Bullsh*t

You know, the more I search about suicide the more I see people saying "suicide is stupid, there are other solutions" and even if it hurts me I think they are partially right. There are other solutions but some don't have the strength to find them. So I sincerely hope that someday, someone will read my journal and will think "that's a lot of bullsh*t right there" and will then proceed to scrap there idea of suicide and will find the strength to go through the healing process.

A friend of mine saw some sign of me not doing good and spoke about it to my mother. My mother made an appointment with my doctor which made me feel better but then she proceeded to scold and criticize me because I didn't want to speak about it with her. The problem is, 4 time out of 5 I asked her to keep a secret, the week after someone else will speak about the secret with me saying "I am here for you" and 9/10 it's false, he just says it to feel more comfortable with himself. They just say this to be able to say "I tried to help" the day I kill myself. I know it because everytime I try to speak the same people say "It's nothing, you'll be alright, don't think about it" are those idiots aware that considering the fact that I never speak about any of my problem the moment I speak about one of them means I really need help? So maybe it's me, maybe I should speak of all my problems, but first, those are MY problems and Second people will be fed up of me