotions involved were entirely different this time, it was a familiar feeling- a kind of warmth and security that only my Hyung could give me. "Let's stay like this for a while."

"I would love to just sleep off right now…" He mumbled.

Me too. "I have to go home though. Jaehyeon Hyung would have my head otherwise. Plus, I have work in the morning."

"I'm starting to really hate your 'Jaehyeon Hyeong' and your work."

"Don't say that~" I laughed softly. "Well then, I hate your work too."

"I hate your schedule."

"I hate your schedule too."

"I hate how popular you are."

"I hate how popular you are too."

"I hate how much love you're getting from people who aren't me."

"Mm. I hate how much love you're getting from people who aren't me too."

"I hate Hyeonwoo Hyung too."

"Ey. He's nice."

"I hate that we don't seem to have anywhere to go when meeting each other."

I took a moment to respond to that. Reality hit a lit differently on that one. "I hate that too." I nodded.

"And I hate that I'm leaving tomorrow."

I fell silent. I hated that without needing to say it aloud.

"If only-"

"No, Hyung. Don't." I cut him off. I did not want to talk about it at all. Not yet. "Let's just stay like this."

"Okay." He nodded and stroked my back. It was an act to comfort the both of us and not just me. "Okay."

The half an hour that I had intended to stay turned into forty-five minutes and then an hour. We did not really talk much. There was the occasional conversation or movement when one of us wanted to get comfortable but, for the most part, we just lay there wrapped up in each other, silently acknowledging that if we let go now, our time would come to an end. By the time I finally tore myself away from him, it was already about 11:00 pm and I had had no option left but to walk out of there without him.

Just as I was preparing to leave after getting my coat, Jaemin Sunbae, Youngjae Sunbae, Baekjae Sunbae and Minho had returned. I met them in the living room, invoking the same surprised response as I had gotten from Hyeonwoo Sunbae. Baekjae Sunbae immediately looked at Changmin and raised an eyebrow as a response to which Changmin Sunbae just averted his eyes and waited as I talked to the others.

After that, I found Hyeonwoo Sunbae in his room, wished him a good night, safe journey and success. Then, I made for the front door.

"I'll walk with you till the road." Changmin said and followed me out of their dorm, shutting the door behind him. I gave him a smile when he turned away from the door and proceeded to walk towards the stairs ahead of him.

After the first flight of stairs, before I could turn to head down the next set, Changmin caught my wrist and halted.

"Hyung?" I was enveloped in his embrace even before I could fully turn to him. "Ah!"

"I'm going to miss you." He breathed into my ear.

I was at a loss for words at first, but then I hugged him back tightly. "I'm going to miss you too. A lot."

Don't go.

Saying that would have been cruel.

"It's okay." I patted his back, breathing carefully against the emotions that were rising within me. "I'll see you again before you know it." That was really all we could possibly have told each other just then. "We'll keep in touch."

"Mm." He gave me a good squeeze and then a quick kiss.

"Mn! We're outside." I quickly looked around. No one was around and I trusted him to be careful but there was no telling what could happen. One could never be too cautious. I sighed and looked at him. "You've been on world tour before. You know how busy it keeps you. You'll be back sooner than you think."

"I hope so." He chuckled and placed a hand on my head, his endearing eyes watching me as if to burn my image into his mind. It was a little embarrassing to think of it that way but I could allow him that just then. After all, he wasn't the only one unwilling to let go. "You too. Best luck with All Hands on Deck and your tour."

I nodded and grinned. "Watch out for me."

"You know I will." He kissed me again. This time, I gave in, indulging in that long bitter-sweet moment before I finally felt the arms around me disappear.

It got cold all of a sudden.

"Come on. Let's go." He motioned to the stairs and placed a palm on my back. "Let's get you a cab."

I don't want to go.

"Okay." I agreed and we made our way to the main road. It was a gated complex in a residential neighbourhood so there weren't many people around. Nevertheless, one last quick hug later, I found myself in a cab driving away. He stood by the road for a while longer before returning to the building.

I let out a deep breath and faced forward.

Why was this so painful?