Chapter 2: Realize

FAH's POV

After I woke up that day and realize that I'm in a hospital, a lot of things that I realize.

My parents don't really love me.

They don't have time for me.

They always working every time.

They don't even have a time to go out with me.

But, Thanks to yaya Beth. She's always there beside me. She's always my salvation. Thanks to her. I'm more close to her than my mother.

Every time I remember what happened that day, I just get pissed.

Think about it, After I woke up, Yaya Beth is the only one who's there for me.

Aside for the nurse and doctor, As always, Yaya Beth is the only one who's there for me that time.

I didn't even have a Chance to see my mother and father that time.

And it's kinda bullshit!

I know they're always been busy at work but I hope even at that time when I needed them the most they're there beside me waiting for me to wake up.

But my expectations just dissapointed me. Starting from that day, A lot of things that I realize. A lot.

* * *

I am now lying here in the bed of my room. I just came home from school and I'm very tired today. Think of it, We did a lot of activities earlier in school. From morning to afternoon and it's kinda exhausting. I almost got a heart attack again but thanks to my self. I know now how to fight for it. I don't want to look like a loser. I just rest for awhile and joined the activities again.

Aside from my parents and Yaya Beth, No one knows about my condition. Even my teachers. Cause I don't want them to feel sorry for me. Besides, I don't want someone to help me or something.

I want to do everything by myself. Because that's the reality. That's the life.

Anyways, I have to change now. I'm hungry already. Hoping that Yaya Beth already cooked something.

* * *

"Good evening Yaya Beth" I said once I got to the kitchen.

Yaya Beth, almost jump in surprise cause she's facing the sink and didn't see me.

"Ha ha ha" I am sorry if I surprised you.

"I almost got a heart attack Ai-koon-chai" she giggled.

"Are you hungry? I already prepared the foods." She said and pulled a chair for me to sit. And for the countless time, I feel very special when Yaya Beth doing it every time. Like, when she pulls a chair for me to sit on. When she prepared the foods for me to eat. When she cleaned my room. When she wash my clothes. And when she takes me to the bus station every morning. It feels like, she's my mother. I am more comfortable talking and pulling a pranks and jokes to her than my real mother.

I lover her. I love Yaya Beth. Because all this time, from then until now, she's just the only one who's beside me all the time.

"Ai-koon-chai? are you okay? Is your heart aching again?" she worriedly asked. When she realize that I didn't touch any of the food.

"A-ah. Nnoo. I'm okay. I'm fine. I just remember that a-ah. I have an assignment to do later." I lied.

"Ah. Do you want my help?"

"No. It's okay. It was just a piece of cake. hehehe. You can rest already after you finish washing the plates." I smiled.

"Hmmm. But I want to help you."

"Na ah. I'm really fine doing it alone Yaya. And look at me, I'm already a grown man. Besides, you've already help me enough on everything." I giggled.

"woahhh. I see, you're already growing Chao Fah." She smiled but I see different on her eyes.

"Aren't you happy? Why does your eyes l---" I didn't finish what I have to say when she interrupted me.

"I'm just glad that you're already growing up."

* * *

"I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose

Fire away, fire away

ricochet, you take your aim

fire away, fire away

You shoot me down but I won't fall"

as always. I'm doing my hobbit again.

Every time I have nothing to do.

I'm always listening to music.

Cause Music Is Life.

Music is my stress reliever and Music can help you escaped from reality.

It's just. You'll feel comfortable while listening to some musics.

While imagining some random things. I suddenly remembered Yaya Beth's eyes earlier. Why is it sad? Why does her eyes looks so sad? It looks like she's hiding something. Did I just hurt her?

No. I didn't. I knew it. Ever since I never hurt her. She's like a mom to me. A Best friend and an older sister.

I'm worried. Haysttt!!!

Enough for the emotional thoughts. I have to take a bath now.

Before I entered to the bathroom of my room, I turned the volume to full volume so that I could still hear the musics while taking a bath.

Ugh! Sounds better.

"Maybe it's the way she walked.

Straight into my heart and stole it.

Through the doors and pass the guards.

Just like she already owned it.

.....

And we danced all night to the best song ever.

We knew every line, Now I can't remember"

If someone would see me here maybe he or she will laugh endlessly.

Think of it, I am dancing while taking a bath. Hahaha. Am I a crazy now?

No man. I'm just enjoying every beat of the song.

****

After I take a bath. I plugged the hair blower to the socket beside my room's mini table and started to dry my wet hair while staring at my reflection into the mirror.

I just realize that I'm really growing up already. Like, I already have the Adam's apple and I'm more taller and masculine than before. But I still act like a kid, it's not because I'm a childish. But because I'm used to it. Ever since, I'm always telling my self that I'm a baby and I would never grow up. Because, I don't want to take care of myself on my own.

But now, I realized. I understand. We all have to grow up. We all have to take care of ourself on our own. Because no one will do it for us if we ourself can already do it.

Now I understand Yaya Beth. Why earlier her eyes looks so sad because she knew that sooner or later she have to leave me alone already cause I'm starting to grow up. And sooner or later, I can take care of myself on my own and don't need her already.

Just by thinking about it, I can't help my self already. I couldn't hold back my tears.

I can't imagine myself. I can't imagine how I live without someone who'll cook for me, Who'll wash my clothes. Who'll listen to my story about my new experiences. I really can't imagine.

Oh- crap! Why am I so emotional right now? argh!!!

Whether if I like it or not, she has to leave one day so that I can take care of myself. On my own.

* * *

I woke up out of nowhere because of the loud noise that I heared.

If I'm not mistaken it's a sound of a car horn.

I got up and peeked out at the window and saw our car downstairs. I knew it was Mom and Dad. I sigh and look at the wall clock.

It's 12:03 am already and they just got home? Why is that? It's very late already.

Oh gosh! Eventhough I'm still a little upset for them but on behalf I'm more worried. Why they need to work like this? Is it much more important for them than me? than their health?

tsk! They don't love me at all. They love their work not me and it hurts so much.

It hurts so much to the point that I couldn't help myself again but to cry in pain.

I swear to myself. No one will see this other side of mine. I don't want to look like a weak. I'm a grown man now and I have to act like one.

I just realize all of that this time.

And I'll trust myself this time.