28/10/23

Tired, I reached a point where nothing has a meaning. Those I considered friends are far away both physically and emotionally. Those I considered family are unrecognizable. No passion, no prospect, no dream, nothing I really care about. I wanted to write down some things before leaving but I don't even know what to write down. Like why do I care? No one is going to read this not even myself so really, why?

There is a tempest raging from the beginning of the week and I have alcohol and strong medicine. I know the way to the port. I think tomorrow night is going to be the night. Haven't eaten in a while and drank the bare minimum. I'm tired and I honestly don't care. I accomplished everything I wanted to do before dying. I went to the countries I wanted to, I slept with the people I wanted, tasted the alcohol I always thought of, partied and saw the artist I listened to. I have no dream, nothing really, no attach, no love.

I'm not excited by any news, I don't look forward to any events.

Better to just die in this situation don't you think? I think the best momeny to die is the instant you reach your peak. You don't have the long agony and you have no regret. There is nothing after.

What a difficult concept to grasp, nothing. No feeling no thought, no consciousness.